I just can't believe it!

Only three more days until we are living in a new home.  THREE!  It is hard to believe this is actually happening!  We are very excited, but not really 'taking it all in' due to the multiple pages on the notepad containing lists of thing that need to be done.  Moving the refrigerator and couch are easy!  It is all of the little stuff that adds up and eats away hours in the day.  But not for long!  In 36 hours we will be UNpacked, sleeping in new rooms, and learning which light switch goes to which light.  But in the mean time ...

I am not sure why my husband is surprised by anything our children do, seeing that we have been parents for almost 13 years now, but he is - continually surprised.  While I have been doing all of the organizing, planning, sorting, packing etc, Dennis has been focusing on manual labor - tearing shingles off of the house, ripping out old tile, breaking down walls, and tearing out hundreds of bricks from the yard.  It is what he enjoys (demolition) and it is where his strength and skills come in handy. 

This week has been a little overwhelming for me (on multiple levels) and after a pretty good fight last night, my groom saw how overtaxed I am and took it upon himself to attack some of the items on the list.  And wouldn't you know?  He chose to do the one I was dreading the most!  Sweeping under/behind all of the large items where dust and hair and toys, and heaven knows what else, collect over the months.  (And there is ALWAYS a spider lurking in these places.  Big ones.)  I left for about 45 minutes to accomplish two errands, and upon my return I found our house turned upside down while Dennis shouted commands to every child and filled several bins with "stuff."

He uncovered dozens of toy parts, countless socks, game pieces, and missing shoes, but what he was most proud of?  The 103 Hot Wheels he found during his search.  (Yes, he counted them!)  He kept shaking his head, asking how it was possible for this many cars to be missing ... and again, I shook my head wondering how he is still surprised after all these years.  

P.S.  We have reconciled.  It is no wonder that Moving is on the 'top stressors' list!  Sheesh.

There are some benefits to living in a house that is out of order - if you are a child.  You get to touch things, play with things, and do things that normally earn you a scolding.
My feelings on 'rules' this past week? My kids want to play in the dog crate? Okay!  They want to throw dirt all over each other?  Sure!  They want to eat standing up at the table?  Go for it!  As long as they are entertained while I work, I am okay with all of it.

Now, many mothers probably leave their children's beds assembled until the final day so they can feel comfy and cozy while they sleep.  Unfortunately for my people, I am not one of those mothers. They have not had beds for over a week. Anything I can get accomplished before moving day is going to BE accomplished!  Don't feel too badly for them - they are still getting a full 11 hours each night!  (yes, I know they are missing sheets too.)

THIS is the image that makes me crazy. You may not know this about me, but I thrive on order.  I cannot stand when things are not where they belong. Whether it is a pair of shoes, a box of toys, a stack of books, or a napkin ... put - it -AWAY! 

As of tomorrow afternoon we are free to move anything into the house.  I will be on the doorstep at the appointed hour with boxes in tow, and will not close the door until it is all put where it belongs. I am counting the minutes!!

The Lord has blessed us far beyond what we deserve with this new home.  We have no idea why He did it, or what He has planned, but we are eager to find out - and trust that He will use our family, and this house, to bless others, and bring glory to Him.

Three days.  I just can't believe it!

You will find rest.

THIS

is what we look like to the Lord.

Straining and pulling huge, heavy loads, that, though manageable, were not meant for us to bear.  We keep piling on the bags, making the load heavier and more exhausting, burying ourselves under hundreds of pounds of burdens that need not be strapped to our backs.  We keep trudging along, farther and farther, until we finally collapse under the weight and cry out to God, wondering where He is, and why He allows the weight of the world to sit on our backs.

Where is God?!?

He is right where He has ALWAYS been.

Waiting patiently, with open arms as He calls to us,

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.  Matthew 11

THIS

is what the Lord wants to provide for us.

The same animal.

Created by the same God.

Able to carry the same heavy load.

Without a yoke.

Without a burden.

And completely, perfectly, wholly,

At rest.

Come to ME, Jesus says.

Take MY yoke.

Learn from ME.

It is not a suggestion.  It is a command.

"Come to Me, all who are weary ..."

Will you obey?

Will you walk to the Master?  Lay your burdens at His feet?  Trust Him to carry your load?  Listen to Him?  Learn from Him?  He is a gentle Master, a humble Master.  And His promises are true.  They are always true.

You WILL find rest for your weary soul.

You need only COME.

An endeavor I am willing to pursue.

I am currently reading a book with our young adult women ~ Becoming God's True Woman.  They meet together for worship and Bible study every Wednesday night and have asked me to join them once a month.  (Yes, they know I am not young, but middle-aged, and they still want me!)  I am so excited about this!  I have always had a passion for young women ... watching them grow and mature in their walk with the Lord, and seeing them rejoice over how God can change us from the inside out ... it is a joyful thing indeed.  We will be meeting in my home, which will allow me to meet the needs of my family while ministering to these young women, and ~ allow me to practice the art of hospitality.  It is a dying art, and my desire is to become more adept in this discipline so I might use our home to bring refreshment to everyone who enters our door, and more importantly, bring glory to God in the way I keep our home.

I was not familiar with this book until the girls gave me a copy.  I started reading it yesterday when I finally answered the call of the couch, and collapsed with the book in my hand for a rest and a read. I must confess, I am always leery of women's books because so many of them focus on feelings and emotion rather than biblical truth.  I want to know what God says about femininity and womanhood - not Bertha, Gertrude, or Hyacinth.  There are a thousand different vehicles for sharing God's Word, all wrapped in different personalities and styles, but Scripture must be the dominating factor throughout - not opinion.

The chapters are short, but packed with content.  These are a few of the statements that struck me during my first read.  (emphases mine)

~ God is glorified through thankful, trusting, obedient, compassionate, serving, virtuous, joyful, feminine women who reflect to our world the heart and character of the Lord Jesus himself.  As we are filled with the Spirit, we radiate His beauty and make the Gospel believable.

~ God created us, and being the creation of God determines everything for us as women.  We don't look to our culture to find our feminine identity; we don't consult our feelings to discover our purpose.  Everything that we are and everything that we do must be rooted in God.

~ We were born feminine because we were created feminine.  ( I LOVE this statement!  God chose to make women ... with a purpose ... and He said, "It is good."  It is a privilege to be a woman, and to be feminine, because God ordained it to be so!)

On being a wife:

~ God created Eve from Adam.  Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”  Genesis 2:18  She was created to be a helper suitable to him, to compliment him, to nourish him, and to help him in the task that God had given him.  Woman was created for man.  For man was not made from woman, but woman from man.  Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. I Corinthians 11:8-9

~ As our husband's helper ... If you are wondering whether to pursue some particular endeavor, ask yourself this important question:  Does this help my husband?  (How many things do we do as wives that takes away from our husbands, our children, and our homes?  We sign up for committees, we plan dates with friends, we spend hours preparing for a party ... while dinner is not made, our husband sits alone, and the laundry is not clean.  I used to be very immature in this area - I just did and acted as I pleased, without consulting Dennis.  I never knew I should.  Once this concept was pointed out to me, I was immediately convicted, and changing my thought process brought such peace and order to our home and, to our family life.  Praise God for the gift of conviction!)

~ We honor the Lord when we minister to our husbands in ways that enhance our God-given roles as companions and helpers.

On being a mother:

~ God intends that we enjoy motherhood and delight in our children.  (I am guilty here.  I love my children sincerely and deeply, but there have been many days when I lived for naps and bed time, because I had simply had ENOUGH.  Enjoy and delight were not the cornerstones of my early days as a mother, and sometimes they still cannot be seen underneath frustration, despair, and feelings of ineptitude.  I have learned to embrace these verbs in recent years, but I do not always cling to them tightly enough.  Hmm ... I feel a study of these two words bearing down on me - in all areas of my role as a woman, but especially as they pertain to motherhood.  Maybe in the new house I should paint these words over the doors so that no matter where I enter my home, I will be reminded of what I am called to do as a wife and a mother:  Enjoy and Delight in the people the Lord has purposely given to me.  I confess, I do not do so thoroughly, or often enough. Some days it is all I can do to finish the day!  Lord, we have some work to do ... I am ready!)

~ It is common for weary mothers to lack biblical perspective, to need fresh vision for the significance of our calling.  In those moments, there really is no other source of refreshment than God. (Oh, there is so much to say here.  The Lord is already working on my heart about this one. Challenging to be sure, but equally encouraging.  I can't wait to share!)

I am encouraged by this book and look forward to reading more.  I love when a simple statement can send me into a serious search of Scripture, and myself, to see what God has to say about a given matter.  And as we already know, He has plenty to say about the role, attitude, dress, manner, and heart of women.  As always, Scripture is all-sufficient, for all things!

We are already "true women" because God created us to be so, but becoming women who reflect the heart of God, and show others His beauty ... well, that is a lifelong endeavor indeed.  And one I am most willing to pursue.

Unappreciated convenience.

We are in the final countdown to our MOVE!  Only 8 more days and we will be driving home to a new address every day.  It's crazy and wonderful and exciting!  A new neighborhood, new people, new stores, new routines ... we can't wait!!

As I was running around doing errands the other day, I realized what an incredible location we have been living in these past years!  We have all of these establishments within one mile of our front door.  Seriously - one mile! 

Trader Joe's

Sprouts

Walmart

Target

Tae Kwon Do studio

Water polo pool

Chipotle

Panera

In-N-Out

Chick-fil-A

Our bank

Post office

CVS pharmacy

Staples

Home Depot

5 gas stations

Grocery Store

3 parks

Freeway entrance

A mall

Dog groomer

I must admit, we took all of these conveniences for granted.  And now, even though we are moving just a few miles away, it is in the opposite direction and we will no longer be able to "hop over" to any of these places.  More planning and creative routes will be required - but hey, I always enjoy a challenge!  

It was great while it lasted, and I am sure we will discover new places, and find new favorites to enjoy as we spend the next several years living at a new address.  Only 8 days until the new adventure begins!  Yippee!

Happy Friday to you!  We are kicking off this cold, rainy, southern California weekend watching Singin' in the Rain.  Fitting, yes?  Enjoy your weekend - and make it a good one!

Don't give up!

Yesterday afternoon the boys were arguing about who should clean up a mess Samson made.  (He found some popcorn kernels and chocolate ... you can imagine the result.)  After a few minutes of fighting for pecking order, Caleb lost, and was relegated to finding carpet cleaner and a rag.  We heard him mumble, and then a brother exclaimed, "Oh, what?  Do you want to send him back to the pound?"  Caleb responded, "No.  I love Samson!!  I'm just tired of taking care of him."

Dennis and I, in separate rooms, laughed at the same time and hollered to one another, "Did you hear that??"  We laughed again.  "Talk about a life mantra!  How many things could be described that way?"

I love being married, but I am tired of working on communication with my husband.
I love being a mom, but I am tired of taking care of my children.
I love my car, but I am tired of putting gas in it.
I love being healthy, but I am tired of exercising and eating good food.
I love my job, but I am tired of working every day.
I love being a Christian, but I am tired of obeying God's Word.
I love having friends, but I am tired of encouraging them.
I love my home, but I am tired of keeping it clean.
I love clothes, but I am tired of washing them.
I love eating, but I am tired of fixing meals.

You never hear anyone complain:

I love skiing, but I am tired of the snow.
I love surfing, but I am tired of catching waves.
I love hot fudge sundaes, but I am tired of eating whipped cream.
I love watching football, but I am tired of owning a television.
I love going on vacation, but I am tired of visiting new countries.
I love my wife, but I am tired of being intimate with her.

It reminds me of a fantastic quote from the movie The Great Debaters:

 We do what we have to do in order to do what we want to do. 

Sorry, Caleb!  Taking care of a dog is probably one of the easiest responsibilities you will ever have.  And, like everything else you are required to do in your 8-year-old world - it is training.  For LIFE.

Keep pressing on, son.  Keep pressing on.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

I love His promises!!!

Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed?  Not with the things going on in your own life, but with all that is happening with those you know, and even those you don't?  Do you ever listen to a news story or a missionary testimony and feel like you waste most of your day on things that just don't matter?  While none of the things you invest your time in are 'wrong' or sinful, you realize they are not of eternal value?

First, let me be clear, (because I am often accused of not recognizing the role of parenting/spouse as an eternal and necessary focus), that this priority list is a given in my mind:

1. Our personal relationship with the Lord.

2. Marriage

3. Children

4. Everything else the Lord places in our lives.

The importance and priority of the family as described in Scripture is without contestation.  But when we start to pull apart how we spend time as a family - gaps and holes appear.  Sports and music lessons, parties and beach days, and educational pursuits are enjoyable, even profitable, and they can draw us closer to one another.  But the focus is still SELF.  No longer as an individual, but as a group.  Where does eternity play into all of this?

How are we serving 'the least of these' when we spend six hours on a Saturday making sure our lawns are perfectly manicured, but have done nothing to feed the poor, help the sick, care for the orphan, or witness to the lost? Where is the balance?

Scripture gives us an endless list of tangible ways we are to serve the church body, and the world. There are not enough hours in the day to accomplish them all!  But they are commands.

And if we are, in fact, raising our children for eternity, how are we living it out RIGHT NOW?  In the present?  As a family?

If every weekend is filled with chores and errands and family nights and youth events ... when are we expanding the roll call in heaven?
How can we spend all of our free time on things that we enjoy, things that make us happy, and not GIVE.  Serve.  SACRIFICE.  How??  Once a year at Christmas is not enough.  The poor are still hungry in March.

Are only missionaries and humanitarian groups supposed to give up everything for the sake of the poor?  Only those "called" are supposed to be uncomfortable and awkward and do the hard things? I just don't believe that.  Scripture applies to ALL MEN.  Every verse, every parable, every command.  So why do we applaud the missionaries in Uganda who struggle and suffer to see lives changed for the sake of the Gospel because of their consistent efforts, but we cannot give up our weekly latte or pedicure to sponsor a starving family?  We can save up for a vacation, but we cannot find enough disposable income to support a school in an impoverished country so children can learn to read and write and enter a trade instead of being sold as slaves or prostitutes?  What is wrong with us??

The Lord graciously provided a new home for our family through the generous heart of a beloved aunt.  He could have convicted her to sell the property and give the money away to those in need - but He didn't.  He moved her heart to bless us.  The Lord gifts some of His children with monetary wealth so they can bless others, and serve His Kingdom with their resources.  But He also says:  To whom much is given, much is required.

So now I am wondering, with great conviction,
How can we use this new home to expand God's Kingdom?  How can we love our neighbors and show them the light of Christ every time they see us?  How can we use the house to serve?  To give?  To encourage?  To support?  The Lord did not give us this blessing so we could hoard it or make it an idol.  (In fact, I am seriously contemplating taking a key to the fresh paint in the hallway just to break the "Be careful!  You are going to scratch the wall!" drama.  But a friend quickly pointed out that one of my children will probably take care of this very thing on moving day!  I am sure she is right.)  He gave the house to us, so we could bring glory to HIM.

And then, coming back full circle to the Biblical plan for the family ... how do we balance using our home and our resources for the Lord, meeting the needs of those He calls us to serve, and ... train, disciple, and discipline our children in righteousness according to Deuteronomy 6?  We cannot neglect our calling as parents/spouses to serve others while our own home falls apart.  But we cannot live self-focused while the world continues to fall down around us, and millions of people starve and freeze, and are forced to do deplorable things - every day.

I know that achieving balance is a continual act.  A literal balance, after all, is constantly adjusting to the weight placed on either side.  There are going to be times when the focus needs to shift according to the need of the moment ... and then you adjust and find the balance until the next need arises, and the process begins again.  Huh.  Perhaps I just answered my own question?  I cannot be all things, to all people, all of the time.  I cannot single-handedly answer the call of every need in the church.  I cannot save the world by myself.

I was called to be a wife and a mother, first.  And my focus, energy and attention have to be focused on my home.  But, while I AM home ... there are countless ways I can be teaching my children to think outside of themselves.  To observe what is going on around them.  Expose them to the real, tangible needs of our world.  Prepare them in ways that will make them able to serve others.  My children's days cannot be focused on, or consumed by, sports and personal projects or how they want to celebrate their birthdays.  While these things are harmless, they are not eternal.  Nothing in Scripture asks us to make our children into Olympic athletes, intelligent enough to attend an Ivy League school, or highly skilled to become a CEO of a company.  We are commanded to train them in His ways - all day long - and teach them to "Love the Lord your God with ALL of your heart, soul, mind, and strength" - and then, to love their neighbor as much as they love themselves.

This is no small task!  It is a full-time, all-consuming, requires-everything-you-have, commitment. There is no other way to view it.

But at the same time the Lord calls us to this role as parents, He calls us as His children to serve those around us - because in doing so, we serve HIM.  And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to Me.’ 

See?  O v e r w h e l m i n g!  Seemingly impossible.  How can we do both?!?

Praise God that we have His Word, which is sufficient for ALL THINGS, because the answer is startling clear ...

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.  James 1:5

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through Him!  Which means ... I can trust Him to give me the wisdom to figure out how to meet the never-ending needs of my family, AND provide food and shelter for a child who is freezing and starving on the street.  There are no limits with our God - and He promises to make a way for those who fear Him.

Oh, how I LOVE His promises!!!

He always gives us rest.

Today the Lord encouraged me exactly as I needed to be encouraged.  I am weary.  My mind is scattered.  I have not caught up from lack of sleep while Dennis was gone and I feel like I am multi-tasking at a new level with the move.  My dear groom gave me the gift of a pedicure this afternoon, and while I could barely keep focused on any kind of print, the Lord gave me enough energy to read this wonderful writing by Charles Spurgeon.

And
it
was
exactly
what
I
needed.

How different will be the state of the believer in heaven from what it is here!  Here he is born to toil and suffer weariness, but in the land of the immortal, fatigue is never known.  Anxious to serve his Master, he finds his strength unequal to his zeal; his constant cry is, 'Help me to serve Thee, O my God.'  If he be thoroughly active, he will have much labour; not too much for his will, but more than enough for his power, so that he will cry out, 'I am not wearied of the labour, but I am wearied in it.'  Ah!  Christian, the hot day of weariness lasts not forever; the sun is nearing the horizon; it shall rise again with a brighter day than thou hast ever seen, upon a land where they serve God day and night, and yet rest from their labours.  Here, rest is but partial, there, it is perfect.  Here, the Christian is always unsettled; he feels that he has not yet attained.  There, all are at rest; they have attained the summit of the mountain; they have ascended to the bosom of their God.  Higher they cannot go.  Ah, toil-worn labourer, only think when thou shall rest forever!  Canst thou conceive it?  It is a rest eternal; a rest that 'remaineth.' 

Isn't this beautiful?

I agree with Spurgeon ~ I am not weary OF the labor of life ... motherhood, being a wife, learning to die to self and kill the desires of the flesh, loving others ... but I often grow weary IN the labor.

But as always ... no matter how often the fatigue comes, no matter how long it lasts ... I have a Savior who says, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

I am so thankful I belong to a God who promises such things!

Time marches on - and I am going to follow!

I have been quite negligent about taking photos the past few weeks.  I had my fill during the Christmas month, which caused my camera to sit alone on the counter with hardly a glance from me.  And then, last night I was watching my littles, and it hit me that before I blink, they are going to be big, and all of these simple, sweet, everyday moments are going to disappear forever.  How do I know?  Because it already happened with Micah, Luke, and Caleb.

They do not climb in bed with me in the morning, or sit on my lap, or ask me to pick them up.  They are becoming independent, maturing, and finding their strengths, talents, and gifts - and taking them for a spin.  Though I get to watch it all, and enjoy their transition into the teen years ... it is a bittersweet time.  I miss their "littleness" and wish I could go back for just a few minutes to relive their baby and toddler years.  It can seem so overwhelming when you are IN it, (the constant care and physical demands of mothering small children), but when you are out of it, the time seems to have blasted right by you and all you have left are memories and photographs that captured certain moments of those years.  Time - something we always want more of, and never seem to use properly. And when we do try to grasp it, and hold on tight, it disappears like a snowflake on the tongue.  Life is a vapor Scripture says, and I think the older we get the more we understand this reality.  Time must march on!  And I will march right behind it with my camera clicking all the way!

I hope I will always give thanks!

I feel very distracted lately, which is not my nature, so it causes me to feel agitated and unsettled.  I know it is because my house is not in order since we are moving and have half of our life here with us, and the other half in boxes/closets/the garage at our new house.  The lovely parts of our home are absent - the colored vases, the art, the coffee table books - all of the little things that add a personal touch to any home.  But, like most things that displease us, it is temporary, and soon we will be dwelling in our new house with all of our things in place - making us smile.  Aah ... just the thought of it makes me feel content.  I thrive on order.  Order brings me peace.

I was sorting through all of this last night, and woke up this morning still feeling a little out of sorts ... until the Lord drew me to the Psalm of the day.  With just a few verses He lifted my eyes back to Him and made me thankful once again - for every need met, and even 'wants' granted.  He is so good to me, and to my family, and I need to be continually praising Him - both privately and publicly for His goodness, provision, and grace.

Psalm 16

Preserve me, O God, for in You I take refuge.  I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from You."

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.

You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Isn't this FANTASTIC?

Everything good in life is because of HIM.
In His presence there is fullness of JOY.
At His hand are pleasures FOREVER.

What wonderful thoughts to dwell on throughout the day!  And for some reason, I felt drawn to look up the cross-referenced passages for this Psalm.  I usually only do so when I am studying something specific, or confused by something in Scripture, but today it was clearly the Lord who pushed me to dig further because I found these gems to support the theme of loving and praising God.

Verse 2 ~ I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from You."
Psalm 73:25  Whom have I in heaven but You?  And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You.

Verse 7 ~ I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.
Psalm 42: 8  By day the Lord commands His steadfast love, and at night His song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.

Verse 9 ~  Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
Psalm 30:12  O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever!

I pray this will be the truth of my own life ~ that I will always be found giving thanks to God!

I survived - and it was fun!

I had fun teaching the homeschool US History Class last week!  Though I do use the word "teach" quite loosely.  I actually read the detailed notes Dennis left for me, and another mom took over the creative part of creating a slogan and symbol for their Reconstruction Plan and making a commercial to "sell" the plan.  I had the easy part of review, and discussing the who/what/when/where/why/how part of the new subject - American Reconstruction.  Dennis has these students well-trained!  They are silent when the teacher is speaking, they answer questions when asked, and they know exactly where to find specific notes in their interactive notebook.  Talk about an easy subbing job!

For my part, I had to help the students recognize, and define, the problems that America had to solve after the Civil War.  An interesting conversation to be sure - and it was clear they came prepared, having read the assigned chapter.  Then, I announced that they had been hired as consultants to the President, and were requested to write a letter to Lincoln defining what they felt were the three most important problems to solve, and how they should be solved.  They had 30 minutes to create and outline and begin the letter.

Chatter commenced as they worked in groups of three, and I was pleased to see that everyone stayed on task.  Again, they have been trained by an expert!

When the clock was ticking for their letters to be completed, I gave a two-minute call and suddenly  there was panic in the room.  I laughed out loud (I remember feeling the exact same way when I was a student in the classroom) and then declared, 
“People!  The letter does not have to be perfect!  This is the rough draft.  Perfection can only be found in Christ - not in the classroom!”  
I thought this Biblical encouragement would bring relief, but it backfired when one student looked at me for a long moment, grinned broadly and said, “HEY! That is a great excuse!”  I admonished him, while laughing, so I am not sure what the actual take away was for this bright, yet sometimes mischievous, lad. 

When class ended, I quickly sent a note to the parents sharing this fun memory and closed with the statement:  So, if you hear this quote during the week when you have a child resistant to work hard, you can blame me!  HA!

I admit, I was quite nervous to run one of my husband's classes - who wants to fill in the shoes of a master/expert/professional?  NOT ME!  But, I did it, and I survived.  And - it was FUN!  Imagine that.

Happy Tuesday!

He is HOME - and he is different.

While it would be much more interesting, and entertaining, if my groom described his trip to Cambodia, he is barely able to speak coherently due to his fatigue after a 29 hour plane flight and not sleeping for two days.  So, he has hired me to speak as his representative.  (he is feeding me details as I write)

This was the apartment he stayed in for the week - rough life, huh?  He was spoiled since he was the only man on the trip.  The ladies shared a hotel and he had his own pool and gym!

One of the many monastery's that dot the countryside.

Teacher training in session!  Look how happy and excited they are to be learning from professionals!  Most Cambodian teachers have little more than a high school education due to the poverty of the country.  They were sponges, and so incredibly appreciative of what the Biola team had to share.  As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.  I Peter 4:10

This is S-21.  A school that was turned into a detention center and torture chamber for four years.  It is simply horrifying.  If you can, watch this short clip to get the full impact.  People - we are so, so, so incredibly blessed to live in America!  Even with our immorality and godlessness, we are a civil society.  And I pray we always will be.  S 21 Museum Video

The Killing Fields were sobering.  There is no way to describe the emotion that wells up within a person when looking at what the evil hearts of men can do.  Above are the mass graves which were filled with bodies of adults and children.  "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do" is what comes to mind ... men simply cannot fathom the damage done to generations to follow when acting out such atrocities.  This level of evil makes them completely devoid of emotion or reason.  Praise God that what man intends for evil, HE can use for GOOD!

Team Biola ~ Carly, Dennis, Carolyn

Asian Hope rescues children from this level of poverty (families live in this shack with the dirt pile in front of it) so they can equip, prepare, and train them in order to keep them from being sold into slavery of various forms.  

On a side note - one of the local pastors is the brother-in-law of my college roommate from The Master's College!  Talk about a small world.  These men and women are living out their faith, being the hands of feet of Jesus to these children and their families - every day.  Their obedience is overwhelming, inspiring, and convicting ... Dennis left asking himself over and over, "What can I do??" 

They were able to see many interesting pieces of Cambodian culture during their trip.  This is the Cambodia King's Palace.  Below is a Buddhist shrine protected by a cobra.

And why wouldn't my husband pose in such places?

This trip to Cambodia was the most sobering, challenging, convicting, and life-changing trip my husband has ever experienced.  Like Malaysia for me, Cambodia and its people have a grip on the heart of my husband.  It is the Lord who has begun thus work in Dennis' heart, and it is the Lord - who will complete it!

In spirit and in truth.

I have battled this in my mind for years.  Being brought up in a legalistic environment caused it to become a source of labor and guilt rather than joy.  And now that I have the privilege of working with teens, young adults, and young moms, it has become clear that this issue is not fading away, but still seeking to draw the believer down into a pit of despair.  What is the issue?

Quiet times.  Devotions.  Whatever you want to label them.  Instead of teaching believers that the only way to know God is by reading His Word, where He reveals Himself, talking to Him through prayer, and listening to Him through prayer ... we have created this monster called devotions.  You are a "good Christian" if you read the Bible for 30 minutes a day and pray through your prayer list of family, friends, missionaries, government and the local church.  You are a REALLY good Christian if you do it on your knees at 4 am.  And if you don't do devotions?  You miss a day, or <gasp> a week, well - you may as well turn in your salvation card because you are clearly not taking your spiritual life seriously.

I listen to young moms weep, and verbally beat themselves up, because they cannot do their devotions while nursing a newborn, entertaining a 2 year old, running a house, planning lessons, being intimate with their husband, keeping up with family and friends, and on the list goes.  It always ends with the same basic comment, "I am such a weak Christian.  It is so embarrassing," as they dab their eyes and look at the floor.  I'm sorry, but this is not the abundant life Jesus Christ came to give!

Scripture is very, very clear that we are to meditate on God's Word.  We are commanded to do so.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  II Timothy 3:16,17

But He answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”  Matthew 4:4

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it.  Joshua 1:8

Scripture is also very, very clear that we are to pray without ceasing and to go boldly before the throne of heaven.

Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.  Matthew 26:41

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.  James 5:16-18

But there is nowhere in Scripture - not one spot - that says, "Thou shalt read for 40 minutes every day."  "Thou shalt read through the entire Bible in a year."   "Thou shalt go to a workshop to learn how to study the Scriptures."  

For thousands of years people did not even have Bibles.  All they had was the oral retelling of God's wonderful works, His blessings, His justice, His promises, His prophecy, and His work in the lives of His people.  Children heard the story of creation and Noah - they never read it in a Bible.  They did not have world maps to follow the route of Abraham.  Women heard about Sarah and Ruth and Mary through the mouths of older women ... they never filled in a 65 page workbook to understand the power of God and His ability to touch the hearts of men.  The men sat together and discussed the Pentateuch and oral traditions. They did not have commentaries and lexicons to look up the original Greek and cross reference them between Old and New Testaments.  The saints of old had nothing but oral stories and miracles seen with their own eyes - and they BELIEVED!  And God blessed them.

We do ourselves a disservice when we try and follow the program of other believers ... how they pray, when they pray, how they read through the Bible, which passages they think are most important ... who cares??  What is the Lord asking YOU to do?  And what are devotions anyway?  W O R S H I P.  And none of us worship the same!  Do we have to?  We are so good at beating ourselves up because we do not pray and read and worship the way other people do.  We listen to a speaker and leave feeling like we are losers because they have read through the Bible 14 times and we have only done it once.  (No matter that the Lord keeps us in a specific place in Scripture because He is dealing with us there.  They have done MORE, and therefore, we do not measure up.)  We read biographies of great, godly people and close the book feeling like we will never have the faith they do because we do not communicate with God the way they do.  George Mueller prayed for three hours every morning - is he a better Christian than those who pray for one hour?

WORSHIP.  The feeling or expression of reverence and adoration.

writing - a form of worship
singing - a form of worship
conversation about God with fellow believers to encourage them in the faith - worship
sharing the Gospel with  the lost - worship
praying - worship
reading the Word - worship
memorizing God's Word - worship
meditating on His promises - worship
being silent and still before the Lord - worship

Why?  Because all of them are ABOUT THE CREATOR -  and not about us!

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

How do we know we love someone?  We spend TIME with them!  If you do not read God's Word, and you do not pray - you cannot know Him.  And like anyone else for whom you have great affection, the more you discover, understand, and know about them - the more you WANT to be with them.  So much so that you are willing to say "I do" and live with them for the rest of your life.

Do you want to know God as much as you want to know your spouse?  Your children?  Your best friend?

Do you spend time with God?  In prayer - meditating on His promises - singing words of praise - speaking His promises out loud - reading His Word?

I have been thinking and praying about this for a long time.  I listen to women despair that they cannot match the spirituality of the women who speak at retreats, or pen books on motherhood or being a godly wife.  They feel overwhelmed with their babies and housework and cooking and wonder if they are good Christians if they are not spending 2 hours a day prostrate before the Lord.  Where did this thought process come from?   I will tell you - the liar himself - satan.

Do we need to be reading and meditating on Gods word EVERY DAY?  YES!  YES!  YES!   But we do not need to read 14 chapters and look up every Greek and Hebrew root to be obedient.

Do we need to pray without ceasing all day?  YES!  It is a command!  But it does not mean that every prayer must be behind closed, locked doors.  It means that our hearts and minds must be in an attitude of worship and focus on the Creator - and sometimes sitting outside under a tree watching our children play is a perfect setting to lift our praises to the God who is the giver of all good things.

There is no "devotion guide" in the pages of Scripture.  Jesus teaches us how to pray and models His own time with the Father, but King David and the apostle Paul did not have the MacArthur Study Bible or the Atlas of the Bible when they fell on their knees before the King of Kings.  They knew who their God was - and they worshiped Him!

We have got to let worship be simple ... relational ... pure.   God asks us to love Him with ALL of who we are.  Every piece.  Every detail.  And that includes personality and style.

There is only one me.  The way I pray, the way I read, when I read, how I learn, how I express my love for God, how I feel loved by Him ... all of these are unique to me - because I am the only me!

God never commanded us, "Look around and find godly people and spiritually minded friends and do what they do."  He says, By this we may know that we are in Him: whoever says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked.  I John 2:6   For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in His steps.  I Peter 2:21

What did Jesus do?  He Obeyed the Father in all things.

And so must we.

The commands of Scripture are sufficient to know how to "be a good Christian."  We do not need to copy anyone else, or follow a method.  Tools are good and helpful, but they are not necessary to understand, and fall in love with, the God of the universe.

We must follow in the steps of Jesus.  Live like He did ~ in full obedience to the Father ~ every single moment, of every single day.  It was effortless for Him because He was holy and sinless - it will never be effortless for us.  We may not be holy, and we are certainly not Jesus, but praise God He did not leave us to seek after Him on our own!  We have the Spirit of the living God alive in us!  Interceding for us when we do not know how to pray.  Convicting us, pushing us, moving us towards holiness because He knows this is the Father's desire.  "Be ye holy, for I am holy."

Be holy.
Not because George Mueller was.
But because it is what the LORD desires for you.

I challenge you, and encourage you .... take time to sincerely look at how you worship God.  Your personality, how you feel loved, how you worship - in song, writing, witnessing - when you most enjoy reading the Word and talking to God.  Look at how you engage in your relationship with Him, and even if there are gaps, or standards that need to be raised, REJOICE in the way He made you, and - in the way He made you to interact with Him.

He is your God.
He is your provider.
Your protector.
Your comforter.
Your KING.

How will you worship Him?  It can only look like YOU - no one else.  Just YOU.  And when it does? You will be worshiping Him in spirit, and in TRUTH.

News from Dennis and Asia.

My groom is being pushed and challenged on this trip to Cambodia.  I do not have any photos (he took a new camera and has not had time to download and figure it all out) but I want to share some of his writings.  Having a window into another part of the world through the eyes of a real person, rather than a history book, is thought-provoking indeed.  And the most fascinating part is that God sees all of it, knows all of it, and is in control of all of it!  As horrifying as it can be to hear such accounts in our human understanding, it is a comfort to know that "My ways are not your ways, and My thoughts are not your thoughts."  The Lord is true to His nature and He is always faithful to hear the cry of the oppressed.  He may not respond the way we wish, but that does not mean He isn't weeping over the consequences of the evil, dark, and wicked hearts of men.  Regardless of the earthly "how", He WILL TRIUMPH in the end!

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Yesterday was a visit to a prison and the Killing Fields. Emotional.

In 1975 the Khmer Rouge with Pol Pot as their leader took over power.  His goal was to exterminate all forms of capitalist progress and take Cambodia back to an agrarian society.

He closed the schools and universities. He rounded up all the doctors and teachers, artists and others who were viewed as intelligentsia.  He created prisons in which to coerce false testimonies out of victims (this is the appropriate term to be sure) who were viewed as a threat to the communist party.  

We began our tour of Phenom Phen yesterday at a high school that was converted into a prison in 1975.  This prison was used for interrogation and torture of anyone or everyone, men, women and young children.  Some of the cell blocks had fishnet barbed wire along the outside so despairing prisoners could not leap to their death.

Iron beds without mattresses and iron rods that held the prisoner to the bed were still in place.  Photos of the bodies as they were found were on the wall.

Another cell block was made up rows of 3x6 ft brick wall divisions between prisoners. Prisoners were chained by a 3 foot chain connected to the base of the bricks.

There was still blood on the floor of some of the cells.  Photos of victims were all about the prison - many as young a grade school children.  I saw the faces and thought of my own children.  No parent ever saw this as the future for their child.  The images were stark, all the children with the same haircut and uniform.  They all perished at this prison.

Following our tour we visited the killing fields.  More about that later.

When man seeks to create his own way he messes it up. Psalm 34: 1-14 and Psalm 35 were my meditations yesterday.  This place is in such need of Jesus.  A society that is truly broken and attempting to repair itself.  Please pray that we make a difference during our visit.

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We had dinner with an administrator and her family this evening.  Three girls and a little boy named Caleb.  They are a unique family.  They adopted Caleb when he was 10 months old after his mother had thrown him away.  He had ear infections so bad that pus was running from his ears, and he had terrible rashes on his skin and face.  He is now 7 and thriving.  I was very blessed to hear of their firm convictions on parenting and faith.

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Today was an amazing time of seeing the hands and feet of the Lord Jesus through a group of teachers in a small village in Cambodia.  The people live on $2 per day.  It is a small fishing village and is frequently flooded during rainy season.  The people in this village are in such poverty that if someone gets sick and they cannot pay for care, or the bread winner of the family dies and there is no money coming into the home, the parents will sell their children for labor and other disgusting exploits. SELL THEIR CHILDREN!  

This ministry has set up in the very heart of the village and is dedicated to providing the children who attend an education to get them caught up so they can attend the public school.  Because of the great poverty of the families, many of the children have not attended school at all because they are working to earn money for the family.  This pattern places the children in grave risk of being exploited for labor or sex because they have no education to ever get a better job.  The program provides 1st-4th grade school aged children who have not been at school a new start. 

I was there today.  Jesus Himself attends to the need of this small school that is run by a staff of Cambodian teachers who are not formerly trained as teachers but see such a need that they cannot sit idly by and watch the children be ruined.  This prevention program is one of only a small number. There are many post trauma programs, and even some programs attempting to rescue children from labor and sex trade exploits, however, few prevention programs.  This is one such program. They are attempting to build a fence at the top of the cliff instead of relying on the ambulance at the bottom.

Jesus has also provided this village with some believers! In fact, they had 100 at the Christmas service this year.  There has been some growth as only 10 believers existed before.  God is doing things in this village.  Please take a moment to look at this footage on Asian hope, village development. Asian HOPE

Psalm 9, 10 were my meditations about this Village Development Plan. God speaks for the oppressed. Then I considered, the oppressor may have very well at one time also been oppressed (cycle of sin) and then Psalm 39:4-6, my life. (our life is a vapor, what Lord do you want me to do?)  God Himself oversees this project.  Thank you for your continued prayers for the team.

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The Lord reigns forever;
    He has established His throne for judgment.

He rules the world in righteousness
    and judges the peoples with equity.

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
    a stronghold in times of trouble.

Those who know Your name trust in You,
    for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.

The wicked go down to the realm of the dead,
    all the nations that forget God.

But God will never forget the needy;
    the hope of the afflicted will never perish.

The Lord is King for ever and ever;
    the nations will perish from His land.

You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted;
    You encourage them, and You listen to their cry,

defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
    so that mere earthly mortals
    will never again strike terror.

Psalm 9,10

A jumble of thoughts.

Do you remember learning the term "stream of consciousness" in English class?  To depict the multitudinous thoughts and feelings which pass through the mind.  Well, that is what you are about to experience!  I have been alone with six children for five days straight now, with but a few adult conversations in the mix.  My mind is full of thoughts and ideas that have had nowhere to go, so I feel the need to write and let them tumble out as they will so I can clear my mind.  I am sure it does not help that I am only getting five hours of sleep per night.  Navy Seals fall apart with sleep deprivation, however, so I cannot be too hard on myself for losing a few brain cells and forgetting why I walked into a room!

Dennis has arrived safely in Cambodia and is enjoying his time there.  The weather and surroundings are beautiful and tropical and the people are kind.  They took him on a tour of The Killing Fields, which was quite difficult, and on a tour of a high school that was turned into a prison/torture chamber ... that one was startling, and a vivid reminder of how evil and dark the heart of man can be when left to his flesh.  Praise God for the gift of salvation and a turning away from evil.  "There, but for the grace of God, go I."  The Lord is doing a work in my husband's heart.  It is the first time he has traveled out of the country as the sole male, so he is staying alone and has much time to think and pray and hear the voice of the Lord - and the words are not few.  Pray for him ... when God begins a work He always completes it!

I sent an e-mail to about eight families letting them know that our boys are free to do manual labor over the next week while Denis is gone, hoping that at least one would accept the offer.  My boys need to do hard work on a normal day, but when our patriarch is gone, they need even more avenues to release their active minds and bodies.  I must say, I was surprised to find how many liked the idea - and how many wanted to use them!  Tomorrow they will be dropped off at their third job.  I am seriously thinking of sending out a similar e-mail each month!  They come home tired, happy, and recharged after being with some of our male friends - the deep voice, the testosterone, the authority - it sticks for a good couple days before they start going crazy again.  I love it!

Do you know that I never chew an entire piece of gum?  No matter how small it is, I rip it in half.  I just cannot stand a wad of gum in my mouth - I feel unattractive and chompy.

I had the privilege of attending a baby shower on Sunday for a new mom.  It is always a delight to be reminded of all of the 'firsts' that come with motherhood.  And the most precious part, is that we took time out of the fun and gifts to focus on God's Word and what the Lord has to say about the role of a mother.  There were as many teen girls as adult women, so it was encouraging to see them listening and learning that it is a privilege to be a mother - and - it is hard work!  But the Lord equips those He calls and He never, ever leaves us to answer the call alone.  Praise Him for that promise!!

We have moved boxes and furniture and clothing into the new house - WAHOO!  Every time I go over I fall in love with our new home more.  I am so excited to move in and make it ours!

I was able to talk to a friend I have not spoken to for seven years (outside of email), and it was a perfect mix of encouragement and frivolity!

I got new tennis shoes!  I only have to replace them every other year or so, and this time I wanted to get a FUN pair!  They are quite bright, I grant you, but I do like them!
When I took this photo I noticed something - they are different colors!!  One is much brighter than the other.

Now, my nature is to have everything just as it is supposed to be.  Like most character qualities, there is a positive and negative side.  Flaws, in any form, do not escape my notice.  I see every crooked picture frame, every stray hair on a shoulder, paint streaks etc etc.  So my gut response when I discovered this color flaw was, "Send them back and get perfect ones!"  But then I had to stop and say, nope - let it go.  They will be a reminder of my own imperfections and how it is only through the grace of God that He is able to look upon me at all - through the blood of His Son Jesus Christ.  Striving for perfection and being eternally frustrated with the lack of it is no way to live, and certainly no way to ENJOY life.  I am going to have to investigate this part of myself more ... I would much rather see and empathize with the heart of a person rather than spot their flaws at 50 paces. Good grief.

Have you ever seen the movie Parent Trap with Hayley Mills?  One of my favorites!  And now I have the boys liking it too.  Like Anne of Green Gables, it is a 'girl movie' that appeals to boys because the girls are fun and animated and get involved in silly antics.

Our heater was broken for about a week, during the freezing cold temperatures that rarely grace southern California   And yes, you people on the east coast - I actually mean freezing.  We woke up one morning to a temperature of 34 degrees to find snow/frost/ice or whatever you want to call it covering our cars, lawns and rooftops.  Crazy!  We could not get warm no matter how well we bundled, and were thrilled when our heater finally produced actual heat!  And ever since then, every time I click the "on" button on the thermostat I stop and think of how blessed I am that I am able to make my home warm and comfortable for my family.  How many mothers do not even have heaters?  How many do not even have a real roof to shelter them from the cold?  Oh, Lord, let me not take Your abundant gifts for granted.

It has been a good few days with my children.  The chaos and noise has not diminished a bit, but it seems that they desire to make this week without Dennis a good one for everyone.  They are quick to help, continually ask me if I got enough sleep the night before, willingly pack and load our boxes, and just appear to enjoy one another more than usual.  We all seem a little more relaxed - which is wonderful - because I am not the most relaxed of women.  We do not get to talk to Dennis while he is away but he writes to us daily.  He misses us as we miss him and we are all counting the days until his return!

Whew!  I think every thought has finally tumbled out.  I am finishing the Wives and Daughters DVD and then I must surrender to sleep.  I have a strong desire to hug my littles tonight.  They captivate me as much as they drive me crazy, and I still long for a way to freeze them so I can enjoy their littleness a while longer.

Good night, and sweet dreams!