We can CHOOSE.

Though the feeling of failure that engulfed me for weeks has almost completely subsided, there is a small piece that refuses to leave my thoughts as it taunts, "You blew it. How did you not see that coming? BIG mistake. Get it together, Michelle!"
I have been fighting to "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ," but the truth is, I have blown it. I have overestimated human ability and underestimated the enemy's desire to destroy. I have not shaken the gates of heaven in fervent prayer. I have not been diligent in the little things, so I should not be surprised that I am not being granted access to the things that matter. I am facing giants I have never fought before, but instead of saying, "The Lord is with me, I will not be afraid!" I am buckling at the knees and looking for an escape.
It's ridiculous.
Thankfully, the Lord has faithfully shown me the areas that need focused attention, and the details are now clear. No more wondering, no more ambiguity. Just facts. I can f i n a l l y see a twinkle of light at the end of an incredibly long tunnel - and it is BEAUTIFUL!

Last night I listened to praise music while reading and writing, and this song got a grip on my heart that has not loosened since.
It always trumps emotion.
Especially when that truth is found in the pages of Scripture.
The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is Your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Psalm 19:7-11

If anyone is struggling to trust the Lord - struggling to surrender - fighting to destroy fear - striving to look forward instead of behind ... 
listen to this song, and be encouraged.
We can choose to be still - and truly know that He is God.

Psalm 46 
The LORD is my refuge and strength
Therefore I will not be afraid
Though the mountains give way
And fall into the sea
He will come and rescue me

The LORD comes to me at break of day
He reaches down to guide me in His ways
Though the oceans roar
In this dark and stormy sea
He will come and rescue me

Hallelujah, He is with me
Hallelujah, we cannot be moved
Hallelujah, He is with me
Hallelujah, I rest secure

Be still and know that He is God
He will be exalted over all
Come and behold His strength and majesty
Yet He will come and rescue me

Hallelujah, He is with me
Hallelujah, we cannot be moved
Hallelujah, He is with me
Hallelujah, I rest secure