Does it make you nervous?

End times.

The Rapture.

The 2nd coming of Christ.

When someone says, "The Lord is coming back!  We are watching prophecy unfold before our eyes!  It could be very, very soon."  How do you feel?  Do you start dancing a jig or do you feel a sense of panic and unrest?  Do you begin to question your salvation?  Think about how you spend your time, what you invest in, who gets your best?  Do you picture everyone in your life who does not know the Lord and feel an urgency to tell them again - tell them about this Jesus whom you love and serve?

Do you know what Scripture says about the end times?  Not a "People get ready Jesus is coming soon we'll be going home" or "You've been left behind" knowledge, but a real, accurate, verse by verse understanding of what God says is going to happen, where, and to whom?  Do you know where the United States fits in?  Do you truly, truly believe it is real?  That Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God, is going to burst through the clouds with the shout of a trumpet when the dead in Christ will rise to meet Him in the air and He will gather living believers to Himself  ~ in the twinkling of an eye.  Chaos will reign on the earth.  Those who knew the truth but rejected it will be left to watch the rest of the events unfold as Scripture foretold.  Satan will be unleashed and free to roam the earth without any limitations ... he will not need permission from God to hurt anyone as he does now.  (see Job 1)  Peace in Israel. The Antichrist.  The tribulation. The millennium.  The judgment seat of Christ where He separates believers from non believers, "Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into My rest", or "Depart from Me, for I never knew you."  And then ~ eternity.  Heaven or hell.  There are only two options.

Do you know it?

Do you live it?

Forget the radical, silly men and women who claim the date and time and advertise their supposed omniscience.  Scripture is clear that "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."  (Matthew 24)

We do not need to know the WHEN.

We need to know the WHO.

Do you know God?  Do you believe He created our entire universe, both seen and unseen, with a word?  Do you know Jesus Christ?  Do you believe He was sent to this earth, born of a virgin, was tortured and shamed as He willingly walked to the cross to die for the sins of men?  For your sins?  Do you believe He was buried and rose from the dead three days later, as the prophets foretold, and broke the chains of sin and death?  He was seen by His disciples and they witnessed Him ascending into heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father, waiting, waiting for the day when the Father will look at Him once again and say, "It is time My Son.  But this time, oh, this time ... You are not going to be mocked and rejected.  You will not die.  This time you are going to bring them HOME.  Go, My Son.  The hour is now.  Bring my children home.  I want to see them face to face.  Forever."

Do you believe?

Jesus Christ was either a liar, a lunatic, or He was Lord.  He cannot be all three, you have to choose.

And one day, one glorious, glorious day, all will be made clear.  No more questions.  No more excuses.  No more arguing about which verse is literal and which is not.  We will stand before the Lord, the holy, omnipotent, everlasting Lord ~ alone.  He will ask us to give an account for the days given us on earth and then we will await the verdict: Enter into My rest, or Depart from Me.

Does it make you nervous?  The name of Jesus Christ.  The rapture.  Standing before a Holy God?

It should.  We do not deserve God's favor.  We will fall to our knees when we stand before Him face to face.  Not because we fear Him, but because,

Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place
   and gave Him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
   in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
   to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:9-11

GREAT RESOURCE ... read THIS article to see the literal unfolding of Scripture as it will happen in the coming days.  Just TRUTH.

How God handles ANGER.

A few days ago I shared what I found in my search through Scripture about the SIN OF ANGER.

I am still processing all of the words the Lord has on this topic, and thankfully, am still living out a completely changed attitude in my home.  Does anger still creep in with my children?  Yes.  Will it ever be totally removed?  Probably not.  But that is okay, because continuing in this struggle will keep me on my knees seeking the Lord for strength rather than depending on my own. 

As I was reading verse after verse, I came across several that took on a different perspective on anger ~ how the LORD expresses, lives out, and restrains His anger.  It took me a little off guard until I remembered how much I deserve His wrath and how graciously He pursues and loves me despite my sin nature and desire for self.  Once I had a grasp on that, I followed the trail of verses that described how God deals with anger.  And once again, I entered each one into "the little book of anger" so I could meditate on and memorize them in the days to come.  But really, I want to emulate them.  I want to follow God's example and become much, much more like Him in this area.   And how great it is to know that I do not have to do it alone!  Because He desires my obedience and maturity in this area, He will continue to do a work in me and keep perfecting it until Jesus returns.  How thrilled am I?!?

Let's look at the character of God.

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sing to the LORD, you saints of His; praise His holy name.  For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:4,5

Yet He was merciful; He forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them.
Time after time He restrained His anger and did not stir up His full wrath.
He remembered that they were but flesh, a passing breeze that does not return.
Psalm 78:38,39

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him.
Isaiah 30:18

But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Psalm 86:15

Great are the works of the LORD; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Glorious and majestic are His deeds, and His righteousness endures forever. He has caused His wonders to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and compassionate.
Psalm 111:2-4

Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and He relents from sending calamity.
Joel 2:13

And He passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet He does not leave the guilty unpunished; He punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.”
Exodus 34:6,7

The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor his anger forever; He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:8-12

Who is a God like You, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
Micah 7:18

“‘Return, faithless Israel,’ declares the LORD, ‘I will frown on you no longer, for I am merciful,’ declares the LORD, ‘I will not be angry forever. Only acknowledge your guilt— you have rebelled against the LORD your God, you have scattered your favors to foreign gods under every spreading tree, and have not obeyed Me,’” declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 3:12

The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
The LORD is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made.
Psalm 145:8,9

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love how repetitive these verses are.  It shows how much our Creator really, really wants us to understand His compassionate and forgiving nature, while still understanding that He is holy and just.

Meditate on who this God is ... how much He loves us ... How long He suffers with us because He desires us to turn from our sin and follow Him.

None of us deserve Him.  Yet He chose to send His Son to come to earth as a man, suffer humility and shame, and surrender His right to the heavenly places so He could die in our place ... pay our debt ... and give us the gift of eternal life through His own blood.

Anger?  What do I possible have to be angry about?  Irritation.  Sure.  Annoyance.  Of course.  Anger?  Except for the anger of hatred towards sin and breaking God's law, nope.  I have no excuse.  The One who has EVERY excuse for anger, restrains it ... exhibits grace and mercy ...

who am I?

A sinner who deserves the eternal wrath of God.
Saved by grace.
Forgiven.
White as snow, though my sins were as scarlet.
I am now clean.
And forgiven.

Who is a God like You, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.
You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

Micah 7:18

Thank You, Lord, for such an incredible promise!

The praises on my lips.

* God is GOOD!

* God is REAL.

* God is EVERYWHERE.

* God loves me.  Wants me.  Calls me by name.  What a privilege!

* My children are home with me every day, all day, and though there are moments of "Tell me again why I choose to homeschool?", I love every day that we are home together all day.  It truly is the joy of my life and I cannot imagine spending my time any other way.

* My husband likes me!

* God provides for us continually, even when we are undeserving.  We never have enough on paper and then WHAM!  He proves Himself the faithful provider once again.  Why, I am not sure, other than He promises in Scripture that He knows our needs before we even ask and He will meet our needs day by day.  "Give us this day our daily bread."  Oh, how I love Him!

* I had the privilege of seeing a handful of former students last night - unexpectedly - and it was such a delight!  Knowing people when they are 15 years old and then seeing them when they are full-fledged adults, married, with children ... it is an absolute joy.  Whether we had a six minute conversation or chatted throughout the night, it did not matter.  We reconnected.  We smiled and laughed.  A lot.  It was as if no time had passed and I left feeling full of pride for who these men and women have become.  The Lord is at work in them and through them ... such a blessing to see.

* I had the distinct honor of serving a friend, also a former student, as she hosted a personal/business event last night.  150 women coming together with a singular purpose, yet completely unique and using their gifts and talents in different ways.  The one thing 90% of them have in common?  Creativity!  I have never been in a room full of so many creative/crafty people in my life, and I must say, I felt totally out of my element!  I am the woman who wears black slacks with a white blouse and black and silver jewelry.  Maybe a fun pop of color in my purse.  Why?  Because it is safe.  I do not know how to "live free."  I am linear.  Black and white.  Logical.  There is very little space left for the fun/crazy side of creativity and style in this brain.

But because I knew this event was fashioned for these creative folk, I tried to break out of my box and I arrived wearing a pair of black/cream plaid slacks, a plum-colored top with "visually interesting" beading, a beige sweater, shiny black flats and a big colorful bracelet that makes me smile.  Oh, and my yellow bag!  Though I did not even come close to "looking the part" (I watched women with silk blouses and full skirts with fox hunting scenes on them, multi-glittered stilettos, feathers in the hair, animal prints combined with flowers, and short skirts with low boots - (it made sense on their bodies!) - while I had my safe black and cream slacks hugging my thighs) I felt colorful and fun and put together.  And good thing too since I was asked to pray for the meal - up in front!  Whew!  I am sure some of them were thinking, "Poor thing. So drab.  She needs some FLAIR!"

All of that to say - I was thankful to have been asked to serve, to be trusted to greet, care for and encourage the guests, and be allowed to share in this very special and successful night that my friend created.  It is always a blessing and a JOY to see the Lord's handiwork as it shines through the hands, lips, and creations of His children.

* Today is a NEW day.  Everything is planned but nothing is guaranteed.  And I have a God who is standing right beside me, ready to lead if I will follow.

I am going to follow.

Quote.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

That only happened once.
And He volunteered.

~ RC Sproul

What God has to say about ANGER.

I always forget how long it takes to do a word study in Scripture.  You look up every verse listed in the concordance and while it takes time, it is rather simple.  And then ... you begin looking up the cross-referenced verses which lead to more verses and before you know it, it has been three days and you still feel as though you do not have an exhaustive list!

But that is one of the beauties of God's Word ... it is living and active and always working to challenge and convict and correct us - no matter where we are in our spiritual walk or in life.

I am actually going to do this in two segments.  The first is all of the verses on anger itself ... the evils of it, the consequences, the ugliness, the reasons we should avoid it.  The second will be the way God Himself deals with anger and the example He gives us to follow.

These verses are powerful.
Harsh.
Convicting.
Embarrassing.

TRUE.

Read them.
Let them sink in.
Dwell on them.
Memorize them.  "I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against You."  Psalm 119

I closed my Bible after writing the last verse, a changed woman.  I have no excuse for my anger.  Other than the righteous anger that comes from hating sin, there is never a reason, never an excuse, and it does not honor others.  And more important than all else,  Anger does not achieve the righteousness of God.

My life as a mother is going to be radically different.  Praise God!

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.
Proverbs 17:27

He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.  Proverbs 13:3

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  Proverbs 15:1

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.  Proverbs 14:29

A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated.  Proverbs 14:17

A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.  Proverbs12:16

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.  Proverbs 29:11

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.  James 1:19, 20

For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife.  Proverbs 30:33

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.  Ephesians 4:26

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.  Proverbs 22:24,25

An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.  Proverbs 29:22

A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating.  A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.  Proverbs 18:6,7

Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self control.  Proverbs 25:28

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.  Proverbs 21:23

It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.  Proverbs 20:3

A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.
Proverbs 19:19

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.  Proverbs 27:15, 16

He who answers before listening - that is his folly and his shame.  Proverbs 18:13

He who loves a quarrel loves sin.  Proverbs 17:19

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.  Proverbs 17:14

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
Proverbs 16:32

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.  Proverbs 15:18

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.  Proverbs 14:29

A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.  Proverbs 12:16

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  Proverbs 12:18

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.  Proverbs 10:19

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.    Ephesians 4: 29-32

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  I Corinthians 13:4,5

                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Each of these verses has been entered into "the tiny book of anger."  I have a red journal that I have been saving for some time now, and it seemed fitting (since we "see red" when angry) to use it for this study on anger.  It is a tiny journal that I can carry anywhere and will always be available when I feel myself slipping into this sinful weakness.  I can grab it, read God's words on anger and read how He deals with anger, and be encouraged ~ and admonished.  This has been such a good process for me.  I am sure I will never have the ability to express just how valuable this time of thinking and praying and reading has been for my heart and for my mind.  Thank You, Lord, for moving on my behalf, and once again - saving me from myself.

Quote.

"When you believe nothing significant can happen through you, you have said more about your belief in God than you have declared about yourself."

More to come on this one ...

God is at work in me.

Parenting ~ Eastman Style.

If you are anything like me, you are constantly thinking of new and clever ways to change or eradicate negative behaviors in your home.  (Ways that do not include lectures or yelling.)  Whether you have a nine-month-old who continually touches the glass vase on the table after being told not to, or you have 14 children with their own personal sin issues, there is never one way that works for everyone.

I wish I had documented the countless ideas and attempts I have made at parenting.  I am sure I could write a book - "Comedy of Errors" that would entertain and delight the masses.  For every 12 seemingly fantastic ideas, I would say maybe two were effective.  And only for a short period of time.

Some were my own "Aha" moments and some were inspired by other moms who graciously shared their own stories.  So, I thought I would share them!  Not sure why ... perhaps to be a catalyst for you to share your clever ideas so we can all help one another in this wonderful season of life called Parenting.  After all, there are only 92 million books on this topic.  I think we need 92,000,001.

Here are some of the Eastman parenting ideas - both past and present - that have worked on one or more children.  If nothing else, I hope it entertains you!

#1  Chores.  The older three continually "forget" to do one of the chores on their list or finish it quickly rather than efficiently.  After too many reminders, I had had enough.  So now, every chore that is not completed correctly, or at all, is auctioned to the other brothers.  Whoever wins does the chore and the negligent brother pays him $1 (per chore) out of his own bank.  I have had some very busy beavers around here lately!

#2  Damaging another brother's property.  After one warning and a clear explanation of the consequence of a repeat offense, the brother who damaged the property must choose one of his most prized possessions and bring it to us.  We then selectively choose a way to damage the item so he feels the pain of what he did to his brother.  Most memorable:  When Luke was four, he kept thwacking Caleb's toys off of a t-ball tee, with a bat, for the sheer pleasure of destroying it and making Caleb mad.  I asked him to go get his favorite stuffed animal, and after reminding him AGAIN why it is not okay to do this, I took a pair of scissors and cut off his dogs ear and handed it back to him.  He wailed all the way back to his room and said to Micah, "Mom cut off Michael's ear and now he's DEAF!!"  When I called Dennis to explain the story, he said, "Dude!  You VanGogh'd his dog!!!"

#3 Disobeying Eating rules in the house.  The boys are not allowed to eat anywhere in the house except the kitchen.  Period.  Recently they have been quite lazy about this with snacks and I found myself telling all three of them daily, "Take that in the kitchen. We do NOT eat in here!"  One day I was so sick of repeating myself that I said, "What do I need to do to make you stop?!?!?!"  And then it hit me.  "REMOVE the problem., Michelle.  Duh."  So I informed the boys that there would be no more snacks for the next two days.  Not one pretzel, not one slice of apple.  Success rate?  Let's just say that they have not moved from the kitchen in a week!

#4  Arguing or complaining when asked to do something.  They have drop down and do 20 push ups.  Anywhere.  Anytime.  And the others are allowed to remind me in case I begin arguing and forget.

 #5  Do not put clothes/shoes away where they belong.  They have until bed time each night to put away all of their personal items.  (I used to ask multiple times a day and had to let the micromanaging go.)  If the task is not completed, I collect everything on the floor and put it in a trash bag.  At the end of the week I have an auction and they are allowed to bid for their clothes.  And the money?  It comes out of THEIR banks.

#6  Grumble and pout about meals being served.  Everyone is allowed not to like something we have to eat - we cannot all have our favorite meal each night.  BUT - we will be thankful and grateful that we a) have any food at all and b) appreciate the person who prepared it.  Every boy has gone through his "I don't like that" phase where he would hold a food strike.  Fine.  But when they ALL do it at once?  Not okay!!!  This time I took a lesson from a children's book "Bread and Jam for Frances."  I declared a Food Strike of my own and for an entire week they had to eat the same thing.  Oatmeal for breakfast.  Peanut butter and jelly for lunch.  And, oh yes, peanut butter and jelly for dinner.  No snacks.  No dessert.  Let me tell you - by the end of day 5 they were practically BEGGING me for some liver and onions.  Anything but PB&J!

#7  Continuing to argue or whine or complain about something.  They have to start running in place.  Every time they whine again they run another 2 minutes.  "When you stop running your mouth you can stop running your body."  Some boys have almost worn a hole in the carpet while they ran during an entire session of school!

That is all I can think of right now.  Please share your stories with me so I know I am in good company.  I am sure there are some amazing and hilarious solutions that would never cross my mind!

Quote.

"A sermon often does a man most good when it makes him most angry. Those people who walk down the aisles and say, “I will never hear that man again,” very often have an arrow rankling in their breast."

C.H. Spurgeon

I wish every sin was so easy to change!

I confessed my sin of anger a few days ago as I shared how the Lord is really getting me to pay attention to this character flaw.  I think the word "anger" can elicit very strong emotions in people because I have had several friends, and even my groom, say to me, "You are an angry woman?!?!"  And they say it with true surprise.

So let me clarify.  I do not live in a continual state of anger.  Not at all.  In fact, the only time I really get angry is with my children.  I am rarely mad at Dennis.  I do not honk or scream at people on the highway, and I do not ram my shopping cart into people who stop in the middle of the isle to daydream.  I get frustrated and annoyed more than anything else, but for some reason my children are able to bring out a side of me that no one else can.

I still have not begun a search of the Scriptures on this topic, though I am fully committed to doing so.  Actually, I already have about 24 verses about anger on my Memory Cards and know most of them by heart.  But as is always the case with Scripture, it is not the KNOWING what God's Word says that is the problem, it is the DOING of His Word that is neglected.  So ridiculous.

Anyway.  It is becoming increasingly clear that the Lord already had me right where He wanted me because the transition from a heart/mouth of anger with my children to a heart/mouth of gentleness has been surprisingly smooth.  I was not an angry child, an angry teen, or an angry adult.  So I asked the Lord to reveal the "when" of my anger.  I thought it would take time to wade through, but nope!  It was instant.  It was when I had Micah.  My firstborn.  Simple, little annoyances would tick me off and because I was isolated, lonely, and not in a good place spiritually or in maturity, it was allowed to fester and grow.

As we moved from one to three children, the anger increased with the pressure of raising and caring for them.  I was tired and pulled in three different directions, Dennis was working three jobs and going to school, and then - the Lord called us to homeschool.  And I had no idea how to do it!

I settled into that life and found my niche and grew leaps and bounds in all areas as the Lord pruned me and shaped me and forced me into maturity in areas that I never knew were lacking.  So again, though there were moments of sheer frustration, I was pretty controlled.  When did this anger start to control me??

And then a light went on.

It was after Josiah.

Josiah, Isaiah, and Ellie were all born in three years.  Bam, bam, bam.  I now had six children, I was homeschooling three of them, found out two of them are dyslexic and require different/extra attention academically and emotionally, Dennis was in a stressful job situation, and I had one toddler, one baby and one newborn.  I loved all of it and took it in stride, so I thought. 

So what happened?

It was small at first ... as sin often presents it self ... with me yelling to be heard over the noise of boys talking, a baby crying, and toddlers being silly.  I was not mad, just trying to be heard.  And then it became habit.  When I was reading for school and there were 14 interruptions per paragraph, I was annoyed.  When I had to stop a lesson to change a diaper or nurse, I was frustrated.  When people did not obey me the first time, took advantage of my being chained to the couch nursing, or simply decided to go their own way, I was ticked!

Bottom line:  I let my agenda and my plans take control of our home and I forgot that the people in the home were what mattered most.  I forgot that I am raising my children for eternity.  Not college entrance exams.  I forgot that I am commanded to train my children in righteousness and truth.  Not create perfect little robots who do and think what I want them to do and think.

Two things happened last week that halted all other agendas, and literally change my parenting life.

1)  I talked with three other homeschooling moms, all with school-aged children and babies/toddlers, who expressed the same struggle of trying to balance a school day of academics and meeting the needs of the little ones.  Two of them shared something that had recently encouraged them and I knew the Lord wanted me to hear it the moment they said it.  "We have to remember WHY we homeschool.  We are not doing this because we want to raise geniuses who change the world.  We are doing this because we want to raise boys and girls who become men and women who change the world for Jesus Christ.  We are doing this to shape their character.  To give them a Christian world view and teach them to think critically so they can understand and defend their faith in any arena.  The academics will take care of themselves."

AMEN!

And for me personally, I realized that my biggest frustration in life right now is that I cannot control our school days.  There are at least three important pieces I cannot accomplish when the littles are awake, which leaves a two hour window at nap time to accomplish all of it.  And again, it hit me.  When Micah, Luke, and Caleb were little and we were just beginning homeschooling, we had FUN!  We did crafts and baked and went on nature walks and visited science museums.  Josiah and Isaiah do not get any of that because I have to get work done with the olders.  No wonder they are annoying!  What 2 year old wants to sit still and listen to "A Child's History of the World" for 30 minutes?  NONE!

And the switch started to flip.

I have to give the same attention to these little people that I did to the original little people.  They need fun too!  They need to sing silly songs and paint and glue feathers to a giant "F" for their alphabet book.  What have I been thinking?  As James Dobson's father always said, "If you let these children get bored, you deserve what happens to you!"  Wise, isn't it?  Our mornings now include almost one complete "Hour of Fun" for Josiah and Isaiah and I must say, they are different people!

2) My sweet friend looked at me during a discussion on my anger and asked, "Aren't you the one who posted something about lighting a candle every day to remind you to have peace in your home?"  Yep.  That was me.  And I felt like a complete idiot.  Practice what you preach, Michelle!  Practice what you preach.

Saturday morning I received a brand new candle - my favorite candle ever - A Yankee "Home Sweet Home" scent.  (If you know of a way to get them discounted, tell me!  I am coveting the Cinnamon Stick and the Apple Cider candles too, and they are not at the 99 cent store!)

So, now, every morning I wake up, make my bed, get dressed, prepare our books and studies for the day, and I light my candle.  And as I light it, I am reminded that the Lord asks us to, "in everything, as far is it depends on you, live at peace with everyone", and "do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit but consider one another as more important than yourselves."  I have not been obedient.  But I have now purposed in my heart to become obedient and trust the Lord to give me the strength and wisdom and control to hold my tongue, keep a lid on my temper, and learn how to answer my children in gentleness.

Our home is different now.

Quiet.
Calm.
Peaceful.

(Well, as much as it can be with a house full of six children all under the age of 11!)

Thank You, Lord, for intervening and changing me in a radical way.  It is a lesson I will not soon forget.

Encouragement and a prayer.

This verse has been sustaining me lately:

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."  Philippians 1:6

He is not finished with me yet!

And this verse has been a prayer in my heart ...

"The Lord God has given Me the tongue of disciples,
That I may know how to sustain the weary one with a word.
He awakens Me morning by morning,
He awakens My ear to listen as a disciple.
The Lord God has opened My ear;
And I was not disobedient
Nor did I turn back."
Isaiah 50:4

May it be so, Lord.  Please make me a true disciple ~ who listens, and then acts. I do not want to be a woman who hears the Word and then walks away forgetting what You said, ignoring Your commands, and going my own way.  Keep your mirror of holiness and perfection ever before me so I remember who I am, and more importantly, who YOU ARE.

On the lighter side.

Lest you think I need to have my shoe laces and belts removed for fear of me sinking ever deeper into the depths of despair, fear not!  I am told about, oh, every other day, that I am too hard on myself or think too much, or am not "light and fluffy."  I have given up trying to convince people otherwise because a) they do not believe me and b) I am totally settled with the truth that this is how God made me!   I was not light-hearted as a child, a teen, or a young adult.  So why in heaven's name would I be light-hearted as I stand on the edge of turning 40?  It just isn't going to happen.

And I am glad!  I will admit that I have had occasional moments of, "Hmm, I wonder why I can't be more footloose and fancy free like Helga.  What must it be like to have zero inhibitions and just dance through life with a smile and a zest for adventure?"  I probably had many of those thoughts in my teen and college years as I struggled with accepting myself as I was.  In fact, I know I did.  But now?  I LOVE being me!  When I am told, "You think too much ... you need to lighten up", I just smile.  When someone rolls their eyes and comments, "You are so hard on yourself ... stop taking yourself so seriously", I respond, "Actually, I love being introspective and searching out my sin so I can be refined day by day!"

I always wondered if the rumor was true ~ that one gets more confident as they age ~ and I can honestly say - Yes!  They do!  But notice I said "confident" and not "SELF-confident."  Any confidence we have comes directly from Christ ... nowhere else.  Only from Him.

Today, as I worked on a study I am doing with a group of women from church, the author asked what most impacted me in the lesson.  Then he asks you to turn it into a prayer ... then write out what the Lord is asking you to do in response.

Mine looked like this:

Impacting statement:  "The Scriptures are your source of authority for your faith and practice. You cannot depend on traditions, your experience, or others' experiences to be accurate authorities on God's will and ways.  Examine everything against God's Word of truth."

Prayer:  Lord, let me not be swayed by the thoughts and opinions of men.  (or women)  Let me soak in Your Word so I am always equipped to stand firm."

He is asking me to:  READ THE WORD daily.

"Um, Michelle?  Where is the lighter part of this writing?"

It is here, I promise!

My point is this.  I am only able to write when the Lord burdens my heart to do so.  I cannot fake it, I cannot make something up.  I cannot even dissect a verse that I have known for decades unless the Lord guides my hand.  It really is fascinating to me.  When I look through my posts every now and again, I notice a pattern.  I write deep, intense posts on what the Lord is doing in my life, usually for a few days, and then all of a sudden there is a grouping of outdoor fun with the kids, an Ellie photo shoot, or a great candle I just purchased.  It looks strange to me when I see it like that, but what I have come to realize is ~  that is who I am, how my mind works, how my heart wrestles, and how the Lord uses me to encourage others.

I am never going to be the zippy cheerleader of exuberance and glee, running beside someone chanting, "Come on, Helga, you can do it, put a little power to it!"  I'm just not.

But I will be the friend who walks beside you, resolutely, with Scripture in hand, ready to seek God's Word on any topic, to resolve any issue, and to remind you who He is, who you are, and how many promises He gives.  I will even smile as we walk!  See?  A lighter side of Michelle!

I guess what I am trying to say is this ...  I write as the Lord leads.  Whether it is a blog, an e-mail, or a hand-written note, He guides my hand.  Though He generally does this for topics of depth that require thought, and perhaps a water bottle, He does also fill my mind with wonderful things.  Simple things.  Fun things.  Things that make me laugh and things that make me pause in wonder and awe.

Like sunsets.
A newborn baby snuggled in a mother's chest.
Mint chip ice cream.
Beautiful new flower blooms.
The little feet and toes of my toddlers.
Hilarious comedians.
The seeming pointlessness of the Hippo.
The smell of cinnamon and cider.
Tight hugs.
A brand new, hardback book.
Fresh stationary.
New earrings.
Mexican food.
Wind on my face.
Rain on the window.
Clean sheets.
A new coat.
Hearing my children laugh with their father.
The faithfulness of a friend.

These parts of me may not shine through as brightly, or as often, as the deep, intense pieces of my soul, but they are there.  And why wouldn't they be?  I was created in the image of God ... the very author of beauty and joy and contentment.  He is in me.  And I am fully aware of Him.  All the time.  In any way He chooses to reveal Himself to me, whether solemn or silly.

And for the very first time in my life, I am not going to apologize if it seems imbalanced.

It is who I am.  Who I was created to be.  And I am going to REJOICE in it and take it out for a spin every single day until the Lord chooses otherwise.

It's time to RIDE!

Quotes ~ on anger.

As a first step in my study on anger, I looked up quotes on the topic.  I know, I know, searching Scripture should come first.  But honestly, I needed to hear and understand that others struggle in this, hate it, desire to eliminate it from the character, and seek to gain control over this weakness.

The quotes were quite voluminous.  I was actually a little surprised.  From poets to scholars to comedians to theologians ... everyone has something to say about the effect, power, and ugliness of this vice.  Some are simple, and some are powerfully convicting.  I have read through the list multiple times already and will certainly be revisiting it again.

If I am convicted by these, I can only assume the words of the Lord will bring me to my knees!

                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anger begins with folly, and ends with repentance.   
Pythagoras

To rule one's anger is well; to prevent it is still better.   
Tryon Edwards

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.   
Ambrose Bierce

Do not say, “I cannot help having a bad temper." Friend, you must help it. Pray to God to help you overcome it at once, for either you must kill it, or it will kill you. You cannot carry a bad temper into heaven.   
C.H. Spurgeon

Is it any merit to abstain from wine if one is intoxicated with anger?   
Augustine

No matter how just your words may be, you ruin everything when you speak with anger.  
John Chrysostom

There is nothing that so much gratifies an ill tongue as when it finds an angry heart.  
Thomas Fuller

When you resort to shouting in conflict, you are reacting in the flesh. You have lost control of the only person you can control: yourself.   
Neil T Anderson

Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past ... to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.  
Frederick Buechner

A want of patience, a want of kindness, a want of generosity, a want of courtesy, a want of unselfishness, are all instantaneously symbolized in one flash of Temper.
Henry Drummond

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.    Albert Einstein

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.   Benjamin Franklin

In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves. Abraham J. Heschel

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.   
George Eliot

There was never an angry man that thought his anger unjust.
St. Francis de Sales

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.   
Thomas a Kempis 

Under construction.

The Lord is doing a work in me right now.

My heart and mind are a mess.

I am very uncomfortable.

I know what He is asking me to do,

What He wants me to work on.

I am willing.

I desire to be obedient.

I want to reveal a finished product that is beautiful to behold.

Not by men,

But in the eyes of my Savior.

It is going to take a lot of work,

and I am already exhausted just thinking about it.

But you know what?  It is necessary.

I have been avoiding it for too long.

I have been afraid of the effort and energy and surrender it is going to require.

So I have been running from it, even though I do not like what I see in the mirror and want to change.

I have been trying to serve two masters - the Lord, and self.

I have to choose ONE.

I have always wanted only One Master.  THE Master.
But you would not know that when you see my flesh win.
When you see me give into my weaknesses.
My selfishness.
My sin.
You would think I really, truly, just wanted to serve ME.

I cannot avoid Him any longer.  Or pretend that He is not calling me to obedience.

Delayed obedience is disobedience.

My heart is under construction.  While the beams have been knocked down and the debris has been settling around me for some time now, it is just today that I have finally posted the "Construction Zone" sign, secured my hard hat, strapped my tool belt about my waist, and walked into the mess so that I might turn chaos into order and finish the work the Master has called me to do.

It may be quick and simple, or it may be delayed month after month as unseen problems arise.  Either way, I am on the job, and I will see it through to the end.

First job on the checklist?

Anger.

It is a sin.
We cannot call it anything else.
We cannot blame others when we dwell in it.
Scripture is incredibly clear about it's evil and damaging ways.
It causes us to wound, injure, and deeply hurt those we love when it takes control of our tongue.
It must be brought under control,
for no other reason than this:

"The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."

James 1:20

Monday Morning PRAISE!

~ My groom is HOME!  A day early even!  (he confused the dates due to Lebanon being a day ahead)  What a surprise it was to get an e-mail Saturday night saying, "I am in Canada.  Will be landing in LAX at 8:30 TONIGHT!"  The children were asleep by the time he arrived home, so he went around to each bed and kissed each of them.  Boy, were they surprised to wake up Sunday morning to HIS face!  We had a great day reconnecting as a family, and we are so, so happy to be together again.

~ It is a gorgeous day.  Everyone was up early doing chores, cleaning their room, ready for exercise and eating breakfast far ahead of schedule.  Always a good way to start a Monday!

~ Did I mention Dennis is home?

~ I enjoyed a full eight hours of sleep last night and actually woke up refreshed!  I did not get more than five hours of sleep each night while D was gone and the day he came home I could barely function physically.  The Lord's timing was perfect!  (as it always is)

~ It is a new week.  Fresh, and wide open to possibilities.  I love the perspective of a new week and all it holds - both known and unknown.  An older woman sent me this in an e-mail yesterday ... "I pray your week is blessed with special nuggets from the Lord that speak to your heart just when you need them."  I pray it will be so!

"This is the day that the Lord has made, we WILL rejoice and be glad in it!"

Psalm 118:24

Hail? In Southern California? In September?

It was all hands on deck for the Eastman family as we mowed, weed-whacked, clipped, swept, and organized the front and back yards in anticipation of D's return.

What a surprise it was to feel giant smacks on our heads and faces when HAIL started pouring from the skies!

Cracks of thunder.  Dark skies.  And then a deluge of big, fat raindrops.

This is not normal for the OC, but it sure was a welcome event after sweltering heat this past week.  My guys grabbed baggies, collected hail and put it in the freezer so they can show Dennis.  They grabbed umbrellas and warm clothes and DELIGHTED in one of God's best creations - Rain!

I hope this is a sign of things to come for us this fall/winter ~ what a joy that would be!

Much needed encouragment - from my groom.

Today was A W F U L.

I had the wrong time for the boys geography class, so they were 30 minutes LATE!

Someone apparently laced Isaiah and Ellie's food with laxatives without my knowledge because wowee, did they have terrible diapers - all day!  I am so tired of changing diapers.

The oldest two boys made a couple of thoughtless comments to their friend, based on immaturity, but rude nonetheless.  (Which, of course, reflects on me, and shows me to be a horrible mother who does not deserve to raise children.  At least this is what I imagine in my mind.  Am I the only one??)

I could not sleep last night, again, so I was up until 1 am, and was totally incoherent and off my game all day long.

I jumped to a conclusion without getting all of the facts, and lit into my children when I should have held my tongue.

My house needs to be cleaned.  Not "sweep and vacuum" like we do daily, but CLEANED in the "move the washer and dryer and couch and vacuum under them" kind of clean and I simply do not care.  Or want to.

I have not work makeup for four days.  I have not styled my hair in a week - clips and pony tail holders are my best friends.  (of course, it was 100 degrees and humid, so I may deserve grace on this one)

My Josiah has been a punk and needs correction every 16 minutes, and I am tired of repeating myself.

Isaiah whines because other people are breathing and I want to flick him.

I have only exercised twice since Dennis left, I eat at the wrong times of day, and am not paying attention to what I put into my body.

Did I mention I am tired?  Which makes me less than jovial.  Crabby even.

So ....

When I came home this evening after running around with all of my people, and not enjoying them very much if I am to be completely honest, I was more than surprised, pleased, and humbled to receive this note from my groom:

Good Evening, My Queen -

It is come home day!  Looking forward to hugging and kissing you and the kids very soon.  Thank you for your incredible stamina and take-care-of-it attitude during these past days.

You frequently down play the Prov 31 role, but you are that woman to me and to our family.  You are tireless and giving.  I am so grateful to be your husband.  Your character is superlative and you

have an intense love for God and His ways.  My children are blessed and I am supremely blessed because of your commitment to the Lord.

I love you and cannot wait to see you!

Love

D

The Lord blessed me with a good man.  A faithful man.  An honest man.

I do not deserve Him, but the Lord gave him to me just the same.

How wonderful it will be to see his face again!

And, oh how much I needed these words from him today.

A quote to dwell on deeply.

 

"If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. 

If they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees. 

Let no one go there unwarned and unprayed for."
 

— Charles H. Spurgeon

The Eastman Academy is now in session!

This year our Academy is proud to have four students enrolled.

Micah - 6th grade

Luke - 5th grade

 Caleb - 2nd grade

Josiah - Pre-K

We are excited for our new year ~ full of undiscovered wonders, knowledge, adventure, and growth.  We are eager to see what the Lord has in store!

Welcome to the 2011-2012 school year!

It is a privilege and an honor to be your teacher, but more than anything, I am in awe that I was chosen to be ~ your mother.

We are going to have a great time together.  Let's get started!

The student body with their mascots - Isaiah and Ellie.

The hearts of my sons.

Last night at 8:15 Luke walked into the family room with a candle, turned off the lights, and said, "Let's sing songs so Dad knows we are thinking about him."

We never made it to the singing but we did settle down and talk about what we miss about him.  It ranged from "playing catch with me" to "singing those ridiculous songs out of tune when he is in a good mood" to "encouraging me when I am frustrated."  We prayed together before I sent them off to bed.  It was a sweet and memorable time - mostly because it was spontaneous and sincere.  My boys spoke from their hearts and they were not afraid to say they missed their dad and want him home.

You see ... while this past week has been long without Dennis with us, we have been okay, managing life as usual, enjoying a few special events with grandparents and family friends.  But Saturday we hit a wall.  The entire day was rough and everyone was on edge.  At first I was just annoyed and wanted everyone to calm down and get a grip.  And then it hit me ...

My sons need their dad.

I am well-versed in the role of fathers with sons, the gaps that open when there is not a dad in the home, the struggles young men face with out a male influence to guide them and so on.  But I have never, ever had to LIVE it.  And I fell apart.

My dear friend Ginger came over to watch the kids so I could go to our Genesis 2 married group - it was our kickoff for the year and I was so excited to go.  The activity of the night ~ "Bring an item that represents where you are in your marriage right now."  We had the BEST time together, everyone was excited to be together again after the summer, and we enjoyed a lot of laughter and great conversation.

But when it was my turn to share ... I introduced my item and paused for a moment before I started to cry.  The absence of Dennis, the needs of our sons to have him physically present, my physical and mental exhaustion from trying to run our home, care for our children, and be both mom and dad - all by myself - I could not pretend any longer.  I was overwhelmed.  So I let myself feel it, I let go of my pride and let others see my heart.

And you know, I am glad I did.  Our group wrapped me up in love and concern and made me feel whole again.  I asked one of our good family friends if he would have a word with the older boys at church the next morning, cried again, and he said, "Absolutely!"  He kept his word and after church he pulled Micah, Luke, and Caleb aside and filled in for Dennis.  He challenged them, he rebuked them, and he reminded them of their place in the hierarchy of the home.  He was effective!  They were different from the second we got in the car to go home.

And then, another family invited us over for the afternoon - the husband just returned from Iraq after serving for a year - and it was amazing!  He created the "He-man Woman Haters Club" (remember Little Rascals?) and the four of them spent the afternoon watching football, playing X-Box sports, eating, looking at photos from his tour of duty, and handling his rifle collection.  It met such a need in my guys to have a man pouring into them and reminding them what it is like to have Dennis home.  I was so grateful  (and incredibly happy that I was created to be a woman!) as I watched them interact and knew how pleased Dennis would be to hear about this man serving our sons in this way.  (I think that testosterone-laden afternoon will hold them for at least three days!)

And the best part?  The Lord knew all of this.  He created family.  A man, a woman, and their children.  He knows that each role is vital and each member plays a specific part that is necessary for the health, intimacy, and success of the family.  He was not surprised when we all hit a wall on Saturday.  He knew our sons would feel the pain of missing their father.  He knew I would be unable to meet the needs of each of them, simply because I am not a man.  He knew I would break down, and because He knew .... He prepared the way for me, and for my boys.

He provided other men who care about our family and moved their hearts to invest in Micah, Luke, and Caleb.  It was simple, it was fun, and it was sincere.  And it made a difference.

We miss Dennis.
His absence is tangible.
We need him, and we want him.
Our house is not a home without him.  It is just that simple.
We are better with him, and we are not enough without him. 

And this time away from him has shown us how incredibly blessed we are to have a man who comes home each night, by choice, to give to us, to love us, to listen, provide, and sacrifice for us.  And while we knew what a prize we had before he went on this trip, we have a new appreciation for his role in our home.  He MAKES our home a home ... and we would not be the same without him.

A striking dicotomy.

The other day I walked through my living room to find Hot Wheels in my glass fruit bowls, my shoes missing, and papers, toys, and socks littered throughout the house.  I was instantly irritated, (they know better!) and then I caught myself and thought, "One day I will never have to pick up another sock or sweep up Lego's or wipe grease marks off of my couch.  And while that seems like a dream life, it will be because my home is empty.  And quiet.  And without the zest and fervor that comes with it's walls being filled with the sounds of children ... LIVING LIFE."

I have been thinking about that a lot lately.  And while it does not make me smile and dance a jig every time I find a half-eaten apple hidden in a closet or a black towel covered in orange stripes from bleach stains, it does make me pause a second and remember that this time is fleeting ... my days with little ones are coming to a close ... and all of the frustrations that come with little people that seem overwhelming most of the time ~ they will not last forever.  There is a trade off.  A consistently tidy house, clean toilets, a fridge that holds food for more than two days ... it seems like an unattainable fantasy.  But the flip side is ~ all of the messes, missing food, broken items, and drained bank accounts equal FAMILY.  Children.  Life.  A clean house will never equal the countless moments we have stored in our minds and hearts as we walk through this season of raising children.  The season seems like it will never end at times, but I know that one day, all too soon, I will be handing my precious children over to a spouse ... a person with whom they will be completely consumed ... and who will take my place as the Lord designed.  "And the two shall become one flesh."

I have spent the past few days thinking about my life as a mother.  My life as a wife.  My life as the matriarch of our family.   Especially in the absence of Dennis as the nights are quiet and allow much time for reflection.

I have a wonderful life.  I have more than I deserve.  I have been given much, and therefore much is required of me ... much more than I am able to give on my own.  So I am asking the Lord to help me.  To help me recognize the time ... how quickly it moves.  To help me take advantage of the opportunities He gives me to pour into my children in the teachable moments.  For wisdom, and patience, and grace, and a proper perspective of who I am, who they are, what they need from me, and what God requires of me.  I am feeling an urgency to do more.  To do BETTER.  To give and give and give ... to these six precious children that the Lord chose for ME.  No other woman.  Me.

How much I need Him, His strength, His power ~ to be found faithful!

I started these lists the day I found the Hot Wheels in my glass bowls.  Neither list is exhaustive.

Frustrations that will one day come to an end

playing with my shoes and not putting them back
spilling drinks
dropping food all over the floor at every meal
using half a roll of toilet paper to wipe buns
hand and mouth prints all over mirrors and glass doors
screaming when not getting their way
potty accidents
touching things that do not belong to them, and then breaking them
putting little ones in and out of car seats
not being able to stay anywhere for more than thirty minutes before everyone starts to break down and need activity
constantly touching each other
being asked the same question 1,000 times, by each child
poorly done chores that must be repeated multiple times
toddler whining
packing up diaper bags and strollers and pac-n-plays for any outing lasting longer then 2 hours
getting up one hundred times to correct a behavior, for one child, in one day

Things I will miss

the feel of little arms around my neck
little hands touching my leg
babies falling asleep on my chest
first teeth
big, toothless smiles
seeing them crawl and walk for the first time
listening to them babbling while they lay in the crib
the way babies cling to you like a koala bear
baby showers and the joy others have for your new baby
chubby, sticky hands that want to hold yours
simple games like "peek-a-boo" and "I'm gonna get you!" offering pure delight
sweet little voices trying to form new words
bath time in the kitchen sink and the tub
the wonder of seeing ordinary things for the first time
the raw, tangible excitement they have for you when you return home, even if you have only been gone ten minutes
1st birthdays
everyone climbing into bed with me in the morning to snuggle and be near me - just because they can
watching them splash in kiddie pools with pure delight
listening to their childish giggles and belly laughs
knowing they need me to survive
their tiny bodies, little hands, precious feet ... I wish I could freeze them forever!

and all of the things listed in the "frustration" column.  Because it means I will no longer have little people at my feet, or in my arms.

I suppose that is when I will be gently encouraging my children to go HAVE children!

Funny how that works, isn't it?

All is well.

Here is my groom ~ swimming in the Mediterranean Sea!  You can see he is right at home in the depths of God's creation.  He was created for this!

He and the team do not have any luggage (day 3!) but they are in good spirits and enjoying their trip.  Good grief, who could be sad swimming in such an amazing place?

We miss him terribly but are happy to share him with others.  If there is one thing that is certain, Dennis Eastman adds energy and excitement anywhere he goes!  I can only imagine the tales we will hear after this adventure ... heaven help us!