11.11.2013

It is ALWAYS worth it.

There is a popular Christian song which contains this line:

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

I have heard this song and bellowed the words over and over again, but today, as I was lying on my bed, weary in mind and body, I actually thought about them.

And the answer was "No!  No, Lord.  I am not who I want to be!  Because every time I rejoice over taking off another filthy, sinful rag made foul by my flesh, I turn around and see another one. I know the gleaming, white, flawless cloak of righteousness will never be my only clothing this side of heaven.  And I am okay with that.  It is the purpose of my life is it not?  To strive for holiness? To seek after You and become more like You every day?  I know this is what You have called me to!  It is what I want.  
But I have to admit, Lord ... it is hard.  I feel like I am constantly at war with myself - always seeking taking my thoughts captive, denying lies the enemy continually flicks my way, focusing my mind on You instead of others, forcing myself to think of others instead myself, choosing to sacrifice my wants for the needs of another, joyfully meeting the needs of my husband and children even when it is the last thing I want to do ... 
Will there ever come a day when all of these things are effortless, Lord?  Will I ever master my flesh?  Paul never did.  Noah, Abraham, David, Daniel ... none of them were wholly sanctified, even though each of them loved You with an all-consuming passion.  
I know You are the only perfect One ... the only sinless One ... and no human can ever be fully like You as long as we dwell in the flesh.  But, Lord, thank You for the promise that one day - one day we WILL be like You - we shall see You as You are, in the fullness of Your glory, and we will finally be made complete.  Because You promise,

... being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

What a precious promise this is to the heart and mind of one who is feeling worn down, discouraged, weary, and wondering if she will ever seek and desire her Savior more than she seeks to satisfy self.
You have to be our everything, Lord.  You will not accept second place in the lives of Your children. And too often, I do place You beneath self.  It is a choice - You gave us free will for a reason ... so we would choose to seek You ... to obey You ... to love You - with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength.

This is my life, Lord, and I am not who I want to be, because I do not look enough like YOU.  It is a little scary to ask You to make me look more like You - because the process is always a bit painful. But it is always worth it."

Make me like You, Lord
Make me like You
You are a servant, make me one too
Lord, I am willing, do what You must do
to make me like You, Lord, make me like You

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