11.28.2016

It's perfect.

This has been a long month. Much emotion and struggle, within and without.
And life doesn't grind to a halt just because we need an extra moment to breathe. The sun rises, the hours roll by, and the sun sets whether the day has been filled with joyous moments, sorrow, or a combination of the two.
Days wrapped in joy are a blessing, without a doubt, but they rarely push us to the feet of the Savior like a day wrapped in frustration, disappointment, and heartache. Those days make me crave my Bible. Even if I don't have the energy to read it, I want to touch it - just to know it's there. Without reading a word, I know what's inside. Wisdom, grace, forgiveness, mercy, love, promises ... truth. Every single thing I need for life.
I do not want to live in Job's world, but if I am honest, I seek Christ and desire Him more when circumstances are beyond my control and I can barely keep my head above water. And even better, those are the times He holds a spotless mirror before my face and shows me my sin. When life is good and everything is rosy, I don't feel the urgency to seek Him, let alone sit still long enough to look into a mirror.
I love the good days.
But I need the bad days.

These two verses have been consuming my thoughts the past few days. I've also been singing them because they were made into a worship song when I was in high school. Sometimes I just think about the words, and other times I am begging the Lord to remove every last bit of filth and ugliness and sin from my heart.
I decided to look up different versions to see how the words changed, and I was glad I did. Though not a drastic difference, the word choices change the tone of the verses, and I like having all of them before my eyes.

Psalm 139: 23, 24 
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,

And lead me in the way everlasting. NKJV

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,

And lead me in the everlasting way. NASB


Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting! ESV

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting. NIV


Search me.
Know me.
Try me.
See me.
Lead me.
What a perfect way to pray!

Good days and bad, Lord, please never stop searching my heart and mind so You can continually remove the wicked, hurtful, grievous, and offensive ways that are found within. I would rather feel the poke of the shovel to scoop away a small weed of sin than the sting of the axe as it cuts through roots that have grown thick and deep. Though I don't want Job's life, I do want to be a woman who cries, "Shall we accept good from God and not accept adversity?" And then readily submits to Your will, with joy.

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