My heart is full and my lips are praising the Savior!

 In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.

Luke 15:10

Tonight the angels rejoiced over our son, Caleb Jeremiah, when he held hands with his father and me, and with tear-filled eyes and a quivering voice, surrendered his life to the Lord ~ and gave his heart to Jesus.

He is a new creation.
Forgiven.
Set free.
Sealed by the Holy Spirit until the day of redemption.
Once an enemy of the cross.
Now an enemy of the evil one.

And he is our son.  A little boy who has been wrestling with becoming a Christian for quite some time, needing answers, afraid to ask ... until the Lord moved our hearts to start asking him specific questions, closed our mouths so we would listen, and gave us wisdom to know how to answer him and pull out the thoughts and motives of his heart.  A heart that was already tender to the Lord because the Lord has been revealing Himself to this little boy who so badly wanted to clean himself up before He came to the foot of the cross to be forgiven.  A little boy who heard the lie of satan that if you "do wrong" once you are a Christian, God will not love you anymore.  And it paralyzed him. 

But the Lord protected our son and opened his mouth so he could share the burdens of his heart and mind, and then allowed us the incredible privilege of showing him once again who our God is ... how much He loves us, why He died, how He forgives our sin, and most of all, how He bids us "Come."

Caleb was still a little unsure until we shared these two verses with him:

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.  John 10:27-30 

I have engraved you on the palms of My hands.  Isaiah 49:16

He looked at me and asked, "Does He do it right now or later?"  "Do what?"  "Write my name on His hand."  "Right now, Caleb.  As soon as you accept Him, repent of your sin, and give your life to Him, you are His.  Forever."

His eyes lit up, he smiled, and then he declared, "I am ready to become a Christian."

"Why are you ready now when you were so unsure before?"

"Because I thought God could stop loving me but now I know He always will."

At seven years old, satan already had his icy hand of fear gripping the heart of my son.  Whispering in his ear that he was not good enough.  That he was bad.  And mean.  And if he did those things after becoming a Christian God would discard him.  And my Caleb believed him.  He believed the lie.

Praise God for breaking the power of hell itself to release my son from the grip of the enemy.  He has called him to repentance.  He has called him to new life.  He has called him to HIMSELF.  And Caleb answered, "Yes!"

And I will never stop praising my God because of it.

Angels are rejoicing tonight!  And through the tears that roll rapidly down my cheeks, I am rejoicing that my son was lost - and now he has been found.  And the Shepherd will never, ever let go of His sheep.

He needs me.

Of the plethora of positives and blessings to be counted in having children close together, there is one striking downside:  when the baby of the family (who is usually 18 months or younger) has to be moved to "big boy" status because the new baby has arrived.

Is he a big boy?  Nope.  He is still a baby himself.  Is he potty-trained?  No.  Can he even talk yet?  Barely.  Can he change his own clothes, take his own bath, sleep in a big bed, or get his own snack and drink?  No, no, no, no.  He is still dependent, but because he seems 'big' compared to his 7-pound sibling, he is pushed into toddler-hood immediately ~ and expected to ACT like a toddler.

But he's not.

He is a little guy who still needs to be held and cuddled and kissed.  He wants to play peek-a-boo and talk like a baby.  He whines when he does not get his way and throws a toy when he is mad.  He wants to be pulled out of the bathtub, not climb out.  He wants to hold my hand, climb in bed with me in the morning, and hear me sing to him when he is tired or sick.  He needs me.  And he wants me.

But I forget these things.  I tell him to "stop whining and talk like a big boy."  "Stop pooping in your pants and go in the potty."  I want him to walk on his own so I do not have to carry him.

But he can't do all of those things.  He is not a big boy, he is barely a little boy.  He is just 2.  I treat him like he is big so he can enjoy the privileges of that position - and because Ellie is now the baby.  Even though he can run and jump and create play with Josiah, he is still thinking, acting, and behaving exactly as he is supposed to ~ like a 2-year-old.  Because that is what he is.

I am his mom.  No one else, just me.  I did not choose to have three babies in three years ~ God did that!  He created each life and chose to have them born close together.  He knew I could not meet all of their physical needs at the same time.  He knew that Josiah would have to be pushed up to make room for Isaiah and Isaiah would have to be pushed up to make room for Ellie.  Yet He did it anyway!  With all of my imperfections and complete lack of supernatural powers to meet each one of their personal needs every minute of the day, the Lord still chose me for this.  And He trusts me.
 

I need to hold my son as many times as I can.  I need to sing to him as often as he will let me.  And I need to let him crawl into my lap whenever it is free.
In those moments ... when I want to utter, in an exasperated tone, "Isaiah, puh-lease, stop whining and talk like a big boy!", I need to remember.  Because one day, very soon, he will be an adolescent who will want to play the drums, not patty-cake.

And I can never go back.

A thought on prayer.

What God says in prayer is far more important than what you say.
 

God already knows what you are going to say.

You, however, do not know what God is thinking.

Be still.
And Listen.

Do you stand out?

For the right reasons?

I noticed a billboard in Malaysia one day when we were returning from one of our adventures.  The visual caught my eye - a red apple in the middle of green apples - and the slogan kept me there: 

"Stand out.  Be noticeably effective." 

I have no idea what they were advertising but that simple phrase got my mind racing.  I asked my brother to send me an e-mail from his phone so I would not forget it.  (No, I do not text.  And yes, I know I am one of the only three people left in America who don't!)

I thought about this quote several times during our trip and kept asking myself, "Do I stand out?  For Christ?  Am I effective for the Kingdom?"  If I am totally honest, I would have to answer, "Yes, sometimes."  And that makes me sad, because I want the answer to be a resounding, "YES!  Yes I do!"  I want to understand the apostle Paul's confidence ... "Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do."  Philippians 3:17.  Can you imagine being that strong and confident in your Christianity?  Feeling you live a life of godliness that is worthy of being imitated?  The thought of that stuns me.  And at some level it must be absolutely terrifying.  When others place you on a pedestal there is a distinct "thud" when you fall to the floor.  And fall to the floor we will, because we are fallible, selfish beings and it is impossible to live a life of perfection without flaws or mistakes.  There has to be room for error, an ability to overlook an offense, and the reality that everyone on this earth will fail us at some point.  Without those pockets of grace, no human can ever measure up to the standards unwittingly placed on them by others.

The Lord clearly had a plan for driving this thought of standing out and being effective into my brain because there were two other occasions that He caused me to stop and look around.

The first was when we were at the Batu Caves, the place that changed the course of our entire trip.  When we were walking back down the 245 stairs I was so focused on holding the rail to keep from tripping (since Ellie was attached to my back) that I was not really taking in everything around me.  The sights, the sounds, the people, the monkeys ... and I felt this overwhelming urge to STOP.  So I did!  I scooted over to the side of a step to keep out of the way of others and just stared.  I saw the temple priests blessing the worshipers.  I saw the tourists feeding the monkeys, and trying to make them hiss.  I saw people laughing and talking and taking pictures.  And then I turned all the way to my left and looked away from the caves and noticed the gigantic cliffs that surrounded us.  How did I miss these?  I was enjoying the density of the trees and the sheer magnitude of the rock walls when all of a sudden my eyes spotted a color ~ pink!  Pink?  In the middle of a rock?  I strained my eyes and was surprised to see a FLOWER!  A gorgeous, bright, exotic flower shining in the middle of a gray and green backdrop.  Can you see it?  (Sorry, I still do not own a zoom lens.)  I smiled when I saw it and whispered, "Thank You, Lord, for making me stop.  I would have missed it."

And then, during our pool day in the final week of our visit, after I took too many photos of the kids and was taking a little break from swimming, I started looking UP.  The entire pool area was surrounded by gigantic, looming, white buildings with steel rails and balconies.  Such a harsh contrast to the natural greens and browns that formed the tropical oasis down below.  I was thinking of how cold they appeared.  No one would know that inside, each apartment is brimming over with conversation, laughter and memories.  Life.  And then the Lord drew my eyes to the trees.  They seemed strange to me at first because they were almost bare - a bunch of sticks poking out of a trunk with a few flowers here and there.  But when I got closer to the trees I realized it was happening again!  Flowers!  Colorful, vibrant, exotic flowers that fully 'popped' against the harsh backdrop of concrete and steel.  I grabbed my camera and started clicking. 

"Stand out.  Be noticeably effective." 

Do you stand out like these flowers against the backdrop of a cold, dark, godless world?

Does the world notice you?  Not because you are like it, but because you are noticeably and glaringly different?

Are you being effective for the Kingdom?

I am praying that my "sometimes" will become a consistent "yes."  It will take time, and it will take change, but I am willing and I am ready!  I am so thankful for these three distinct examples of standing out for Christ that the Lord showed me on our trip.  They were timely and poignant and I know He is not finished with me yet!  (Thank goodness!)

Quote.

"We shall have all eternity to celebrate the victories, but we have only the few hours before sunset in which to win them."

~ Amy Carmichael, Things as They Are

A verse we want to ignore. For good reason.

Drink water from your own cistern,

running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets,

your streams of water in the public squares?

Let them be yours alone,

never to be shared with strangers.

May your fountain be blessed,

and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Proverbs 5:15-18

Um, yeah.  Dennis and I have no desire to rejoice in the spouses of our youth.  We praise God every.single.day that we are not those same people!  We were young, foolish, unwise, lacking life experience, unaccountable, selfish, insecure ... need I say more?  We spent more time frustrated and arguing than we did holding hands and dreaming.  We worried more about getting our own way, or not having our needs met, than seeking to build one another up.  We focused on self and circumstances instead of God's Word and His design for marriage.  We - just - didn't - get - it.

And it hurt us.  We were two people existing in the same house while living parallel lives.  Neither of us were happy.  Neither of us knew how to serve one another, let alone submit or "love like Christ loves the church."  We did not understand the concept of personal sacrifice for the benefit of the other.  Praying with each other?  Reading the Word together?  Please.  We went to church every Sunday and served in youth ministry, but that is where it stopped.  There was no spiritual intimacy in our marriage.  Which spilled over into our physical and emotional intimacy.  We were on a crazy cycle of "When he does xyz, THEN I will do lmnop, but heck if I am going to make the first move!"  It was embarrassing.  It still is.  We have spent many a minute praying, "Lord, please erase the memory of our early years from the minds of all who knew us, and please, oh please, restore the years the locusts have eaten!"

He has been faithful.

At our Genesis 2 event in December,  we asked each couple to share the best thing about their marriage in 2011.  One of our mentor couples shared the Proverbs verse from above.  They are now empty-nesters and learning how to live with one another all over again.  Alone.  The husband shared that he is truly enjoying "the wife of his youth," and everyone in the room was close to flicking a tear or two.

Except for me and Dennis.  We were secretly thinking, "Praise God we are no longer living with the man and woman we married on July 17th, 1993!  We would not do that again if you paid us!"  We shared this very truth with the group when it was our turn, and they laughed.  Because they got it.  Anyone who has been married for more than five years (sometimes five months) knows there is no such thing as a perfect, smooth, undisturbed, always-thinking-of-the-other-person-and-not-myself marriage.  Two sinners living in the same house, sharing finances, children, in-laws, and the ever-present changes of life ~ without conflict?  Irritations?  Arguments?  Some selfish moments here and there?  Doubtful.

Are some couples madly in love and constantly smooching and writing each other poems and sitting on the same side of the booth in restaurants?  Yes.  Are there couples who are relaxed and easy to please and rarely at odds with one another?  Sure.  Are there couples who struggle to remain joyful and desiring of their marriage commitment?  Yes.  Are some couples barely hanging on by the skin of their knees to honor the vow they made to the Lord?  Absolutely.  And usually, they are the same couple!

It is really very simple.  Marriage is a daily CHOICE.  A choice to be faithful.  Honest.  Thoughtful.  Giving.  Supportive.  Submissive.  Loving.  Kind.  Forgiving.  Long-suffering.  Joyful.  Sincere.  Accepting.  Humble.  Transparent.  Self-sacrificing.

And that choice is not always an easy one.  But you know what?  After 18 years of marriage, Dennis and I can look back on each of our years together and see the trials and difficulties, sin and sorrow, and see the hand of God in all of it.  Would we do it all over again, the exact same way?  No way!  But we have learned not to look back for long.  We can't go back to our first year of marriage.  We cannot go back five years.  We can learn from those hard times, we always praise God for the grace and protection He continually poured on us, we can use the things the Lord carried us through to challenge and counsel other young couples, but we cannot change one thing about our past married days.  We can only focus on now.

I remember the bride in the wedding photo above.  And I was in love with the groom.  But that is not that man I live with now.  And she is not the woman he kisses goodbye each morning when he leaves for work.  We do not want to be them.

We love being US.

Right now.
Today.
In our 40's.
7 children.
A college professor.
A homeschooling mom.
Ministry.
Friends.
Family.
Saggy buns.
Gray hair.
Wrinkles.
And 1993 a fading memory.

These are the spouses we want to spend the rest of our lives with!  And if we can see such growth and change and maturity in these past 18 years as the Lord has shown us HIS model for marriage, we can only pretend to fathom the couple we will be when we are SIXTY and saggy!

Thank You, Lord, for YOUR abundant grace in our marriage relationship.  We owe everything we are, everything we do, and everything we have ~ to You.

The moments that surprise ~ and bless ~ me.

 Impromptu tea parties.

Soaking wet pants from playing outside in the rain, plopping down in the middle of the kitchen floor (why not?), and one child laughing from the belly with joy.  Who needs actual tea?

Ridiculous (and dirty) outfits that only a 2-year-old child could put together.

A little sister being served a large bite of food when barely ten seconds before the brother had declared, "This is NOT for you, Ellie.  Don't even ask!"

When asked, "I thought you said it was not for her?" he responded, "<sigh> She uses her cuteness and I just can't resist."

And the best moment of the day ...

I woke up feeling quite poor (the effects of overseas travel I am told) and just could not get out of bed.  My groom left for work and I did not have enough energy to even wonder where all of the children were or what they were doing.  Shortly thereafter I heard Luke making breakfast for everyone (eggs and muffins) Micah was doing his chores, and the littles were playing happily.  Chatter engulfed their meal time and then one of the older boys commanded:  "Caleb, go put on Bible songs for the littles and then do your independent work.  We will do our work in here while they are occupied with the songs."

And they did!

Quietly.

Harmoniously.

Without complaining.

Later, when I had my senses together, I praised them for their tremendously thoughtful servant attitudes and asked what made them do it.  "Well, you did not feel good and we wanted to help you," was the simple reply, and off they went.

Hmm.  So all of those days, all of those hours, all of those reminders to think of others and put one another's needs before your own ... they were listening!  Not only did they listen - they acted on it.  And I was the lucky recipient of such helpful hearts.  I was a proud mom.  Actually,

I AM a proud mom.

Why aren't you praying for one another?

How many times have you told someone, "I will pray for you," and then you forgot?  Until you see them walking toward you and you panic thinking, "Oh no!  I forgot to pray for her!  Lord, please bless Helga and work out whatever issue is troubling her right now.  Amen."  And then as she approaches you, you mutter to yourself, "Please don't ask if I have been praying for you.  Please don't ask ..." and then you greet her with a huge smile, and a hello, hoping to keep the conversation off of prayer.

Does that sound familiar?

I know I am guilty.  Thankfully, my guilt lives mostly in my younger years.  The Lord has done a number on me about praying for others and it is rare that I have to do the last-minute prayer because He convicts me so heavily to pray when HE wants me to pray.  It is much better His way, I will happily admit!

Yesterday our pastor was preaching through I Thessalonians:  We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

He was explaining that the church of Thessalonica is a model for all churches.  They were doing it RIGHT, as evidenced by Paul's prayer.

"It is an incredible act of love to use your prayer time for others.   To go before the throne of grace for another ~ for someone to go before the throne of grace for YOU ~  it is how we show love."

And then he said, "We need to ask ourselves, 'Why don't we pray for others?'  There are three options.

1.  We don't care.
2.  We do not know enough to pray specifically, (because we are not in relationship or asking how we can pray for them) so our prayers are shallow and unspecific.
3.  We forget.  (which pretty much falls into the "don't care" category.)"

I was a little uncomfortable with these three options, for two reasons.  One, I am guilty of all of them.  And two, they are all based on selfishness.

Saying, "I don't care about Helga, so I don't pray for her," sounds really harsh.  But isn't it true?  We have been raised to speak Christianese without thinking about what we are saying.  We rattle off phrases like, "Thanks for sharing that, I will pray for you," without blinking.  We are supposed to tell people we will pray for them.  That is what Christians do!  But do we have any intention of doing so?

The core of not caring is simply because we care about something else more.  Self.  If you recorded your prayers out loud and then did an analysis of them, how much time do you think would be given to prayer for others and prayer for self?  A sobering question.

The "not knowing enough to pray specifically" is easy.  I think most of us would say we are guilty of not digging too deeply into the lives of others to really KNOW how to pray for them.  We give general prayers about jobs, marriage, parenting, health ...but do we really, really know the state of the heart?  The struggles, the strongholds?  There is no way we can ~ unless we ASK.  Which requires time and sacrifice.

"Forgetting."  We have all done it.   That used to be my biggest flaw in my prayer life.  Forgetting the specific request or that they needed prayer in the first place.  But the Lord chastised me severely and convicted me so much that I asked Him to be faithful to place people on my heart who needed prayer and not let me rest until I was obedient to do so.  I slip on occasion but for the most part He has been incredibly faithful!

The one thing that has been modeled for me by a handful of different people is watching them in a conversation, whether in person or on the phone, and when someone shares a need he/she will say, "Can I pray for you?"  And they do!  Right there.  No promises of doing it later.  They pray WITH the person at the exact moment they are sharing their burden.  I have been privileged to be on the receiving end of those prayers and it is both inspiring and life changing.  And I wanted to be that kind of woman.  But I felt awkward.  What if they don't want me to pray?  But you know - I have never heard someone refuse to be prayed over.  Ever.  Even non-Christians.  People crave God and people crave prayer.  So now, I do it.  Not every time, but when the Lord prompts me, I obey.  On the phone, in an e-mail, in person, in a Chick-Fil-A restaurant ... I pray.

But enough about me.  Let's look at God's Word and see what He has to say about praying for one another.  They are not suggestions.  They are commands.  And it is an absolute privilege to,

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrew 4:16

                                            *****************

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.  James 5:16

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.  Ephesians 6:18

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.  I Timothy 2:1,2

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.  Colossians 1:9

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:44,45

I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.  Romans 15:30

Brothers, pray for us.  I Corinthians 5:25

I always thank God for you because of His grace given you in Christ Jesus.  I Corinthians 1:4

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains.  Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.  Colossians 4:2,3

Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”  Matthew 9:37,38

And the greatest promise and encouragement for the prayer life of the believer:

 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.  Romans 8:26,27

AMEN!

Will I surrender all?

I had to laugh out loud today when I was asked, "So, are you guys moving to Malaysia?  Seriously.  Are you?"

The answer is no.  We are not moving to Malaysia.  (Of course, what we have planned and what the Lord has panned are two very different things.)

Were we changed there?  Absolutely. 

Has the Lord completely refocused my thinking?  Yes.

Do we know what He is doing?  Nope.

And I think that is the beautiful part.  It is not about us.  It is not about our plans and desires and dreams and what WE want to do.  It is rather refreshing!  There is wisdom in planning, don't get me wrong.  Scripture encourages us to seek counsel from the wise when making decisions.  It tells us that He will guide us in all truth.

Planning is a good thing.

But so is waiting.
Praying.
Listening.
Watching.
Seeking.
Being still.

And that is where we are.  We are totally content to see what He is going to do with all that He opened our eyes to in the foreign land of Malaysia.  And I, personally, am barely able to keep up with the voluminous amounts of ideas and convictions the Lord is revealing to me.  I have notes everywhere!  They do not totally make sense but definitely have an underlying theme ~ stop investing in earthly things and set your mind on things above.

I think about it all day long.  And while I am not pursuing wealth or status or fame or any of the "traditional" worldly pursuits we usually rattle off, I still give time and energy to activities and events that, while good, are not serving a Kingdom purpose.  They are not affecting eternity.  They are not serving "the least of these" or affecting the world for the sake of the Gospel.  Some are.  My husband and my children are at the top of the list.  The Lord called me to be a wife and He called me to be a mother ~ and those are roles I do not take lightly.  But Scripture says,

Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on His glorious throne, you who have followed Me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for My sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

Matthew 19:28-30

This is not an excuse to shirk your role as a parent, spouse, or child.  It is similar to the sacrifice Abraham was willing to make ~ killing his own son.  An action of obedience, and trust.  Do you remember what Abraham said to his servant on the way to make the sacrifice of his only son?  He said to his servants, "“Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.” Absolute faith that God would restore His Son.  Either by not letting him die to begin with, or raising him from the dead if he did have to die.

It is not about walking away from your family to follow the Lord and be a superhero Christian.

It is an act of surrender.

The Lord knows when we are willing to surrender all.
He knows when we are refusing to let go or trust.
He knows when we are relying on our own intelligence and our own strength rather than seeking His will.

And He lets us choose.

And that is where He has me.  I have free will to CHOOSE or DENY the conviction He is pressing on my heart.  I know the right choice.  I know the blessings that come from obedience.  Scripture is filled with examples of such blessings.  But I also know there is a cost.  It does not have to be tragic or dramatic, but I will have to give up something I want.  Something I think I need.  And it may take a while to heal from the sacrifice.  It always takes time.  But healing always happens.

Because in the end, nothing we have belongs to us.  Not our health, our bodies, our minds, our relationships, our spouses, our children, our skills, our talents, or our gifts.  They all belong to Him and that is what He is asking of us in these passages ~ are we willing to give all of those things back to Him and trust Him to do with them what HE will?

Are you willing?
Am I?

I pray so.
I sincerely pray my answer will be, "Yes, Lord.  To YOU, I surrender all."

Phase II.

Well, I thought a blank mind was enough for the Lord to work with.  Apparently, He wanted my mind blank and my body unable to sleep!  He kept me wide awake until 3 am this morning and flooded my mind with unconfessed sin, relationships that need more of my attention, attitudes I need to change regarding ministry, conversations I need to have with my children, discussions I have been putting off that need to be addressed ... it was a long four hours lying in bed!

But man oh man, did I wake up with a clear head and a purpose to my day!  My list of notes is impressive.  There really is a purpose to the command, "Be still," but it is the second part that really matters.  "...and know that I am God."

He is God.
I am not.

He has plans and desires and hopes for my life.  But He can only accomplish them if I am willing.  Surrendered. Totally ready to be used by Him, regardless of whether I like every detail or if it is easy for me.  He has a purpose for my life, my time, my gifts ~ and they may not look like the plans I have.

The heart of man plans His ways but the Lord directs His steps.

Proverbs 16:9

But why should I care if they are different?  If there is one thing I have learned in my 40 years of living it is this:  nothing I create, decide, plan, or prepare ever comes close to being as good as what He has in mind.  Even the dark moments filled with pain were for my good.  My growth.  My maturity.  His plans are always better.

And last night?  He showed me quite clearly what is cluttering my mind and sucking away my time.  Time I could be spending for Kingdom purposes.  And He reminded me of how He met me in Malaysia.  It was not through Scripture or prayer, a sermon or a testimony.  It was through experience.  He showed me His people, His creation, His heart, and I soaked in every single moment because I had never seen anything like it.  And I feel like that experience is slipping away.  But the truth is, we cannot hold onto moments or feelings.  It is like grasping water.  It slides right through.

But I belong to, and serve, a God who never changes.  His workings in my life never subside.  I may lose sight of them once in a while, but He promises that He will never leave me, forsake me, and He has my name written in the palm of His hand.  I might forget what He asked me to do, but He doesn't forget.  Ever.  And He will keep calling me back to Himself, asking me to trust Him, and convicting me to obey.

And that is what I love about my God.

He is always there.

He always wants me.

He does not scream at me for not listening the first time.

He forgives me ~ more than once.

And best of all?  While He tolerates watching me plan my life in my little world, He is grinning from ear to ear thinking, "Oh, Michelle.  I cannot wait to show you what I have in store!  You could never imagine."

What a great way to live.

Keep talking, Lord.  I am listening!

Home is not just a place.

We have been home for two full days.  The adventure is over and normal life has set in.  School books are being pulled off the shelves.  Laundry needs to be folded.  Groceries must be purchased.  Sports practice resumes.  Ministries need attention.  And the routine that runs the Eastman family is back on track.

And I must admit, we seem kind of dull doing our own thing after all of the excitement and drama that happened in Malaysia.  Who wants to hear about homeschool projects and my thoughts on excellent literature when they can read about foreign lands with strange toilets and men playing with crocodiles in bare feet?  But you know what?  Homeschool, books, water polo, tae kwon do, Biola, small groups, discipleship, friends, family, chores ~ these are the things that make us who we are!  We are not world travelers.  We do not have the privilege of enjoying crazy adventures on a regular basis.  We may never get to travel overseas again.  It was thrilling, memorable, exciting, interesting, and it will make us smile every time we remember those three weeks.  But the Eastman family as a whole would probably not be described as adventurous and exciting.  I think would be described as - consistent.  Dependable.  Faithful.  And I like those words for our family!

After the second week, one of our sons was upset and really wanted to go home.  He missed his bed, his toys, his friends.  Dennis talked to him and told him, "Buddy, wherever we are - as a family - is home.  We may not be where everything is familiar, but WE are home."  It worked for the boy.  He calmed down, smiled and went on his merry way, never mentioning home again.

But it made me wonder.  Is home really where we are - just because we are together?  I understand the core of the thought, but I am not sure I completely agree.  When I was in Malaysia and thought of home, it was not my house that I thought of.  I did not miss my couch or my kitchen table or my bookshelves.  When I thought of home, I thought of people.  Ministry.  Our church body.  Our family.  Our friends.  I missed THEM.  I missed the people God placed in my life because it is those very people who make my life whole.  He uses them every day to push me, challenge me, encourage me, correct me, and refine me.  He uses them to make me laugh, push me out of my comfort zone, open my mind to new ideas, and try things I would never do on my own.  I need people.  I need to serve.  I thrive off of the contact and exchange with people - even strangers.  It is how He made me.  And I love that He created a very deep and insatiable need inside of me to connect and have intimate relationships with others.  I need them, and I am constantly praying that I can make a difference in their lives, that I can serve a purpose for them.  Even the ones who do not want me.  I am learning to let go and focus on those who do, but it is a hard lesson.  I hate letting go.

As I thought through this very real truth in my own life, I decided that home is not just a place.  Home IS the family that dwells inside, of course.  But home is also your own world.  Where everyone knows you and you know them.  Where you go to church and feel completely at peace and confident because it is your pastor, your peers, your worship team, your bulletins.  You have your favorite grocery store.  Gas station.  Dry cleaners.  You recognize a friend's car on the street and are excited to catch them so you can wave hello.  You know where to buy the cheapest jeans and when your farmer's market sets up in the mall parking lot.  You know that the first Saturday of the month you will be with friends in a small group.  Your children know how to get to practice and tell you if you passed the street.  You are invited to birthday parties and weddings and going away parties.  When something bad happens you have people on your doorstep within the hour.  You know your mailman and receive hand-written notes from people who love you, just because.  We had a piece of home with us because we were all together, and nothing can take away the feeling or joy of family.  But we were not totally home ~ there were some missing parts.

Home is not just a place.  It is sweet, it is unique, and it is a safe haven in the midst of all the chaos that spins around us.  But what makes us want to go home is not our favorite pillow or the rose bush we watch bloom every spring ... it is everything else that comes with it.  It is everyONE that comes with it.

And that is what I missed these past weeks.

People.
People I love.
People who love me.
People that make me laugh and at least smile when I try to be funny.
People who need me.
People who speak truth and expect the same in return.
People who love God and care more about my holiness than my happiness.
People who God placed in my life, whether difficult or effortless,  for such a time as this.

Thank You, Lord, for every one of them. You are the Giver of all good thing.

We are HOME!

We made it!  No drama.  No delays.  Just a smooth flight and a safe return home.

The flight was two hours shorter flying this direction, so that was great.  The plane, however, was packed to the gills, not a spare seat left to be had. (the first three flights had dozens of open seats so we were able to spread out and acquire sleeping space for the little people.  Not so on the last 11 hour flight.  We tried making a bed on the floor for Ellie but an uptight flight attendant would not have it.  No grace to be seen!

Needless to say, Dennis and I are a little weary after 30 hours of airports, airplanes and immigration.  But, we are home, everyone is showered and dressed for bed, our airplane clothes are washed and now spinning in the dryer, all of the suitcases are unpacked and put away, and everyone is enjoying the items they missed while we were away.  We loved, loved, LOVED our time in Malaysia, but there is such truth to the phrase "home sweet home."  I actually flicked a tear when the immigration officer at LAX said, "Welcome back to The United States!"  It was a strange sort of pride and relief to be in my own country ... I was not expecting that at all!

And imagine our surprise when our shuttle van pulled up to the house and we found a WELCOME HOME sign fixed on our garage and a Happy Birthday banner for Dennis on our van.  Not to mention a home cooked french toast bake for tomorrow morning from a friend, a house full of food thank to my parents and another friend, and a gloriously clean and freshly-aired house which could only have been done by cleaning fairies that live on our street.  Thank you!  What a fun way to come home after a long trip and with very weary bodies.

Thank you for your prayers and fun e-mails and comments during our adventure in Malaysia.  It was a life-changing experience that we will never forget!

It's time to go home.

21 days.
12 people.
4 adults.
8 children.
1 house.
3 meals a day.
14 snacks a day. (per person)
40 gallons of bottled water per week.
9 adventures.
Dozens of outings.
Hundreds of pictures.

And enough memories to last a lifetime.

These last three weeks in Malaysia have been fantastic.  I think we are all leaving with something different to carry with us.  We are different people with different needs, desires and dreams and the Lord met each of us exactly where we are.  When Dennis and I went out to dinner we talked about the trip and our experiences and the greatest "take away" and he said, "I am going home with a wife who has been gripped by this country."  And he is right.  The word 'gripped' is perfectly fitting ~ and accurate.  I feel like Malaysia has a hold on me.  The people.  The lost.  The religious who "have a form of godliness but do not know God."  The culture.  The need.  The darkness.  The Christians who work so hard to show the light of Christ and equip others to do the same.  The poor.  The children.

I flew to Malaysia expecting a vacation with my family.

I am leaving Malaysia expecting God to reveal the true purpose of why we came.

It was not about elephants or canopy walks or movie nights.  It was bigger than all of those things.  Bigger even than the great conversations and family vision we talked about as adults.  This trip was a window into a world that I had no idea existed, except in books.  I saw things that I believed extinct, like idol worship, and cannot shake the images.  Nor do I want to.

Malaysia has me in its grips.

It has left an imprint on my children.

When my Caleb was asked what he wants to be when he grows up he responded, "Maybe a missionary."  "Where?"  "Here.  Or maybe China."  "Why those countries?"  "Because there aren't very many Christians."

Can you imagine?  One family trip to Asia could be the catalyst for one of our sons surrendering his life to the mission field for the sake of the Gospel.  A 7-year-old heart made soft because of what he saw while we were here.  Praise God for His work in the hearts of His children!

Malaysia has infiltrated the heart of my husband.  We have talked about things never before discussed.  Plans, ideas, dreams, goals ... whole new worlds of opportunities that were not considered five years ago.  He is different.  We are all different.

And it's time to go home.

But home will never look the same, because we will be viewing it through the lens of what we have seen here.  God has placed us in the middle of southern California, in a church body, in a neighborhood, with our specific friends, and our community ~ for such a time as this.  How it will change because of what we have experienced here I am not sure.  But what I do know is that it.will.change.  And I am looking forward to every single one of those changes.

****

Right now I am sitting in the quiet of the house.  Roman is playing at my feet while Ellie pushes a broom around the floor.  Everyone else is gone.  It is raining outside and there is a fantastic breeze blowing over me as I sit in front of the window looking out over the city.  I prayed for rain this morning.  I have only seen it twice since we arrived and I wanted to feel it on my face and enjoy it once again before I left.  I forgot that I asked the Lord for this special gift until I heard the splatter of drops outside.  And it made me smile.  My two favorite parts of creation - rain and wind - and I am feeling the joy of both on my last night in this beautiful country of Malaysia.

Wait a minute.  What am I thinking?  I cannot just sit here and listen to the rain!  I need to feel it. 

Lord, thank You.  For a thousand things.  For an answer to prayer as simple as rain.  Thank You for moving my heart to get up and go stand in Your creation and feel it completely wash over me.  I wept, Lord.  And You knew I would.  I have never stood in such a heavy rain ~ a rain that drenches you within the first minute.  It was amazing and cleansing and for a moment, just one moment, I felt like the drops were Your tears weeping  over a country and a people that do not know You. 

Lord, open their eyes.  Let them see You.  Remove the idols.  Remove the temple gods.  Show these people that You are the one true God, just like you did in the days of the prophets.  They need you, Lord.  They need You.

Thank You for the Christians who are here serving You and serving the Malaysian people.  Protect them from persecution so they can continue the work, but not so much that they take their religious freedom for granted.  Give them strength and passion and fearless hearts to show Your love and speak Your Word in this country.  You created each of them, Lord.  One by one, body by body, You shaped each one and call them by name.  You love these people.  You love this nation.  Turn their hearts to You, Lord.  Show them who You are and how much they need You.

I am different, Lord.  I have been changed from the inside out because of what You have allowed me to see in this land.  Please do not let the memory fade.  Do not let me forget.  Do not let me go home, fall back into my own routine and snuggle into my comfort zone and allow Your voice to fade into the background.  YOU brought me here.  YOU caused Malaysia to reach out and grab hold of my heart.  YOU have a purpose.  Show me, Lord.  Please.  Show me.

Thank You for the rain ... it was exactly what I needed to cleanse away the confusion and the doubts in my mind that have been racing around since the caves.  It was one of the best feelings of my life, to stand in the pouring rain, in a foreign land, feeling like it was a gift from You to me.  I know You needed to get my attention, and You did.  You absolutely did. 

And now, it's time to go home.

Firsts for the Eastmans in Malaysia.

We have experienced many "firsts" in Malaysia.  Some are regular activities like sleeping and eating and others are a little more unique.  Dennis, of course, has experienced some of these on his recent trips to Lebanon and China, but for the most part, these were new adventures for the entire family.  (I am quite sure this is not an exhaustive list.)

What a trip we have had!

Overseas flight

Going to a new country - Asia

Haircut and style

Purchased stationary/journal

Pedicure

Meals

Worshiping with other believers

Vietnamese food

Showering

Sleeping

Pewter factory – touring one and making our own bowl

Hindu temple

Seeing idol worship

Met and talked to a Sikh Hindu

Custom made dress shirts for Dennis

Illness

Doctor visit – Josiah

Shopping spree

Playing at a park

Swimming

New years

Riding in a car on other side of road

Hearing the Call to Prayer for Muslim worship

Seeing wild monkeys

Bible study/prayer time

Using Foreign money

Naps

Chores

Eating out at a restaurant

McDonald's

Ellie and her paparazzi

Riding in a car without car seats (not a law here)

Eating pizza - Papa John's

Rode and swam with elephants

Thai massage

Canopy walk

Water park

Taxi ride

Muslim showers

Beca ride

Playing on a pirate ship

Caving/spelunking

Shopping

Making new friends

Having a driver take us everywhere

Riding an indoor roller coaster

Serving others as a family

A date night in a foreign land

Best Science Center ever.

We are winding down now ... our plane leaves tomorrow and our crazy adventures have come to an end.  We have spent the last two days relaxing, popping in and out of local places, and enjoying our final hours together as an extended family.  Today we planned a morning at the water park underneath the towers.  We packed our stuff, got everyone in swim gear, and made the trek on foot to the park - only to find it CLOSED for cleaning and renovations.  NOOOOOOO!  On to Plan B.  CC suggested we go to the Aquarium, which is a few blocks behind the park, so we steered everyone in that direction, entered the gorgeous KL Convention Center, slid through the floors in a circular, see-through elevator, and arrived at the Aquarium to find it - CLOSED.  They did not open until 11am.  It was 10.  We were not going to sit for an hour with 8 children waiting for the doors to open.  On to Plan C.  CC kept thinking and thinking and then piped up and cried, "The Science Museum!  Let's go!"  Once again, we steered our people onto another path that led to one of the gigantic malls.  (Everything in Malaysia is in a mall - from the post office to the hair salon to the grocery store.  It is crazy - and always crowded like the malls at home on Christmas Eve.)  We made our way through the eight floors to the The Discovery Centre and TA DA!  It was OPEN!  I wish I could describe the look of relief on the faces of my children.

This museum is the best one we have ever visited.  Large sheets of glass with water flowing gently over them invited us into the museum.  (I love that nature and the elements are incorporated into every shop/restaurant/building here.)  It begins with a ride - kind of like Disneyland's Journey Into Inner Space - and drops you off in the museum, which fills five floors.  Slides, games, computers, physics, gravity, earthquakes, tornado chambers, bed of nails ... all of the usual fanfare of a science center.  Malaysia has almost every natural resource available so they had an entire floor dedicated to a working model of an oil platform.  Sleeping quarters, pipes, oil rigs - it was impressive.  I could go on and on, but I won't.  If you have children you have been to one of these places and you are already bored with my diatribe.  So, enough chatter.  Enjoy the photos - limited yes - but enough to get an idea of our day!

Oh wait!  The best part?  There is only one way in - and one way out.  Through the ride.  So even if your children get ahead of you or behind you - they cannot escape.  Brilliant.  Just brilliant.

The tornado chamber was my favorite.  I love wind and being in this level of wind?  AMAZING!  It was so strong it blew Ellie's curls out!

Odds and Ends in Malaysia.

We had a driver for our entire visit here in Malaysia because a) 12 passenger vans are quite rare and b) it is cheaper to hire a driver than to rent a van.  His name is Singh and he has been a wonderful host and tour guide.  He was born here so he knows quite a bit about the country.  He pushes strollers, carries kids, and greets them with hugs and high five's every time we see him.  He is Hindu so the boys are praying for him!  (that is him on the left kneeling with the boys.)

We took a quick jaunt to visit Steven at work.  I, personally, wanted to see his world to get a better understanding of what he does every day.  When we arrived he was in the middle of a meeting with his entire team but they were gracious and let us come in anyway.  The visit lasted about 17 minutes since we had ALL of the children and his office does not have Lego's or juice boxes.  (imagine!)  He still thinks I am crazy for wanting to do it, but he should know me better than that by now!

The elevator had a mirrored ceiling so I wondered what it would look like in a photo - like a piece of modern art!  I LOVE it!

This, is a Malaysian toilet.  A woman's toilet.  Do you notice the missing piece?  Yep, that is right, ladies.  You just put your feet on the sides of the hole and, well, you can imagine the rest.  The little spicket to the left is a Muslim shower.  They are required to wash every time they use the toilet so every single bathroom in Malaysia has one - men and women!  Whether a public restroom or a house.  Seriously.  Even in a Scottie Pottie they have a bucket and hose version.  The floors are tiled with a drain in the corner.  Dennis thinks this is the best invention ever for people with children in diapers or who are potty training.  I have to agree!

I was thrilled to find this card beckoning me from a card rack.  The name of JESUS in a country where Christianity is the minority religion and not particularly welcome.  I had to have it.

As you might imagine, my 6'5" brother has a very hard time finding clothes to fit him in Asia.  He usually purchases clothing when he is in the states, or he has them custom made.  This always sounded odd to me until he surprised Dennis with the gift of two custom made shirts for his birthday and we found out they cost less than a brand-new quality shirt in the U.S.

Sam is his tailor and he is charming.  He came to the house to measure Dennis and sat patiently while we looked through at least 18 sample books to choose the fabric.  Steven was a huge help in this part of the process!

Seven days later Sam arrived at the house with the finished product.  Two gorgeous shirts for my groom.  He cannot believe the difference in fit.  Dress shirts are made to fit the masses, not individual bodies.  So now Dennis has two perfectly-fitted shirts to enjoy for years to come!  Great gift idea, Steven!  Thank you!

Kuala Lumpur is home to the World Famous Patronas Towers.  I have to say that KL has some of the most interesting buildings I have ever seen in my life.  There is no such thing as simple brick and mortar here!  Steven and CC live within walking distance of the towers so we took a stroll over there to see them up close.  (You can go up on the bridge if you desire - for $20 per person.  We were happy looking up!)  Personally, I enjoy the towers most at night.  They look like sparkling pewter - absolutely stunning.  (The photo below was taken by a professional.  Just wanted you to share in the splendor!)

#14 - Date night with Dennis ~ in Malaysia!

We traded date nights with Steven and CC.  They went out for dinner on Monday night and we went to bed early so they could come home to a quiet house.  (I am quite sure they are ready to get their privacy back!)  In hind sight, we should have sent them out one night each week we were here so they could focus on each other and be away from the madness that is the Eastman Eight.  Now we know!

It was our turn last night.  CC chauffeured us to and from a fantastic restaurant ~ Tamarind Hill.  It is impossible to describe the interior of this restaurant.  The best I can do is say that the entire wall behind our table was a cascading waterfall, every piece of furniture was carved out of a tree trunk, the sky was the ceiling, and plant life was pulled in wherever possible.  Thought it sounds raw and camp-like, it was one of the most elegant places I have ever been.  I could have stayed there for days ... just thinking and praying and resting.  It was that peaceful.

We ate new food, tasted our first sips of Tamarind Tea, had sugared sticky rice with mango for dessert, and had a terrific and uninterrupted conversation.  It was a little slice of heaven!

Swim Day.

The apartments have a community pool ~ a gorgeous community pool, mind you.  Dennis and the boys spend two hours there every afternoon while the littles take their naps.  Yesterday we dedicated the entire morning to Family Swim Day and it was a wonderful way to spend a Wednesday!