Christ is RISEN!

1. Christ the Lord is ris’n today, Alleluia!
   Sons of men and angels say, Alleluia!
   Raise your joys and triumphs high, Alleluia!
   Sing, ye heav’ns, and earth, reply, Alleluia!
2. Lives again our glorious King, Alleluia!
   Where, O death, is now thy sting? Alleluia!
   Once He died our souls to save, Alleluia!
   Where thy victory, O grave? Alleluia!
3. Love’s redeeming work is done, Alleluia!
   Fought the fight, the battle won, Alleluia!
   Death in vain forbids His rise, Alleluia!
   Christ hath opened paradise, Alleluia!
4. Soar we now where Christ hath led, Alleluia!
   Foll’wing our exalted Head, Alleluia!
   Made like Him, like Him we rise, Alleluia!
   Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, Alleluia!
   
   
   Christ is RISEN!
   He is risen indeed!

He IS the Son of God!

 For God so loved the world ...

He GAVE

His only Son,

that whosoever believes in Him

should not perish

but have everlasting life.

John 3:16

Good Friday ...

it was the beginning of three days that would change the world - forever.

Do you believe, like the centurion who stood at the foot of the cross watching Jesus die?

"Surely this man is the Son of God!"

Jesus Christ.

Born of a virgin.

Grew to be a man.

And still completely God.

Walked in perfect obedience to the Father.

Willingly went to the cross, having done no wrong of His own.

Died.

Was buried.

And on the third day, just as the prophets foretold, rose again!

And now, He sits at the right hand of the Father, having accomplished all He was sent to do, waiting for the moment when He will be sent back to usher His children into eternity - into the splendor of heaven, and the presence of the Father - forever.

Whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

He who calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

May I be found faithful!

It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.  Ecclesiastes 7:2

On the anniversary of Matthew's delivery date, the older boys and I attended a funeral service for a woman who died suddenly from a brain aneurysm.  We did not know her personally, but the boys knew her daughter through choir.  And because music is such a huge part of their family, they asked if the Advanced Choir would sing at her service.  Micah and Luke, and 30 other choir members, stood in the front of the church in their tuxedos and dresses, lifting their voices to the Lord as they honored the life of this beloved woman, and praised Him for the joy that comes with entering the gates of heaven.

I do not remember the first song at all, but boy do I remember the second!  It seemed out of place at first due to it's upbeat and joyful tempo, but the words drew our thoughts immediately toward heaven, reminding us that it IS a better place - it is a joy to be in the presence of the Lord - and this earth pales in comparison with its sorrows and its cares.  It was a perfect song ... because even though those who loved her want her with them still, it is GOOD NEWS that she is with her Savior!

I got a crown up in'a that Kingdom
Ain'ta that'a good news
I got a crown up in'a that Kingdom
Ain'ta that'a good news
I'm gonna lay down this world
Gonna shoulder up my cross
Gonna take it home to my Jesus Ain'ta that'a good news!

(If you want to hear the joy that exudes from this song of praise - listen here:  Ain'-a That Good News!)

I have started a habit of taking notes at memorial services.  There are so many tender moments, sweet phrases, thoughtful looks, beautiful tributes, incredible legacies, fitting Scriptures ... and with the emotion that surrounds the service it is easy to forget all that happened.  Even as a complete stranger to this woman Susan, I left her service feeling like I was her friend.  And it was because of the things that were said - the photo collage - the testimonies of her life and walk with the Lord ... I want to remember them - and I want to "lay it to heart" as Ecclesiastes says.  Watching another person's entire life flash before your eyes in pictures and words is quite humbling - and challenging. What can I learn from her life?  What do I need to look at in my own?

These are the notes I took throughout the service.  They are not in any particular order - just what struck me as I sat in the back, observing everyone, and everything.

~ Flowers filled the stage .. in honor of Susan, but signifying the taste and personality of each of the givers.

~ A cross made out of white flowers with scarlet roses across it like a sash sat in the center of the stage.  Perfect place.  Gorgeous.  Powerful statement.  A reminder that it is ALL ABOUT HEAVEN!

~ Unsaved and unsure - do you know Him?  Do you want to?  You must choose.

Saved, children of God - are you LIVING for Him?  Walking in obedience?

~ 600+ people filled the church.  Though many were spouses/children, her life had an impact on hundreds of people!  Numbers do not equal worth or godliness by any means, but having that many people give up other choices/opportunities to come honor a life IS a testimony of a life well lived!

~ Photo collage.  Everyday moments - camping, pj's, Christmas, holding kids, swimming, all dolled up, without one stitch of makeup, good hair, bad hair, heavy, thin - it is HER!!!!!!!!
Every photo evoked emotion.
Women - GET IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA!!!  Your family wants to remember you, no matter how big your butt may be!  (Maybe they like your butt!)
Her family has all of these memories in photos because she was willing to be in them.  A precious gift for them - one they never knew they would need.

JOY comes through her eyes.  It radiates from her.
Do my eyes radiate joy?  Would people watch my life in photos and see a woman full of joy?  Passion?  Contentment?  I wonder.

~ Bible study leader, friend, and sister spoke about Susan.
Older daughter read a letter she had written.
Younger daughter clung to her father.  (Luke said it was hard to sing watching her weep in her father's arms.)

~ Her husband spoke.  (I love when the intimate family shares.  Remind Dennis that I want him to speak at mine!)
He read Proverbs 31
"Her life was a sermon to me every day."
He broke and cried.
Every woman in the room was crying.
"She worked and she prayed all the time."
He shared her final moments.  So intimate.  Beautiful.

Share the final moments publicly!  People want to hear, they need to hear ... it offers closure and peace.

~ Remind Dennis - my funeral plans say "NO BLACK!"  Rejoice for me because I am with the Lord!  This is a celebration of life EVERLASTING!

It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.

~ It is BETTER to go to a house of mourning ... because it forces us to look at our own life - and ask questions.

- Would this many people be at my funeral?  Have I impacted the lives of others?  Especially for the sake of Christ?

- What would my children testify about me?  Would they talk about how I pour into them and show them Jesus every day?  Or would they talk about how strict I am and how much I nag them to do their chores the right way?  What would win - nurturing their hearts and loving them?  Or correct behavior?  Oh, Lord ...
- What would Dennis say?  Am I striving to be the Proverbs 31 model of a wife?  Do I serve him?  Respect him?  Honor him in the public square?
- Do I have a joy for the Lord that is evident?  Would people assume I am a Christian, or would they be surprised to find out?
- Would people in my life feel a loss if I died young?  Would I leave a hole?
- Am I giving to, and investing in, others?  Sacrificing self to serve?  Stirring others up for love and good deeds?  Encouraging them in the faith?

Thank You, Lord, for today.  It would never have crossed my mind to be at such an event on a day like this.  But YOU KNEW it was exactly what I needed.  Not only was I able to shed tears for my own heartache, but You drew my thoughts to the only place they ever need to be - HEAVEN!  It really is all about that isn't it, Lord? Eternity.  Heaven or hell.  Accepting Your free gift of salvation, or rejecting You forever.  It is indeed, all about heaven.  
Thank You for the life of Susan.  Sustain her husband and her daughters through these weeks and months ahead as they try desperately to trust You and rest in Your love - and Your plan for them.  Thank You for her life - a life of faithfulness and surrender to You - and her passion for loving others because You loved her first.  Let me take this day to heart, and use it to challenge me about how I am living/using my own life since I too will stand before You one day waiting with baited breath to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant.  Enter in."  Oh, Lord - may I be found FAITHFUL!

An afternoon of fun!

I had quite a bit of spare time on my hands today, so after naps I took everyone out front to soak up the sun, move their bodies, and enjoy the colors popping out all over our front lawn.  I had so much fun taking pictures!  And boy, I needed some lighthearted fun after the last two days.  (The reason for my spare time?  I have taken a 'leave of absence' from teaching until further notice.  The Principal/Headmaster has taken over the Academy for the time being, so I am left with a few hours a day to play with the littles, rest, write letters, bake, and pretty much do whatever I want to do.  It is strange, I will admit (and I will soon be bored I am sure), but I am enjoying the time off nonetheless!) Anyway, more on that topic later.  I am no professional photographer by any stretch of the imagination, but I sure enjoyed taking these and am quite pleased with the way they captured the mood of the afternoon.

Things that make me smile.

I am feeling incredibly beaten up today.  I am trying to hang on to the Lord and let Him work in my own heart - and those of my children.  We are all sinners trying to live and work and play together, but the flesh is always fighting to win - in all seven of us.  Often at the same time.  Today was hard on me.  I am physically tired and mentally spent.  I am counting the minutes until Dennis returns to me.

So now ... the littles are in bed, the big boys are sequestered in their room, I am watching a movie I have seen a hundred times, and I decided to look up pictures of things that make me smile.  You know those little things in life that no matter how down or despondent you feel, they can always bring a smile, or at the least, a slight smirk to your face?  Well - these are mine!

Fresh, delicious, right-off-the-farm strawberries.

And even better - CHOCOLATE covered strawberries!

Ice cold water with lemon slices.

Huge, full, green, lush trees.

Wildflowers.

Sea urchins!!

Old couples that still love the sight of each other.

Worship.

God's Word.

Classical music.  Certain pieces make me tear up every time I hear them.

Brand new, thick, fluffy white socks! (with a pop of color)

Chips and guacamole.

Rain.

Lord, many of these are certainly the simple things of life - non necessities - but sometimes the simple things are just what we need.  Thank You for making a world full of beauty and joy ~ everything was made by You, and for Your glory, and how good You are to share it all with us!  Give me perspective.  Show me how to love like You - with grace, long-suffering, and mercy - because on my own, I just want to quit.  I love You, Lord.  And I love that you enjoy giving wonderful things to Your children!

A rocky start. But a solid ending.

Dennis and I did not have a stellar start in our marriage.  We did not have accountability or spiritual encouragement in our dating life which caused us to make many mistakes, and kept us from pursuing what was most important - an intimate walk with the Lord as individuals and as a couple. Instead, we tripped and bumbled our way through two and a half years of dating, failing in many areas, and walked down the isle not understanding what an incredibly intense, challenging and difficult thing it is to give up self and serve another person day after day for the rest of your life.

Man, what we would give to redo our first two years of married life!  We have prayed many times asking the Lord to erase all memory of us from the minds of those who knew us then.  So embarrassing.  Petty disagreements in public, discontentment, bitterness, frustration ... and all because I did not understand my role as a wife and helpmeet, and Dennis did not grasp his role as a spiritual leader or how to love me as Christ does - unconditionally and with understanding.  Somehow we survived those first two years, neither of us truly loving or serving the other, until the Lord Himself intervened and got our attention.

An older couple took us out separately and asked what was going on.  They each asked one question: If you keep going at this rate, where will you be in five years?  We both answered:  Divorced.

At the time, I was a preschool teacher and Dennis was working 12 hour shifts in the ER.  We saw each other about three times per week, usually in between shifts.  Our communication was almost non existent.  Our desire and affection for one another was barely noticeable.  Mutual respect?  Adoration?  Submissiveness?  Forget it.  We were living parallel lives, and no one was encouraging us to do anything differently.  We were foolish, clueless, and ignorant - and we did not even know it.

Soon after the 'divorce question' the Lord saw fit to have Dennis break his ankle playing basketball with guys from church.  Due to the injury, he was not able to work for about three weeks, and was home ALL THE TIME.  As you can imagine, living separate lives doing pretty much our own thing, to all of a sudden being thrown together 24 hours a day did not a happy couple make.  He nit-picked about everything, I resented him questioning me, and we did not speak to each other gently or kindly.  We just tolerated one another.  And then, one afternoon while we both sat in our tiny apartment living room, we engaged in yet another heated discussion which ended with me throwing down the cross-stitch I was working on, screaming, "I HATE YOU!", and walking out the door.

I got in the car and sat there seething.  Blaming him for everything, taking zero responsibility for my own sinful actions, and wishing I could be anywhere else, and married to anyone else.  I had no idea where I was going to go because my pride was too great to admit to anyone how bad things really were between us.  (we were great at wearing the "happy mask" when it was called for)  I sat there feeling like an idiot when I heard a tap on the glass and found Dennis standing there, on crutches, saying, "You HATE me?  HATE?  You can't hate me - I'm  your husband!  Can we talk about this?"  I wrestled so hard with my pride at that moment ... if I get out, he wins ... but if I don't get out then I look like the bad, unwilling wife ... AAAHHH!  And then I remembered that we had agreed that divorce was not an option for us, and the only way to be faithful to that commitment was to work things out.  I got out of the car.

Fast forward almost 18 years later and you find us in February 2013.  Dennis has just returned from a two-week trip overseas, which was emotionally and spiritually draining.  We were in the middle of moving.  I was a single mother for those two weeks, packing and organizing the house, caring for our children, teaching school and dealing with all the other parts of life that take place on a daily basis. Upon his return he was swamped with work and deadlines and was beyond stressed. Throw in a couple of colds, financial burdens, defiant children, and well - you have a recipe for disaster.  It was the WORST six weeks of our marriage since those early days.

After the, let's see, 19th heated discussion/fight, I lost all restraint and uttered those same words again:  "I hate you!"  But this time, instead of running out of the room, we just stood there and stared at each other.  "Hate?  You HATE me?"  "Yes.  At this very moment, yes, yes I do."  His face contorted into one of shock and horror while my mind flew back to that warm day 18 years ago when I had screamed those very words at my groom for the first time.  We kept looking at each other until he asked, "Am I that bad?  Have I made this house so unbearable that you actually hate me?"  And that is when I knew.  We are no longer those sniveling, selfish, it's-all-about-me-and-what-I-want, foolish bride and groom.  We are stronger, wiser, more confident, and totally, 100% willing to confess our sins to one another, see where we have wronged the other person, and make it right.

We had a looong discussion that night.  And for the next few nights after that.  Both of us sharing our hurts and frustrations, asking forgiveness for harsh words spoken, apologizing for selfishness and pride ... there was nothing left unexplored, and all was resolved.

I have told my husband I hated him - twice.  And both times are emblazoned in my mind's eye because I knew I was wrong.  I knew how much it hurt him to hear those words.  I felt trapped and without any other recourse in both those moments ... and both times my flesh won ... sin abounded ... and I hurt the heart of my husband - and my God.  We are one flesh, me and Dennis, so to say I hate him is to say I hate myself.  And I did.  Both times.  Oh, how ashamed and embarrassed I was - even while the anger burned through me.

It was the Lord Himself who kept us together in those first years ... barely hanging on by a thread, but together nonetheless.  And it is the Lord who has continued to complete the work He began in our marriage so many years ago to show us how to love one another selflessly - how to let each other be who they are, even when irritating - how to overlook offenses - how to say 'I am sorry' and truly mean it - how to forgive, more than once - how to protect one another - how to encourage - when to rebuke - and how to give up our own wants to meets the needs of the other.

We did not have a stellar start to our marriage.  We have gone up hill and down hill many times throughout.  We cannot go back.  We cannot change the past or redo the ugliest parts.  But we can remember them, and praise God that He has restored the years the locusts have eaten!  I do not live with the man I married - and he does not live with the bride he took as his wife.  We are better, stronger, more faithful, less selfish, patient, long-suffering, accepting ... not perfect by any means ... but striving to finish well.  To finish strong.  To finish as two people who do not look like Dennis and Michelle ~ but like Christ.

Oh, Lord.  Thank You for our marriage.  It has not been easy or effortless by any means, and we have both had to go through much discomfort to grow and mature, but oh, how it was worth it!  I love my husband more now than I ever knew I could then - and I know he would die for me.  Thank You, Lord, for giving me a husband who can handle me ... who loves me ... who wants me.  It is only because of You that we are where we are today.  And I am, forever grateful.

Capturing US.

While watching the photo montage at the funeral we attended a couple of weeks ago, I was struck by how many photos there were of the husband and wife.  Even after kids. When you are dating and newly married it is just the two of you in photos over and over and over again with different backgrounds.  Then kids start showing up and you see mom and kid, dad and kid, mom and dad with all the kids ... but very rarely do you see photos of the bride and groom alone.

So, I have made a commitment to make it happen!  Capturing me and my groom through our life together ~ firm skin or wrinkles, dark hair or gray, fit or saggy ~ wherever we are, however we look, as long as it is US.  Together.

This afternoon I grabbed the camera, handed it to Micah, called Dennis over to a picturesque spot, and told Micah to click away.  The three of us laughed the entire time!  And now that I am looking at the photos of me and my groom of almost 20 years, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love for my Creator ... that He blessed me with such a gift as Dennis.  Our marriage journey has been long, eventful, difficult, challenging, trying, wonderful, fun, encouraging ... and it is only because the Lord saw fit to sustain us in the darkest times that we have a foundation that is solid, sure, and cannot be shaken.  And if I am really honest, I think we look better as a couple now than we ever have.  Not because of our physical looks (those fade more every day), but because we are content, relaxed, secure and comfortable with each other in a way that shows from the inside.  Something we never had when we were young.

I love my husband.  I like my husband.  I need him.  I want him with me.  I love that he is the father of my children.  I love that he is respected by others.  But more than anything else, I love that he loves God ... and is continually striving to know and understand Him more.  Because when Dennis is following, and in love with, the Savior ... he loves me with the love of Christ rather than his own human heart.  And it makes me want to love and serve him more.

So - here you go!  A purposeful, yet random photo shoot with my one and only groom!

What sermon are you preaching?

Our youth group had the privilege of running the church service a couple of weeks ago.  They were ushers and greeters, ran sound and lighting, led worship (Micah got to play guitar for one song!), shared testimonies, and our youth pastor had the honor of preaching to the congregation.  It was a wonderful morning, and we were so proud of our youth!

Matt did a fantastic job challenging and encouraging our parents in their role as he broke down the well-known passage in Deuteronomy:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  No one else is supposed to be training our children in righteousness.  We were commanded by God to fulfill this role - ourselves.  It is not an easy one, and it requires much sacrifice, but it is exactly what God intended when He designed the family - for the father and mother to raise their children according to God's Word - all day, every day.

I could not write fast enough to catch all of the great morsels he threw out to us, but these are some of my favorites, and I hope they will challenge you to examine the legacy you are building in your own home right now.  We may not be doing all we should, but the Lord can turn our hearts back toward Him so our focus is clear and our purpose is sure.  We are raising our children for eternity.  Nothing else matters.

Three ways to build a meaningful legacy for your children:

1.  Intentional teaching of God's Word

2.  Strategic talking about God, Scripture, and holiness

3.  Authentic testimony

Rules without relationship = rebellion.

What you do and say is a tangible, visible, testimony that you love God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength.  

It is also a visible testimony if you don't.

Look for opportunities to talk to your children about God and Scripture ALL.THE.TIME.  It will not happen on its own ... you have to make it happen!

Your actions are the loudest sermon you will ever preach to your children.

What are they hearing?

How thankful we are for these gifts!

I know who I am.

I was recently accused of being shallow.  In all my life, even as a child, I have never been called shallow.  It was spoken by someone who does not know me personally, and was a stereotype of women in general, but it still caught me completely off guard.  And it really bothered me.

Some would say, 'consider the source', but truth be told ... every personal criticism should be investigated because there is often truth to it, even at the smallest level.  If there is no evidence to support it, great!  Move on in confidence.  But if something is discovered during the process, it needs to be addressed and resolved.  The Lord uses all kinds of conversations, writings, happenings, and people to show us what He needs us to see.  Even a 5-year-old child can be used to show us a chink in our armor.  It is not so much about the source ... it is about the statement.

I kept praying, asking the Lord to help me wrestle through my frustration and anger.  My gut instinct was to approach the person and say, "That is not who I am!"  I wanted to list my credentials and bring in people who know me to testify to who I really am.

But what is that?  P R I D E.  Pure and simple.

Someone in the world sees me as shallow, and I do not like it.  But really - does it matter?!?  One opinion of me (or hundreds) cannot distort the truth of what I know.

I am daughter of the King.
I am loved.
Redeemed.
Secure.
Forgiven.
I am chosen.
Accepted.
Protected.

I am a child of God.  And HIS opinion is the only one I need to concern myself with.  He knows me inside and out.  He knows my every strength, and my every weakness.  He knows when I am seeking my own desires and when I am focused on Him.  He knows what I am thinking ... my motives ... my insecurities ... He knows all of me.  And when He sees sin in my heart, He will drag me to the fire and let me get very hot and uncomfortable until He melts away all of the imperfections, all of the rough edges, and all of the ugliness.  And then, after He removes me from the fire and cleans me up, He will hold up a mirror, and hopefully - I will see less of myself, and more of Him.

And THAT needs to be my focus.  Worrying about how Sally, Bob, Jimbo, and Guinevere see me should never enter my thoughts.  My only thought should be ...

What does CHRIST see when He looks at me?

And the only answer should be:  Himself.

Flawed and distorted perhaps, since I will not be fully sanctified until I dwell in glory, but His face should be taking up more and more of the image, while my face continues to fade away.

Am I shallow?  I don't think so.  But I must spend every day looking into the face of Christ to make sure that the image I have of myself in my mind is accurate.  The enemy wants me to live in the flesh and consider myself acceptable in my sinful state.  But God commands me to take up my cross daily, die to self, and walk in the Spirit.  And the only way to do that is to know the difference between the two.

I do not know what everyone in the world thinks of me, and it doesn't matter.
I know Who I Am IN CHRIST.

And that -

is good enough for me!

It better be worth it!

What is wrong with this picture?

If you know me well, you knew the second you saw it.  There is a case of alcohol - in my house!  ?!?!?!

(Don't panic.  I am not going to talk about my feelings/convictions on alcohol.  I am happy to discuss it with you if you care to know, but rest assured, I am not a tea totaler.)

I am making dinner for another family this week, and the new recipe I am using calls for a bottle of beer.  The second I saw the ingredients I was nervous, but I really want to try it.

The kids and I had to hustle through Target to pick up a few items, and on my list?  Beer.  Um, AAAAAHHHHHH!

I hated standing in the alcohol aisle.
I hated picking up the case.  (I had no idea what the difference was, or why there were so many choices, so I went with family loyalty and chose my maiden name.  Sheesh.)
I hated that my children were looking at me with shock and disdain saying, "Dad would NOT be happy seeing you do this, you know!"
I hated that we were there during rush hour, when it felt like half of the city was watching me grab the bottles.
I hated walking through the store with the case displayed on the bottom of the cart.  (I tried to hide it, but to no avail.)
And I really hated standing in line with what felt like a giant neon box with arrows pointing to it screaming, "Look at what she has in her cart, everybody!!  Just LOOK at this!"  Ugh.

And then, as usually happens, people in line behind me start counting the kids, whispering to each other, or giving me sympathetic looks and nervous grins.  I smile, listen to their description of their own family tree, and then prepare for the usual question:  "How do you do it?"  I had almost forgotten about the bothersome beer bottles on the conveyor belt until I looked down and noticed that there are six bottles.  Six.  The exact number of our children.  And then I thought, "Oh NO!  They are going to think this is 'how I do it!'  One bottle per kid after they go to bed.  GREAT!"

I shook my head, gave the 17 year-old-checker my ID, startled him with my firm, "YES!" when he asked if I wanted the beer case bagged, and led everyone to the car to end this torturous outing once and for all.

This recipe better knock the socks off of our company and make my husband and children break out in spontaneous applause and songs of joy!!!

Good grief.

One of the desires of my heart.

A harvest of righteousness is sown in peace ...

by those who make peace.  James 3:18

In everything.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice!  Philippians 4:4

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.  Philippians 2:14-16

Wonderful verses, right?  Familiar, comforting.  Read them again, but this time, look at the emphasis in each verse.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice!  Philippians 4:4

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.  I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.  Philippians 2:14-16

Always.

Without ceasing.

All.

Everything.

If we are supposed to rejoice all the time, never stop praying, give thanks for everything and every circumstance in our lives, and do everything without complaining ... why is it that we so often find ourselves discontent, angry, envious, depressed, whining, and wanting more?!?  These Scriptures are very clear - they are infinitive and imperative statements.  The Lord says, "Do this!  Forever!"  He does not add, "rejoice always, unless things are really bad" or  "give thanks unless you did not get what you really wanted."  He commands us to do these things - whether we feel like it, want to, or think it's fair.

Thank God for losing my job?  Yes.

Rejoice over disobedient and defiant children?  Yes.

Serve an ugly, bitter, ungrateful person without complaining?  Yes.

Why?

Because if we want to look like Jesus, we must live as He lived.  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ... And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  Philippians 2

It is very hard for me to rejoice over people who hurt me, give thanks for hate mail, and cheerfully serve a child who is defiant.  But guess what?  It does not matter if it is hard, or unappealing.  As a child of God I have a very, very high standard to meet according to the commands and statutes of Scripture:  Be holy as I am holy.  And there is simply no way I can attain holiness if I am more concerned about getting my way, having my needs met, or feeling that justice is being served.

Rejoice ALWAYS!

Pray continually!

Give thanks to God in ALL circumstances!

Do EVERYTHING without complaining!

It is not until I obey these marching orders that I will be able to enjoy the fruits of obedience ... Then you will shine among them (the world) like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.  I will continue to look like the world if I am ACTING like world.  I may not be living like the world does in terms of behavior and outright sin (drunkenness, affairs, foul entertainment etc.), but if my mouth is full of whining and arguing and dwelling on my circumstances rather than praising my Creator ... I will look just like everybody else.  And no one will know that I am different.  No one will know I am a Christian.

No one notices a light bulb in a room full of lamps and chandeliers.

But everyone notices a single light shining in the midst of a black, dark, cold room.  And they are drawn to it.  They need it.  They want what it has to offer.

Before I can be the twinkling star in the sky, showing the world that I am different, and shine the light of God's love into their own lives ... I have to be obedient to do what God has commanded me to do every single day of my life.   ... as you hold firmly to the Word of life.  And I have to tell you - obeying these commands are difficult for me.  I am usually yelling at a child within the first twelve minutes that my eyes have been open.  I am frustrated with their childish accidents and foolishness.  I am annoyed with the lack of diligence, and outright disobedience.  I am petty because someone offended me.  And on the list goes.  And then I hear the Lord whisper, "In everything, daughter. Thank me for your children even on their worst days.  Rejoice that I am Your God when you feel despondent and forgotten.  Do every task that I have set before you with joy and contentment, knowing that no matter how hard it may be, I have a purpose for it.  Instead of fuming and fussing, talk to Me.  Seek My wisdom.  Remember My promises.  And remember this ... I rejoice over you with dancing.  You, daughter.  The very one who caused me to send my Son to die on a cross - for your sins, so that you may escape what you deserve, and have eternal life.  I love you, enjoy you, forgive you, and care for you ... when you deserve nothing.  Remember that.  And then, take up your cross, die to self, push forward to obey what I have commanded you ... with thanksgiving, without complaining, and rejoicing all day long.  In everything, daughter.  In everything."

Oh, Lord.  Teach me HOW to rejoice in You all day long.  It is easy in church during worship.  It is easy when reading Your Word and sharing in the lives of others.  It is in the everyday, the mundane, the constant sacrifice of training my children, the dying of self, the overlooking of offenses, the living at peace with everyone ... it is in these moments that my rejoicing becomes softer, my mind and heart focus on what is happening around me rather than remembering Who is holding me, sustaining me, and purposefully taking me through this, my thankfulness ceases, my grumbling becomes louder, and I follow the desires of my flesh rather than my Father.  Forgive me, Lord.  I want to be a bright star leading others to You.  I do.  But, heaven help me, I have some work to do first!  Teach me to rejoice always, Lord.  I want to live the abundant life You came to give us!  I am ready to learn.

Books.

If you are looking for a great audio series for your library - this is it!

The Kingdom Series

by Chuck Black

We received the set as a Christmas gift and the boys fell in love with it immediately.  They listened to all six CD's in their room during quiet time, kept talking about it with each other, and exclaimed how much they enjoyed it.  I never heard a word of the series myself, and forgot about it, until they selected it as our next story for the car.  Within two minutes I was spell-bound, not only by the story itself, but by the voice of the narrator.

Like Pilgrim's Progress and Chronicles of Narnia, it is an allegorical tale of Scripture - and so well done that before the first chapter ends, you already know who the main characters represent, beginning with the story of Creation.

If you like dramatic readings of great literature, you will enjoy this series, and I guarantee it will be a favorite for years to come!  (appropriate for ages 8+)

A day of memories ... and feeling His love.

Today we honor our son, Matthew Isaac.

The Lord had His own plans for how this day would go, and each piece was perfect ... encouraging, uplifting, thoughtful, and ~ peaceful.

From the time I woke up, the Lord showed me His love and care for me by giving me a day filled with these things ~

time in the Word and prayer with my children

a memorial service, which was moving and convicting and beautiful

notes in my inbox from friends telling me they are praying for me

beautiful flowers from my husband, who also misses our son

a walk in the sunshine with a young woman who needed encouragement

a conversation with a woman at my kitchen counter who just wanted to share her life

baking dozens of cookies

and, dinner and games - as a family

The family the Lord chose for us.

We are missing one.  

One little boy we will one day see face to face.

But there are six here.  Six who need me, and six who want me.

And that is where my strength came from today ... knowing that the Lord chose me for them.

Right now,

for such a time as this.

And I do not want to miss any of it.

Lord, thank You for today.  You kept my mind totally fixed on You, and You knew exactly what I needed.  I love my husband and I love my children ~ and I love the son I have never known.  Everything I have

everything I know

everything I can do

everything I understand ...

is because of You.

Thank You, Lord, for walking me through this day seven years ago - because I am not the same woman I was then, and I know You will not let me stay the woman I am now.  I am so glad you will continue Your work in me until You call me home.  I need You, Lord.  I need You.

The "why."

I am not sure why I have never written about this before ~ Why I talk about miscarriage, and Matthew.

Maybe I thought it more fitting for the miscarriage website, or because I think people really don't want to hear about it.  Either way, I know now that I was mistaken.  Some things need to be discussed whether they pertain to our personal lives or not.  And the truth is, if a woman never suffers through a miscarriage herself, she will have a friend or family member who will suffer.  And haven't each of us been in a situation when we wish we had something to offer ... something to say ... something to share that would be helpful and encouraging?  But because we do not understand their pain, we sit feeling completely helpless and inept.  And it is uncomfortable.

I cannot speak for every woman - I can only share what I know.  My motives for being so open about my miscarriage are these:  1) I want to be a woman who praises God publicly when He does great and amazing things, and - when He allows hard things to happen.  2) I want to acknowledge our son Matthew just as I do every living child we have.  Matthew was real.  He was created in God's image just like Micah, Luke, Caleb, Josiah, Isaiah, and Ellie were.  I held him.  I saw his face.  He is our son.  He deserves a place in this family, and he deserves to be honored.  3) I want to comfort other women the way the Lord comforted me.  The number of women who walk through this trial alone is astounding.  Whether their husbands/friends refuse to support them, or make it appear so with their silence, they feel like there is absolutely no one else in the world who understands.  And that is not okay.  It just isn't.

And so - I talk about it.  I talk about Matthew like he is a member of the family - freely, without shame or embarrassment.  When people ask me how many children I have, I always say seven.
It is who I am - I want to use my life to let others see what God can do.  It took me a long time to be able to do so, and I have no intention of going back.

I talk about it because people ask me questions like the ones below.  And if they are asking me, they are asking other women.  Women who may not be as far in their healing.  Women who may be more sensitive than I am.  Women who may not know the Lord.  Women who are afraid to speak boldly and cry out, "It doesn't MATTER if you understand!  Just love me.  And if you don't know what to say, just be silent."

Why are you still talking about this?  It happened so long ago.

Do you really still cry about it?

Is it really that emotional and hard losing a baby?  It seems a little dramatic to keep bringing it up.

Don't you think it is awkward for other people to listen to you?

How do you know your baby even went to heaven?

And you know what?  All of these are fair questions.  They come from people who have never experienced the loss of an unborn baby, so they are trying to understand.  They come from men who will never fully know what it is to have the heart of a mother.  They come from people who are just trying to figure it out for themselves, and need answers.  They come from women who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth, but responded in a completely different manner, so the way someone else responds seems odd or outright ridiculous.

I talk about the loss of Matthew because before it happened I never heard ANYone talk about miscarriage.  And if it did come up, they either dismissed it like it was no big deal, or spoke of it with shame in hushed tones.  I do not want women to be ashamed to say, "I am hurting."  "I feel like I am never going to break through this fog."  "I am ANGRY!  I don't want to be angry, but I am!"  And because well-meaning people just don't know what to say or do, I want women who are aching for their babies to know that there is someone who understands and 'gets it.'

I remember being the one sitting on the couch looking into the eyes of a friend who had lost a baby, feeling awkward, afraid to speak for fear of saying the wrong thing, and wondering what in the world I could to do to help her.  I thought I was a good friend, but truthfully, I was bumbling and fumbling and more concerned about my own comfort than hers.  So I guess, there are two driving factors behind my motives to share my story ...

I hope I am able to help equip others to minister to a woman walking through the grief of a miscarriage or stillbirth.

And more importantly, I pray that every time I share my story, and the wonderful things God did through my loss, it will give another woman the strength to do the same.

We do not have to understand or agree with the way everyone handles trials, or how they deal with grief.  But as the body of Christ, we are called to be of one mind, unified, and to live at peace with everyone.  And sometimes that looks as simple as being present ~ and quiet ~ and letting the Lord do the rest.

Be still, and know that I am God.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

I have never been the same.

It has been seven years since I delivered our son Matthew ~ who had already gone home to be with the Lord.
Seven years since the shock of those unwanted words, "You have miscarried."
Seven years since Dennis and I held each other, sobbing, as we realized that our baby was no more - and there was nothing we could do to change it.
Seven years.
And still, every single year, the date sneaks up on me.

March 14th.

The memories and emotion do not flood my mind as they did in the past ... some years are harder than others.  Year five was the most difficult, stretching, humbling, and - the year I grew the most.  This one has been the easiest, the least emotional.  Until last week when a friend delivered a card inside a bag of returned items.  I opened it expecting a simple hello, and instead, found a card expressing her thoughts and prayers to me as the day of Matthew's delivery date approaches.  I was touched and moved, overwhelmed and - grateful.

Grateful because the Lord used her card to open up a heart that had been unknowingly running from the emotion of losing a son.  My son.  Matthew.

It has still been the easiest year, but these past few days the Lord has been pressing on me ... pushing me into a place of utter dependence on Him ... forcing me to share the deep places of my heart ~ with only Him.  I have a husband who loves me, and loves our son.  I have friends who will listen to me and let me cry if that is what I need to do.  But as I shared passionately with the young women who lined my couch last week, I need to run to Christ first.  HE has to be the One I seek when my heart is broken.  HE has to be the One I cry out to when I feel confused and overwhelmed.  And HE has to be the One I ask to dry my tears.

The Lord is the One who gave us a son.
The Lord is the One who took him away.

And the Lord is the One who has healed me.

The ache of missing our son will never completely go away, and I have asked the Lord that He would not let it.  I never want to forget.  I never want to lose the connection to the pain.  Because once I do, I will no longer be effective in ministering to other women who are siting where I once sat ... on a hospital bed, with empty arms, wondering what in the world just happened.

I remember every moment of that day.  The nurses coming in with that look of understanding and sadness.  The social worker hoping to explain the "why" but without ever mentioning the name of the Lord - the only One who ever knows the why to any of life's trials.  One of our dearest and oldest friends coming to dedicate Matthew to the Lord, a grown man, weeping, as he shared in our sorrow.  Dennis not knowing what to say or do for me.  And crying out to the Lord ... praying every second because I could think of nothing else to do.  "It has to be bigger than me losing a baby, Lord.  I am not the first woman, and I will not be the last.  There has to be more."  And five years later ... five years of sharing my story with other women ... five years of searching Scripture to understand this God who carried me through the hardest part of my life ... five years of trusting Him even when I did not understand ...

five years later - He created Joy Comes in the Morning.

And, oh my friends, how He has grown me and blessed me and continues to heal me through this ministry!  The women I have met, talked to, listened to, prayed with ... I would not trade one single moment with any of them.  The loss of a baby through miscarriage or stillbirth is a hard burden to bear ... sometimes rendering us unable to function for a time.  But through the trial, the heartache and the pain, God is at work!  In us, around us, and one day - if we will let Him - THROUGH US.

There is a wonderful song which shares this phrase:  If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted, to the One who gives, and takes away?

I will admit, there were times that I had to ask others to help keep my hands raised to the heavens when I was too weak to do it myself.  But when I look back on that time, I can see the hand of the Lord so clearly, and how He prepared me for that moment.  He knew me better than I knew myself, and He knew that yes, even in the most difficult days of my life, I would still praise Him.

The day I delivered Matthew Isaac was the worst day of my life.
And the day I delivered Matthew Isaac was the best day of my life.

Because it was that day when I finally understood what full surrender to a holy God really meant ... and I have never, ever been the same.

I know, Lord, that Your laws are righteous,
and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
May Your unfailing love be my comfort,
according to Your promise to Your servant.
Psalm 119

Profitable ways to read the Bible.

I stumbled across this when looking for quotes on holiness.  It was encouraging, and challenging, and I pray it will push you to increase your own personal time in the Word of God.  It is definitely pushing me.

1. Begin reading your Bible this very day. The way to do a thing is to do it; and the way to read the Bible is actually to read it! It is not merely meaning, or wishing, or resolving, or intending, or thinking about it , which will advance you one step. You must positively read. There is no royal road in this matter, any more than in the matter of prayer. If you cannot read yourself, you must persuade somebody else to read it to you. But one way or another, through eyes or ears, the words of Scripture must actually pass before your mind.

2. Read the Bible with an earnest desire to understand it. Do not think for a moment, that the great object is to turn over a certain quantity of printed paper, and that it matters nothing whether you understand it or not. Some ignorant people seem to imagine, that all is done if they advance so many chapters every day, though they may not have a notion what they are all about, and only know that they have pushed on their bookmark ahead so many pages. This is turning Bible reading into a mere ritual form. Settle it down in your mind as a general principle, that a Bible not understood is a Bible that does no good! Say to yourself often as you read, “What is this all about?” Dig for the meaning like a man digging for gold.

3. Read the Bible with child-like faith and humility. Open your heart as you open God’s book, and say, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening!” Resolve to believe implicitly whatever you find there, however much it may run counter to your own desires and prejudices. Resolve to receive heartily every statement of truth, whether you like it or not. Beware of that miserable habit into which some readers of the Bible fall, they receive some doctrines because they like them; and they reject others because they are condemning to themselves, or to some relation, or friend. At this rate, the Bible is useless! Are we to be judges of what ought to be in God’s Word? Do we know better than God? Settle it down in your mind that you will receive all and believe all, and that what you cannot understand, you will take on trust. Remember, when you pray that you are speaking to God, and God hears you. But, remember, when you read Scripture that God is speaking to you, and you are not to “dictate,” but to listen!

4. Read the Bible in a spirit of obedience and self-application. Sit down to the study of it with a daily determination that you will live by its rules, rest on its statements, and act on its commands. Consider, as you travel through every chapter, “How does this affect my thinking and daily conduct? What does this teach me?” It is poor work to read the Bible from mere curiosity, and for speculative purposes in order to fill your head and store your mind with mere opinions; while you do not allow the book to influence your heart and life. That Bible is read best which is practiced most!

5. Read the Bible daily. Make it a part of every day’s business to read and meditate on some portion of God’s Word. Private means of grace are just as needful every day for our souls as food and clothing are for our bodies. Yesterday’s food will not feed the laborer today; and today’s food will not feed the laborer tomorrow. Do as the Israelites did in the wilderness. Gather your manna fresh every morning. Choose your own seasons and hours. Do not scramble over and hurry your reading. Give your Bible the best, and not the worst part of your time! But whatever plan you pursue, let it be a rule of your life to visit the throne of grace and God’s Word every day.

6. Read all of the Bible and read it in an orderly way. I fear there are many parts of the Word which some people never read at all. This is to say at the least, a very presumptuous habit. “All Scripture is profitable.” [2 Timothy 3:16]. To this habit may be traced that lack of well-proportioned views of truth, which is so common in this day. Some people’s Bible-reading is a system of perpetual ‘dipping and picking’. They do not seem to have an idea of regularly going through the whole book.

7. Read the Bible fairly and honestly. Determine to take everything in its plain, obvious meaning and regard all forced interpretations with great suspicion. As a general rule, whatever a verse of the Bible seems to mean it does mean! Cecil’s rule is a very valuable one, “The right way of interpreting Scripture is to take it as we find it, without any attempt to force it into any particular theological system.”

8. Read the Bible with Christ continually in view. The grand primary object of all Scripture, is to testify of Jesus! Old Testament ceremonies are shadows of Christ. Old Testament judges are types of Christ. Old Testament prophecies are full of Christ’s sufferings, and of Christ’s glory yet to come. The first coming and the second; the Lord’s humiliation and His glorious kingdom; His cross and the crown shine forth everywhere in the Bible. Keep fast hold on this clue, if you would read the Bible aright!

I might easily add to these hints, if space permitted. Few and short as they are you will find them most profitable when implemented.  ~ J.C. Ryle