5.28.2014

Where I want to be.

There is a part of me that I do not share often ... partly because it is incredibly personal, and mostly because it is embarrassing.  Embarrassing because I feel like I should know better.  I read the Word.  I have heard dozens of sermons on the topic.  I have encouraged others with the same truths the Lord uses to comfort me.  And yet I struggle.  Not often, but when the battle ensues it is overwhelming.  I feel myself being dragged back into the darkness that I fought so long and so hard to escape from.  A darkness that consumes many - usually in silence - and makes them afraid to say what they so desperately want to say.  What they need to say.
"I am lonely."

The Lord has taken me through many seasons of loneliness, some more painful than others, and each time He reveals more of Himself in precious and meaningful ways.  But there is always one overriding lesson that He refuses to let me miss:  I am enough, Michelle.  Every need you have can be met in Me.  Every concern, every hurt, every sorrow, every joy ... bring them to Me.  No one else will ever be able to completely satisfy you.  You might feel alone, but you are not.  I promised that I will never leave you or forsake you, and I always keep My promises.  Your season of loneliness is not without purpose, Michelle.  You will be refined in it.  You will mature.  You will learn more about who I am and how I love you.  I know you don't like it, but that's okay, because I know what I am doing.  And for now - that has to be enough.

Loneliness is frustrating.
Isolating.
Painful.
Embarrassing.
And it is REAL.

I have looked into the bloodshot eyes of countless women as they pour out their stories of loneliness.  Their hurts.  Their feelings of neglect and being excluded.  And I have wept my own tears, refusing to take the hand of the Lord when He offered to pull me to Himself and show me how much He loves me, even if it felt like the world didn't.

How thankful I am that I have learned to run to Him faster, and stay with Him longer.  But more than anything, I am grateful that I have learned to identify the purpose of my loneliness.  Because it is in those moments that I hear my Savior calling me - to Himself.

And in His arms, His mighty, powerful, everlasting arms is exactly
where I want to be.

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