Do you ever feel like there are 229 thoughts running through your head, all of which have absolutely nothing to do with each other?
That is my mind today.
I cannot focus. I cannot keep hold of a thought that comes and end up standing in a room declaring, "I lost my purpose! Why did I come in here?" Good grief.
But sometimes it is nice to let our minds wander isn't it? No logic, no plan, no map ... just a natural flow. 'Stream of consciousness' I believe it is called.
This will be less than interesting to the average person, but the only way I can clear my mind is to write. And since I can hardly grip a pen any longer due to my carpal tunnel issues, typing it must be. If you have something more exciting to do - like watching paint dry - please, enjoy!
Here we go ...
* I cannot believe we are dog owners. Luke is doing an excellent job with Samson and has not complained one time about the training he must do. He has to get up at least once in the middle of the night to take him outside and he does it with glee - and then collapses into bed without getting under the covers. His life - is the dog. Samson is not allowed off the leash or out of the crate when he is in the house until he earns trust. I think the thing that sold me on this whole adventure was when Julie said, "Michelle, think Baby Wise for dogs." "Really? Well then this will be a piece of cake! DONE!"
My son is a different child. He needed Samson. And the Lord knew it.
Did I ever mention that I do not even like dogs? I appreciate that God created them but that is about where it stops. I have actually touched Samson a few times just because I felt like it. He really is a sweet dog and perfect for our family. Who knows, maybe someday there will be a photograph of the creature on my lap! (but don't hold your breath)
* My husband is having heart surgery. Not open-heart. Not invasive. But for all his exercise and clean eating and commitment to health, he is still ending up on an operating table while someone pokes and prods IN.HIS.HEART. What in the world? I grew up on macaroni&cheese, Lucky Charms, white bread and hose water. I am fine.
Go figure.
* I get tired of getting ready every day. Take a shower, wash my hair, brush my teeth, use deodorant, put on make up, dry my hair, get dressed ... and then do it all again the next day. Though I would never want to live in the era of bathing on a monthly basis (I would have done whatever I could to live next to a river or lake so my family could bathe daily!), I think there must have been some relief in knowing you only had to wake up, but on your one option of a dress, and go about your day. Okay, so they brushed and braided their hair too. Whatever.
* My allergies are driving me insane. I see an allergist on June 11 and I am COUNTING the hours. I am keeping a detailed record of every single morsel that enters my mouth and every symptom that follows. It is almost impossible to trace where the pain is coming from, but I do see progress. Some days I hardly eat for fear of the repercussions, and other days I say "Who cares! I am tired of thinking so much about food!" And then I pay for it, I am miserable, so I eat perfectly for the next week. It is time for resolution and I pray this appointment will shed some light on what in the world is going on in my body.
* I love the onset of summer. Spring is my favorite season by far, but I do love the bright mornings, the hot afternoons and the cool evenings. I love watching my kids run through the sprinklers, eat popsicles, and play football at the beach. I love feeling the sun on my shoulders and the waves roll over my toes. Every summer my groom has a bronzed body and a bright red face from the amount of sun that soaks into him. 4th of July, BBQ's, park days, sleeping in, camp-outs in the backyard, late sunsets, and Drumsticks.
* I thoroughly enjoy getting things in the mail. There is just something fun about opening the front door to find a parcel waiting! Even when it is a dog food delivery. Of course, something personal is much more appealing, but hey - a delivery is a delivery!
* I love listening to the sound of laughter and silliness when my boys are playing a game with their dad.
* I do not like rude people. A few days ago I took D's dress shirts to the cleaners and as I left the establishment I saw a pair of slacks crumpled in the parking lot next to a car. I knew I should pick them up and find the owner but I just didn't feel like it. I told myself, "She will find them when she comes back to her car." I got in the van, backed up, and started to pull out of the parking lot when the verse "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act" (Proverbs 3:27) floated through my brain. I backed up, parked my van, got out, picked up the pants, took them into the dry cleaner, and found the owner. She squeaked when she saw them, turned around - and did not say thank you! Are you kidding me? Now, I know she was not aware of the spiritual battle that took place, but someone picks up your pants from a greasy parking space and you cannot give a brief "thanks"? Come on!
* Foot massages are one of my favorite things in life. If I could invent a set of mechanical hands that would engage in a massage any time I desired one, I would be ecstatic! Though I am grateful that my groom is always willing to offer such a delight when I ask him. He even shows up with a bottle of thick, creamy lotion and asks for my feet once in a while. Quite the life!
* I do not appreciate that noses and ears never stop growing! My ski slope nose has moved from the bunny slope to the diamond slope. I can only imagine how it will look when I am 90! (think Bob Hope)
* I regret not wearing my retainer and following up with my orthodontist after my braces were removed. (I do remember that wonderful day, however! My teeth felt slimy and weird and I got to eat caramels for the first time in two years!) Now, 25 years later, my teeth have moved back a bit and I am not pleased. What was I thinking? Clearly, I was not.
* I wish I could play an instrument with precision and skill.
* I could buy stationary every single day of my life and never grow tired of it!
* I never had the slightest clue how much laundry can be amassed by a large family until I had one of my own. I only do laundry twice a week and there are at least four loads per cycle. One day I hollered, "WHY are there so many clothes! Everyone is only allowed to wear one outfit per day! What is going on?!?" And then I stopped and did a quick calculation which revealed that eight people produce: 8 tops, 8 bottoms, 8 underwear, 16 socks, and 1 pajama - a grand total of 41 pieces PER DAY! I no longer exclaim. I just wash.
* I really enjoy chilled grapefruit sprinkled with sugar.
* We are still not sure where/when/how the Lord is going to take our family to the mission field, but we all have a desire and passion for missions. Our church is going to Africa next year.
A F R I C A! I have dreamed of going since I was in high school. But the price tag is large for eight people. He has called us to missions as a family - not as individual parts that divide the family. Our minds keep planning fund raisers and extra work to fund it, but the total seems unattainable. It has been a test of my faith. I have prayed for the Lord to do the seemingly ridiculous ~ and have SEEN and heard testimony of Him doing so. And then I bite my nails and query, "How in the world can we raise that kind of money??" I sense the Lord shaking His head while moaning, "Michelle, Michelle ... WHEN are you going to get it? The things that seem so big to you are nothing to Me!!! If I call you to go - anywhere - I will provide the way. Trust me, daughter. In ALL things." Yikes. I have some faith building to do. Increase my faith, Lord. I am willing.
* The feel of a night breeze floating through my bedroom window as I nestle under the covers, talking quietly with my husband as we drift off to sleep ... that is one of my most favorite things.
Sigh. There is so much more, but I am being lured to the sound of my guys laughter and am choosing them over more thought sorting. It is a beautiful day. My husband and children are safe and sound in my home, and the Lord continually provides for our needs ~ day by day. As scattered as my thoughts may be, I will always have the clarity of mind to praise God for His goodness to us!
Happy Thursday!
5.31.2012
5.30.2012
Teach me how to pray.
As our study in Colossians comes to a close, the Lord has revealed several gems to meditate on in the days to come. Such a small book, only four chapters, and yet so much is found hidden in the verses! I had originally suggested we focus on the first six verses since the rest of the chapter is filled with greetings and well wishes, but after reading the chapter over and over each day, I found a phrase tucked in the passage that surprised me ~ and really challenged me to examine my prayer life.
Colossians 4:12
wres·tle
1. To contend by grappling and attempting to throw or immobilize one's opponent, especially under contest rules.
la·bor
1. Physical or mental exertion, especially when difficult or exhausting; work.
That is how I want to pray. With such a fervent, focused, and intense love for my brothers and sisters in Christ that I pray for their holiness more than anything else. It boggles my mind to imagine what kind of Christians we would be if we all prayed in this way. How would our hearts change? Our families? Our marriages? Our churches? The WORLD?
What a humble and joyful thing it would be to be remembered in such a way. To be known as a prayer warrior who labors in prayer for her family in Christ with such passion that others know she prays this way! They see it - they experience it - they are changed by it.
My mind is still reeling from the impact of this verse and I am eager to see how the Lord uses it to change me, and the way I talk to Him. How much have I missed in my prayer life with a lack of such passion for others? How much richer could my prayer life be if I DID pray like Epaphras prayed?
Hopefully I will not have to wait long to find out.
Lord, teach me how to pray!
Colossians 4:12
Epaphras, who is one of you, a servant of Christ Jesus, greets you, always struggling on your behalf in his prayers, that you may stand mature and fully assured in all the will of God. (ESV)
Other versions say it this way:
Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. (NIV)
Epaphras, who is one of your number, a bondslave of Jesus Christ, sends you his greetings, always laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God. (NASB)
Isn't that an amazing picture? A brother in Christ struggling, wrestling and laboring in prayer for the maturity of his brethren!
I looked up the three words to get a grasp of what this looks like.
strug·gle
Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. (NIV)
Epaphras, who is one of your number, a bondslave of Jesus Christ, sends you his greetings, always laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God. (NASB)
Isn't that an amazing picture? A brother in Christ struggling, wrestling and laboring in prayer for the maturity of his brethren!
I looked up the three words to get a grasp of what this looks like.
strug·gle
1. To exert muscular energy, as against a material force or mass.
2. To be strenuously engaged with a problem, task, or undertaking.
3. To make a strenuous effort; strive.
4. To contend or compete.
5. To progress with difficulty.
wres·tle
1. To contend by grappling and attempting to throw or immobilize one's opponent, especially under contest rules.
2. To contend or struggle.
3. To strive in an effort to master something.
la·bor
1. Physical or mental exertion, especially when difficult or exhausting; work.
2. Something produced by work.
3. To work; toil.
3. To work; toil.
4. To strive painstakingly.
5. To proceed with great effort; plod.
6. To deal with in exhaustive or excessive detail; belabor.
7. To distress; burden.
Have you ever gone before the Lord on the behalf of another with this level of intensity? I'm not sure I have. I have prayed for hundreds of people in my lifetime, but painstakingly? In exhaustive and excessive detail? I just don't know. And that bothers me.
Have you ever gone before the Lord on the behalf of another with this level of intensity? I'm not sure I have. I have prayed for hundreds of people in my lifetime, but painstakingly? In exhaustive and excessive detail? I just don't know. And that bothers me.
Paul is writing a letter to the church in Colossae and in the midst of important theological details, he slips in the testimony of one man ~ Epaphrus. A man who is praying with passion for one thing:
that you may stand mature and fully assured in all the will of God.
He is not laboring in prayer for health, a new house, a better job, or a glorious marriage. He probably is praying for those things, but what he is wrestling and struggling for in prayer is their MATURITY. For them to be STEADFAST and IMMOVABLE. And to know they are fully in the will of God ~ not their own.
That is how I want to pray. With such a fervent, focused, and intense love for my brothers and sisters in Christ that I pray for their holiness more than anything else. It boggles my mind to imagine what kind of Christians we would be if we all prayed in this way. How would our hearts change? Our families? Our marriages? Our churches? The WORLD?What a humble and joyful thing it would be to be remembered in such a way. To be known as a prayer warrior who labors in prayer for her family in Christ with such passion that others know she prays this way! They see it - they experience it - they are changed by it.
My mind is still reeling from the impact of this verse and I am eager to see how the Lord uses it to change me, and the way I talk to Him. How much have I missed in my prayer life with a lack of such passion for others? How much richer could my prayer life be if I DID pray like Epaphras prayed?
Hopefully I will not have to wait long to find out.
Lord, teach me how to pray!
5.29.2012
His way is always best.
I have been rebuked.
But this time it was not because I was in sin - woohoo! This time it was merely a difference in personality and style. I did not share information because it seemed too far away to ask for prayer. Because she was right, however, I am going to rectify the situation and do the right thing. And what is the right thing? Allowing others to share in the joy of taking a brother in Christ before the throne and walking with him through the entire ordeal ... not just the climax of it. Good grief. How many times have I said, "When you do not share your need and you carry the burden alone, you are robbing others of the joy of ministering to you. They cannot share in the petitions and thanksgiving they are called to share in. We are commanded to bear one another's burdens ~ so let us!" But - as always, some things are easier said than lived out.
So - here I am.
Dennis is going in for heart surgery on July 3rd at 6:30 am.
I am sure we will spend the night before the surgery playing with, and watching our children - and hugging each other a little tighter - with that small thought of "what if" that flits through the mind of someone entrusting their life to another. But we also know the Lord allowed this, there is purpose in it, and it is not our job to ask "why." We only need to ask how.
But this time it was not because I was in sin - woohoo! This time it was merely a difference in personality and style. I did not share information because it seemed too far away to ask for prayer. Because she was right, however, I am going to rectify the situation and do the right thing. And what is the right thing? Allowing others to share in the joy of taking a brother in Christ before the throne and walking with him through the entire ordeal ... not just the climax of it. Good grief. How many times have I said, "When you do not share your need and you carry the burden alone, you are robbing others of the joy of ministering to you. They cannot share in the petitions and thanksgiving they are called to share in. We are commanded to bear one another's burdens ~ so let us!" But - as always, some things are easier said than lived out.
So - here I am.
Dennis is going in for heart surgery on July 3rd at 6:30 am.
After
his last visit with the cardiologist, the doc decided to move to more
aggressive measures because Dennis’ heart is only functioning at 80%.
He is in constant A-fib and his symptoms are increasing, not subsiding. After a long discussion of options, they decided to do ablation. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ablation
)
They
will get to the heart through his pulmonary vein, through the groin, and make about 50 different
cuts around his atrium – each taking about 40 seconds to complete. They
are basically trying to scar his heart to cut off the extra electrical charges
that it gives out, causing the A-fib.
The surgery will last about 5 hours and he will be completely under. He has to stay in the hospital overnight and
will be released the following day. Three days of rest, and then he will be released to partake in normal activities over
the next week or so. (The three days of rest will be the most difficult part. The man never sits still for more than 22 minutes at a time! Since BIRTH mind you!)
We feel confident with this course of action and are eager to see if the Lord will allow it to be a success! The next step is a pacemaker so as you can imagine, it is pointless for me to express how much my groom desires this surgery to work! He is only 44 years old.
I honestly do not know how to ask for prayer because the Lord already knows the outcome and His will is not thwarted by human emotion or desire. We are not fearful or worried, and we are acutely aware of all risks that go along with surgery ... so we are trusting Him to prepare us for what is to come and to walk us through any momentary trial. Our children are watching us, our friends, family - and the world. They are watching to see how we respond to trials and
unknowns ~ and our only desire is for them to see GOD. Not us. HIM.
unknowns ~ and our only desire is for them to see GOD. Not us. HIM.
So we trust.
In a God who knows every inch of my groom's heart - because He created it!
There is no fear for the Christian because the Lord does not take us anywhere without walking beside us. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." "Lo, I am with you always." These are wonderful promises from a loving God.
We cannot control the size of our heart or the way it pumps blood, and we cannot control what happens on an operating trouble. But we can trust the One who has His hand on us and possesses every ounce of control over His creation and His children ~ and delights in them!
I am sure we will spend the night before the surgery playing with, and watching our children - and hugging each other a little tighter - with that small thought of "what if" that flits through the mind of someone entrusting their life to another. But we also know the Lord allowed this, there is purpose in it, and it is not our job to ask "why." We only need to ask how.
How will God be glorified through this?
Nothing else matters!
We covet your prayers and are so thankful to belong to a body of believers who willingly, and joyfully, takes our family before the throne of grace where the Father sits in the splendor of heaven hearing every petition. And He always answers. Maybe not the way we wanted Him to, but His way ...
His way ~ is always best.
They might save a life!
One of the requirements to graduate from The Eastman Academy is to become certified in CPR and First Aid. Thanks to the wonderful city classes, Micah and Luke were able to earn their CPR certification last week. The class is designed for ages ten and up, but since they were meeting at a Senior Center they were the only students in the class under the age of 65! Dennis was the chaperone for the three hour event and reported that both boys did a fantastic job. When I asked for their version of the night they looked at each other and then back at me declaring, "Um, we saw some pretty disturbing things in the class. A lot of graphic detail which we do not want to go into right now. Oh, and we did NOT like kissing dummies!"So, there you have it - the take away from a 12-year-old and a 10-year old!
Chest compressions.
Clear the pathway.
Rescue breaths.
Listen.
Proud card-carrying CPR and AED members!
Next on the list - First Aid!
Congratulations, gentlemen! You are now qualified to come to the aid of someone in need. It is a privilege and an honor to walk with someone in such a moment. You may save a life, but the experience will definitely change yours!
5.27.2012
5.26.2012
The desire of an 10-year-old heart.
So when we made our "Perfect Dog" list, we were quite detailed.
1. Male
2. Black
3. Portuguese water dog/poodle breed (for the hypoallergenic piece)
4. A non barker
5. Will not attack the littles
6. Full of energy and able to keep up with our family
7. Fits in our budget
This is a pretty tall order. But we surrendered it to the Lord with a simple, "You know what we can handle, and You know what we need, Lord! Have at it!"
Thursday night we watched "A Dolphin's Tale" as a family, and I quietly wept in my corner of the couch as I watched this young, lonely boy find his passion ~ animals. And that passion changed him from the inside out. I begged the Lord, "Please, please find a dog for our son. He has been asking and hoping for years and it is time, Lord. He needs a dog. He is ready ~ and so are we. Please, bring us the perfect dog ... the one You know we need!"
Friday morning I hopped on the adoption sites that Luke looks through every morning. I scrolled down to the Portuguese water dog link, and clicked it, with very little hope. (People just do not give up this breed!) Imagine my shock when there was a new listing for this very dog ... barely 20 minutes from our house! I showed Luke and he fell in love ~ with Doodles ~ a water dog/poodle mix. We went through the e-mail, phone call, -how-soon-can-we-meet-him details and this afternoon at 12:30 we packed up the entire family and drove to meet our potential new family pet.
And we were not alone! We know a delightful family who breeds and trains guide dogs and after calling my friend Julie to inquire, "What do I ask? What do I need? How do we know if it is the right dog for us?" she responded, "Um, can we come with you?"
"Are you kidding me? YES!"
I knew she was a gift from the Lord when she said that the first thing we needed was: to PRAY. "We need to pray that the Lord will make it absolutely clear that this is the dog for your family." Such wisdom!
* We met them at 1pm and ate lunch together. (with their recently fostered infant twins)
* At 2 pm we were standing in the middle of Petsmart waiting for the rescue group to show their dogs.
* At 3:30 pm we signed the last piece of paper and paid a very reasonable sticker price to bring Doodles home!
And our son can.not.stop.smiling.
I think Dennis and I are still a little dazed. Um, did we really just buy a dog? To take home? To live with us? FOREVER?
Oh! Before the rescue group even approved our adoption, we unanimously agreed that Doodles had to have a new name. We need a name that fits us - who we are - what we believe. A few names were tossed around and then Micah said, "Wait a minute! All of the boys in our family have Biblical names, so he needs one too!" Agreed. Luke paused for several seconds and then bellowed, "SAMSON! His name is Samson!" I will admit, while I love the name, I immediately thought of the character of said individual and was a bit chagrined with the choice. He was not the most God-fearing or God-honoring man in Scripture. Then Dennis reminded me ~ "Samson had a rough start, but he finished strong. "O Lord God, please remember me and strengthen me just this time ..." (Judges 16:28) This dog was just saved from death row ... a rough beginning ... and he is going to finish strong - loved and adored by six Eastman children." Done!
So, here he is: Samson
And here is Samson after Delilah the Groomer got a hold of him! (not her real name, of course, but wouldn't it have been cool if it WAS?)
1. Male
2. Black
3. Portuguese water dog/poodle breed (for the hypoallergenic piece)
4. A non barker
5. Will not attack the littles
6. Full of energy and able to keep up with our family
7. Fits in our budget
This is a pretty tall order. But we surrendered it to the Lord with a simple, "You know what we can handle, and You know what we need, Lord! Have at it!"
Thursday night we watched "A Dolphin's Tale" as a family, and I quietly wept in my corner of the couch as I watched this young, lonely boy find his passion ~ animals. And that passion changed him from the inside out. I begged the Lord, "Please, please find a dog for our son. He has been asking and hoping for years and it is time, Lord. He needs a dog. He is ready ~ and so are we. Please, bring us the perfect dog ... the one You know we need!"
Friday morning I hopped on the adoption sites that Luke looks through every morning. I scrolled down to the Portuguese water dog link, and clicked it, with very little hope. (People just do not give up this breed!) Imagine my shock when there was a new listing for this very dog ... barely 20 minutes from our house! I showed Luke and he fell in love ~ with Doodles ~ a water dog/poodle mix. We went through the e-mail, phone call, -how-soon-can-we-meet-him details and this afternoon at 12:30 we packed up the entire family and drove to meet our potential new family pet.
And we were not alone! We know a delightful family who breeds and trains guide dogs and after calling my friend Julie to inquire, "What do I ask? What do I need? How do we know if it is the right dog for us?" she responded, "Um, can we come with you?""Are you kidding me? YES!"
I knew she was a gift from the Lord when she said that the first thing we needed was: to PRAY. "We need to pray that the Lord will make it absolutely clear that this is the dog for your family." Such wisdom!
* We met them at 1pm and ate lunch together. (with their recently fostered infant twins)
* At 2 pm we were standing in the middle of Petsmart waiting for the rescue group to show their dogs.
* At 3:30 pm we signed the last piece of paper and paid a very reasonable sticker price to bring Doodles home!
And our son can.not.stop.smiling.
I think Dennis and I are still a little dazed. Um, did we really just buy a dog? To take home? To live with us? FOREVER?
Oh! Before the rescue group even approved our adoption, we unanimously agreed that Doodles had to have a new name. We need a name that fits us - who we are - what we believe. A few names were tossed around and then Micah said, "Wait a minute! All of the boys in our family have Biblical names, so he needs one too!" Agreed. Luke paused for several seconds and then bellowed, "SAMSON! His name is Samson!" I will admit, while I love the name, I immediately thought of the character of said individual and was a bit chagrined with the choice. He was not the most God-fearing or God-honoring man in Scripture. Then Dennis reminded me ~ "Samson had a rough start, but he finished strong. "O Lord God, please remember me and strengthen me just this time ..." (Judges 16:28) This dog was just saved from death row ... a rough beginning ... and he is going to finish strong - loved and adored by six Eastman children." Done!
So, here he is: Samson
The interview - right in the middle of Petsmart!
Sherrie runs "Sparky and the Gang" rescue shelter and once she saw our entire family interact with each other and with Samson, she had no problem letting us take him home. (We were starting to get a bit discouraged with the intense guidelines we found in our research, but the Lord moved on our behalf and Sherrie gave us a solid thumbs up. She even waived the home inspection!)
A very happy 10 year old boy. With his black mop.
And here is Samson after Delilah the Groomer got a hold of him! (not her real name, of course, but wouldn't it have been cool if it WAS?)
I prefer the longer locks, but he needed a good clipping and a sudsy wash. He should have his curls back in no time!
The giddy and smiling young lady in the background is Emily ~ one of our five dog experts. We could not have done this without them! Thank you, Guske Family!!
P.S. The Lord checked off every one of the seven items on our "Perfect Dog" list! We waited to see what He would do ~ and He did it ALL! This morning Luke and I prayed together for wisdom and patience before we went to meet Samson, and tonight ~ we thanked the Lord for giving Luke the desire of his 10-year-old heart.
5.25.2012
He is with me.
This morning I was able to enjoy a prayer walk for the first time in a couple of weeks. Rising early to read the Word and pray is simply fantastic, but there is something so beautiful about talking to God while I am outside in His creation. Feeling the cool breeze on my face, listening to birds chirp, and seeing the green of the tree leaves ... all of these things make me feel close to Him. I am talking to the Creator of the wind while it blows all around me ~ how amazing is that!?
As I turned the first corner and felt a blast of damp, cool air hit my face I thought, "Yes, Lord! This is what You wanted, isn't it? You created man to live in the garden, outside, side by side with the animals and all living things, and then ~ You came to walk with him in the cool of the evening! You designed us to interact with You IN Your creation. It is beautiful, it is different, it is more real ... and I do not do it enough."
I remember the last day of our life-changing experience in Malaysia (I simply cannot call it a vacation for it was so much more) when I stood on the rooftop in the pouring rain. I felt the presence of the Lord that day. I knew He was there. I knew He was watching me. Talking to me. Pouring out every emotion that I had felt and experienced during that trip to wash over me one last time. It was the most incredible moment I have ever experienced in my Christian life. In that moment my God was very, very real.
And this morning, I felt that same sense of His nearness ... and I needed to feel Him.
There are times in my walk with the Lord that I do not feel connected to Him. I know He is there. I believe who He says He is. I am not fearful or doubting or even battling the flesh. But He just seems ~
d i s t a n t.
For the most part I do not need to feel God. I know that Christianity is not about feelings and emotions. Those things change by the hour, sometimes the minute. Christianity is about truth and faith and trust in a God who is much bigger than myself. A God who has proved Himself worthy of that trust over and over again ~ a God who never changes. And a God who never leaves me.
I talked to Him about this ... asked Him why I cannot always feel His presence and experience Him like I did on the rooftop that day. I was not frustrated or trying to get something I thought I should have. I was just curious. And as He always does, He pushed my mind back to Scripture. "What does My Word say, Michelle? What do you know to be true?" And that was it! The word KNOW. Scripture does not say be still and feel that I am God. If you feel like loving Me you will obey My commands. Love your enemy if you are in a good mood and pray for those who persecute you if it makes you happy.
No no no!
Scripture is filled with promises and commands that force us to engage our minds. Choose you this day whom you will serve ... guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus ...whatever is lovely think on these things ... do not be afraid for your God is with you wherever you go ... be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
I felt so calm after this time with the Lord because He reminded me that though I may not always feel Him ~ I KNOW Him.
I know He is the maker of heaven and earth.
The author and perfecter of the faith.
The beginning and the end.
He is mighty to save.
The Godhead three in one.
He is truth.
He is the only way to heaven.
The provider.
The deliverer.
The healer and protector.
He forgives.
He restores.
He redeems.
He loves.
I know who my God is.
And whether I am aware of His presence or feeling the gap ~ He.is.with.me. His Spirit lives inside of me. The Father, Son and Spirit are ONE. Therefore, the Father, the very God who created me in His image, dwells within me, because He called me to Himself and has built a place for me in the splendor of an eternal heaven. I do not deserve to reside on a hillside outside of the city gates, but oh how grateful and humbled I am to be a citizen of the Kingdom that lies within.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture. Psalm 100:3
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. This is how we know that we live in Him and He in us: He has given us of His Spirit. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. I John 4:7, 13, 15-16
But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings... Philippians 3:7-10
By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “ I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked. I John 2:3-6
Be still, and know that I am God.
As I turned the first corner and felt a blast of damp, cool air hit my face I thought, "Yes, Lord! This is what You wanted, isn't it? You created man to live in the garden, outside, side by side with the animals and all living things, and then ~ You came to walk with him in the cool of the evening! You designed us to interact with You IN Your creation. It is beautiful, it is different, it is more real ... and I do not do it enough."
I remember the last day of our life-changing experience in Malaysia (I simply cannot call it a vacation for it was so much more) when I stood on the rooftop in the pouring rain. I felt the presence of the Lord that day. I knew He was there. I knew He was watching me. Talking to me. Pouring out every emotion that I had felt and experienced during that trip to wash over me one last time. It was the most incredible moment I have ever experienced in my Christian life. In that moment my God was very, very real.
And this morning, I felt that same sense of His nearness ... and I needed to feel Him.
d i s t a n t.
For the most part I do not need to feel God. I know that Christianity is not about feelings and emotions. Those things change by the hour, sometimes the minute. Christianity is about truth and faith and trust in a God who is much bigger than myself. A God who has proved Himself worthy of that trust over and over again ~ a God who never changes. And a God who never leaves me.
I talked to Him about this ... asked Him why I cannot always feel His presence and experience Him like I did on the rooftop that day. I was not frustrated or trying to get something I thought I should have. I was just curious. And as He always does, He pushed my mind back to Scripture. "What does My Word say, Michelle? What do you know to be true?" And that was it! The word KNOW. Scripture does not say be still and feel that I am God. If you feel like loving Me you will obey My commands. Love your enemy if you are in a good mood and pray for those who persecute you if it makes you happy.
No no no!
Scripture is filled with promises and commands that force us to engage our minds. Choose you this day whom you will serve ... guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus ...whatever is lovely think on these things ... do not be afraid for your God is with you wherever you go ... be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
I felt so calm after this time with the Lord because He reminded me that though I may not always feel Him ~ I KNOW Him.
I know He is the maker of heaven and earth.
The author and perfecter of the faith.
The beginning and the end.
He is mighty to save.
The Godhead three in one.
He is truth.
He is the only way to heaven.
The provider.
The deliverer.
The healer and protector.
He forgives.
He restores.
He redeems.
He loves.
I know who my God is.
And whether I am aware of His presence or feeling the gap ~ He.is.with.me. His Spirit lives inside of me. The Father, Son and Spirit are ONE. Therefore, the Father, the very God who created me in His image, dwells within me, because He called me to Himself and has built a place for me in the splendor of an eternal heaven. I do not deserve to reside on a hillside outside of the city gates, but oh how grateful and humbled I am to be a citizen of the Kingdom that lies within.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture. Psalm 100:3
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. This is how we know that we live in Him and He in us: He has given us of His Spirit. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. I John 4:7, 13, 15-16
But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings... Philippians 3:7-10
By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “ I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked. I John 2:3-6
Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
Psalm 46:10
5.23.2012
Ready for summer!
Summer is coming!
Which means it is time for ~
The Summer Reading List!
I am so, so, SO excited I can hardly stand it.
The Eastman family loves books. And this summer? We will be reading dozens of them. Some together, some independently, but either way they will be devoured and enjoyed.
Though lighter, we continue our academic rigor in the summer. There is simply no need to take three months off when there are no crops to bring in. Five boys and a tiny girl need to have purpose to their days ~ otherwise they become filled with boredom, restlessness, and foolishness. The lazy days of summer can be enjoyed just as much after a math lesson and an excellent piece of literature as they can after a swim in the pool or a walk on the beach.
Our summer curriculum is simple:
Reading, writing, arithmetic, Scripture, and science. (Science is the hardest subject to fit into our school year, so we are doing a summer unit. One core subject will already be checked off of the 2012-2013 list come September 1st. Woohoo! We are studying Zoology ~ specifically flying creatures.)
As the 2011-2012 school year winds down, we are gearing up for a summer of learning and fun. Beach nights, fire-pits, BBQ's, swimming, Popsicles, s'mores, suntans, and bike rides ... what perfect events to weave through our summer studies!
Summer is coming ... and we are READY!
5.22.2012
Surrendering all to Him.
At the end of the evening, after oohing and aahing over my new art piece, I asked Dee, "How do you balance your calling as a wife and a mother with your business?" As women we are so prone to fill our time with things about 'self' and neglect what we were called to do ~ serve our husbands and children. We bantered back and forth on this topic for a little while but there were two things she said that stuck with me because they can be applied to anything we are tempted to do that is not about our calling. Business, ministry, exercise, shopping, friends ... there are constant temptations that try to lure us away from what matters. From what needs our everything. And the Spirit will always be pulling at us to come back and stand firmly, and contentedly, where we belong ~ in our home.
First she said, "I have learned to say 'No'." She is asked to sponsor websites and donate pieces of art to events, host conferences etc. Each of these take time and energy, and every time she says yes to someone else, she says no to her family. Even the amount of time she designs and creates has to be limited so that her family gets the best of her, not her leftovers. She said, "If the Lord wants me to have success, then He has to give me the time to create. And every time I feel inspired to design a new piece, He always makes the time available." Isn't that awesome? My response was, "The Lord blesses you because of your obedience. Because you are faithful to do what He requires first, He opens doors for your passions ~ and provides what you need because your work honors Him." And I truly believe that.
As she continued sharing how she keeps her family a priority while promoting and maintaining a successful business, she shared her husband's role in all of it. He knows his wife, and when he sees her stressed or overdoing it, he takes the reigns and stops the horses. He limits her so she does not become weary and worn. She then shared this thought, which impacted me significantly and will not be soon forgotten. He expressed, "Dee, we need to look at the things ONLY you can do and the things that others can do for you. You are the only one who can be my wife. You are the only one who can be a mother to our children ..." She said more after this but I could not hear her. These words of her groom were echoing through my mind.
No one else can be my wife.
No one else can be the mother to our children.
He is absolutely, spot on, correct.
And he is Biblical.
The Lord CALLED us to serve and submit to our husbands, in all things.
He called and CHOSE us for motherhood.
If we are to live out I Peter 3 with our husbands ~ Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.
And Deuteronomy 6 with our children ~ You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
We must be very cautious about the things we say 'Yes' to.
Every time we say 'Yes' to something, we say 'No' to something else. And the 'No' is usually directed at our families.
Ministry and health and relationships are all good things ... but none of them should come before loving our husbands and training our children. The Lord will not praise us for tiny waists and gorgeous table decorations when we stand before Him. He will not high-five us for successful church retreats and 400 friends on facebook.
But He WILL look us in the eye and ask us, "Did you honor your husband? Did you submit to him as I required you to? Did you train your children in righteousness, daughter? All day, every day? Or were you too busy seeking your own desires and not obeying Mine? What did you do with the treasures I gave you? What.did.you.do?"
My prayer is that I will continually fall on my face before a Holy God and ask Him to reveal my selfishness and the things that lure me away from my husband, my sons, and my daughter, so that I might be found faithful ... not disobedient. I am called to bear the burdens of my brethren, encourage them in the faith and spur them on to love and good deeds ... but first,
I am called to love the Lord with all of my heart,
love my husband,
and train my children.
Everything else ~ has to wait.
It seems fitting that the piece of art I chose for Mother's Day reflects our conversation last night. There are so many things each of us as women want to do. Dreams. Desires. Talents and skills that are wanted by others. We make so many plans and wish for so many things. But in the end, it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.And we must always, with sincere hearts, be willing to surrender all ~ to Him.
Quote.
"You must regard
parenting as one of your most important tasks while you have children at home.
This is your calling. You must raise your children in the fear and admonition
of the Lord. You cannot do so without investing yourself in a life of sensitive
communication in which you help them understand life and God’s world. There is
nothing more important. You have only a brief season of life to invest yourself
in this task. You have only one opportunity to do it. You cannot go back and do
it over… to do this job of parenting well, it must be a primary task. It is
your primary calling." ~ Tedd Tripp
Amen?
A M E N!
5.21.2012
More than a farm tour.
I just finished putting together The Eastman Academy yearbook for the 2010-2011 school year, which inspired us to look through our previous yearbooks, and as I flipped through the pages I noticed a glaring truth.
One of my weaknesses as a mother of a big family is making the time to expose my littles to the same fun, interesting, and memorable events that the older boys enjoyed when they were small. When your days are filled with math lessons, writing assignments, athletic schedules and ministry needs, the zoo, park, or aquarium just doesn't rank too highly on the list of priorities. (Not to mention that it costs a small fortune when you double the number of admission tickets.) Of course, there are days, when I am making a paper bleed with my red pencil marks, that I would much rather be playing at the tide pools hunting for starfish. It is always a battle to complete the necessities of education and enjoy the fun of life as a homeschool parent. (Especially for this task-focused mom.) Chores and lessons and Scripture memory are always completed - but laughing and adventure? Not so much.
Micah, Luke and Caleb spent thousands of hours in the comfort of our own home in their toddler and pre-school years, don't get me wrong. They were not jet setting around So Cal having their every whim granted. But as a mom of three I was able to travel about and make things happen in a way I was not able to do as a mom of six. The littles came so fast (three in three years) and going on outings with a nursing baby, a one-year-old, and a two-year-old does not entice even the strongest of women on most days. Just the logistics of packing bags with three sizes of diapers, different snacks, change of clothes for the baby, a double stroller, the baby carrier ... it can make your head spin!
So, as I began preparing for the 2012-2013 school year, I purposed in my heart that we would do something fun for the littles every month. The classics ~ like the pumpkin patch, science center, aquarium, reptile farm, children's museum ... you get the idea!
As I was sharing with Dennis my woes about not giving the littles the same fun outings, crafts, and cooking projects that Micah, Luke and Caleb got to do (I found my homeschool box when I found my memorabilia box and took a stroll down homeschool lane ~ starting in 2005!) I suddenly stopped myself and declared, "You know what? They may not know what a real pig looks and smells like, but they have been listening to excellent literature from the womb, me reading out loud and audio books. They have been exposed to more Scripture in three years of life than I was in 13 years! There may be drawbacks to being the youngest in a large family, but there are definite benefits!"
Once I realized this truth, and believed it, I felt the pressure deflate a bit and I was once again confident that my children have a good life. And honestly - if they never left our neighborhood, they would STILL have a good life! They have clothes on their back, beds to sleep in, food in their stomach (more than once a day), two parents who love them and are committed to them for life, an extended family and friends who pray for them, and the arms, smiles, and love of eight people in our own little home. God has been good to them, in a thousand different ways, and I am content with where He has us ~ right now. It could change in the blink of an eye, and every hug given, book read, snack shared, and laughter enjoyed would be cherished more than any farm tour. Thank You, Lord, for reminding me of such a simple truth!
And speaking of barns ... this was our first attempt at giving the littles some sense of a normal childhood. HA! We went down to Centennial Farms this morning. It was not quite what I had imagined in my mind (apparently the heap of animals are only there during the OC Fair), and it was hot, crowded with school children on a filed trip, and my older boys were clearly unenthused about the entire idea. (Didn't YOU want to hang out at a barn when you were 12?!? Come on!) So after we completed the entire self-tour in about 47 minutes, it was time to go home!
Note to self: Make sure you know exactly what to expect before packing up the troops for an adventure so as not to be done with the adventure in the same amount of time it took to get there! Sheesh.
One of my weaknesses as a mother of a big family is making the time to expose my littles to the same fun, interesting, and memorable events that the older boys enjoyed when they were small. When your days are filled with math lessons, writing assignments, athletic schedules and ministry needs, the zoo, park, or aquarium just doesn't rank too highly on the list of priorities. (Not to mention that it costs a small fortune when you double the number of admission tickets.) Of course, there are days, when I am making a paper bleed with my red pencil marks, that I would much rather be playing at the tide pools hunting for starfish. It is always a battle to complete the necessities of education and enjoy the fun of life as a homeschool parent. (Especially for this task-focused mom.) Chores and lessons and Scripture memory are always completed - but laughing and adventure? Not so much.
Micah, Luke and Caleb spent thousands of hours in the comfort of our own home in their toddler and pre-school years, don't get me wrong. They were not jet setting around So Cal having their every whim granted. But as a mom of three I was able to travel about and make things happen in a way I was not able to do as a mom of six. The littles came so fast (three in three years) and going on outings with a nursing baby, a one-year-old, and a two-year-old does not entice even the strongest of women on most days. Just the logistics of packing bags with three sizes of diapers, different snacks, change of clothes for the baby, a double stroller, the baby carrier ... it can make your head spin!
So, as I began preparing for the 2012-2013 school year, I purposed in my heart that we would do something fun for the littles every month. The classics ~ like the pumpkin patch, science center, aquarium, reptile farm, children's museum ... you get the idea!
As I was sharing with Dennis my woes about not giving the littles the same fun outings, crafts, and cooking projects that Micah, Luke and Caleb got to do (I found my homeschool box when I found my memorabilia box and took a stroll down homeschool lane ~ starting in 2005!) I suddenly stopped myself and declared, "You know what? They may not know what a real pig looks and smells like, but they have been listening to excellent literature from the womb, me reading out loud and audio books. They have been exposed to more Scripture in three years of life than I was in 13 years! There may be drawbacks to being the youngest in a large family, but there are definite benefits!"
Once I realized this truth, and believed it, I felt the pressure deflate a bit and I was once again confident that my children have a good life. And honestly - if they never left our neighborhood, they would STILL have a good life! They have clothes on their back, beds to sleep in, food in their stomach (more than once a day), two parents who love them and are committed to them for life, an extended family and friends who pray for them, and the arms, smiles, and love of eight people in our own little home. God has been good to them, in a thousand different ways, and I am content with where He has us ~ right now. It could change in the blink of an eye, and every hug given, book read, snack shared, and laughter enjoyed would be cherished more than any farm tour. Thank You, Lord, for reminding me of such a simple truth!
Note to self: Make sure you know exactly what to expect before packing up the troops for an adventure so as not to be done with the adventure in the same amount of time it took to get there! Sheesh.
A team of the most gigantic cows I have ever seen. Each of these beasts weighs 3,000 pounds! The woman in charge of them was highly offended when Caleb referred to the cow as an "it" when saying "It has a huge head!" She rebuked him (in public) and almost growled, "Please call him HE because he has feelings too. He is a people person and knows who likes him ... blah blah blah." I had to hold my tongue so as not to share that Scripture clearly states God gave humans dominion over the animals and they do not, in fact, have souls or free will. (As evidenced by the yoke around their necks.) Just stick to the facts, please!
Wow - can you feel the enthusiasm radiating from this photo? Micah and Luke appear to be ready to jump up and dance, don't you think?
They are waiting for the cow milking demonstration.
Breathless anticipation.
Clearly.
Clearly.
This is the most deceptive photo of the lot. Two minutes before it was taken you could hear:
"What? Another photo? Give me a break!"
"It is too bright out here - why are you making us take a photo?"
"Can we go HOME now? This is so boring."
And all the while - Ellie SCREAMING in her supersonic pitch because she did not get her way.
Aah, but don't they all look happy and content for that split second?
Don't judge a book by it's cover people.
There is always more than meets the eye.
5.17.2012
He wants me to look like Him.
The Lord is starting something in me.
Preparing my heart for a new work.
And opening my eyes to see and understand a character quality that is both Biblical ~ and desirable.
It has never been natural for me.
It still isn't natural.
But it has been a piece of dangling fruit that has intrigued and enticed me my entire life. Not so much as I read about it in Scripture, but when I see it lived out in women around me. To be found in it's purest form ~ is rare. But when it is seen ... experienced ... and enjoyed? It.is.beautiful.
A gentle and quiet spirit.
Quiet does not equal gentle.
Gentle does not mean strength is lacking.
Gentle and quiet = strength under control.
I have not figured out how gentleness and strength work together, but the Lord has drawn me to every one of these verses in the past few weeks in my quiet time of study in the early morning. He leads, I follow. And He is leading me to something that is totally new. I do not know what it will look like in me ~ I have never once been described as either gentle or quiet. But I know that the God who created me with strength is the same God who desires gentleness, and He knows how to weave the two together to create something beautiful ~ and worthy.
He is the Potter.
I am the clay.
I am ready to be shaped and molded, even with a few restarts along the way, as I wiggle and squirm under the pressure of His hand, until I finally yield and let Him make me what He wants me to be.
And the best part is, I already know the answer!
He wants me to look like HIM.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22,23
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
"Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." Philippians 4:5
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
"Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." Philippians 4:5
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
"Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone."
"Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone."
Proverbs 25:15
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12
"As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children." 1 Thessalonians 2:7
"Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:4
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…"
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12
"As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children." 1 Thessalonians 2:7
"Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:4
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…"
1 Peter 3:15
5.15.2012
Our true desire.
Lest I leave you with the impression that my life, my husband, and my marriage, are something that poets and authors dream of, let me share some truth.
Last week (and I mean the ENTIRE WEEK) we looked like this:
Frustrated, hurt, annoyed, selfish ... and in sin.
On the last day of the marriage conference we attended last weekend, the speaker said something that hit me right in the heart. I was startled and had to ask the Lord to help me examine myself so I could find resolution. And forgiveness.
I also had to ask Him to prepare the heart and mind of my husband to hear what I needed to share with him, and to show me exactly the right moment to do so. (If there is one thing I have learned in 18 years of marriage it is this: pray before discussing something important, and wait. An unprepared field is not ready to receive rain. Nor is the heart of a man who has not been softened and prepared for deep emotion and insight from his wife. Timing is everything. Not yours ~ the Lord's.) I thought He was prompting me to talk to Dennis on Sunday night, but before I had a chance, Dennis asked if he could talk with me. He had some insights of his own that had been simmering far too long and the Lord opened his mouth to speak, and he did. Faithfully. "The wounds of a friend."
After that discussion I had even more to think about and pray over. A thorough self-examination was summoning me, and while I was unsure if I had the stamina to wade through it, I asked the Lord to get me started so I could confess, repent, seek forgiveness and be restored to my groom once again.
As always, He was faithful, and stood right by my side as I dug deep to find the root of my resentment and the cause of my inability to meet certain needs of my husband. It was not as painful as I thought it would be ~ these are not new issues for us ~ but it was the first time I was able to go all the way back ~ to the beginning ~ and find where satan had gained a foothold. When I found it I was actually excited! Once you find the root, you can rip it out and leave no trace of the weeds that once grew. It felt good to finally see the whole picture ... to see how everything was related ... and to know how to pray for the Lord to cleanse my heart, refine me, purify my motives, and show me how to honor my husband through my love for the Lord and His Word.
Freedom.
That is what I felt.
A complete and utter sense of freedom. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 Even though it took me a long time to figure it all out, the Lord already knew. And He covered my sin on The Cross two thousand years ago ... when He was the only one who knew my name. The only one who loved me. The only one who knew hat I would be the wife of Dennis Eastman ~ for better or for worse, until death do us part.
We may not have all the answers. We may still argue and disagree. We may not always be a shining example of marital bliss. But we are committed. And we will stop fighting FOR our marriage until the Lord takes us Home. No matter how embarrassing, humbling, or frustrating it may be. Because that is what marriage is: Commitment. For life.
We may look like that couple above sometimes,
but our true desire?
It is to finish like this:
Last week (and I mean the ENTIRE WEEK) we looked like this:
Frustrated, hurt, annoyed, selfish ... and in sin.
On the last day of the marriage conference we attended last weekend, the speaker said something that hit me right in the heart. I was startled and had to ask the Lord to help me examine myself so I could find resolution. And forgiveness.
I also had to ask Him to prepare the heart and mind of my husband to hear what I needed to share with him, and to show me exactly the right moment to do so. (If there is one thing I have learned in 18 years of marriage it is this: pray before discussing something important, and wait. An unprepared field is not ready to receive rain. Nor is the heart of a man who has not been softened and prepared for deep emotion and insight from his wife. Timing is everything. Not yours ~ the Lord's.) I thought He was prompting me to talk to Dennis on Sunday night, but before I had a chance, Dennis asked if he could talk with me. He had some insights of his own that had been simmering far too long and the Lord opened his mouth to speak, and he did. Faithfully. "The wounds of a friend."
After that discussion I had even more to think about and pray over. A thorough self-examination was summoning me, and while I was unsure if I had the stamina to wade through it, I asked the Lord to get me started so I could confess, repent, seek forgiveness and be restored to my groom once again.
As always, He was faithful, and stood right by my side as I dug deep to find the root of my resentment and the cause of my inability to meet certain needs of my husband. It was not as painful as I thought it would be ~ these are not new issues for us ~ but it was the first time I was able to go all the way back ~ to the beginning ~ and find where satan had gained a foothold. When I found it I was actually excited! Once you find the root, you can rip it out and leave no trace of the weeds that once grew. It felt good to finally see the whole picture ... to see how everything was related ... and to know how to pray for the Lord to cleanse my heart, refine me, purify my motives, and show me how to honor my husband through my love for the Lord and His Word.
Freedom.
That is what I felt.
A complete and utter sense of freedom. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 Even though it took me a long time to figure it all out, the Lord already knew. And He covered my sin on The Cross two thousand years ago ... when He was the only one who knew my name. The only one who loved me. The only one who knew hat I would be the wife of Dennis Eastman ~ for better or for worse, until death do us part.
We may not have all the answers. We may still argue and disagree. We may not always be a shining example of marital bliss. But we are committed. And we will stop fighting FOR our marriage until the Lord takes us Home. No matter how embarrassing, humbling, or frustrating it may be. Because that is what marriage is: Commitment. For life.
We may look like that couple above sometimes,but our true desire?
It is to finish like this:
5.14.2012
Quote.
You cannot serve God freely and fully if you are a slave to people's opinions.
Don't seek the applause of men ~
seek the approval of GOD.
Truly grateful.
This year when Dennis asked me what I wanted to do for Mother's Day I was conflicted. The boys really wanted to do another "day of dates" with me and each had already planned what our date would be. I wanted to please them and spend time alone with each of them, but I also wanted to be together as a family. Just the eight of us.
The family won.
And I had a craving for the beach.
We packed our gear, food, and fire pit supplies and headed down to one of our favorite spots. It was a beautiful day. At our house. At the beach? Sunny with gorgeous blue skies, but cold and WINDY! My hair whipped around my head from the second we stepped out of the car until we got back in three hours later. Dennis and I were in sweatshirts the entire time, but the kids seemed completely unfazed by the frigid air. We were only one of maybe five other families crazy enough to venture all the way out to the water on such a windy day, so we had the beach almost entirely to ourselves. Always nice!
It was a great day. I had some serious moments of reflection as I watched my people run and play with the uninhibited spirit that fills children when they are in God's creation. As the Lord is helping me work through letting go of past regrets as a mother, I am also trying to cling to the present as I watch my littles get big ... and I just want to freeze them where they are! It is a definite benefit to have the older boys because I already know that "this too shall pass" when it comes to all of the drama of babies and toddler hood, but I also know how quickly the time goes and am quite aware that this sweet time of innocence and discovery will soon disappear. Sometimes I can hardly stand how cute they are! Even in the middle of whining and fighting and messes, I know it will all end too soon, and the day that my windows are smear-free and no one is screaming at the top of their lungs because they did not get their way, also means there are no more three-foot people in my house who will run to me after the bath to be cuddled and hugged. No little arms to squeeze my neck. (one of my favorite feelings in the world!) No tiny voices giggling and chattering on about everything and nothing.
These moments are precious. And now ~ right now ~ is the only time I will have them.
I thought about all of these things as I gazed at the gorgeous ocean and listened to the seagulls screech through the sky. It was bittersweet. A joy for what the Lord has given me, and a sadness for what will never be again. It would not matter if I had 12 more children ... the last would be the last ... and I would mourn the end of that beautiful, tender, once-in-a-lifetime window of babies and small children. It is a sweet season, filled with so many overwhelming and amazing moments ~ and I am trusting the Lord to let me keep walking in the NOW so I do not let this season end with anything but thanksgiving and joy.
Because I am, truly grateful.
The family won.
And I had a craving for the beach.We packed our gear, food, and fire pit supplies and headed down to one of our favorite spots. It was a beautiful day. At our house. At the beach? Sunny with gorgeous blue skies, but cold and WINDY! My hair whipped around my head from the second we stepped out of the car until we got back in three hours later. Dennis and I were in sweatshirts the entire time, but the kids seemed completely unfazed by the frigid air. We were only one of maybe five other families crazy enough to venture all the way out to the water on such a windy day, so we had the beach almost entirely to ourselves. Always nice!
It was a great day. I had some serious moments of reflection as I watched my people run and play with the uninhibited spirit that fills children when they are in God's creation. As the Lord is helping me work through letting go of past regrets as a mother, I am also trying to cling to the present as I watch my littles get big ... and I just want to freeze them where they are! It is a definite benefit to have the older boys because I already know that "this too shall pass" when it comes to all of the drama of babies and toddler hood, but I also know how quickly the time goes and am quite aware that this sweet time of innocence and discovery will soon disappear. Sometimes I can hardly stand how cute they are! Even in the middle of whining and fighting and messes, I know it will all end too soon, and the day that my windows are smear-free and no one is screaming at the top of their lungs because they did not get their way, also means there are no more three-foot people in my house who will run to me after the bath to be cuddled and hugged. No little arms to squeeze my neck. (one of my favorite feelings in the world!) No tiny voices giggling and chattering on about everything and nothing.
I thought about all of these things as I gazed at the gorgeous ocean and listened to the seagulls screech through the sky. It was bittersweet. A joy for what the Lord has given me, and a sadness for what will never be again. It would not matter if I had 12 more children ... the last would be the last ... and I would mourn the end of that beautiful, tender, once-in-a-lifetime window of babies and small children. It is a sweet season, filled with so many overwhelming and amazing moments ~ and I am trusting the Lord to let me keep walking in the NOW so I do not let this season end with anything but thanksgiving and joy.
Because I am, truly grateful.
5.13.2012
Our children at our side.
Today the Lord refreshed my spirit as He gave me a day of worship, the Word, and my family. There is no better way to enjoy a day!
Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day!
We were called to this ... we were chosen for this ...
motherhood is a privilege and we are accountable for every choice we make as we raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord ~ and train them in righteousness.
May we press on.
Run with our eyes fixed on Christ.
May we not grow weary, knowing that our labor is not in vain.
We are raising our children for ETERNITY!
Academics, intelligence, awards, Olympic athlete, curing cancer ... none of it matters if our children are not standing next to us in heaven. "What does it profit a man who gains the whole world yet loses his soul?"
We are raising them to be men and women who will change the world for Jesus Christ.
Men and women who will stand FIRM for Biblical truth ~ even if they stand alone.
Men and women who will not be ashamed of the Gospel.
Men and women who are willing to die ~ for the sake of Christ.
We cannot grow weary.
We cannot stop fighting.
The enemy is waiting to devour our children.
We have to fight.
We have to show them Jesus ~ every day.
In that glorious moment when we fall on our knees before the Father who sits on the throne of heaven ... we want to fall with our children at our side.
Nothing else matters.
Nothing else matters.
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