11.01.2013

He IS peace.

I have been carrying a large burden for a few months now.  I did not even realize how heavy it was, or how much it was affecting me, until a few days ago ... when I felt like I was about to collapse under the weight of it.

Fear.

I think the root found nourishment when Dennis started traveling out of the country.  I have never favored sleeping alone at night in the dark, but doing so while responsible for protecting six children?  Without a man to defend us and fight for us?  O v e r w h e l m i n g.

But, of course, I did not talk about it, and I did not complain about it.  I just pushed through like I always have - like I always do.  There is a time and place for that, of course, as we are not to be controlled or driven by emotion, but sometimes the emotion must be exposed so it can be addressed, and put back in its proper place.

The Lord kept pressing me to share my fears with my husband.  So, when we crawled into bed Tuesday night, I took a deep breath, and before I could even start talking Dennis asked, "What's on your mind, hon?"

And everything - every thought - every concern - every 'what if'- every fear - came tumbling out of my mouth and landed in the lap of my groom.

He did not mock me, brush me off, or try to fix it.  He just listened.  And then he would dig a little deeper, quietly drawing out more, asking questions ... and I was surprised to find how many things had burrowed into my mind.  How many wrong things.  I know better than this!  My God is not a God of fear!  He commands us dozens of times in Scripture, "Fear not!" because He knows it is our fleshly default when we feel out of control.  I know fear is a sin.  I know it is the opposite of trust.  And I know I cannot live there!

Dennis let me finish, took my hand and said, "Let me pray for you."

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healedThe prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.  James 5:16

I have not been the same since that moment.  I am FREE from the burden of fear, no longer carrying a heavy load that was never meant to be on my back.  The Lord used my husband to lift the sack, dig through its contents, declare it unworthy of time or attention, and dispose of it.  Just as God designed him to do!  As my husband, a man, and a brother in Christ, it is his calling to bear my burdens, to deal with me as the weaker vessel, and to quiet my fears.  And he did.  Gently and faithfully.

And I have enjoyed three nights of peaceful, sound sleep because of his tenderness towards me.

Scripture does not lie.  Confession does bring healing.

And only God can give a peace that surpasses all understanding.  Because He IS peace.

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

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