Tortured for Christ. We owe these brethren ~ everything.

If you live in a place where you can go to church without fear of being arrested.  If you can own, and read, as many Bibles as you desire.  If you can pray out loud without fear of imprisonment or death.  If you can share Christ on the street with children and adults alike.  If you can sing songs of praise to the Lord in the middle of the day with full abandon.

If you can do any of these things ...  it is because of the men and women who have been willing to die for the sake of the Gospel since the day Jesus ascended back into heaven.  From that moment, the apostles fought for truth.  They willingly suffered at the hands of those who hated Christ and began a legacy of martyrdom that has kept Christianity alive and powerful ever since.  God uses the lives of these individuals, who are totally surrendered to Him, to reveal His power, His provision, and His mercy as He sustains them and holds them up through the most horrifying of circumstances.  When you read what these brothers and sisters endure it evokes such powerful emotion it is hard to tell if it is righteous indignation or pure revenge that stirs your soul. 

That is how I felt reading Tortured for Christ.  Dr. Wurmbrand does not give graphic details, but he offers enough to cause the reader to understand and be pulled into deep emotion and wonder - how did they do it?  How did they sing songs of praise in feces covered cell floors?  How did they share the love of Christ with the very man who literally dug holes in their bodies, raped them, and murdered their children before their eyes?  How did they do it?

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. II Corinthians 12: 9,10

As I read through this book I was moved in every way.  I was reminded of every missionary and martyr I have studied and am simply awed by their passion for God, their passion for the lost, and their complete and total surrender and JOY to die for the sake of the Gospel of Christ.  There really are no words.

So let me share his.  These are direct quotes from Tortured for Christ. (Dr. Wurmbrand was a Christian in communist Romania in the 60's and was imprisoned, and tortured,  for over 13 years for preaching and sharing Christ.  When released, he began working with the underground church and began The Voice of the Martyrs ministry.)

~ After sharing a story of two daughters of Christian martyrs who turned to a life of prostitution and then police informers, he says this:  Don't just say this is ugly and immoral - of course it is - but ask yourself if it is not also your sin that such tragedies occur, that such Christian families are left alone, are not helped by you who are free.

~ It was not only that they (fellow Christians in free countries) gave us the Word of God, but we saw that we were beloved.  They brought us a word of comfort.  During the years of brainwashing we heard, "Nobody loves you anymore ..."  Now we saw Christians who risked their lives to show us that they loved us.

~ We must win rulers, leaders in politics, economics, science, and the arts.  They mold the souls of men.  Winning them, you win the people they lead and influence.

~ A man really believes not what he recites in his creed, but only the things he is ready to die for.  The Christians of the Underground Church have proved that they are ready to die for their faith.

~ A flower, if you bruise it under your feet, rewards you by giving you its perfume.  Like wise tortured Christians, reward their torturers by love.  We brought many of our jailers to Christ.  And we are dominated by one desire: to give those who made us suffer the best we have, the salvation that comes from our Lord Jesus Christ.

~ ... names of saints and heroes of the faith in the twentieth century.  I bow to kiss their chains, as the first Christians kissed the chains of their fellow believers when they were led to be thrown before the wild beasts.

~ The Underground Church is a poor and suffering church, but it has few lukewarm members.

~ Persecution has always produced a better Christian - a witnessing Christian, a soul-winning Christian.  Persecution has backfired and produced serious, dedicated Christians such as are rarely seen in free lands.  These people cannot understand how anyone can be a Christian and not want to win every soul they meet.

~ When you listen to those who loudly deny God, it seems that they really mean it.  But life shows that many of them, although they curse God with their lips, in their hearts have a great longing.  And you hear the groaning of the heart ... They seek something and wish to cover their inner emptiness with their godlessness.

~ Christians, even if they fight against an enemy, understand and love him.  "Love your neighbor as yourself."  "Love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you."

~ ... there is a beauty in the hearts of men, women and even children who refuse to renounce Christ.

~  I am the voice of those who are voiceless; of those who are muzzled and never represented in the West.  in their name I ask great seriousness in faith and in handling the problems of Christianity.  In their name I ask your prayers and practical help for the faithful, suffering Underground Church in persecuted lands  and other captive nations today.

Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.  

Hebrews 13:3

I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the Word of God.   

Revelation 6:9

Missions. Tortured for Christ. Brother Andrew. Evangelism. Fear. FAITH.

I may have been silent these past weeks about missions and how the Lord changed us while we were in Malaysia, but do not mistake the silence for apathy!  The Lord has literally been throwing things in front of me that even if I wanted to ignore, it would be impossible.  The most challenging, and embarrassing, is His dogged pursuit of me in regard to evangelism.  I have never been comfortable walking up to complete strangers and sharing the Gospel.  Actually, it has nothing to do with the Gospel.  I could not bring myself to walk up to a neighbor's house to sell a magazine subscription for a school fundraiser!  Between my fear of looking stupid and my great distaste for rejection, evangelism and sales have never been my strength.  But people who WANT to know about the Lord?  Desire to grow in their walk?  Bring 'em on!  So, as I prayed yesterday morning asking the Lord to reveal areas of sin and where I am not trusting Him, this glaring weakness kept edging it's way to the front.  If you had been listening (I was praying out loud) you would have either laughed or been asking yourself, "Why is she arguing with Him?  Doesn't she know He always wins?"  Here the Lord is completely twisting my heart towards missions and the world and people who do not know Him, and I am absolutely paralyzed by the thought of walking up to a stranger to ask if she knows Jesus Christ.  You have GOT to be kidding me, Michelle!  How humiliating.  Is my God big or not?!?

Are you ready for these ridiculously obvious events the Lord has THROWN in my path in the last month?  (Ironically, this has all been happening at the same time He has been pushing me through the most difficult time in my Christian walk and personal life.  Hmm ... )

* An all-consuming passion for all things missions - books, stories, testimonies, opportunities

* I went to a friends house, saw the book "Tortured for Christ" sitting on her counter, (actually, it was standing up on her counter leaning against the very wall that I was looking at the entire time I was there) and I was disturbed by the cover so I kept looking away.  And then I remembered "disturbed".  "Are you disturbed by the things that disturb God?"  The very sermon that began this whole process.  The very sermon that preceded our trip to Malaysia.  The very message that we shared with my brother and his wife and spurred us to begin a Family Vision and invest in eternity.  Disturbed.  I knew I had to read the book.  I took it home where it sat on my counter for several days until the Lord said, "Pick it up, daughter!  NOW!"  I read it in one day.  And once again the Lord confirmed a passion in me to "refresh the saints" and provide relief for those who "do not grow weary" serving the Lord day after day.

* I am listening to the autobiography of Brother Andrew - again - for the third time.  We are listening to it in the car.  ENTHRALLING.  And though I have been convicted every single time I listen, this time, well, this time it is cutting to the very core of my heart.  How big is my faith?!?!?  (If you do not yet have this book in your library - order it now.  You will never regret it and it will change your concept of faith and trust.  God's Smuggler audio CD)

* I already mentioned the evangelism piece.  Let me add that it just so happens that we have almost half of the Way of the Master staff attending our church.  And ... teaching evangelism classes and equipping people to feel confident in sharing their faith.  With strangers.  In public.  All alone.  Um, yeah.

* The Lord is making me aware of my fears.  Not the "I am afraid I am going to die" kind of fears.  The stupid ones like, "We cannot afford to go on family mission trips."  "I am afraid to have someone scream at me or flip me off when I say the name Jesus."  "I really want to go throughout the world encouraging the saints, but I am horrifyingly afraid of snakes and spiders.  How would I manage in the jungle?"  MICHELLE!  Get a grip, woman!

All of which leads to the final piece ...

* FAITH.  We are in Unit 7 in our Experiencing God study.  The topic?  "Crisis of Belief."  I will share a few direct quotes and let them speak for themselves.
~ When God tells me what He wants me to do through me, I will face a crisis of belief.
~ A crisis of belief is a turning point where you must make a decision.  You must decide what you truly believe about God.
~ When you are sure you can do something, that is not faith.
~ Faith is confidence in the unseen - and the unknown.
~ What you believe about God will determine what you do.  When God tells you what He wants you to do through you, you will face a crisis of belief.  What you do next determines what you believe.
~ True faith requires ACTION.

Without faith it is impossible to please God.  Hebrews 11:6

Increase my faith, Lord.  I want to know You!

Outdoor Adventure Day #1

This first Outdoor Adventure was an experiment for us.  As adventurous as we are, we have definite limits with a 2-year-old in pull-ups and a one-year-old who cannot walk fast enough to outrun a turtle.  Dennis and the big boys can scale mountains and forge rivers.  The rest?  They can meander through flat lands and barely track a squirrel.  Needless to say, our family adventures are probably going to more on the "outdoor" side and less on the "adventure" side.  But that's okay!  Our main goals are:  Get OUTSIDE in God's creation and enjoy the creation as a family.  We can do that!

We went to the O'Neill Regional Park in Trabuco Canyon.  It was a gorgeous day and everyone was in a good mood and ready for some outdoor fun.  It is a nice park, huge, and offers many amenities.  The Nature Center was, by far, one of the best I have seen.  Small, like most, but the taxidermy - stunning.  The animals look like they are just resting before it is time to hunt again.  From cougars to hummingbirds, you can see everything that lives in this habitat.

We are excited about a year of Outdoor Adventure!

 In the evening we enjoyed a fire pit - hot dogs and marshmallows.  The perfect way to end an outdoor adventure day!

# 13 ~ make a scrapbook of my life.

Yippee!  Woohoo!

It has finally been done!  This project that has been on my to-do list for over a decade.  (And #14 on my 40th Year list.)  My childhood photos have been sitting in a box and in yellowing albums awaiting the chance to be sorted and lovingly placed into a safe, new book.  Some of them I had never seen before so that was fun!  It is kind of surreal to look through dozens of photos of yourself with absolutely no memory of that part of your life.  Who remembers being three months old?  Or three years old for that matter!  A little strange, but definitely fun.

I worked on it with my mom and her good friend.  We talked and giggled and talked about different memories (mostly my moms) and enjoyed seeing it all come together in the end.  Now I am moving on to the elementary and teen years.  I may even be able to fit my college photos in as well!  In my days there was no digital film.  You shot a roll (always 24 frames until they came out with, gasp, 36!), had it developed, and hoped that at least half the shots would turn out well.  Photography and the documentation of daily life has certainly changed.  My kids will need a15 gallon tub to hold all of their photos and albums!

My boys had a blast looking at my pictures.  They have never seen any of them and kept exclaiming, "Hey!  That looks like Isaiah!"  "You look just like Ellie, but with dark hair!"  The gene pool ... so complex, yet so easy to distinguish within the generations.  I love how God puts His fingerprints on each generation ~ not only in our physical attributes but our emotional and spiritual attributes as well.  He is a creative, and fun, God!

Frivolity!

It has been a long month of deep thought, struggles, conviction, and growth.  I love it because the Lord is showing me more and more how He had His hand in every part of my life since I was a child ... even in the times I could not see it clearly.  This past week has been one of encouragement and He has tossed the missing pieces of my puzzle onto the table so I can fit them in and see the big picture.  It really has been lovely.  Flowers cannot grow without rain and a heart cannot grow without tears.  The Lord is about to fling me into a familiar, yet more comfortable than before, time of growth and I am ready!  The last time He took me down this road it was one of the most fruitful times in my Christian life.  And I was a foolish young woman of 30.  I am not that same woman.  Praise The Lord!  And may I say again - P R A I S E the L O R D!  If He can do the work He did with the foolish young woman I was then, I am more than eager to see what He will do with a wiser and more surrendered woman who desires only to please Him and know Him more.

But, wait a minute!  This post is titled "frivolity!"  Sorry - like I have shared before, I am not a fun gal.  I think too much to be fun.  But that's okay because without thinkers the world would not work and without fun people the world would be incredibly boring!  In an effort to give my mind a break from deep thoughts (I just finished devouring the book "Tortured for Christ") I thought I would continue something I started with a woman I met through the JOY ministry.  We have never met but she trusts me to hold her heart and listen to her sorrows.  She asked me for something "fun" to keep her mind busy so I sent her a list of random facts about myself.  It actually made me laugh to do it because some of the items were so random that I even surprised myself!  And I KNOW me!

So - here you go.  Things you may, or may not, wish you knew about my life!  (And if you have a moment, share your list with me!)

~ I am obsessed with Scotch tape and play with it most when I am stressed  (I am a chain taper)
~ Every time I go to a zoo I cry
~ I do not like bed sheets tucked in - I like my feet to be free!
~ I would rather eat poultry than red meat
~ I hate bananas  (but love banana bread)
~ I love to sleep and sleeping in?  A little slice of heaven.
~ My greatest fears:  shallow - looking stupid  deep - not making a difference in the lives of those who know me
~ I could eat mint chip ice cream every single day of the week
~ I am paralyzingly afraid of snakes
~ I have spider nightmares (where I am walking through a room and they are dropping from the ceiling and hopping around on the floor and covering the walls. I wake up sweating and terrorized.)
~ I hate wet socks
~ I have fond memories of the Ice Cream Truck from my childhood
~ I sleep with a fan on every night of the year
~ I have finally learned to like photos of myself - I hated cameras when I was a child and teen and young adult
~ I would change every single thing about my wedding except the people in it
~ I wish I lived in a place I could see the stars at night and feel very small compared to the bigness of the sky
~ I wish I could sing soprano and blow peoples ears off in the Hallelujah Chorus
~ The Hallelujah Chorus is one of my top 5 favorite songs ever
~ I have a secret obsession with The Godfather movies - though the last time I watched one I was convicted by Philippians 4:8  Drat.
~ My favorite color is pink, though I do not decorate with it or wear it enough (it is a hard color to find!)
~ I have never felt good enough for anyone ~ the Lord has to continually work on me that "I am COMPLETE in Him"
~ I love to be with people who are uninhibited because I find them absolutely fascinating.  I am inhibited in all areas.
~ I hate baths
~ I love swimming
~ Island's french fries are my all time favorite, though Claim Jumpers shoestring fries come in at a close second
~ I have not seen a movie in a movie theater in about five years.  And I am okay with that!
~ I have never been to Disneyland with my children
~ I love pajamas and would own 100 pair if I had the means
~ I could buy a new book every day ~ especially children's books
~ My favorite part of flying is the take off and landing
~ My greatest desire when I was a girl was to be a mother
~ I had dozens of dolls but I hated Barbie
~ my four years at The Masters College changed my life - it was where I discovered my spiritual gift and began an insatiable desire for knowing and memorizing God's Word.
~ I do not floss my teeth every night and I wish my teeth were whiter, though I cannot justify spending money on it
~ I love hymns and wish they were sung and appreciated more - most children do not even know them
~ I would never get plastic surgery but I would love to have everything back where it started!
~ My dream life ...  Traveling the world to encourage Christians in countries where Christianity is illegal and not embraced.  Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.  Philemon 1:7  Can you even imagine?!?!?!  Going town to town, in homes and underground churches and churches that are free ... sharing what God is doing in the lives of other believers and encouraging them in their work!  And even more - helping them IN their work to offer relief and much needed rest.  A dream ... but perhaps one day a reality.

Well, what do you know!

After we had our Family Forum and informed the boys that they need to step up the level of quality in their chores, imagine my surprise when I walked into the living room to find it EMPTY!  Luke moved every single piece of furniture out of the way so he could sweep and mop the floors.  (the old way was to swish around any and every item on the floor, which meant only about 40% was actually cleaned.)

I am giving Luke Eastman a GOLD STAR for 'diligence in mopping!'  Well done, son!  Well done.

Causing my own to stumble. And a plan to change it!

It is really easy to get stuck in the "causing your BROTHER to stumble" piece of Romans 14 and 15.  We immediately think of our peer group, our friends.  And while that is certainly what Paul meant when he wrote it, the thought, I believe, applies to family as well.  As the Lord walked me through these two chapters verse by verse, I kept trying to figure out how I offend the world.  Who needed an apology, where I needed to seek forgiveness.  And then He said, "Michelle, stop looking so far away, and look inside your own house.  How do you cause the seven in your care to stumble?  Your husband, and your sons who have professed Christ, ARE your brothers!"

Um, how did I miss that?  Look inside my own house.  Okay, I can do that!

I began with Dennis.  His response was so unexpected and encouraging, it gave me the strength to move to the next group.

How am I a stumbling block to my children?

During our Night Talks this week, I asked Micah, Luke and Caleb how I cause them to fall into sin.  (The Lord had already shown me through my prayer time and listening to Him, so I was curious to hear what they would share.)  At first each one of them said, "Nothing."  Micah even declared, "Mom, honestly!  If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'!  I cannot think of one thing you do to make me sin!"  Oh, if only such a declaration were true!

After pressing them a bit and helping them define sin ~ anger, impatience, envy, discontentment etc ~ they were able to collect their thoughts enough to think of examples of their sin.  The funny thing was, they shared stories that were about their own actions/words/attitudes that caused them to stumble.  I sat quietly until I saw the light dawn as each one muttered, "Wait a minute.  That was my own fault, huh?"  "Yep."  It was actually a perfect opportunity to talk about how easily and quickly we can trip someone into sin without realizing it.  Even teasing, mocking, joking can push someone into such a state of frustration that they unleash their wrath on the attacker and now - he is sinning with his response of anger.  A slippery slope, indeed.  We cannot pretend it does not exist ~we have a huge responsibility for the spiritual state of our brothers and sisters in Christ.  The attitude, "you do your thing and I will do mine and neither of us will judge the other" is not Biblical. 

But, I digress.

Caleb was first and did not seem to understand my question.  I changed it and asked, "Do you feel loved by me and do you feel secure in my love?"  "Yes."  "Do you ever feel neglected or left out?"  "Yes."  Ah, now we are getting somewhere.  "So what do you need from me so you do not feel neglected?"  "Time alone with you so we can play a game or go on a bike ride together."  "Done!  How often?  Do you need this every day or a few times a week?"  (I will confess I was a bit nervous as I began thinking how in the world I would incorporate private time into each day when I am already struggling to meet everyone's needs as it is!)  "Just a few days a week. Like ... Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays."  "Agreed.  Shake on it?"  We shook hands, he giggled, and then we ended our time together in prayer.

Micah was next.  Apparently he thinks I am perfect (HA!) so I asked, "Can I share what the Lord revealed to me as to how I cause you to stumble?"  "Um, sure."  "Well, as we have discussed before, you inherited my family gene for laziness and very little self-discipline, especially when it comes to eating and exercise.  You see me eat a treat but I will not let you have one.  You see me work out for 40 days straight and then you see me NOT work out for 40 days.  Mixed messages surely, and a poor model.  I KNOW you struggle with poor eating habits and would rather read a book than move your body.  And yet, I model the same.  So, I have a proposal.  Do you want to hear it?"  "I think so?"  "For 21 days (the time it takes to create a habit) we are going to have a 15 minute workout together every single day.  A 5 minute run on the treadmill, while the other person does sit ups, push ups, jumping jacks, squats etc and then switch.  Never more than 15 minutes, I promise.  And to curb our sweet teeth, we will go out for a treat once a week and share something we have been craving.  What do you think?"  "Okay.  I can do that."  "Deal?"  "Deal."  Again, we shook hands, I prayed for him, he prayed for me, and we parted ways.

And then came Luke.  My second born.  The one who is exactly-like-me in every way - both good and bad.  This child and I have battled since birth and though he has softened considerably, he still seems to think he can WIN in a battle of wills.  Sorry, pal.  God made me faster, stronger, smarter, and wiser than a child for a reason!  I asked if I could share what the Lord has shown me about how I trip him into sin, and followed it quickly with, "What is the worst quality we have in common?"  A sharp twist of the neck to look at me and, "Anger," was the reply.  "Yes.  When you complain about something, I get mad because I hate when you complain, especially about NOTHING.  So I respond in frustration to you, you get more fired up and start speaking without thinking and Bam!  We are both sinning in our anger.  Usually in about 14 seconds.  Would you agree?"  A woeful "yes" was muttered.  "So here is my challenge, are you ready?  We are going to have a contest.  Every Saturday for three weeks (21 days) we are going to quote as many verses on anger and the tongue that we have memorized during the week.  Dad will be the judge.  And, we will use Scripture to hold each other accountable.  If you hear me angry with someone or I hear you, we can, respectfully, quote a verse to help each other stay out of sin.  Now, if you win, what do you want?"  He thought for all of six seconds and bellowed, "A bowl of ice cream and a back scratch twice a week!"  "Interesting.  Okay.  If I win, you have to make my bed for a week, including fluffing the pillows, stripping  the bed to wash the sheets and putting it back together when they are clean."  "Deal?"  "Deal."  More handshakes and we ended in prayer.

The best part was, as soon as all of the brothers were reunited I could hear them telling each other what I did to make them sin and the deal we had made to help each other.  Nothing like having the Holy Spirit and another trinity (of children) keeping you accountable!

The truth is, I cannot possibly know what the world is struggling with in order to keep from being a stumbling block for everyone I know, or don't know for that matter.

But I CAN know what my family is struggling with.
And even better ~
I can do something about it!

Thank You, Lord, for helping me see my sons as my brothers in Christ.  It has changed how I view myself as a mother and as a sister in Christ.  Thank You.

Confidence in Christ.

Do you ever open the Bible for your time with the Lord and ask, Lord, show me what You need me to see?  Today was one of those days.  I had no idea where to look.  The Scriptures are voluminous and because they are living and active, there is no end to the impact they can have on your heart and mind on any given day.  The Lord had me open to the book of Hebrews and pointed me to chapter 10.  I read it, read it again and then, read it again.

It has been almost a month since the Lord began a work in my life that has my head spinning.  Yet even in the middle of some of the deeply painful moments and the isolation I can see what He is doing.  I am not in a season of doubt or confusion ... I am in a season of growth.  I can see it.  I can see what He has been doing for a few years to prepare me for this and I can even see what He has for me when this season ends.  It's funny, how we think we would like to know the future or have "all of the answers" when we are struggling.  "Give me a sign, Lord!," we often cry.  Now that I am older, however, I find much more pleasure in looking BACK to see how the hand of God was working because I can better appreciate what He had to do to get me where He wanted me to be.  Right now. 

I do not know how long He will have me walking through this desert to get me to the base of the mountain before He leads me up into the glorious hills where the sun will warm my face and the breeze will make me smile.  I am so heart weary I can hardly describe it.  But you know, every attack, every rejection, every harsh word, every wound, every scar ... they are all worth it.  Because with each one I am driven faster and more fervently into the arms of my Father ~ the only place I can find rest, unconditional acceptance, refreshment, sincere forgiveness, grace, love, and an understanding of who I am ... because He made me.  And in His arms is exactly where I want to be.
                                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, His body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God,
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.  So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.

For in just a very little while,
“He who is coming will come and will not delay.
But my righteous one will live by faith.
And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.”

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.   Hebrews 10                                                                       

I am weary ...

Mind, heart, and body.

            My soul is weary with sorrow; 

          strengthen me according to Your word.  

                                                                                                   

I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:3-5, 7a

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1-2

Those of steadfast mind You keep in peace—because they trust in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord God you have an everlasting rock. Isaiah 26: 3-4

You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11: 28-31

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. 
II Corinthians 12:9

My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. Exodus 33:14

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away. Job 11:16

You show me the path of life. In Your presence there is fullness of joy; in Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

Frighteningly true.

God will never introduce anything into your life that is a substitute for Him.

But satan will.

Can you tell the difference?

A surprising answer.

Do you remember the question I asked my husband?

Time moves very quickly when you are faced with an event or conversation that you would rather not have, doesn't it?  Before I could blink it was "tonight" and I prepared myself to hear how I make my husband stumble into sin.  While I appreciate people speaking into my life, because it is absolutely Biblical and causes huge growth, I also hate looking stupid.  When someone holds a giant mirror in front of your face and exposes a sin area of your life, you cannot run and you cannot hide.  You may not agree, you might not want to look, you may not even be able to see it, but the sin is there, clearly visible, and there are only two choices:

Go before the Lord and ask Him to show you the truth of what has just been revealed to you and ask Him to destroy the sin and make you more like Him
or 
be offended/hurt/annoyed, dismiss the correction and call the person judgmental

I have done both.
The first one always proves to be monumental in my spiritual growth.
The second one always proves to let satan gain another victory.

As I sat on the couch listening to my husband, I was preparing myself to bear his assessment well, keep my heart from shutting him out, and keep my mind from finding 22 reasons why he was wrong.  The Lord convicted me to ask the question, He caused my husband to consider it carefully, and I knew He was going to use Dennis to push me towards holiness rather than selfishness.  I was nervous, but I was ready.

I was not, however, prepared to hear this:

"I spent a lot of time thinking about this because my initial response to how you cause me to stumble was, 'You don't.'  But it seems like that is not possible when we are both sinners who want our own way, so I let the question sit and this is what the Lord showed me.

When I do not pray with you or read God's Word with you, knowing that it is what you crave and what makes you feel close to me, it can cause you to feel resentful, unloved, and make you lose respect for me as your husband.  Then you do not feel close to me and if left unchecked or unchanged, it can cause discontentment, which is sin.  So I cause you to stumble, not because I am doing something evil, but because I am NOT doing what you need."

<Pause here.>  Did my husband just share that HE causes ME to stumble?  I thought the point of this discussion was to hear how I was in sin and hurting him spiritually?  What just happened? 

He continued talking.  "Okay, now we are getting to the part where I fall short.  Here it comes!"

"And here is where we get into the crazy cycle.  You are not feeling loved or cherished by me, so you pull away to protect yourself, and you do not have any desire to be close to me.  Which means you do not desire intimacy, which is an important need for me.  When we are not intimate, my physical needs are not met which can lead to temptation to be frustrated, resentful, lustful, all of which are sin.  So your lack of intimate connection with me causes me to stumble, but only because I did not meet your initial need of spiritual intimacy in the first place.  I created my own problem because I was not obedient to love you the way Christ loves you.  So do we cause each other to stumble?  Yes.  But not maliciously or with the purpose to harm.  We do it because we are thinking of self, not each other.  But now we are aware, we are accountable, and we can change it!"

Can you believe that?  What an incredibly gracious response to a very serious question.  I imagine there are a dozen different ways that conversation could have played out.  Even the tone in his voice when he was talking was gentle and calm.  No attitude of accusation or resentment ~ just honesty and sincerity.

I will never forget it.  Seeing my husband as my brother in Christ was a huge shift for me.  Paul was so strong in his faith that he felt all (non sin) things were permissible for him and he could participate with a completely clear conscience.  But - he gave up ALL of his Christian liberty so that he would not cause a weaker brother to fall into sin because it also made HIM fall into sin.

Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if someone with a weak conscience sees you, with all your knowledge, eating in an idol’s temple, won’t that person be emboldened to eat what is sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother or sister, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against them in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall. 

I Corinthians 8:9-13

On this Valentine's Day I am more thankful for my husband than ever.  A man who loves me, honors me, considers my needs above his own, will tell me what I NEED to hear whether I like it or not, and who desires my holiness more than my happiness.  I have a good man, and I am forever grateful to the God who gave him to me.

Quote.

"Lord, whatever I know to be Your will, I will do it.  Regardless of the cost and regardless of the adjustment, I commit myself ahead of time to follow your will.  Lord, no matter what it looks like, I will do it!" 

Two words in a Christian's language cannot go together:  'No, Lord.'
 

"If you say No to God, He is not your Lord."

                                                 ~ Henry Blackaby

The strong and the weak.

Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.  The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.  Romans 14:1-3

Just because I see a weakness (as opposed to sin which Scripture clearly commands to be addressed and destroyed) does not mean I need to address it.  If the Lord wants me involved in the life of my sister in Christ He will bring her to me when she is ready to hear what HE has to say through me.  In the meantime, I need to pray for her, love her, and trust the Lord to do His work.  Even if the Lord never chooses to use me.

If she is not ready to hear, then my words are futile, the Lord cannot use me, and the Spirit is not working.  Our relationship is damaged because she feels criticized or "less than" ~ so when she is in need, and is looking for someone to hold her up, she will not choose me. 

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.  Romans 15:1,2

I may be the stronger sister in many relationships.
But I am also the weaker sister in some.

The strong and the weak have an interesting, and, often times, tumultuous relationship.  They need each other - but both can hurt one another when it comes to gray areas and personal convictions.  Paul says the strong (mature) Christian criticizes the weak Christian because her faith is not strong enough to give her confidence in her Christian freedoms.
The weak (immature) Christian judges the strong Christian and says she is a hyprocrite or in sin because she can do something with confidence that the weaker sister cannot do because her conscience says No!  He condemns both.

Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.  We will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written: “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before Me; every tongue will confess to God.’”  So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.  So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God.  Romans 14:5,10-12,22

Boasting about your freedoms is sinful.
Judging others because you lack freedom is sinful.

Unless it is blatant sin, it is none of our business.  We can discuss the issue, share our convictions, support it with Scripture ... but the Holy Spirit is the ONLY one Who can change the heart of a believer and bring about spiritual maturity.  The only One.

It is hard to hold the tongue.  To keep opinions to ourselves.  It is frustrating to see someone repeating the same pattern over and over and over again when they know better, and even more ~ you know how to help them!  When that frustration comes, go look in the mirror.

Because that is exactly what the Father sees in you.
In me.

We continue in our sin.  We make the same foolish mistakes - again.  We think we know better.  We close our ears to what He is saying and get mad when we feel guilt, because we know we are wrong.  But He waits.  He lets the Spirit work, He lets the Spirit pray on our behalf, and He lets us get to the end of ourselves.

Then.  He wipes our tears when we turn to Him, as the weakest of the weak, and let His strength pick us up, dust us off, and make us whole once again.

The strong sister and the weak sister have this in common:  both are sinful beings who innately seek to serve self.  Dying to the flesh and purposely choosing to "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification" is never going to be natural or easy.  It will take EFFORT, and it will command sacrifice.  But if we do it?  We will be faithful to fulfill this truth and this promise:

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you,

in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15:7

And isn't that exactly what we were designed to do?

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.  I Timothy 1:17

Happy 12th Birthday, Micah!

 Micah - our firstborn son,

This is a big year for you!  Your last year as a kid ... on the way to your teen years, and then to becoming a man!  How exciting these next years will be for you, and for us, as we watch the Lord grow and mature you in every area of life.  You are a wonderful son, Micah.  You are a servant, a leader, a helper, and you bring wit and little-known facts to our everyday life.  I remember the moment I first saw you, 12 years ago today ... and my whole world was changed, forever.

Tonight you were asked what your goals are for your 12th year of life.  These were your responses:

Spiritual:  Gain control of my temper and anger

Academic:  Learn and memorize the time line from Abraham Lincoln to the present

Personal:  Break my habit of laziness

Physical:  Play more football and street hockey

We pray we will be a significant part of helping you realize these goals and spur you on to success as you seek to become a boy who honors the Lord first, and grows in humility as you put your own desires aside and serve those around you.  We know we were given a precious gift when the Lord allowed us to be your parents, and we do not take our responsibility lightly.  We will always love you.  We will always pray for you, and we will always desire your holiness more than your happiness.

Act like what you do matters, Micah.  Because it does.

Happy Birthday!  Mom and Dad

Family Night Fun!

A fulfilling dinner, a devotion, prayer, and then ...

Dennis told the kids to collect every blanket, pillow, chair and bench in the house. 
He said, "You have exactly 20 minutes to create the best fort possible.  Ready?  GO!" 
And we left the room.  (after I snapped a photo of course)

 The older boys start organizing and creating a plan.

Management.

The littles are invited back in (they were kicked out around minute three since they kept pulling the blankets down) to see the fort.  Where is everybody??

Found them!  (I love Isaiah's face in this photo)

 

And now, Movie Night!  Lion King 1-1/2 was the featured selection. (a hysterical movie!)

Romans ~ the first question.

A recent conversation in our house, based on my reading of Romans 14 and 15:

I asked Dennis, "Is there anything I do in our marriage that causes you to stumble into sin?"

Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. 
Romans 14:13   He is my husband, but he is also my brother in Christ.

A loud guffaw is heard, followed by, "I wonder how many husbands were asked THAT question today?"  And then, "Hmmm.  I will have to think about it."

"Okay, because I really want to know.  The Lord has already shown me how I cause our children to stumble in sin, so now I need Him to show me how I hurt you."

It has been two days.

This afternoon he walked over to me and said, "I have thought about it and I have an answer for you.  We can talk about it tonight."

"Tell me now!  You can't bring it up and then not reveal the answer!"

"No.  Too many distractions and I want us to be able to focus.  I just wanted you to know that I have thought about it, seriously, prayed about it, and am ready to talk."

"Alright.  Tonight then."

My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.  James 5:19,20

Praise God that Dennis is not only my husband, but my brother in Christ.  What a unique advantage he has to be used by God to refine and correct and encourage me.  It may not be an easy conversation, but it is going to be a Spirit led conversation.  And that ~ is all that matters.

Read with me.

The Lord has been pushing my face into the pages of Romans 14 and 15 for the past week.  I literally cannot close out my day until I have read these two passages.  This has never happened before and I know, I know without a doubt, that the Lord is showing me something I have either been ignoring or avoiding and He has a work to do in me.  I am excited and nervous ~ the two emotions I always have when I know the Lord is pruning my heart and mind for His purposes.  I am placing the passages here and have highlighted the parts the Lord has popping off the page while I read.  The same parts, every - single - time. I have no idea what He is up to, but I know I am about to be turned on my ear and taken on a journey of discovery that will only lead to truth and a deeper understanding of Him and what He is desiring of me.  And of course, I am going to journal what He shows me in His Word and through prayer.  I have found no greater way to solidify what the Lord is doing in my heart than writing it out ... processing it as I type ... and being encouraged and challenged by someone who reads it and shares what He is doing in THEIR life, in the same area.  "Mutually encourage one another in the faith."  What a blessing of the body of Christ!  So, here we go ... let's read God's Word ~ together!

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man’s faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written:
“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before Me; every tongue will confess to God.’”  So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.  Romans 14

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.” For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Romans 15:1-7

Needed silliness.

Sometimes watching my kids act like goofballs is the best medicine for my weary heart.  I was never uninhibited so it always takes me by surprise that ALL of my children turned out like their father!  Heaven only knows how the Lord will use this ability!  Uninhibited for the Kingdom ... the possibilities are endless.

Not ashamed.

When our children become Christians, after the tears and celebrations and cheers have subsided, we announce that they have to tell ten people about their decision to follow the Lord.

Why?

Because one of the first ways satan attacks new believers is to make them ashamed of their choice.  He wants to create doubt and confusion, have others shun them or even break away from them so they feel isolated and regret their decision.  (Dennis met a young woman in China who was distraught because she wanted to get baptized after accepting Christ.  She shared, "I don't know what to do.  I want to obey the Lord but my father said if I do this he will disown me, and my mother said she will commit suicide."  Can you imagine??  It makes me angry just thinking about it.  Who does satan think he is?!?!  The time when she should be floating on air and beaming with joy because she is the lamb that was once lost and now is found ... and he has his icy claws in her back trying to yank her into disobedience and despair.  Oh, how I loathe him.)

We know satan wants to devour Christians, and we know he loves fresh meat.  But there is no way, NO WAY, he is going to get his claws into the backs of our children.

So we make them share their JOY and their excitement before anything else.  They get to choose who it will be, and interestingly enough, they always choose adults, not friends.  I never really understood why until it was Caleb's' turn.  I was able to watch, or hear about, all of the responses he received and it was fascinating!  Other 7-year-old kids respond, "Cool" or at best, "That is exciting!"  Adults, however, pick him up and hug him.  Scream into the phone.  Send e-mails with verses and sincere enthusiasm.  Who wouldn't be encouraged by such emotions?  I know I would!

Sunday after church Caleb came running into the house yelling, "Mom!  Mom!  Look what I got from Mr. Purtell!"  He handed me a suede-covered journal.  The first page was a letter from Mr. P sharing his joy and excitement about Caleb's salvation.  The second page was a song about how we are firmly held in the hands of the Father.  The last page ... well, you can see for yourself!
When this dear friend heard about Caleb, and the fear he had that God would no longer love him if he "messed up", the Lord moved his heart ~ the heart of this grown man ~ to give Caleb something that would remind him of the truth that the Father's love for us is great ... and everlasting.

We always knew that we would have to train our children not to be ashamed of the Gospel, from the moment they chose to BELIEVE the Gospel.  But we had no idea what a significant role other adults, whether friends, family, or acquaintances, would do to encourage and inspire their faith and trust that it is a very.good.thing to share their love for Jesus Christ.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.  Romans 1:16

A night of encouragement.

Last night was our quarterly homeschool meeting and Mom's Night of Encouragement.  It is always a treat to come together with other women to encourage one another and be challenged in our role as wives, mothers, and homeschoolers.  Even on the nights when I am exhausted and soul weary, I leave feeling a little lighter with a dozen ideas flitting through my mind about how I can improve, rearrange, or just rest in what I am doing as a woman in my home and in my family.

A seasoned homeschooling mom, and pastor's wife led our time together and as usual, created more opportunities for thinking and prayer.  (She is very good at that!)  During the hour she spoke I scribbled my usual crazy mess of notes and spent the night and early morning hours thinking about them and asking the Lord to show me what He wants me to see.

These are the notes that jumped off the page and have spurred further reflection ... which I am sure will come pouring through my fingers at some point in the near future as the Lord settles my heart on each one.  Some are actual questions or statements from our fearless leader, and some are just the thoughts the Lord brought to mind as I listened.
                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ What is my greatest weakness/struggle as a homeschooling mom?  What area could I totally recreate or change to bring more peace/fluidity/efficiency to our school days?

~ Do my kids know and understand my personal passions?
*Scripture
*Women - discipleship, miscarriage, encouragement
*Writing
What would they say I would do with my time if I had a whole day to myself?  Do they see me as a multi-dimensional person that God designed specifically with gifts and dreams?  Or do they only see the mom/cook/teacher side of me?  I need to ask them!

~ Learn something WITH my kids that is interesting and fun.  What in the world would that be, Lord?  They do not share most of the same interests - and they are all boys!  Reveal what it could be ... something that we can all do together that would unify us and make us laugh.  I trust You, Lord!

~ Home is your workplace.
   It is your husbands sanctuary.
Have I created a home that Dennis cannot wait to come home TO?  I think so, but I know there is probably more ... talk to him about that.

~ Be an ally of your kids fun!  Not my greatest strong suit.  Need to work on FUN.

~ Keeping yourself balanced and healthy makes your family stronger.  Include yourself in the calendar and planning of your day.  You do not need to say yes to everything just because you have free time.  You need to be home ministering to your family, and taking time to refresh your spirit through the Word and rest. 

~ Children need to be satisfied with their own thoughts.  They need time to be quiet.  And still.  Every day.

~ In Malaysia I was able to listen to the Lord for three weeks ~ because the normal "noise" of my life was completely removed.  How can I recreate that on a regular basis in my normal life?  Where can I go to be still and hear Him?  How can I do it without taking anything away from my family?  How often do I need to go away and find the stillness and quiet my heart, mind, and body need?  I do crave it.  It is not selfish.  It makes me better in all areas.  Show me where the balance is, Lord.  I know it is there somewhere!

~ My non-negotiables for each day:
Scripture and prayer
Dennis
children (personal attention, schooling, training)
personal time
home/meals

Just a few things to think about, right?  They are all good things.  They are all necessary things.  But I know I cannot change/fix/learn all of them at the same time.  So as I pray for balance in my daily life, I am asking the Lord to show me which of these areas need the most attention so I can meet Him where He is working and go from there.  And I know He will be faithful to answer that prayer!  He loves when we ask for wisdom and for HIS guidance!  I can only imagine the amount of head-shaking and rolling of eyes that happens in heaven when the Trinity watches me do things in my own power ... I am sure I amuse them often.

This is really exciting!  I was not expecting any of this last night.  Not a stitch.  And yet, here I am, with a head full of things that grabbed my attention.  I am eager to see where it leads me!

A familiar verse ~ from a new perspective.

Saturday night we celebrated our 3 Year Anniversary with our Genesis 2 married group.  The faces have changed some, (four couples broke off to start two new married groups.  Such a blessing!  But, oh, how we miss them!) yet we have maintained the same spirit of unity, commitment and faithfulness since the very first night we met, three years ago.  Each year on our anniversary we ask the couples to share ~ "What keeps you here?  With all of the other things you could be doing, what makes you commit to the 1st Saturday of the month, every month, and remain faithful?"  It is such a rich time of sharing and hearing how the Lord has worked in our group, grown friendships, strengthened marriages, challenged us, and used us to serve one another ~ in the joyful times as well as the sad times.  Dennis and I know we are privileged to be part of such a precious ministry and look forward to years of friendship and support as we walk through life together. The Lord is certainly not finished with us yet!  And ~ we are beyond blessed to have three mentor couples who are committed to us, love us, pray for us, share their own marriage and parenting struggles and joys, and continually encourage us in the faith.  The Lord placed each of us together ~ a group that probably would not have united on their own ~ and He did so for "such a time as this."  How good He is!

This particular year we have chosen to focus on getting to know our church leaders.  We invite a pastor/elder and his spouse to spend the evening with us so we can connect on a personal level, as well as have them share their marriage testimony with us.  Each month we walk away with several nuggets of wisdom and great prompts for conversation with one another as spouses.

Last night was no exception!  We enjoyed the company of our executive pastor and his wife (who happen to be the parents of a dear friend) and they not only challenged us in marriage and parenting, they had us in stitches as they shared their own "marriage career" as they call it.  41 years of life together holds many memories ~ and anecdotes!  Of the numerous 'secrets for success' they divulged, however, there was one that stood out among the rest.

They shared that in order to get off the crazy cycle of "I am not going to do xyz until HE does lmnop" they began what they call One Upping Each Other. They continually seek to serve/act/love their spouse regardless of what he/she is doing.  (They swear it is addictive!)  And they claimed this verse as their marriage theme:

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.  Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus ..."  Philippians 2:1-5

I have read and quoted and heard these verses three zillion times in my Christian walk.  But for some reason last night, the Lord shed an entirely new light on it as it relates to marriage.  He challenged me to make it personal.  So I did.  And as I sat on the couch listening to them talk, seeing the faces of my peers and my groom across from me, I was convicted.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard Dennis as more important than yourself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of Dennis.  Have this attitude for Dennis which was also in Christ Jesus ...

I know I do this.  But do I do it ENOUGH?  Do I SEEK to regard him as more important?  Do I continually look for opportunities to look out for his interests?  Do I humble myself, do I forget myself, so I can focus on him and what he needs and then work to actually meet those needs?

No.

I do not actively pursue ways to make Dennis content and comfortable and joyful in our marriage every day.  Some of those happen by default because it is natural for me, but there are areas in which I fall short and know he needs more ... and those are the areas I need to focus on.  I have a husband who praises me privately and publicly and tells me he is thankful for me ~ often ~ but when I asked the Lord to show me where I can improve, the list grew rapidly.  If I am going to CHOOSE to consider Dennis as more important than myself, then I have some work to do!

Let the games begin!

A first of many for Ellie.

 It was finally time for a haircut.  Well, a bang cut.  (I have never had a child who did not have to sit under the blade of my clippers!)  Her hair, while fun and curly, was getting too messy in the front.  I know nothing about cutting hair, but I know I like simple bangs (as opposed to the ones that start at the back of the head) and I knew it was time for Ellie to get some.  I just did a little tiny bit of clipping, left the rest long and pulled it back in a barrette to get it off of her face.

The electric winds howling through the area are not helping the smoothness of her new do, but I like the results!

The first haircut for Miss Ellie.  With many, many more to come I am sure!

There is more to it.

I was going to write about rejection.  How there is more to it then just not being 'chosen'.  How it is not always personal ~ and why do we always assume it is?  How we are ridiculous to think that everyone should need us and want us when the Lord Himself is rejected by millions, including His own children when they choose to follow self instead of Him.  How we need to understand that everyone's needs are different ... emotionally, spiritually, intellectually ... and we are not always the right fit for the need of the moment.  We place such a high expectation on ourselves for being the perfect spouse, parent, friend, when the reality is ~ sometimes the people closest to us do not need US.  They do not WANT us.  The Lord chooses to use another vessel to encourage or correct or comfort His child.  Instead of feeling bitter or sad or rejected, we should be praising Him!  We cannot be all things to all people, and quite frankly, all people do not desire us.  Let the Lord use who He will, when He will, as He will.  And when He chooses to use you, when He chooses to use me ... we can answer the call, run to the one who needs our personal touch, and thank Him for the privilege to be a tool in the hands of a wonderful, mighty, creative God who knows the hearts of all men.  Because it is a privilege.

Rejection is not always personal.  Sometimes it just isn't about you.  And compared to Christ?  The rejection by His chosen people while He walked the earth, the rejection of men while He hung on the cross, the rejection of men who did not believe He rose from the dead, the rejection of those who hear the Gospel and still choose self, and the rejection of His children who choose sin instead of Him ... who are we to whine and cry and complain when another imperfect human does not choose us for a party, a small group, or a personal conversation?  Who do we think we are?  The sting of rejection we feel on this earth is nothing compared to the utter shame and rejection He felt when God the Father had to turn His head because of our sin upon Christ's back.

We need to get some perspective.  Remember who we are.  What He did.  And realize that the two simply cannot be compared.
                                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the post I wrote on rejection several months ago.  After reading it again I realized that I did not need to write ... I just needed to be reminded of what the Lord already revealed to me on this topic.  I am still a work in progress, but day by day He is driving this truth home, and I am not fighting as hard against it anymore.  Praise Him that "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it!"

I caused great alarm for my husband yesterday when I wrote that I was praising God for learning to deal with rejection.  He missed the "I am so glad I have learned to grow in this area" and only heard "someone hurt my wife's feelings."  He began peppering me with questions, "Did someone say something that hurt your feelings?"  "Was someone mean to you yesterday?"  "Was it a close friend who hurt you or a random person?"  Though his questions were thoughtful (it is nice to have someone protecting you ~ and your heart), they were a little misguided.

Aren't all of us rejected on a daily basis in some form?

re·ject
verb \ri-ˈjekt\

Definition of REJECT

transitive verb

a : to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use
b : to refuse to hear, receive, or admit : rebuff, repel 

Whether large or small, rejection happens all the time.  To everyone.

An unreturned phone call.
An RSVP of "no" to an event.
Your ideas for a ministry are not heard.
Your child will not give you a hug when you ask for one.
A great length of silence after a very transparent and vulnerable note has been sent.
A guest list that does not include your name.
The job offer that is not extended to you.
The school does not accept your application.
Someone texting another friend while talking to you.
Unanswered e-mails.
No follow up after sharing something very personal.
A spouse walking away, falling asleep, or giving time to their interests rather than you.
A neglected smile, greeting, or kind word.

All of these are reasonable causes for hurt, pain, disappointment and sadness.  It never feels good to be left out.  In our inner core we want to be accepted.  Completely, wholly, willingly, and joyfully ~ accepted.  And wanted.

Isn't it funny how we can be sad when we are not included in something we would never want to be a part of in the first place?  It is not that I WANT to go to the monster truck rally ~ I just want to know that THEY want ME to go with them!  It should be up to me to decline the invitation.  Right?  Oh, wait a minute.  Then it becomes me rejecting them and then they are hurt.  Hmm ... either way someone risks disappointment here, don't they?

Isn't it crazy?

There are two things that have helped shape my thinking and my emotions on this topic.  (I used to be a very sensitive little girl, very shy, and would never stand up for myself.  Ever.  Being left out or dismissed would crush my spirit and make me cautious in relationships fearing that it would just happen again.  And surprise!  It did!)  Though I am older and wiser, I can still be caught off guard by feelings of rejection in simple things (not on a guest list) or big things (rejection of a family member) and I have to work hard to take my thoughts captive and lay my hurts at the feet of the Savior.  It is easier now, but it has taken a lot of work.

1.  "Seek first to Understand, then to be understood." (7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

My name not being included on a guest list is not personal.  Maybe they are only inviting their small group, their business friends, or new families in the church.  Maybe they only have room for 8 people and since they know us well they chose not to include us.  Either way - does it matter?  Are we friends or not?  Real friends, Biblical friendships, allow one another the freedom to pursue other people, other relationships, and are excited to hear about a good night shared together!

If someone does not follow up or respond to something important I shared, it is my responsibility to ask them about it.  "Is everything okay?  It is not like you to be silent after hearing something so personal.  I want to make sure I understand."  Then, I need to LISTEN.  Hear them.  And if it is even necessary, I can share my own feelings of hurt and rejection and help them understand me.

Bottom line:  It is rarely (if ever) only about YOU.  We are all selfish creatures who put our own needs first, people we really like second, and then everyone else falls in where it is convenient.  It takes work to maintain a friendship, a marriage, a parent/child relationship ... it just does.

And that brings me to the biggest lesson the Lord has taught me these past years.

2.  Lose yourself - think of others first.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3,4

Humility means letting go of self - remembering, acknowledging, and living the truth that others are to be more important than you are.  Your needs, your wants, your whims?  Let them go.  What do others need?  This verse is crystal clear - "regard one another as MORE IMPORTANT than yourselves."  Not equally important - more important.  There is no room for excuses or "I will help them when all of my stuff is done."  Just do it!

How does this fit in with rejection?  Easily!

Every time I am rejected, or feel rejected (because let's be honest, sometimes it is our own emotion and insecurities, and not the other person, that cause this feeling) I have to stop and ask myself:  Who am I thinking about right now?  Am I more concerned about my feelings and my place in life or am I thinking about her?  Yes, I am hurt ... it did sting a little bit to be ignored ... but I can take that to the cross, dump it, be restored with joy, and hop back into life.  But what about her?  How can I pray for her?  What are her hurts?  Her fears, struggles, weaknesses?  Does she need a stretcher?  When was the last time someone looked into her heart and drew out all that was in there?  How can I minister to her?

You see, once I dump my own pain and pride, I have more time, energy, emotion, and compassion to give to someone else.  I stop sucking myself dry with fret and fear and insecurity and can now use all of that energy to pour into a hurting heart ~ and take her to the feet of the Only One who can heal, comfort, forgive, and save.

Rejection smection.

Take the hit.
Cry if you need to.
Then shake it off.
Pull yourself together.
Remember Who bore the greatest neglect, insults, ridicule, and pain.
For you.
He didn't have to, but He did it anyway.
Remember who you are.
What you are commanded to do.
Drop your hurts at the feet of the Savior, let go of self, look at those around you, and think of them as more important.

Not because it is easy.
Or pleasant.
Or natural.
But because you are a child of a God who took more hits than you will ever be asked to endure, and He did it willingly, lovingly, and graciously.  And all He asks is that we follow His example, obey Him, and love Him first.

If you can do that?
Rejection will be easy to shake off.

Go ahead, try it!