Sola Scriptura ~ Scripture alone.

The memory of the righteous is blessed ... Proverbs 10:7

Today, October 31, marks the anniversary of the day Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the door of Castle Church in Wittenburg, Germany, and forever changed the world for the sake of the Gospel.

Our pastor did a phenomenal job preaching the beauty and dignity of this day as we worshiped together Sunday morning.

If you do not know the details of the Reformation, you must learn them.  You hold a Bible in your hand, in your language, because of the Reformation.  Because of the men who willingly walked to the stake, listened to the slam of a prison door, and laid their heads down for the slice of the axe ~ because they refused to denounce the truth of Scripture or the name of Jesus Christ.  Because they believed that every human being deserved to know what God says in His Word, not just the hierarchy of the church.  Because they loved the one and only God with all their hearts, souls, and minds and were fully surrendered to Him ... no matter the cost.

We must REMEMBER.

The way forward

is BACK.

"The further back we look the further forward we'll see." ~ Winston Churchill

We are not here to make everything better - we are here to be faithful to uphold what those who came before sacrificed for us.

History is a telling of God's saving action.

The desire of the reformers was simply this, as told of William Tyndale, the man who began the translation of Scripture into different languages so every person could read and understand God's Word ... he declared to a pious priest, "My goal is for every plow boy in the fields of England to know more Scripture than the Pope."

They fought for truth.  They fought for the right of every human being, made in the image of God, to have, hold, and know His Word, as He spoke it ... without translation or traditions of men.

Faith alone

Grace alone

CHRIST alone

That is what they died for.

Truth.

And we need to remember ... so we do not willingly fall back into the blindness and darkness of a twisted and perverse generation.

Read the Word.

KNOW the Word.

Study the Word.

Live the Word.

And R E M E M B E R.

The privileges we have, the freedoms we enjoy to worship and praise God ~ they all came at a price.  Lives of countless men and women willing to die for the sake of Christ.  For the cause of the Gospel.  

Do not forget what it cost them.

Do not neglect what they gave you.

KNOW THE WORD.

And then praise God for those who gave everything, so you can.

Ezra 7:10  For Ezra had devoted himself to the study and observance of the Law of the LORD, and to teaching its decrees and laws in Israel.

Romans 15:4  For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Nehemiah 8:1-6   All the people assembled as one man in the square before the Water Gate. They told Ezra the scribe to bring out the Book of the Law of Moses, which the LORD had commanded for Israel. 

So on the first day of the seventh month Ezra the priest brought the Law before the assembly, which was made up of men and women and all who were able to understand. He read it aloud from daybreak till noon as he faced the square before the Water Gate in the presence of the men, women and others who could understand.  And all the people listened attentively to the Book of the Law.  

Ezra the scribe stood on a high wooden platform built for the occasion. 

Ezra opened the book. 

All the people could see him because he was standing above them; and as he opened it, the people all stood up. Ezra praised the LORD, the great God; and all the people lifted their hands and responded, “Amen! Amen!” Then they bowed down and worshiped the LORD with their faces to the ground. 

It always goes back to pride.

You would think that trying to potty-train my 5th child would be easy.  Second nature.  Effortless.

Well, you would be wrong.

He did okay for the first few days and now, he is treating his underwear as a diaper ~ a dozen accidents a day.

And I am done.

But I am also really mad.  Really mad.

The question I had to ask myself, however, was WHY?  Why are you so mad, Michelle?  You of all people should know that "readiness" is a serious thing.  An absolute.  Whether it is potty-training, playing an instrument, or reading, every child reaches the readiness point - and voila! - they can do it!  So what is the problem?

P R I D E.

I failed.

And everyone will know I failed.

You cannot hide diapers.
You cannot lie when someone says, "So, how is the potty-training going?" 
You have to tell them, "It's not!"

Everyone will know.

I was worried about my reputation, how people view me, what they will think of my skills ~ when what I should have been focusing on was my son.

Sweet, little Isaiah.

The boy we thought might be partially deaf.  And the Lord healed his ear.
The boy who has the huge blue eyes that melt your heart.
The boy with the soft, tiny voice that makes people smile.
The boy that was given to me ... my last son ... as a precious gift.

And I am mad that he is not ready to pitch the diapers when I want him to?  Good grief.  How ridiculous can a person be?  Apparently, QUITE ridiculous.

Pride.

I have it.

I hate it.

Thank You, Lord, for reminding me to focus on what matters, which is not my own agenda.  When will I ever learn?!?  You are far too patient with me and I sometimes don't know how You maintain such a character quality with me as Your child.  I am so glad you do not give up on me!

Oh, and just to let you see a glimpse of the reality of my past week ~

Some people have Christmas trees.

We have "The Accident Tree."

Lovely.

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Do you remember this very vulnerable post about my anger?

How excited I was that God had so quickly answered my prayer for patience and calm?

How I looked forward to a new life as an anger-free mother to my children?

Well, it is no 1:16 pm and I have been in sin since 6:37 this morning when my little boys awoke for the day.

I will spare you the details and drama, because really, who wants to hear about that much ugliness in one sitting?  Suffice it to say that no one has seen me smile.  No has heard me laugh.  No one has been encouraged or uplifted since rising from their cozy beds.

What they have seen is a mother who snaps at the smallest of mistakes.  A woman who has absolutely no self-control.  A woman who does not know or understand the meaning of "a gentle answer."  A woman who, as she is yelling at someone hears Scripture roll through her mind as.she.is.screaming.the.words and chooses to ignore it rather than yield to it and stop.  And a face that is a crinkled mess of irritation and selfishness.

Lovely, huh?  Don't you wish YOU lived in my house?

And the irony of it all is that I am more angry at MYSELF than any of my children.  This would fall into the "righteous anger" category.  I know I am wrong.  I know I am wrong before I even speak because I know I am about to blow my cap.  I hate my sin!  And yet, I do the very thing I do not want to do!  Then I feel guilty and prepare to apologize and calm myself when satan grins and says to his minions, "Watch this!," as he pulls me back into the vortex of doom by throwing another irritation in my path and victoriously watches me self-destruct.  Again.

AAAAHHHHH!  I even had my candle burning!

Simply put?  I blew it today.  Big time.  I even put Isaiah back in a diaper and declared, "That is IT!  Figure it out on your own!  I am done with this."  Another 'mother of the year' award collected.  Nice.

As I sit here, banging on the keyboard, I am doing everything I can to "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" and asking the Lord to show me what He wants me to see.  This is the verse He brought to mind:

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

I Corinthians 10:13 

But with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

I was tempted all day today.
To serve myself rather than my children.
To respond in anger instead of patience.
To yell instead of answer gently.
To react rather than respond.
I chose to serve the flesh, instead of taking the escape route.

I am ashamed.

But praise God that I am also forgiven!
And that He always, always, ALWAYS provides a way for me to flee from my sin and endure any trial, no matter how small or large it may be.

Forgive me, Lord.  I have sinned willingly and left a wake of disappointment and disgust behind me.  Humble me before my children and save me from myself.

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
   to my cry for mercy.

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
   O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness;
   therefore you are feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
   and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord.

Psalm 130

We say goodbye again.

Last night we enjoyed a family night as we prepared to say goodbye to our leader for the next ten days.

Dennis is on his way to China!

He and a peer from the university are going to visit a college in China that wants to partner with The School of Education at Biola.  Their mission is to meet the administration and faculty members and understand the workings and goals of the school to see if they are a good fit.

While they are there they will engage in some exciting tourist activities such as visiting the Great Wall of China and the Forgotten City.  It will definitely be another trip of a lifetime!

Please pray for a wonderful and God-lead trip for the men. 

And for the Eastman 7 left behind ... 

please pray for unity, patience, health, and sanity as we work to maintain an orderly home without our man.

We already miss you, Dennis!  And we love you MUCH!

As God designed.

We have five boys.

Our house has been filled with blocks, Lego's, Hot Wheels, guns, walkie talkies, marbles, and sports equipment since the day Micah was born.  11 years of BOY!

Now, we have a girl.

Until now she really did not give a hoot for anything girlie or feminine or pink.  She played with (or chewed on) whatever her brothers were playing with.  Recently, however, I noticed her losing interest in bow and arrows and pistols.  I remembered that I had put away a few of her birthday presents so I went and pulled out a baby doll to see if she would be intrigued.

My goodness!  Am I glad I had the camera out when I gave it to her!  It was like watching a duck find water.  She was mesmerized by the sight of the doll.  As soon as it registered with her little mind that it was a baby, she held it to her chest and hugged it.  Some exploration of the face took place, more hugs, and then pure delight as she examined the doll.

Just as my boys innately knew how to pick up a plastic pop gun and aim it at a target while making shooting
noises, my Ellie knew what to do with a baby doll.  And why wouldn't she?  It is how God designed us.  He designed men to be the hunters and gatherers and protectors of their family and homes.  And He designed women to be the keepers of their homes.

I know this may seem silly to many, but after observing, and living with, five boys, I find the difference between them and their sister fascinating!  Of course, she will still be a girl who plays with cars and knows how to shoot a gun and ride a Rip Stick and exhibit marital arts moves ~ how could she avoid it with five little men modeling those activities for her every day?  But it is fun to see that regardless of her surroundings, she is exactly who God created her to be ~ a little woman.

A timely word never loses its sparkle!

A few days ago I found two personal pieces of mail in our stack of bills, one wearing a bright pink envelope.  I always save personal mail to the end ... like dessert after a meal.  I glance at them time and again as I sort through bills and junk mail, trying to guess who they are from, what is written inside ~ I LOVE it!  (though I hate when it looks personal and you open it to find a birthday card from your retirement account team.  I am sure I should feel thankful that they took the time to sign their names to a company card, but sadly, disappointment reigns supreme in that moment.)

Anyway, back to my story.

The first was a card from the women I had the privilege of enjoying two weeks ago when I spoke to their Moms Together group.  It was a delightful morning of delicious breakfast food (I never cook like that at home!), laughter, terrific conversation (the table question that morning was "Share your high and low of the last week," and man, my table dove into the deep end right away.  It was encouraging and challenging.), and another reminder of the truth that we are sisters in Christ ~ all struggling, persevering, growing and maturing, and desperately in need of one another.  I left the church feeling inspired and joyful!  So imagine my surprise when the pink envelope held a card from them!  The fact that they took the time to buy a card, sign, label, stamp and send the card ... they spoke my love language.  Acts of service!  Thank you, ladies!  The Lord used you that morning to encourage me and I pray I made an impact on your heart in some small way for the sake of the Gospel.

The second card was from a very close and dear friend.  I did not have to guess the sender of this card because I would know her writing in a dark cave.  I smiled when I pulled this out because it is one of my most favorite sayings ~ and she knows that!

This is from the book of Esther in Scripture when Esther, a Jewish girl, is chosen to become the next queen, though the king has no idea she is a Jew.  Her people have just been given a decree to leave their land or die, and while she fears speaking to the king and asking him to spare her people, her uncle encourages her to use her voice.

When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:12-14

Isn't that an amazing phrase?  "For such a time as this."

Why, Lord?
Why did you create me in the 20th century?
Why did you place me in the safety of America?
As a woman?
Why did you give me the gifts and talents you did?
My specific spiritual gifts and not others?
Why did you give me five sons and one daughter?
Why did you take Matthew home?
Why do you have us in California?
Why did you call me to homeschool?

FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS.

Our God is a God of order, purpose, and perfection.  We cannot know His mind or His ways, but He knows, and He is working in us ... through us ... and with us to accomplish His will.  That is so exciting!  The God of the universe placed each of us here, right now, in our family, with our spouse, in our neighborhood, in our church, at our office, and with our friends.  There are no mistakes.  Only plans.

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.  Proverbs 19:21

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

You were purposefully chosen for NOW.

What are you doing with it?

So true. And getting easier to understand.

Do not assume that the moment God calls you, you are prepared for the assignment.

If God has a great task for you, He will expand your character to match that assignment.

I found this quote while working through my Bible study.  It struck me because it has a little different twist on what I have always been taught, and completely believe:

God equips those He calls.

He does, doesn't He?  All of the examples of men and women in Scripture who were used to do amazing things for God ... none of them were extraordinary in their own right.  The Lord gave them the words to say, the power to heal, courage, wisdom, victory over their enemies, favor with kings.  He knew they could not do anything without Him.  He knows we cannot do anything without Him.  Whether it was fighting a bear or becoming second in command in Egypt, the Lord always prepared and equipped His children for what He asked them to do.

Simple enough.

So when I found this quote, Do not assume that the moment God calls you, you are prepared for the assignment, I had to spend a little time thinking about it.  It had honestly never occurred to me that the Lord does, in fact, call people to do something for Him when they are not ready.  I have heard people say they are not "ready" or "able" in dozens of situations ~ homeschooling, career, marriage, parenting, ministry ~ the list is long.  But I always put the responsibility on them.  "You don't feel like you can homeschool?  Good!  You can't.  You have to rely on the Lord and trust Him to equip you for this calling."  "Of course you don't know how to be a mother.  None of us do!  We walk day by day relying on the Lord for wisdom and compassion and patience.  He chose you for motherhood.  Trust Him!"

Scripture is filled with men and women who were totally ill-prepared for what the Lord was asking them to do ~ from a human perspective.  Liars, adulterers, murderers, whiners, anger-filled, jealous people ~ God used all of them!  But He did not use them while they were liars and whiners ... He simply called them.  It was after He called them, and they surrendered to and obeyed the call (we cannot miss that key piece!), that He began to refine, grow, mature and draw them into readiness for the task He had planned.  AFTER He called them.

This struck me on many levels, but mostly because of the baby ministry.  The Lord burdened my heart almost two years ago to begin a baby ministry for women who had suffered miscarriages.  I had no idea what it would look like or how the details would fall into place, but I knew He was calling and I said Yes!

As is my usual style, I jumped into it full force.  I had pages of notes and ideas and people in mind who could be a part of the ministry.  I prayed for the Lord to give me a name and a theme verse ~ and He did!  I asked a friend to design a logo for me, prepared to create a website, and then dusted my hands with a, "Whew!  Okay, we are ready!  Let's GO!"

And now, it is October 2011 and there is still no tangible ministry.  I think about it daily, I pray about it, I work on details for the website, I meet new women every month who are broken and need encouragement and support as they weep over their lost children.  And for a while, I was frustrated.  Glitches happened here and there and nothing seemed to be moving along as I had hoped.  Goal dates for the launching of the website came and went and I was embarrassed.  What did I do wrong?  Did the Lord not call me to do this after all?  Was it my own idea and He is not blessing it because I am working in my own power and not in His?

What is taking so long, Lord?, was the cry of my heart. 

And then I read this quote and I hear the Lord say to me, 

Yes, Michelle, I did call you to this ministry.  I called you five years ago when Matthew died.  But daughter, you were not ready then.  I had more to teach you.  I had more women for you to meet ... to listen to ... to cry with.  I had to prepare others to join you and have compassion for what you are doing.  I am not surprised or bothered by the timing because your time is not Mine.  I am the Lord.  I am the One who sees each tear that falls from the eyes of a woman who is broken, sorrow-filled, and longing to touch her child and call him by name.  I see them.  I hear them.  I weep with them.  They are my daughters, just as you are, and I know what they need, Michelle.  Be patient.  I know what I am doing ... what I need to do in YOU.  Let Me be God.  You?  Be still.

I have to tell you ~ this has been life changing for me.  The impatience, the stress, the need for control ... gone.  This baby ministry is not mine.  It is HIS.  

He called my son home while he was still in the womb.

He heard me say, "Lord, this has to be bigger than me losing a baby."

He listened to each prayer as I cried with, and comforted, another grieving mother.

He perfectly created each baby who died.

He has a purpose for each mother who lost her child.

He is the God who patiently holds us while we cry and rage and then puts us back together again.

He is the God who heals us and lets us find JOY once again.

This ministry is not about me, my desires, my timing, my passion.  It is about Him.

And He is the One who showed me ~

His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But joy comes in the morning. 

Psalm 30:5

I am supposed to serve.

This afternoon as I was getting the seven of us ready for a visit with friends, Josiah was shadowing me with his shoes and socks impatiently waiting for me to put them on his feet.  After twelve minutes and a heightened sense of frustration I glanced behind me and declared,

"Don't follow me around the house whining at me!  You wait for ME.  I do not serve YOU."

And as the final word left my mouth, the Lord spoke quietly to me (though it should have been delivered with a blast),

"Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Matthew 20:27,28


I have a lot to pray about.

Quote.

God has a right to interrupt your life anytime He wants to!

He is Lord.

When you accepted Him as Lord, you gave Him the right to help Himself to your life.

Just what I needed.

My groom is gone for a 3-day Men's Retreat.

My three little people have horrible colds.

I would rather have my fingernails pulled out than exercise for 40 minutes tonight.

I am tired.

Isaiah just had his 351st potty training accident.

In order to keep sane I popped in the Jungle Book movie (a classic) and let everyone move into a vegetative state for two hours (I am such a nurturing mother) while I perused facebook for about 14 minutes.  I know, I know.

I scrolled across a couple of things that made me chuckle and one that made me laugh OUT LOUD.   I am sure you can guess which is which!

"Just because you can crochet anything doesn't mean you SHOULD!"

Permission.

Last night I was given permission NOT to be perfect.

I spent about 17 minutes talking to an older woman who asked me how she could pray for me.  I shared what the Lord is doing in me through confessing sin and how I am looking through my life in detail to see the areas I have not been forthright about in my own heart.

I quickly listed about 12 things that I am trying to improve, where I feel I am not always giving my best, and did so with a breezy, easy attitude.  No stress or tearing myself down.  Just a totally practical perspective of my heart and mind attitude.

She looked at me with a sweet smile and said, "Remember, you are a mother of six children, and three of them are very little.  You are touched all day.  Pulled all day.  Needed and wanted all day.  There is not much that belongs to just YOU.  You need to give yourself permission to let some things go and know that it is okay!  You are allowed to say, "I don't want to do that!"  You don't have to do it all.  You don't need to do it all.  And, you. don't. have. to. be. perfect."

I stood there for a moment staring at her.  Was she admonishing me?  Or did she really just give me permission not to dust?  Not to cook a three-course meal or wear silk to bed every night?  I need to hang out with this woman more often!

But of course, I kept thinking about what she said.  Not what she meant ~ what she said.

I do place really high expectations on myself.  Without even knowing it half the time.  I know I have six children.  I know I homeschool three and a half of them.  I know I have a husband who enjoys a hot meal for dinner and time alone with me so we can talk and enjoy one another without children spinning and jumping at our feet.  I know I need to grocery shop, potty train a kid (without losing my mind), write thank you notes, plan ministry events, prepare lessons for the boys, hold my daughter, and have fun with my family.  I know.

What I have to constantly balance and control, however, is my desire to do all of these at the same time!

When I stand before the Lord I am not going to be rewarded for sparkling counter tops and award winning chili.  He is going to ask me what I did with His children ... how I honored my husband ... did I meditate on His Word day and night ... did I pray without ceasing?  How will I respond?  With confidence and knowledge that yes, though I did fail at times, my greatest desire was to love the Lord with all my heart and let that love for Him pour over and fall on Dennis and my children so they knew they were my top earthly priority?

Or will I stand shame faced with my toe digging in the dirt while I avoid His questions?

I know that the calling to be a wife and a mother is a high call.  Both have many demands and many needs to be met.  But I am finally beginning to learn that the joy my Father feels seeing me sit on the floor laughing while my littles climb all over me is more precious than watching me pay bills and focus on the routine daily tasks of a homemaker.  Though chores and meals are an important part of home life and creating an atmosphere of peace and security are important for my family, there is nothing that compares to the tender moments of quiet conversation, shared books, and silly giggles with my children.  A balanced budget and clean towels cannot replace intimacy with my groom.  And nothing in the world is more life-changing than my time in the Word as I sit before a God who loves me more than I deserve.

I have permission not to be perfect.

And I am taking it!

When?

I have been challenged with the same question, two times, in two completely different arenas.  I expect the third challenge to come any time now (I am not an even numbered kind of gal) and am bracing myself for the impact.

The first:

When was the last time you confessed sin?

Not a blanket "forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned" but a true, sincere, confession.  Naming each sin in detail one by one.  When was it?

The second:

When was the last time you WEPT over your sin?

A little harder to swallow, isn't it?

Think on these.
Pray over them.
Search your heart.

I cannot stop thinking about these questions.  Because ....

though I continually confess sin, even by name, it has been a long, long time since I have wept over my sin.

Remembered how truly wretched I am.
Embarrassed and ashamed that I consider myself worthy of God's love.
Remembered I am NOT worthy.
And fully aware that it is only because of His grace and mercy that I even know Him and call Him by name.

What are You doing, Lord?
Prepare me.
Show me my sin more clearly than ever so that I may confess, repent, seek Your forgiveness, and be cleansed and whole once again.

I am willing, Lord.
A little fearful, I will admit.
But willing.

Show me who I really am.
Remind me who YOU really are.
The difference between the two is staggering and I can already feel the emotion as I type these words.

Oh, Lord, save me from myself, and let me understand how deep is my need for You ~  and You alone.

They didn't lie!

All of my friends who have lived more years than I have, as well as many, many older women, have warned me ~ "Once you hit 40, everything starts to fall apart!"  I saw it happen with Dennis (eyes, arm, heart) and knew it would come my way eventually.  I just thought I would get a couple of years IN to my forties before the falling happened.  I was wrong!

A few months ago I noticed my eyes "twitching" when I would read fine print and the words looked fuzzy.  I have always had excellent vision, and my brother and I have been amazed that we have lived this long without visual aids considering both ends of our gene pool have worn them forever!

I made an appointment with the ophthalmologist to see what was going on and would you believe ... when I told him my symptoms he looked at my chart and asked, "How old are you?  38 to 40?"  "I am turning 40 next week!"  He smiled and said, "Yep!  That is when it happens."  He then pulled out charts and graphs and gave me a brief history of the eye, and the subsequent results of the aging eye which, "can never be fixed."  Lovely.

Good news - I still have perfect long distance vision.  Yippee!  (He said I should feel lucky.)  Moderate news - I need a little bit of help for the close vision.  Less magnification than over-the-counter specs, but a little assistance is needed to keep my eyes from growing worse and causing more problems in the future.

So, I give you my new reading look!

I will certainly not win points for style since I had to choose from the "these are fully covered by your insurance" frame section, but at least I got the right shape!  I fell in love with another pair, but the out-of-pocket expense was ridiculous so I placed them back on their perch for another time.

I must say - the difference is astounding!   I may need to get a second pair to keep in my purse, however.  I went to a three hour youth training today and my eyes were going crazy trying to read Scripture and the outline on their own.  Now I know why spectacle-wearing people own so many pairs!

As my dear friend (who is a decade older than me) exclaimed, "Welcome to 40!"

Micah took these pictures and he liked this one because he says, "This is what you look like when you are teaching us all day!"  He is right! I have to pull them off and on and off and on during the three hours we are reading.  I am seriously considering bifocals for my teaching career!

A 3-day trial.

Thankfully, I have successfully potty trained four boys.

None of them were fully trained until the age of three.

Once they "got it" they did not have more than a handful of accidents.

I determined about two weeks ago that it was TIME for Isaiah to join the "Big Boy Underwear Club."  I vowed that when the last diaper was used, we would begin training and never turn back.  In the meantime, a good friend, who also has a 2-year-old boy, shared her 3-day potty training method with me.  I have heard of these before (others claim 1-day) but I have never had the freedom to give full attention for72 hours to one child since I was either pregnant or caring for an infant.

After considering the amount of money we have poured into the diaper industry these past 11 years (double diapers the entire time since our kids are all 20 months apart or less - approximately $60 per month for 11 years = $7,000+!) I was more than a little annoyed and declared, "I am not buying one more diaper for this boy!"

And I kept my word.

This morning Isaiah woke up, I took a photo of him in his final diaper, and we walked to the trash and threw away the last five diapers in the house.  He slipped on a pair of brand new Lighting McQueen underwear and we were off and running.  Or, should I say flowing?

Between 7:30 am and 12:30 am he flooded the kitchen floor, my bedroom floor, and the patio - three times.  I was standing right next to him and WHOOSH, Niagara falls.  (This 3-day method requires that you never leave your child's side for the entire three days.  If they start to go you scoop them up and run them to the potty and go through the routine.  It is a limiting lifestyle.  I feel like I am in bondage and it has only been one day!)

We finally had success at 12:35.  He had three false alarms, sat and sat, and then as soon as he pulled his underwear up, he looked at me and said, "I need to go potty, Mommy!"  He hopped back on and WOOHOO!  We all clapped and cheered and made him feel like a rock star.  And of course, he got a piece of candy.  Bribery ~ always a motivator.

I was a little nervous about nap time (I have always used pull-ups for sleeping hours) but the book says NO!  He went again (92% made it in the frog pot) and slept for 2-1/2 hours without incident.  Whew!

One more accident outside while playing in the yard (while I sat five feet away) and then a last successful aim before bed.

It was a looong day!  I am really proud of him and am eager to see how much better tomorrow goes.  He really is proud of his cartoon covered buns, so I think we will be successful!  Of course, we have no choice since there is not a diaper to be found in the house.  Sheesh.  Sometimes I think I really am crazy!

My littles ~ how I love them!

The delicate balance of confidence and pride.

"When you believe nothing significant can happen through you, you have said more about your belief in God than you have declared about yourself."

  

I was raised with the philosophy that you do not talk about yourself, brag about your accomplishments, or praise your own works.  When you receive a compliment you say "Thank you," and end the conversation.  You are allowed to discuss weaknesses and faults, but not list the things you do well.  It was considered poor taste.  Ungodly.  Self-focused.

I remember my first "real" job interview when I was asked to describe my best qualities.  I almost fell off the chair!  What?  She wants to me to sit here and list all of the things I do well?  That is so arrogant!  How can I do such a thing?  I really, really wanted this job, however, so I forced out a few phrases that seemed to cast me in a positive light without sounding like I thought myself fabulous.  Man, was it stressful!  And ~ I got the job!  

I was 23, young, foolish, and completely insecure.  I knew who I was in Christ, in theory, but I really did not know how to be CONFIDENT in Him because I continually fell back to the "sin of pride" mode I had been raised with.  How can you be confident without being arrogant?  That was the question I wrestled with.  Often.

At the same time, I was devouring every book I could read, attending every women's retreat and conference I found, and soaking in all they had to offer.  And I was struck by two very different presentations.  There were some who made sure that I knew full well why they had been given a book deal.  Every accomplishment and success was listed and described in detail.  Scripture infused their points, but everything was polished and perfect.  Vulnerability could not be found.  They knew they were great.

Then, there were the authors and speakers who continually spoke of Christ, supported everything they said with Scripture, and were completely transparent and honest about their own sin and failings  ~ they were the ones I could not get enough of.  I thought about what they said, referred back to their notes, looked up the Scriptures they presented.  The Lord used them to mature me in significant ways.

And it made me wonder again ... Where is the balance between confidence and pride? 

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

It has taken me years to figure out the answer to that question.  Y E A R S.  It took me all the way through college before I was able to receive a compliment without qualifying it.  "You look really nice, Michelle.  That is a gorgeous color on you!"  "Oh, um, thanks.  It would be better if I was a little thinner, and if I had done my hair better, but, you know..."  What an ungracious response to a thoughtful comment!

Then, the Lord brought me the study "Experiencing God" in my early 30's and it changed my thinking completely.  "When you believe nothing significant can happen through you, you have said more about your belief in God than you have declared about yourself."  When I read these words I was overwhelmingly convicted.  Pride is one thing, and can become a sin if left unchecked.  But equally as disappointing to God, I believe, is thinking you have nothing to offer and that He will never use you for anything BIG because you just aren't that impressive.

Weren't we created in His image?

Are we not the clay that sits in the Potter's hands to be used as He wills?

Did He not design us with purpose and gift us with specific spiritual gifts at salvation?

If these are all true, then why in the world would we think that God cannot and will not do anything significant through us?

For me, it was because it sounded incredibly arrogant.  Using me for His glory ~ I did not have a problem with that.  But using me for something significant?  Well, that was something else.  It was just too much.  But He kept working in me, bending and twisting me until I was uncomfortable and unable to run from the truth that, YES, Michelle Renee Eastman, the Lord wants to use you to do great things for Him!  He does!  So let Him.

I surrendered, not completely I later learned, but I surrendered as much as I was able to at the time.  And as always, God was faithful to grow my faith, solidify my security in Him, and show me that He uses ordinary, not extraordinary, men and women to accomplish His will.

So what is the answer to the question?  It really is simple.

John 15:5  I am the vine, you are the branches.  If a man remains in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit.  Apart from Me, you can do nothing.
 

There is absolutely no room in the life of a believer for pride or arrogance.  On our own we are completely powerless.  We may exercise our gifts and talents and so some good things, but what is it people are really getting?  US.
 

There is, however, an abundant, endless amount of room, for confidence in the life of a believer.  Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  And when we remove all of self, are obedient to what the Lord is calling us to do, and rely completely on His strength, what is it people are really getting?  HIM.  Only Him.

He is our confidence.

He is our strength.

He is our success.

None of it is about us.  It is all about Him.

Quote.

We ask God to bless our plans, and then we promise to give Him the glory when He does.

Yet God is not glorified by making our plans succeed.

He receives glory when His will is done in His way.

~ H.B.

Totally controllable.

A few days ago I accidentally left my camera in the car of a friend.  I noticed the moment I grabbed my purse because it felt too light.  I yelled out, "My camera is gone!," and then watched my friend driving away down the street.  Of course, I started to panic thinking, "I DID have it, right?  I didn't leave it at the tea house did I? Oh man, I cannot afford to replace it!"

I called her and she said it was safe and sound in her home and she would bring it to church.  Phew!

Do you know ~ for the entire, mmm, 21 hours, that I was without my camera, I felt like I was missing an appendage!  There were at least 15 "moments" I wanted to capture on film, I wanted to download and sort the photos from our day away, and I wanted to catalog a few items.  I felt lost.

And it made me wonder ...

Would I feel this panicked and incomplete if I lost my Bible?

Would I call friends in search of it?  Would I wonder how in the world I could replace it?  Would I feel like I was missing out on something because I could not turn those precious pages?

My immediate thought was "No", and I felt completely embarrassed.  I realized that I can replace a Bible much more easily than I can a camera since they are not as costly.  (By the way, have you ever really taken time to contemplate the immense privilege we have in the freedom to purchase, read, use, and share the Bible?  We can buy a hundred of them if we so choose!  Many Christians around the world have never even held a Bible, and I have 7 sitting in my house right now that belong to ME.  That doesn't count the ones that belong to Dennis and the boys.  We really, really are blessed/spoiled/privileged to hold such a precious thing in our hands without any fear.)

As I began to loathe myself for not feeling as intensely about my Bible as I do a stupid piece of scrap metal, the Lord stopped me and reminded me ...

the BIBLE is not what is valuable.

It is the content.

And I can have the content all the time, every single minute of the day, regardless of whether or not I have the book in my hands.

I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against Thee. Psalm 119:11

But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on His law he meditates day and night.  Psalm 1:2

I meditate on Your precepts and consider Your ways. I delight in Your decrees; I will not neglect Your Word.  Psalm 119:15,16

Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors.
Psalm 119:24

The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.
Psalm 119:130

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
Colossians 3:16

Great peace have they who love Your law, and nothing can make them stumble.
Psalm 119:165

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.
Joshua 1:8

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12

I cannot control my camera - broken, lost, damaged.  But I can control every single detail of how much of God's Word is infused into every fiber of my being.  I can read it, meditate on it, memorize it, pray it, speak it, write it, share it.  There are no limits!  And the best part?  I can do almost all of those things without even having a Bible in my hand!  If I am faithful to read Scripture so much that it literally becomes a part of me, God will be faithful to bring to mind the Scripture I need for any circumstance.  Whether it is personal, to encourage someone else, to correct my children, or to convict me of my own sin, the Lord will draw up every word of His that I have stored in my heart and use it to shape, change, convict, challenge, grow, and mature me.  All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. II Timothy 3:16,17

There are few things we have complete control of in this world.  But the one thing we have been given full control of, and will never have taken away, is knowing God's Word.  It is our choice.  And there are only two options.

Which do you choose?

Oh, how I love your law!  
I meditate on it all day long. 

Psalm 119:27 

Praise Report!

I shared my mom's Cancer Coaster ride in July and am happy to report that after her follow up visit last week, the doctor shared that 90% of her cancer was destroyed through the simple treatments!  He was pretty confident that they would shrink her tumor through this non agressive plan, but even he was surprised with the results.

My step-dad, Bill, took her out to her favorite restaurant to celebrate and the whole family is happy and thankful because of this good news!  God would still be God and He would still be GOOD even if the cancer had not changed.  His purposes and His ways go far beyond our desires and our own understanding.  But sometimes, He simply answers "YES!" to the prayer for healing, and for that we are grateful.

Thank you for your prayers.

40x40 challenge - the hardest one yet!

Okay, so I was going to start my 40th year with a week of daily 40 minute workouts.

I have quite a few physical activities on my 40th year list ... hiking, kayaking, a 10 mile bike ride on the beach, 20 push-ups, running 4 miles ... I need to be in great shape to accomplish such goals!

As I started thinking, I realized that one week of exercise is absolutely pointless.  While any exercise is good exercise, seven days is not going to get me to my goal.  So, I figured, why not go extreme?  My list is extreme to begin with, why not add a little pressure to myself for good measure?  hehehe

The goal:

40 days + 40 minutes

Anything counts!  Treadmill, a walk through the neighborhood with the family, biking, exercise videos, swimming - anything that makes my body move and gets my heart thumping.

I will not lie.  This is going to be tough.  The hardest physical challenge I have ever created for myself and the longest commitment I have ever made.  (except for my marriage, of course!)  But I am ready to take it on!

Wish me luck!

Next year this will be ME! 

(I am so kidding!)

Friendship ~ quotes and thoughtfulness.

I was truly spoiled on my 40th birthday!  Cards, e-mails, phone calls, facebook congratulations, and five visitors who came bearing gifts.  What in the world?  Who deserve such kindness?  Not me.  But I have good friends.  Very, very good friends who love me and are willing to take me as. i. am.

I felt consumed with their affections and was deeply touched by their thoughtfulness.  A few different gestures stood out to me, for different reasons.

The first,

When I opened the door, my friend was standing there with a basket and a gigantic grin on her face.  Before I grasped that it was even her she handed me this rock and said, "I HAVE to tell you the story about this!"  A few weeks ago she asked me in an e-mail what my life verse was.  I responded that I do not have one, I have many!  She had been looking for the "perfect rock" to make my gift and found this one with the slanted edge pointing 'up.'  And it hit her ~ Philippians 3:14.  She felt like the Lord gave her the perfect verse to describe how she views me.

I stood there looking at her and thinking, "Am I pressing on?  Could this verse be mine?"  And the Lord nudged my heart and said, "Yes.  You are pressing on.  You know you are not there and you know you never will be this side of heaven, but it is your goal.  You are reaching for the prize ~ you are reaching for ME."

I love this rock.  It now sits on my desk, right next to the computer so I can see it every time I write, plan a lesson, send a note to a friend, schedule something on the calendar ... reminding me that I am living for something bigger than myself.  I am living out the call of God on my life.  He has called me to be a woman, a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a neighbor, and a stranger ... and He continually reveals to me the "how."  It is not about me.  It is all about Him.  And quite honestly, I just don't remember that enough.

The second,

This card was given to me by one of my oldest and dearest friends (accompanied by some delicious scones and a book for me and Ellie) and the reason I love it is because it shows her tender side.  She is not verbally demonstrative in her affections, and though I am 1000% secure in our friendship, it is a gesture like this that shows me her love for me as a friend, and a sister in Christ.  The outside reads, "Promise you won't forget about me, ever.  Not even when I'm a hundred."  And when I open it, I read "I won't forget you!," in her own familiar hand.  Every time I look at the sweet picture with the words "Promise you won't forget about me" I feel content and adored, and I am thankful once again for the gift of her unwavering friendship.

The third,

Another friend gave me a sheet of quotes on friendship and all of them are perfectly fitting for our personal relationship.  She surprised me with flowers and cookies too!

True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation. 
~ George Washington

Keep your friendship in repair. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.  Before him I may think aloud.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.
~ Socrates

 A true friend stabs you in the front. ~ Oscar Wilde

The best mirror is an old friend. ~ George Herbert

I spent seven years in a desert of loneliness, begging God for one friend.  Just one.  He said, "No."  Until He was enough for me, He would not grant my deepest desire.  Once I surrendered my all to Him ~ to this amazing God who knows my every thought and sees my every tear ~ He gave me the desire of my heart and blessed me with a handful of women who have been faithful and steady and true.  I deserve none of them, but He gave them to me just the same.  How wonderful and merciful He is!

The best way to begin my 40's!

I woke up to these faces!  Luke made me breakfast - eggs, strawberries, a scone with jam, and cinnamon tea.  Dennis was already gone for the day so the boys played photographer to capture our traditional photo shoot of the birthday person with every member of the family.  They did a good job!

I am 40!

And I am content.

Thank You, Lord, for the gift of 40 years on Your earth ... with every joy and every sorrow, it has been spectacular, and makes me wonder how indescribable and glorious heaven must be!

Oh!  And I also prayed for rain.  My favorite parts of creation ~ rain and wind.  And GUESS what is happening right now?!?!?!  RAIN!  I must be super spiritual.  HA!

The boys caught me enjoying the rain.

I feel so whole, so alive, when I feel it falling on my face.  Even more when I am in the mountains, surrounded by enormous trees that just scream, "We have a Creator!"

God did not make man for concrete and buildings ... He made us to live in and enjoy and be engulfed by His creation.

One day we will live on this earth for 1,000 years, a perfect earth, when everything will be like it was in the Garden ... as much as I long for the glory of heaven itself, I am waiting with great anticipation to live exactly as God intended.  When the lion and the lamb will lie side by side, snakes will not kill with their venomous bite, fruit will always be sweet, and we will enjoy creation in complete perfection.

Can you imagine?

I can't wait!