A terrific thought ~ and incredibly encouraging.

A friend sent this to me during our waiting period with Isaiah.  She is currently circling in her own holding pattern and found this to be encouraging and uplifting and she shared it with me so that I too would be reminded of God's purposes and plans ... that do not always look like mine.

I pray it touches your heart and reminds you that,
 
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways My ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8,9

AFTER OBEDIENCE - WHAT?

And straightway He constrained His disciples to get into the ship, and to go to the other side. . . ." Mark 6:45-52

We are apt to imagine that if Jesus Christ constrains us, and we obey Him, He will lead us to great success. We must never put our dreams of success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not. The question of getting to a particular end is a mere incident. What we call the process, God calls the end.
What is my dream of God's purpose? His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working towards a particular finish; His end is the process - that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God.

God's training is for now, not presently. His purpose is for this minute, not for something in the future. We have nothing to do with the afterwards of obedience; we get wrong when we think of the afterwards. What men call training and preparation, God calls the end.

God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my life just now. If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient attention to the immediate present: if we realize that obedience is the end, then each moment as it comes is precious.

~ Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest." (emphasis mine)

Happy 1st Birthday, Ellie!

It could not have gone better!

The Lord far exceeded our expectations today!

Not only did Isaiah come through the sedation with ease ...  the doctor told us that his ear is PERFECT!  No damage.  No hearing loss.  Just a regular ear.

We were thrilled beyond words and left the waiting room just shaking our heads and saying, "Why is God always so good to us?"

I loved walking back into the room to see my son awake, and stable.  Leaving him passed out on a gurney was not the best image I have ever had put into my mind so I was quite pleased to replace it with a better one.  He was loopy and clearly disoriented, but he was okay ... and that is all that mattered.

Our nurse was fabulous (as is every nurse at CHOC) and made us feel completely at ease.  I had asked earlier if it was okay for me to take photos and she said, "Of course!"  So during recovery I casually asked, "Are you used to this?  Do a lot of people take photos?"  She looked at us kind of funny for a second and responded, "Um, no, actually.  No one takes pictures."  Dennis and I laughed (as I snapped a photo of her with Isaiah) and then she followed with, "But that is because most of our patients are screaming and flailing about and the parents are so busy holding them down they do not have a free hand to wield a camera."  Aha.  Dennis explained that I document everything, EVERYthing, and she smiled and said, "Oh, well, I am a scrapbooker so I totally get that!"

I am still in a bit of shock, I must admit.  I had so prepared myself for today being the first day of a series of appointments and paperwork that I had not thought about walking out of the hospital with nothing to do but take Isaiah home and feed him clear liquids and crackers!  And it was not until all of the kids were home and settled down for naps that I realized how much stress I had been carrying.  As I closed the door to the nursery I felt physically exhausted and it was all I could do to limp into our room and fall onto the bed.  As my body relaxed my mind followed suit and I spent time just praising God for this day ... for the unexpected results ... for His grace and His provision ... and then I asked Him to keep me mindful of the lessons I learned as we walked through this process.  It was not for nothing ... my God is one of Purpose.  So I know He is not finished with me yet!

The one question that keeps turning through my mind ~ did the Lord heal Isaiah's ear?  Or was there never anything wrong in the first place?  The doctor could not tell us why he failed twice and then passed this test with flying colors.  Maybe the equipment did not work properly.  Maybe he was tired and "off" that day.  Or maybe, just maybe, his ear did not hear, and through the process of trust and surrender and seeking His wisdom and His power, the Lord healed the tiny ear of my son, just as He repaired the ear of the soldier in the garden the night before the crucifixion.  My God IS that big.

And He will always get the glory!

 Admitting - always the highlight of a hospital visit!

 Time to take the vitals.

 He is clearly stressed about the test ... HA!  He played with this set of trains and track for an entire 90 minutes straight!

He did not like the bed cage!
 

Time for the test!  We carried him into the room, laid him on the table, and this is how he stayed!  Not a peep - not a whimper - just wide eyes as he watched them prepare.  The anesthesiologist put the mask on, I asked, "How long does it usually take for them to fall asleep?" and he said, "About that long - he is out.  Look!"  I gave him a kiss and we walked to the waiting room.
 

Recovery.  He was totally out of it - not sure he even knew who we were for a few minutes.  The nurse kept telling us how wonderful he was -  none of them could believe he just laid there while they did what they had to do.  We knew Isaiah was a sweet boy and now we know he is also quite cooperative!

 Warming up after a case of the shivers.  (So glad I brought his silky blanket!)
 

Apparently he did not hear the good news ... he seems less than enthused about the clean bill of hearing health.

Time to unhook him and go home.
 

Thank You, Lord, for protecting our son, for healing his ear, and for teaching us some very important lessons through the entire process.  You are an amazing God.

Prayer for Isaiah.

I shared HIS STORY a short time ago, and how the Lord has had to do a work in the heart of this mom as we waited for the day of the test to arrive.

And it is finally here!

We are praising God for His faithfulness to answer the prayers of the saints as they asked for Isaiah to stay completely healthy so his hearing test would not be delayed or canceled.  He has not sneezed even once! Our God is good!

He got to see his grandparents this morning, went to swimming lessons, took a great nap, had dinner with extended family visiting in town, watched Luke practice water polo, took a bath, and got to fall sleep cozily in our bed.  (I need him to be near me tonight.)

Ellie will spend the day with three women who adore her, and we will have to deprogram her after being held the whole time!  The other 4 boys will be with friends who will keep them busy and covered in water and filled with treats.  And Dennis and I?  We will be next to our son, telling him all about the hospital, who the doctors are, what they are going to do, and holding his hand the entire time.  This is definitely a first for us.  Other than a few stitches in the ER, we have never experienced a hospital visit.  And yes, I am taking my camera!

The Lord has already been so faithful and so good, and He will still be good even if our son cannot hear in one ear.

Please pray for us ... for our son ... and for the countless families living at CHOC hospital with problems much bigger and more heart-breaking than ours.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day!

What do they think?

Do you ever stop to ponder what others think about you?

I don't mean the junior high mentality of "why is she looking at me like that are my shoes wrong am I too fat does she think I am a snob?"  Not at all.

I mean, do you ever take time to think about the way you talk, interact, and behave when you are with others?  Friends, acquaintances, business associates, ministry partners, your own family ... people!

Seriously.  If you asked your five best friends (who are willing to be totally honest with you ~ "faithful are the wounds of a friend") how would they describe the way you are perceived by others?

Do you have a welcoming, joyful face
or do you always look grumpy and annoyed? (I call it the "no" face.)

Do you give your full attention
or are you looking around at what else is going on around you?

Do you listen attentively when someone is speaking
or do you interrupt?

Are you positive and encouraging
or always sharing a new dramatic tale of woe?

Do you make others feel at ease
or do you make them feel like a bother?

Can others sense that you are excited to see them
or do they wonder if you even care they are there?

Do you speak highly of others
or are you always critical and gossiping?

Does your love for the Lord show clearly in your words and comments
or are people surprised to find out you are a Christian?

Do you overlook an offense
or make sure that people know your every irritation and annoyance?

Do others see Christ in you
or do they just see you?

I have been pondering this lately.  Not because anyone has confronted me about a bad attitude or told me they think I am the most mean-spirited person they have ever met.  I have had a few instances recently, however, when I left a group wondering, "Why doesn't she like me?  We have never had any negative interactions.  What did I do?"

I do not need everyone to like me.  Been there, done that.  Never successful.  My identity is not wrapped up in the opinions of others.  There are billions of people on the planet, with different personalities and tastes and needs ~ and I am quite certain they all do not want me for a friend.  (though I can't imagine why, being that I am perfect and without sin and all.  hehehehe)  I am also quite certain I do not want to be friends with everyone on the planet either.  And I really think that is okay!

But when the people who seem repelled by you are in your own sphere of life ~ church, small groups, neighborhood, family, business partner ~ it seems appropriate to take a look inside and do some self-evaluation.  Is it ME?  Is it them?  Or both?  If it is me, I need to look at that ... see where I can improve ... apologize if necessary ... work on smiling more ... work on listening better.  If it is them, perhaps I need to seek to understand ... see if I am missing something ... not communicating in a way that meets their need.  If it is both of us, I need to realize that everyone is not a good match and let it go.  Be courteous, be sincere, be genuine, and understand that a few simple exchanges of kind words is enough.  It just is.

As for the questions up above?  I have been on the negative side - of all of them.  More than once.

How embarrassing.

We all have bad days.  We all have selfish moments.  We all wish we could go back and redo some conversations.  (Right?  Or am I the only one who has spoken without thinking?)  But we cannot just slough it off as "Oops!  Sorry."  Scripture is so clear about the way the world is supposed to see us ~ and they are not suggestions or "Hope you can do this!" statements ... they are assumptions (you will because) or commands.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way,

let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.  

John 13:35

For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.

II Corinthians 2:15

A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.

Proverbs 15:13

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

Romans 12:3

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers ...

Proverbs 15:28

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19,20

But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;  for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

I Peter 1:15, 16

When I look at these passages, and apply them to the questions above, I stand condemned.  I am allowed to have an off day, I can be forgiven for selfishness and sin, I am not always going to let wisdom win over foolishness.  But The Lord has spoken plainly ~ made His expectations clear.  If I am His child ... if I claim His name ... if I say I love Him ...

I have no business being grumpy and expecting people to deal with it.

I have no business listening half-heartedly simply because I am not interested.

I need to listen more than I speak,

smile more than I frown,

speak with kindness and tenderness,

make people feel wanted and loved,

speak words of edification rather than criticism. 

Simply stated:  I need to be more like HIM.  A lot less of me.  100% me, yes, as I am in Christ, and let others take me or leave me as they will.  Because if I am truly seeking His face day by day, if I am truly desiring His cloak of righteousness more than my own mantel of self-confidence, and if I truly want to be holy as HE is holy, then what others see will not be me.  It will be Him.  Rejection, indifference ~ who cares?  I am made in His image, perfectly shaped and formed by His hand, and though my earthly body is filled with flaws that are sometimes unappealing and unattractive, I am adored by the very God who made me, and that simply has to be enough!

And it is.

What do they think?

Who cares.

What does HE think?

Monday Morning PRAISE!

I was recently challenged while reading a book.  A good book.  The author talked about praising God before we come to Him with our requests, our trials, and our laments.  Praise Him FIRST.  Thank Him, adore Him, worship Him ... and somehow, many of those things that seemed so big and so important will begin to fade away.

I have never struggled with praising or thanking God, but I often end my prayer that way.  I am taking this challenge to heart and already find myself with a seemingly unending list of things to praise my Maker for each day.  And reading passages in Scripture that stretch the mind (Job) and are filled with vivid imagery, details of creation, and God's power opens up a whole new world of awe and wonder that makes praise seem inadequate.  Our God truly is indescribable!

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God

All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God

Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

~ Christ Tomlin

Today, this is the praise on my tongue.  And the joy of my heart.

Harder than I thought.

Being in a HOLDING PATTERN is much more difficult than it looks.  When you watch a bird coasting on the air currents or an airplane circling the airport, it looks smooth, fluid ~ effortless.  But neither the bird or the pilot are unaware of what they are doing, where they are going, or what they need to do to maintain that coasting/circling pattern.  There is a process and they both know that the end result, is landing.

I do not like coasting or circling and I do not like waiting.  I like to get where I am going in the most direct route possible.  Sights?  Possible adventure?  Spontaneity?  Overrated.  Let me get where I need to go so I can do what I need to do.  Please.

While this mentality allows for much to be accomplished at any given time, it does not leave a lot of room for looking around, experiencing new things, meeting different people, or just being still and letting life happen all around you.  And sometimes we just need to let life happen.

These past few days have been hard for me.  It seems like the closer Isaiah's procedure gets, the more antsy I become.  I have a blank calendar starting at me waiting to be filled with the details of the 2011-2012 Eastman Academy.  I have deadlines for classes and fees to plan for.  Sports practices and tournaments to schedule.  None of which can happen until we have the results of this test.  And it seems crazy that so much can hinge on one test!

But isn't life full of one answer hinges?  Will she say yes when I propose?  Did I get the job?  Did I pass the bar?  Will we hear the heartbeat?  Is the cancer gone?  Did we get the house?  Is my son partially deaf?

There are only two options:  Yes or No.

One question.
Two options.
One answer.

A myriad of possible responses.

And that is where I have been battling.  I know that the Lord has complete control over the life of our son and the function of his body.  I am not afraid to hear "Mrs. Eastman, Isaiah is partially deaf and will require a hearing aid and therapy."  I'm not.  Is it my first choice of things to hear?  No.  Could it be worse?  Absolutely.  Do I believe we could walk out of the hospital on Thursday with a diagnosis of perfect hearing?  Yes I do.

You see, it is not the result of the test I am concerned with.  I am not worried that our faith will waiver or we will have to walk through this minor change alone.  I am confident in our trust in the Lord to sustain our son and to sustain us so we can do what needs to be done, and do it with passion, intensity, and gratefulness.  No problem.

My battle is within.  Why I am so impatient?  Why do I need to have all the information all the time?  Why do I feel paralyzed when others have knowledge that I don't?  Why can't I just sit back and wait?  Let deadlines pass, late fees add up, opportunities be missed?  Why do I need to have control?!?!?

Seriously!  Who am I kidding?  All you have to do is read Job 38&39 to be reminded that we are absolute fools to think we have control over anything other than our sock color choice for the day.  Did we create the wind?  Do we tell the bird when to fly south for the winter?  Do we release the rain or pour light from the sun?  We cannot change the beat of our heart or choose to stop breathing.  The God of the universe chose the day of our birth, He preordained the day of our death, and He allows a thousand different sufferings and trials in our lives in between to grow us and shape us and refine us ... all at the doing of HIS hand.

And I am irritated because my calendar is not complete?  Come on.  Who do I think I am?

But I do know who I am!

I am the daughter of a God who created this earth and everything in it.
I am the daughter of a God who created me in His image.
A daughter who was given gifts and talents and strengths to be used for His glory - and for His kingdom.
A daughter who has been given full access to the heavenly realms by approaching the throne of grace, which is filled with the presence of a holy, just, and compassionate God.
I am loved, wanted, pursued, and enjoyed by this God.
Me!
He loves ME!
Even with my flaws.  My selfishness.  My sin and my impatience ... He loves me.

And He knows that my weaknesses and sin get in my way.  A lot.
They keep me from Him.
They keep me looking around instead of up.
They keep me focused on self rather than praising Him for all of His goodness.
They keep me antsy and anxious and lacking patience.

There are two options:

Live in the flesh and go my own way.

or

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” 

Psalm 46:10

Two options.
One answer.

I choose to be still.

And trust Him for the rest.

Sweet. And tragic.

So sweet.  A little boy falling asleep with an armful of books.

So tragic.  He fell asleep with an armful of books because ... I promised to read to him, got distracted, and forgot.

I walked into our room after doing 32 other things and stopped in my tracks when I saw him there.  So sweet.  So innocent.  And then I felt my heart drop  ~ so neglected.

I know I am not the only mom who says "Just a minute", and then it's August.  I know that the realities of life, many children and a house to run can cause distraction and sidetracks and rabbit trails.  We all blow it.  We all fail to follow through on something.  We forget promises and break commitments.

But the thought of my son lying on a bed, cozy and ready for a nap, waiting for his mom to come in and read him some of his favorite books, and then falling asleep because she never came ... it broke me.

And I needed it.

I do too much.  I am so good at multitasking that I can literally brush my teeth, do dishes, change a baby, answer an e-mail, and get snacks for everyone at the same time.  Seriously!  I have had 11 years of practice ... and with each child my skill level increased.  Today a friend laughed at me while she watched me change a dirty diaper on my lap and hand a snack to Isaiah while continuing our conversation without a pause.

In some ways, this is a great skill!  It allows me to keep a house of eight people running smoothly and efficiently.  In other ways, however, it keeps me from being totally focused on a single task.  And if there is one task I need to be completely, 100%, without distraction, focused on ~ it is my role as a Mother.

I am not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be.  When people compliment me on my children I smile and say thank you, but in my head I am thinking, "Oh, friend, if you only knew."  I know I fail my children daily.  It may not be purposeful, but I do.  And I am starting to see that it is because I am doing too many things at one time.  Do clean teeth, diapers, snacks, e-mails and dishes all really NEED to be done at the same time?  No.  Would the world's axis tilt the wrong way if it took, I don't know, seven extra minutes to accomplish those things?  Of course not!  So why do I do it?  It is how God wired me, for sure.  I do not know how to do one thing at a time or not to be thinking 12 steps ahead.  It's just me.

But sometimes "me" is not good enough.  Our strengths are usually our weaknesses, and right now I am trying to find the delicate balance so I can be everything my children need me to be ... in the moment ... when they need me.  Good intentions without follow through are meaningless intentions.

I love my children, and they know this.  And the crazy thing is, even when I forget them, don't follow through, or let my "just a minute" turn into 752 minutes ~ they still want me!  They come to me for hugs, help, answers, support, therapy, wisdom ... every day.

Every day.

I need to give them more of me.  More of my attention.  More of my energy.  More of myself.

When I stand before the Lord to give an account of my role as a mother - the role He CHOSE for me - I am not going to be praised for clean dishes, polished floors, addressed birthday cards, or hot meals.  He is going to ask me, "What did you do with my children, Michelle?  How did you train them?  Love them?  Educate them?  Encourage, comfort, and urge them?  You had 24 hours every single day ... how much of that time was theirs?"

I do not want to stand ashamed.

I want to stand victorious.

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

Looking for a miracle?

Have your kids ever tried to create their own miracle?  Decided to take one of the Bible stories for a spin?

Mine did!

Yesterday I was walking by the sliding glass door and looked out to see Isaiah have a great time playing with the kiddie pool.  He was talking to himself and just as happy as could be.  I smiled and then,

SCREEEECH!

What is in the pool?  Is that?  No, he would never.  Yes, it IS!

 THE BIBLE!!!  And not just one Bible - two of them!

Apparently he wanted to see if they could slide down into the depths and be raised up dry?

Walk on water like Jesus did?

Turn into baskets of fish?

All I know is that he had no remorse or fear when he saw me coming.  Just looked up with a, "Hi Mom!  Look what I am doing!" sweet, innocent face.

 And now, Micah and Luke are without their bread of life.  The Bibles are a drippy, soggy, shriveled mess.

Thank goodness we live in a country where we can go buy news ones ... own as many as we desire ... read them as often as we like ... memorize them ... share them ... 

Hmmm, perhaps the Bible is miraculous in and of itself!

My prayer ...

Lord, prepare us for what is to come.  And help us find the JOY You have placed all around us ~ because we are looking for it.  Anticipating it.  Craving it.

In all we do, may we honor You.

I always thought ...

it would be great to break my jaw.

When I was in high school my best friend had to have her jaw wired shut for a specific purpose.  She was only able to drink liquids for 6 weeks straight - and lost about 20 pounds in the process.  I remember actually being jealous and thinking, "I wish I could break MY jaw so I could lose weight without trying!"  Ridiculous I know.  But I was young.  And foolish.

I sometimes have that same desire now, but for an entirely different reason.

Have you ever left an event, or hung up the phone after a conversation with a friend and thought, "Why am I allowed to speak?  Why am I even allowed to interact with the human race?"  You were not rude, your were not ugly or thoughtless, but you let too many words escape?  Careless, unnecessary, served-no-purpose words ... all of which could have easily been clipped off it you had taken two seconds to think first ... do an audience analysis ... ask yourself if airing your opinion mattered at all ... anyone?  Or is it just me?

I have a mind that never stops working.  Not necessarily a bad thing some would say.  But there is one hazard:  the result is often a voluminous amount of words.  Some spill out and fall where they were intended to fall, some are carefully selected and applied, some fly out before my mind can catch up with them and reign them in.  Some are thoughtful, clever, encouraging, helpful, and wise.  Others are petty, inappropriate, hurtful, or just plain careless. 

I have been asked many times, "What is your most embarrassing moment?"  I don't have one.  I am so careful not to look stupid that I purposely avoid all potential embarrassing moments.  But I have been embarrassed more times than I can count ~ and all of them involved my mouth.  I often pray that the Lord will erase all memory of foolishness from the minds of those who know me.  But I know how many hurtful, rude, and damaging things have been said to me that are forever ingrained in my mind.  I may not feel the sting of it anymore, and the wound may have healed ~ but I remember.

There are times I am with a group of women or talking to a friend and I feel like the Lord fills my mouth with His words ... His wisdom ... His heart ... and I am blessed with a rich and profitable time and leave feeling exhilarated.  I cherish those moments, because they are so obviously of the Lord.

And then.  Oh, and then.  There are times I forget to stop and take a breath, really listen to the other person and I launch into a diatribe of words ... thoughts, opinions, observations, suggestions, ideas ... never stopping to look around and take notice of what or who is around me and how my words might be affecting them.  Most people are not purposely rude or obnoxious, but sometimes we make a truly benign statement that cuts to the heart of the listener because we are unaware of a personal struggle, a recent hurt, a current frustration, or quite frankly, we just need to shut up!  I hate those moments.  I loathe them actually.  The number of phone calls, letters and e-mails I have sent apologizing for my lack of discretion or thoughtfulness could be put into book form.  THAT is embarrassing.

I find it funny how valuable we believe our words to be.  We have so much to say/share/express/teach/explain/judge/critique ~ surely everyone wants to listen, right?  They find my thoughts as valuable as I do ~ I cannot imagine that they wouldn't!  What are we thinking??  Is there anything, really, that MUST be spoken in any given circumstance?  Other than proclaiming the name of Jesus Christ, speaking the Word of God into the life of another, or worshiping in song or prayer ~ what could we possibly have to say that has merit?

Did God design us for relationships?  Yes.  Did He create a mouth for us to speak and express emotion?  Of course.  Did He intend it to be used for glory of self, dominating a conversation, making others feel inept or silly?  Absolutely not.

I imagine the garden was filled with sweet, uplifting conversations and words of praise as Adam and Eve moved about freely ~ rejoicing over their Creator and the beauty He shared with them.  Laughing, singing, whispering.  What a tranquil and edifying place it must have been.

I have looked up Scripture on the tongue countless times.  Countless.  I have dozens memorized.  But it is the ones on silence ... holding the tongue ... the absence of words that are fitting.  And it is interesting to see the amount of times God asks His children to be quiet, to be still, to listen ... it is clearly not a natural response, a quiet tongue.  He has to command us to swallow our words so that HE can be heard.  So He can be glorified.  So He can change us.

Oh, Lord, set a guard over my mouth so I may speak less and listen more.  Because only then will people see less of me and more of You.
 

Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.

Psalm 141:3

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Proverbs 10:19

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Proverbs 17:28

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.

Proverbs 18:2
 

"O that you would be completely silent, And that it would become your wisdom!"

Job 13:5

Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; 

and draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil.
       Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God.
      For God is in heaven,
and you on earth;
      Therefore let your words be few.
       For a dream comes through much activity,
  And a fool’s voice is known by his many words.

Ecclesiastes 5:1-3

Totally how He works.

Yesterday I shared how the Lord is making me wait.

I thought I was being obedient and still, and I was.  But I was missing something.

While I had been focused on Him, His timing, and willing to wait on Him, I had not PRAISED Him.  Not personally, and not publicly.

Until that post.

And then - not 24 hours later, I received the call I had been waiting for.  The surgery center called, the test was scheduled, and once that is done, we will know how to move forward in life.

I do not know the mind of the Lord, but I cannot help but think that He waited to answer my prayer ... waited to see that, whether I agreed with His timing and purpose or not, I would still trust ... waited to hear me say, "Lord, You are good and I surrender all my wants to You." ... and then He smiled, and said, "Ah, finally she gets it.  It is time."

Isn't that how He works?  He knows all.  He sees all.  He has power over all.  But we run around trying to control, fix, change, adapt, crazy and exhausted, until we finally stop, rest, and say, "Okay, Lord.  Okay.  Do what You will, and I will praise You either way."  And He does!

You see, this waiting was not about me.
It was about our son.

Isaiah has failed two hearing tests in his left ear.  The audiologist believes he has unilateral hearing loss.  We are not sure of the why or how, but she is 90% certain that her diagnosis is correct.  He must undergo a sedated ABR test, which measures his hearing levels to the most detailed pitch, and will confirm forever whether or not he is hearing impaired ... if it is degenerative ... if it is something simple that can be solved with a hearing aid and speech therapy ... or if there will be more involved over his lifetime.  And what is 10% to the Lord?  NOTHING!

So you can imagine how much I wanted this process to happen quickly.  I want to know if my son can hear or not.  I want to know what his future holds.  How will being partially deaf/hearing impaired affect his life, career choices, sport options, and on the list goes.  We may overlook our own health issues and put off things that should be taken care of, but when it comes to our children we want answers NOW.  But the Lord did not let that happen.

Last night, after realizing that He did not answer my prayer until I praised Him, it caused me to wonder how many other ways I could praise Him in this specific circumstance.

~ Because we have two dyslexic children, we are acutely aware of any speech delays/impediments and that is what caused us to get a speech referral for Isaiah at such a young age.  (21 months)
~ Had we waited longer, his hearing loss could have worsened or been overlooked, causing more severe speech delays.
~ We are next to one of the best hospitals in the country (St Joes and CHOC) and have some of the best doctors and anesthesiologists to care for our son.
~ After knowing and seeing families with children who are autistic, physically or mentally disabled, deaf, blind ... partial hearing loss is so small and trivial in comparison.  We are blessed.
~ We have great insurance coverage to help cover the costs of all that is coming.  Anything extra we can trust God for, who already knows our needs before we even ask!
~ I have a husband who is supportive and will not walk away or disengage if our son does, in fact, need extra treatment and care for a permanent disability.  He is faithful as a man, a husband, and a father.
~ We have family and friends who are already praying for us, and will support us each end every day if we ask them to.  And even if we don't.

Hmm, I guess this isn't just about our son - it IS about me.  The Lord needed to take ME through a process of settling in and waiting on Him, trusting Him, praising Him for the smallest things ... so He can prepare me for what is to come.  It may be simple, it may be overwhelming.  But either way - He is my God.  He will not leave me or forsake Me.  I can trust Him with my heart and I can trust Him with my son.  There is no greater place to be than in the arms of a holy, loving, merciful God who loves Isaiah more than I could even possibly hope to love him.

There is more waiting to be had.  The surgery is not until July 28th.  If he gets a cold or cough, we have to reschedule.  Which would mean more waiting.  But, once the test is done, we will have a definitive answer, and we can begin to plan our life.  Our school year can be mapped out.  (I am usually done by now!)  We can restructure our budget to find the extra $200 a month for co-pays.  We can commit to other activities/classes/events when we know the speech therapy schedule etc, etc.

I know the Lord is not finished with me yet!  And I am willing to patiently, though I am sure not perfectly, wait on Him and trust Him every step of the way.

Who among the gods is like you, LORD?
Who is like You—
   majestic in holiness, awesome in glory,
 working wonders?

Exodus 15:11

My tongue will proclaim Your righteousness,
   Your praises all day long. 

Psalm 35:28

A holding pattern.

The Lord has me waiting.

Sitting still.

Unable to plan.

Without control.

Many unknowns.

Unknowns that make everything hold still until we have answers so we can move forward.

I am not good at waiting.

I am not good at "winging it."

I am a planner. 

I like details.

I want to know what I need to know - now.

Because then I can make my plans, organize my calendar, prepare.

But the Lord does not seem to care about my wants right now.

He is the One who can move mountains and change the course of the wind.  He can certainly make a scheduling office call me back to for a surgery date.

And yet, here I sit.  Waiting.

For weeks.

The funny thing is, normally I would be going crazy.  I would be frustrated, annoyed, anxious, crabby.  Trying to find a way to plan around the piece that was missing, even if I knew I would have to do it all over again.

But the Lord is doing a work in me.

I am not anxious.

I am not irritated.

I am not angry or upset or quietly cursing the ineptitude of others.

I am just still.

In a holding pattern, yes.

Tired of waiting, yes.

Ready for the details so I can plan the next school year, more than ever.

But still.

Because I know the Lord is doing this on purpose.  He knows my weakness, my desire to control, my need for order and efficiency.  And He is not allowing it.  The other day Dennis even said, "You know, you are handling this waiting period remarkably well!"  

If my husband can see my peace, then surely the Lord sees it as well!  And I hope He is pleased.  For these are the Scriptures that I am trying to live ... seeking to embrace and make a part of my thoughts ... and believing He will be faithful to bring the knowledge I am seeking in His perfect time, not mine, and refining me while I wait.

 Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

In the morning, LORD, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait expectantly.

Psalm 5:3

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 27:14

We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and our shield.

Psalm 33:20
 

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him.

Psalm 37:7
 

LORD, I wait for You; You will answer, Lord my God.

Psalm 38:15

I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 40:1

 

I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in His Word I put my hope.

Psalm 130:5

Oh my goodness!

Earlier today my two-year-old dragged a strange looking box into the house.

I was not expecting anything and I did not recognize the address, so I had no idea what it could be.  I grabbed a pair of scissors, laid it on our bed, and began to open it carefully.  And then my family heard a squeal of delight when I discovered the treasure inside.

THIS!

I saw this piece of art on a website recently and fell in love with it immediately.  Proverbs 25:11 is one of my top ten favorite verses and a prayer of my heart ... that I will deliver apples of gold over and over again in my lifetime as the Lord gives me the words to say to those who need to hear from Him.

I showed it to Dennis with a "This would be a mighty nice anniversary present for someone" comment attached and then dreamed of the day I would be able to hang it on my wall.  And I knew JUST where it would go.

I exchanged e-mails with the artist a couple of times, (to let her know how much I love her work) and was delighted to find her to be a warm, enthusiastic, and genuine person, truly using her gifts and talents to bring glory to God rather than self.   A wonderful quality in a creative, passionate soul.  I love finding people who desire to be effective rather than famous.  And this artist?  Well, she has that covered, hands down!  The Lord prompted me to pray for her right away, so I did.  We have never met, we may never meet, but we are sisters in Christ, and therefore, family.  Which means all barriers are broken down and we can encourage and support one another as the Lord leads.  I so love how God designed it that way!

My strange-looking box revealed this wonderful and unexpected gift - and a gift it was!  From a thoughtful, generous, and special giver, who simply wanted to bless me.  And she did ~ all the way down to the tips of my toes.

I love it.  I love that it is in my bedroom - my favorite room in our house.  I love that it is Scripture and will be the first thing I see every morning when I wake up.  I love that every person who walks into our home will see it and read it (our bedroom is on the way out of our front door).  And I pray the Lord will let the words soak into each heart so they too will be challenged and encouraged to use their words to encourage, to uplift, and add beauty and sparkle to the lives of those around them.

Today I was blessed.  Not because I got a present ... I was blessed because the Lord put my name on the heart of my sister, and she was obedient to heed His call ... and I reaped the blessing of that obedience.  She touched my heart today in a way that I did not know I needed.  What an absolute privilege it is to be a part of God's family.  I deserve nothing, yet He gives me everything.

It's simple really.

It makes me chuckle every time I am talking to someone and the subject of my blog comes up.  They usually look at me and say, "I don't know how you do it.  How do you have time?" or  "How do you even know what to write about?" or my favorite, "You wrote about THAT?"

Here's the deal.

When I started this blog I thought it was ridiculous.  I only did it on a dare from a friend.  I did not give it a lot of thought, time or attention.  And then, I started writing like I write in my journals ... personal, vulnerable, honest.  And I found my voice.  Since I was a child I have kept journals and I have always written in them as though writing to a friend.  It made the words flow better, come together in a personal way, and it just made sense.  After a few blog posts about my heart and mind and all that was whirling about inside of me, I felt like a whole new world of journaling opened up.  It was much faster and easier to do than writing by hand, I could do it more often, and it was fun!  So I kept writing, and soon it became a daily ritual.

On an average day I would say I spend about 10 minutes, maybe 15, on any given post. It really is like sending an e-mail.  I write as I type, I do not edit or rewrite - it just flows from whatever is going on inside.  And honestly, if there is nothing in there, my fingers do not touch the keys.  I cannot make something up or force something to come out - it is impossible.  I have tried, and I just cannot do it.  Some days I am content to share something about our family, or photos of something that makes me smile, and other days the blog and I do not even meet.  Oh!  There are times I have TONS going on in my mind and I write five posts at the same time.  But there is a secret - you can schedule them to post whenever you want to!  So if I write five posts on Monday, I can scatter them throughout the week and not spend a second on the blog.  I love that!  In those times I pray and ask the Lord to show me the "when" and He is always faithful because I will get an e-mail or a call from someone who says, "I just read your post and it was exactly what I needed to hear today."  Isn't God so great to do that?  "A word aptly spoken ..."

As for knowing what to write about?  Man, the options are E N D L E S S.

A church sermon.
A conversation with a friend.
Interaction with a stranger.
A great book.
A disturbing article or news update.
Personal conviction.
Sin issues the Lord is working on.
Parenting.
Children.
Marriage.
A fight.
Embarassing moments.
A random comment from someone that makes me think for days.
Being in God's creation.
Witnessing a sweet moment.
Scripture.

There are so many things happening around us each day ~ there is not enough time, paper, or ink to capture them all.

Yes, at times I post about things that are completely meaningless.  After all, who cares about my favorite salsa or the fact that I just got a haircut?  Since I use it as a journal of our family life, however, it is nice to see some of the everyday strewn in here and there between the deep and heavy thoughts.

I think the thing I hear the most, and the one I am most grateful for, is when people say, "I cannot believe how honest you are.  I could never say the things you do, especially confessing sin.  You are very vulnerable on your blog."

YES!

If there is one thing I have learned by watching Christians all my life, it is that PRIDE controls almost everyone.  We walk around in our best clothes, with smiles and "I'm good" remarks and never share what is really going on.  We do not let people come over unless our house is immaculate, we apologize for not having make-up on, we order out instead of serving a simple meal of spaghetti and salad because it doesn't seem "good enough."  And I hate that.  I learned quickly, very very quickly, that as soon as one person opens up and shares something difficult, someone will follow suit.  And all of a sudden, you have a safe place where people can share their struggles, their fears - their hearts - and the Lord begins to work.  He begins to heal.  He draws people into intimate relationships because when you share real things, embarrassing things, when you are transparent ... you become approachable.  And that is Biblical.  "Encourage, exhort, rebuke, bear one anothers burdens, comfort."  I am willing to bare my soul and my sin so that others may feel the freedom to do the same ~ and then reap the blessings that come with setting the truth free.

It really is that simple.  I love writing.  There are times my mind and heart are blank and I literally have nothing to say.  And then there are times my heart is full to overflowing and my fingers cannot fly over the keys fast enough.  It is a joy.  It is a privilege.  And if even one person is encouraged or has her mind turned to the Lord while reading my thoughts, then I am blessed.  And God is pleased.

The way it should be.

When we lost our son, our dear friend read Psalm 119:73-76 to us in the hospital:

Your hands made me and formed me;
   give me understanding to learn Your commands.
May those who fear You rejoice when they see me,
   for I have put my hope in Your Word.
I know, LORD, that Your laws are righteous,
   and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
May Your unfailing love be my comfort,
   according to Your promise to Your servant. 

And then he said, "Character is not created in difficult circumstances ~ it is revealed."

These two thoughts have become cornerstones in my life and my thinking.  Every time I hear of a believer praising God in the midst of a trial, I stand in awe.  I want to be like them.  The examples I have seen, heard, and read about cannot be counted ... person after person raising their hands to a God who allowed an incomprehensible situation to touch their world ... and they PRAISE HIM.  They thank Him.  They testify to His goodness even as they wipe away the tears that continually fall.

Because God is always God.
And God is always good.

As I read the book I mentioned yesterday, I was just as impacted by the dozens of quotes littering the pages as I was by the actual story.  I have said it before, and I will defend it to the death ...

we grow the most in difficult times.

We mature when we realize there is nothing left of us, our power, our control, and we fall on our knees before a holy God asking Him to take care of it all.  We recognize God for His bigness when we see how small and powerless we are.  When prayer and the Word are the only things we ingest for days and weeks at a time as we seek answers and wisdom, we lose a little more of ourselves and cling more tightly to our Father.

I want to share these quotes, because they are powerful.  The Lord will speak to you right where you are, even if you are not drowning in a sea of agony at this present time.  Read them.  Dwell on them.  Think about what it took for each of these people to be able to respond this way when the rest of the world screams and shakes their fists at God.  Why are they different?  Why are they set apart?  How can they still praise God and sincerely say they trust Him?  "I have hidden YOUR WORD in my heart ..."   And remember ~

"Character is not created in difficult circumstances ~ it is revealed."

I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden wealth of secret places, so that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name.

Isaiah 45:3

Worry looks at God through circumstances.  Peace look at the circumstances through God.

- Adrian Rogers

The suffering caused by shattered dreams must not be thought of as something to relieve if we can or endure if we must.  It's an opportunity to be embraced, a chance to discover our desire for the highest blessing God wants to give us, an encounter with Himself!

- Larry Crab

God is behind everything, but everything hides God.

- Victor Hugo

God knows what it is like to have to sit by and watch a beloved only child die.

- Morna Comeau, mother of two infant boys who died at birth 

Through trials, God bids us to choose:  Do we believe or do we not?  Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit, and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations?  Can we surrender our concern in things that don't matter so that we might devote our remaining days to things that do? - Tony Snow

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:13,14

Only we who have been washed in the blood of the Lamb can both weep and laugh at the same time, and with hearts that are breaking in pieces scattered all over the floor say with sincerity and honesty that it is well with my soul. 

- Gary J Oliver, who lost both his wife and his adult son within two months

He (the Christian believer) can say, "If I should lose all I have, it is better that I should lose than have, if God so wills; the worst calamity is the wisest and the kindest thing that could befall me if God ordains it."  "We know that all things work together for good to them that love God."

- Charles Spurgeon

If God hides the reason for His works from us, and it is too high for us to reach, let us shut our mouths; ... let us glorify and not be ashamed to be ignorant.  The true wisdom of the faithful is to know no more than it has pleased God to show them. 

- John Calvin

Suffering (getting what one does not want while wanting what one does not get) is specified in Scripture as part of every Christian's calling ...

- J. I. Packer

This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your Word has revived me.

Psalm 119:50

The only right attitude towards suffering is worship, or humble self-surrender.

- John R. W. Stott

I do so hope and pray that God may give you grace to exercise a faith which will humble, comfort and cheer your inmost soul.  But if you cannot so believe, at least lay your hands upon your bleeding and darkened spirit, and drag it along the way of duty.  Follow the Master's will, in comfort if you can, but follow it.  He will bring you out into a pleasant place in His own time."

- Bruce, a note to a father who lost his third son to illness

Your hands made me and formed me;
   give me understanding to learn Your commands.
May those who fear You rejoice when they see me,
   for I have put my hope in Your Word.
I know, LORD, that Your laws are righteous,
   and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
May Your unfailing love be my comfort,
   according to Your promise to Your servant.

Psalm 119

Not what I expected.

Last Sunday I was walking into church and crossed paths with a friend on the patio.  I asked her about her upcoming surgery and she handed me a book ~ for the baby ministry.  I took it home and set it on the counter.  I just wasn't ready to read it because I knew what it would do to me ... and I didn't want to go there.

A few days later I received an e-mail from a woman I have never met, who has shared her heart with me more than once as she reads my blog and offers her perspective and fears and triumphs in response to the things I write.  She just had her second C-SECTION and is struggling through the emotion that comes with that.  She asked me, "Have you gotten over the fact that you had to have c-sections?"  I wasn't able to respond to her right away because my immediate thought was "No."  And that bothered me.  It has been almost a year since I had my second surgery and there are times when I do feel the sadness that comes with it ... with not getting to have the birth I envisioned ... not getting my way ... not having control ... and more, knowing that because of them, I cannot have any more children.  My body just can't do it again.  She wanted me to pray that she would surrender her will to the Lord, that her heart and mind would be at peace.  Now THAT I can do!  And I did pray for her, immediately.  But the nagging in my heart has not ceased.

A couple of days after that, I got it in my head to finally complete Isaiah's scrapbook. His life in pictures was waiting to be documented and displayed.  I pulled out two years worth of photos, sat down with my tools, and got to work.  By about the third page I was overcome with a profound sense of sadness.  All I kept thinking was, "I can't go back.  I can never go back.  I will never be able to hold a newborn on my chest again.  I will never have those precious first days alone with my baby.  I will never have a tiny baby sleeping on me for hours at a time in perfect peace.  It is all over. And I hate it."

I was stunned.

I have struggled a lot with the end of all things baby, this is no secret.  But the Lord has been so faithful to allow those moments to be short and then He fills my mind with all of the exciting unknowns of my future with teenagers.  I know He has great things in store for us!

So why the emotion?  Why now?  I can only assume it was the nostalgia of seeing my last son as a tiny baby.  Remembering those "firsts" and knowing how many moments I missed while I was sick and pregnant with Ellie when Isaiah was only seven months old.  Perhaps because Ellie's first birthday is fast approaching and it is a very real reminder that my life as a mother of babies is coming to an end.  I am really not sure.  And I did not give it a lot of thought to be quite honest.  I just kept cutting and creating and pushing the emotion aside.

I decided to take a break so I could hop on the treadmill.  I wanted something to read while I walked so as I passed the counter I grabbed "the book."  The very one I had been avoiding all week.  I read the entire thing during my walk.  One hour, cover to cover.

And I knew instantly ~ the Lord wanted me to read it.  Today. 

As I read the story of a mother who gave birth to her full term daughter, and then buried her seven days later, I was overwhelmed.  Not because of the emotion and intensity she allowed us to see as she shared her journal, or the heart-wrenching moments together as they said goodbye.  Not because I found myself back in a hospital room dropping tears on the face of my own son who had already died.  The emotion that was pulsing through my veins was one of gratefulness. 

I cannot go back.  I cannot give birth to my children again.  I cannot see any of them walk for the first time, nurse them, or see that first smile.  Time does not stand still.  It keeps marching on long into the night when we are exhausted and weary and just want to freeze everything around us so we can hold on a little while longer.  Even in the darkest of nights, in the blackest of moments, time is moving and joy is waiting around the corner to greet us with a fresh new day, created by the One who gives and takes away.

I cannot go back.
And I shouldn't want to.
Because I have NOW.

Right this very minute I can hold each of my earthly children in my arms and squeeze them tight.  I can hear them laugh, watch them run, listen to them giggle as they wrestle with their dad.  I can talk to them, listen to their sorrows, dry their tears, and laugh at their silliness.  They are here.  They are real.  They are alive.

And somewhere, this very instant, there is a mother weeping for her child.  A mother who just kissed her daughter for the last time, or saw the face of her stillborn son.  A mother who has been told it is time to turn off the machines.  A mother who is sorting through photographs of her son as she plans his funeral.  A mother who prepares to say her final goodbye to the daughter she has loved for years.  These women would give anything to have what I have ... time.  Another hug.  Another kiss.  Another chance to listen to a dumb joke or hear a childhood woe.  All of the things I brush off or do not give enough attention to ~ they would trade places with me in a nanosecond.

This week was not what I expected.  The Lord had a work to do in me that I was not even aware of ... and He did it well.  The book, the photo memories, the note from a friend asking if I was okay with a struggle ~ all of these things had a Divine purpose, and it was this:

Michelle, do you believe I am the God of all, or don't you?  Do you trust me to know when to bless your life with children, and when to take one away?  Do you really believe that I have something wonderful for your future, or do you think I want you dwelling on what lies behind?  Grab hold of my hand, daughter, and let me take you places you need to go.  Places that will be uncomfortable and unknown to you, but I am not sending you alone.  Have I ever left you alone?  Have I ever asked you to do something unbearable without holding you up with My right hand?  Think of Matthew.  You had no idea what was coming, but you endured.  You clung to Me like a person drowning in the sea, and I held you fast.  And I promised you - I promised you - that it was not in vain.  Do you remember?  Sitting on that hospital bed, waiting for the nurse to bring Matthew so you could dedicate him to Me.  You were numb.  You were raw.  You were broken. But you kept talking to Me and you said, "Lord, it has to be bigger than me losing my son.  I am not the first and I will not be the last.  What are You going to do through the death of our son?" Haven't I been faithful?  Creating a passion within you to begin a ministry for those who have lost a child through miscarriage?  I did that, Michelle!  It was me!  You do not have to forget.  It is not wrong to remember sweet moments and wish you could relive them, or long for a second chance to right a wrong.  But daughter, you simply cannot live there.  I sent my Son so you could have abundant life!  Life is for the living.  Life is NOW.  Cherish the past, honor the past, learn from it ... but do not dwell there.  Your children are right in front of you.  They need you.  Talk about their lives, look at the photos together, laugh at the memories.  And then pull them into your arms, hold them tightly, and let them know how very precious they are ... as they are.  Right now.  One day death will be conquered and all sorrows will cease.  But for now, I just need you to trust Me, follow Me, deny your flesh and your own will, and let Me show you the plans I have for you.  The plans I have, Michelle.  Let go of yours and embrace Mine, whether you like them or not, because I am the Lord your God.  It is Me who gives and takes away and I have so very much I want to give to you.  Let go, Michelle.  And trust me.

Not what I expected.
But everything I needed.

The Cancer Coaster.

My mom was recently diagnosed with follicular lymphoma.

Cancer.

She is a breast cancer survivor - 18 years and counting - so we already know cancer does not always win!

Her doctor said, "If you have to have cancer, this is the best kind to have.  It is highly treatable and we do not even need to do chemo, we can do a round of rituxin and see if we can shrink it that way.  The side effects are minimal and manageable and you will not lose your hair!"

So, she will do a once-a-week drip for six weeks and have a CT scan in September to see if it is working.  If it works, they will do another six week cycle and only add chemo if the cancer is not shrinking.

Her spirits are good.  She already knows she is a survivor, and this time the diagnosis is much lighter.  She is allowed to go about life as normal, enjoy her classes, travel, and anything else she desires.  Again, for having to endure cancer, this does seem to be the easiest of the options!

Please pray for my mom (Janet) ... for healing, of course ... for fear to be kept away and the Lord's peace and strength to prevail ... for minimal side effects ... for my step-dad, Bill, as he serves and supports her during this time ... and for our family, that we would be helpful, positive, strong, and sensitive at the time each is needed.  The Lord has already been good and allowed this to be minimal and treatable with no "doom and gloom" diagnosis.  Their friends have rallied, as they always do, with love and support, and our church is already providing meals each Thursday evening after treatment.

Thank you, in advance, for upholding my mom and our family before the Lord ~ The ONLY One who can completely heal, bind up wounds, and bring glory to Himself through our trials and suffering.  We do not serve a God of purposelessness, confusion, or fear ...

we serve a MIGHTY God.