He gave me a perfect analogy.

Dennis is currently training our three oldest boys.  They do an intense workout four days a week.  And when I say intense, I am not kidding.  One of their workouts consists of pulling a wagon filled with 90-120 pounds of weight for about a mile where they stop at a track, unload the weights and paraphernalia and then engage in a 30 minute circuit of weight training and cardio.  They then load up the wagon again and pull the same weight all the way home.  They are panting and almost crawling by the time they return, but they FINISH.

When Dennis first introduced this particular workout, they could barely pull the wagon all the way to the track.  They cried and whined and thought they were going to die.  If Dennis even mentioned the word "wagon" they would start twitching.  And now, they look forward to it.  Why?  Because they can see their progress.  They know how hard it is was the first time.  The second time.  But now, they can pull the wagon the entire mile.  They can do the workout without tears, and without quitting.  They are proud of themselves, because they see the results of perseverance, hard work, and tenacity.

Now, to the analogy.

The same boy who caused The Phone Call has really been struggling to find his footing in the space that lies between boyhood and manhood.  He so desperately wants to grow up and gain privileges and freedoms, yet he can cling so tightly to the silly things of childhood.  He will sometimes vacillate between the two worlds a dozen times a day.  We saw this struggle going on long before the phone call, but that incident seemed the perfect platform for a conversation about what Paul describes in Scripture ...

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

I Corinthians 13:11

I knew I needed to talk to my son ... I just did not know what to say - what he needed to hear - or how to even bring it up.  So I asked the Lord to provide everything I needed.  And within about 22 minutes, an opportunity presented itself.   We were alone, he was having a "moment", and I felt the Lord prompt me to sit down and talk with him.  I asked him to read the verse and explain to me what it meant.   He did a pretty good job but I could see that he was not grasping the motive/purpose of the text.  I needed to bring it to his level ... something he would understand and be able to apply to his own young life.  And then it hit me.  THE WAGON!

"You know the wagon workout dad does with you?"

"Yes."

"How hard is it to pull that wagon loaded down with weights?"

"Almost impossible."

"Why?"

"Because we are going up hill and it is really heavy and hard to pull."

"Right.  So what would happen if dad let you throw some of the weights out?"

"It would be super easy!  I would be able to fly up the hill."

"Yes!  Because after lugging all that weight, getting rid of it makes the workout seem effortless, right?"

"Totally."

"Okay.  Look at the verse again.  The wagon represents childhood.  It is filled with things little boys do.  Legos, stuffed animals, laziness, whining, thumb sucking etc.  The hill represents manhood.  As you climb the hill, which is a very long and difficult road, you are going to have to start throwing things out of the wagon that are weighing you down.  You do not have to dump the wagon over and pitch it all at once.  But day by day, week by week, you can lighten the load, so that soon, you will be flying up the hill without any encumbrances or entanglements and reach the top completely free from the silliness of youth and totally ready to be a man."

"Huh."

"Do you understand what I am saying?  That hill is the goal.  To be a man, fully and completely, without anything keeping you from being who God wants you to be.  You will still have fun and do crazy things, but you will be mature.  All of the joys and pleasures of childhood are a part of you and will help you push yourself up the hill ... providing security and fun and enjoyment as you pursue more difficult things.  But in the end, when you reach the top, you will not even miss them.  They will just be fond memories that make you smile."

"I get it."

"So are you ready?"

"Kind of. There are some things I do not want to give up.  But I really do want to earn more freedom and trust so I guess that means I have to do it."

"Yep.  And the good news is, it does not have to happen overnight, and you do not have to do it alone.  Deal?"

"Deal."

I had him get a fresh notebook and write the I Corinthians verse in a bold hand across the top.  And then I asked him to make a running list - to jot down things as he thought and prayed about it - the childish things he needs to begin tossing aside, and the privileges he wants to earn as a teen/man.  It has been interesting reading his list ... he has a lot rolling around in his mind ... and some very different ideas than I originally expected.  It is going to be exciting watching him conquer this huge hill!  One step at a time, one challenge at a time ... all the while covering his every move in prayer as we willingly and eagerly walk behind him, hold him up, and whisper in his hear, "You can do this, son.  You can do this!"

What a privilege it is to be parents!  Challenging, for sure.  Burdensome at times, absolutely.  And yet, there is nothing more rewarding than seeing a child walking in truth ~ pursuing Christ ~ winning some battles, losing others, but always coming off the field knowing the "why" ~ and earnestly seeking to grow so he can gain the freedom that comes with responsibility.  The joy of parenting little people is full of precious moments and sweet memories.  And I am learning that parenting older children and soon-to-be-teens is a completely different joy - one that yields tangible fruit and a relationship that is beginning to turn towards friendship.

Lord, there is no way I can do this on my own, or that Dennis and I can even do it together ~ not without You.  Make us ever aware of our need for You so that we may be found completely faithful as we raise our sons to be soldiers for Christ ~ Protecting the innocent, defending the weak, fighting the enemy, and standing firm in the faith ~ because they are willing to pull the heavy wagon up the hill, drop the childish things as they go, and finish strong so they may stand firmly planted at the top, as MEN.

Surprise!

We returned from church on Sunday to find a large box on our porch.  No note, no name.  Just a box.  When we peaked inside we found it filled to the brim with BOOKS!  I had so much fun pulling them all out and looking through them.  We found at least 30 classics, award winners, and perfect fits for our growing collection.  Micah, Luke, and Caleb grabbed a handful each and spent the afternoon pouring over them.

Oh, how we love books!

(Later that night I found out who our secret giver was ... our neighbor!  How thoughtful is that!?)

A quote. And a hymn.

"Failure to worship is failure to seek God."

Oh, worship the King, all glorious above.
Oh, gratefully sing His power and His love;
Our shield and defender, the Ancient of Days,
Pavilioned in splendor and girded with praise.

Oh, tell of His might; oh, sing of His grace,
Whose robe is the light, whose canopy space;
His chariots of wrath the deep thunderclouds form,
And dark is His path on the wings of the storm.

Frail children of dust, and feeble as frail,
In You do we trust, nor find You to fail;
Your mercies, how tender, how firm to the end,
Our maker, defender, redeemer, and friend!

O measureless Might, ineffable Love,
While angels delight to hymn You above.
The humbler creation, though feeble their lays,

With true adoration shall sing to Your praise.

A camp out and a photo shoot.

Summer = backyard camp outs for the Eastman children!  I bought this tent impulsively about eight years ago and it was one of the best purchases I ever made!  It fits 7 people (more if you are little), cost only $30 on clearance, and has provided countless hours of fun and adventure for our guys.  I used to only let them sleep outside if Dennis was with them.  There was just something about them being "alone" in the open air that made me feel they were too vulnerable.  But now?  They are free men - and they LOVE it!

Of course, the littles have to give it a whirl during daylight hours before they are booted out.  I could not believe how little Ellie looked when she was in there!

The big boys - tired after a long day of outdoor manual labor and fun, and ready for sleep after a relaxing viewing of "Despicable Me."  They wake up so refreshed and content after a night in creation.  Childhood is such a wonderful time ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was finally able to purchase new frames for one of the walls in our home that desperately needed a personal touch.  Today was the day for the photo shoot to capture my favorite faces on film to fill those frames.  I have learned a few secrets from my professional friends.  The one I appreciate most - time of day!  Sunrise and sunset are the best times ... not the bright sunny part of the day which creates glare, eye squints and shadows.  And I must say - these times absorb color - I cannot believe it took me this long to notice and embrace the difference!

I have four frames. (Six frames on a wall is a bit much, so the siblings must share the spotlight.)

I decided to group them as you see here, and am quite happy with the results!

 

This is a sample of the approximately, oh, 172 others like it, that it took to get ...

THIS shot:

Hope your weekend is as full of fun as ours has been!

A great reminder - and not just for kids.

We received one of those dreaded phone calls.  You know the one, when you hear the voice of a friend on the line, but they are not calling to talk to you.  They are calling to tell you something your child did in public when you were not there to control it.  (Phone calls are rarely ever used for positive reports, in case you wondered.)

I knew the second I heard my friends voice that one of my boys did something.  I was not sure how firmly I needed to brace myself, but I was ready.  Dennis and I are not parents who deny foolishness or sin in our children.  We do not pretend they are perfect and we certainly do not excuse poor behavior.  Ever.

The incident was not horrible, but it was disrespectful and unacceptable.  The boy kept talking in class, making jokes, and generally acting the part of the class clown.  (I wonder where he learned that?!?)  I was thankful it was not something outlandish or horrifying, but my pride kicked in and anger immediately followed.  After all, every parent in the group is now going to be talking about me, shaking their heads, and wondering why I am allowed to raise children, right?  "How can she even let them go out in public?  Doesn't she know how to control her children?  She is a leader, for crying out loud!"

Okay, so no one was saying that.  But isn't that exactly where our minds go when someone even hints at a criticism of our children?  Even if we know they are right.  Even if the sin they are pointing out is the very one that we have been battling in the home for weeks and months and has us begging for mercy.  But you see, THEY are not supposed to see it.  Only we are supposed to see the ugliness.  The rest of the world needs to see perfection.  Polite children.  Well-mannered children who only speak when asked to speak, and never raise their voices above a whisper.  Groomed.  Thoughtful and considerate.  Witty.  Helpful.  Articulate and poised.  Who cares if at home they scream and pitch a fit when asked to do something?  Who cares if they do not stay in bed when put there, leave messes everywhere they move, and smack their siblings when they do not get their way?  No one can SEE those moments.  So we are safe.

But when our children misbehave in public, well, that is an entirely different matter.  Now our reputation is on the line.  People are judging our parenting skills.  They are looking at us funny.  And I would venture to guess that 92% of the time our responses in those moments are less than positive, and certainly not Christ-centered.  Our pride makes us over react.  Respond in anger rather than with correction.  We see red because we assume everyone is watching us and waiting to see how we handle this "evil child."  We usually choose one of these actions - minimize the behavior because we are embarrassed or do not know how to handle it, make an empty threat that everyone, including the child, knows means nothing ("If you do that again we are leaving!!!"), or we hand out a ridiculously harsh sentence because we want the behavior stopped immediately and everyone to think we are on the ball.  And yet, not one of these gets to the core of the matter - the heart.

That is what happened with us when we received this call.  I declared, "You are never going to be in a another group setting again if this is how you are going to behave! No Sunday school, sports, birthdays, play dates, or VBS.  We clearly cannot trust you to do what is right if we are not shadowing you, so you have lost all freedom to be away from us."  I actually said this.  And not in a gentle, loving, or corrective manner.  If I recall, yelling was involved.  Let me think.  Yes, yes it was.  Oh, and a few statements like, "Do you realize that you represent our family when you are out in the world?  And the Lord?  This was not just about you being foolish and thoughtless.  You carry OUR NAME, and now that name has a ding in it."  Such a proud parenting moment for me.  I am sure the Lord was asking angels to knit me a Mother of the Year shawl.  AAAHHH!

After the storm settled and all of us were in our right senses again, we had a long discussion.  First as husband and wife as we took a good, long, hard look at our son to figure out what was at the core ... what needed to be addressed ... worked through ... driven out ... what were the sin issues that were affecting the heart.  When the Lord satisfied those questions we sat down with our son.  We spent a long evening sharing our thoughts with him - what we were seeing - what we did not approve of - which character qualities he was building and which ones he was missing - where we wanted to see improvement - and then we handed down his sentence.  I will not bore you with those details, but if you had been a mouse in the corner, you would have overheard two very penitent phone calls seeking forgiveness from the adults he had disrespected, watched tears fall, embarrassment come and go, and a face of shock when the consequences were made known.

Our boy grew up a little bit that night.

After a conversation with a friend that same day, whom I had called to release my anger and embarrassment so I would not unleash on my son, she shared with me something they had been working on in their own family.  As He always does, the Lord provides encouragement before we even know we need it!  Not only did I love the things she shared with me, I appreciated her willingness to share some of her own dirty laundry to help mine not look so dingy.  Funny how shared frustrations and weaknesses can make our own burden seem easier to bear.  Oh wait!  That's because it is Biblical!

She sent me the list of these terrific statements.  I printed three copies on fluorescent paper, had them laminated, and one card is pinned to the boy's bulletin board, one is on the refrigerator, and the other is in our stack of school books.  Always available.  When someone slips and forgets, we find the closest card and I have them read the appropriate statement out loud and then simply ask, "Is this what you did?"  It has been a wonderful tool to add to our training toolbox.

Oh, and the boy has improved.  His father gave him quite a reading list for the summer. Various books filled with good, bad, thoughtless, selfish, considerate, helpful or disobedient boys - and they discuss the qualities, motives, and consequences of each.  It has been interesting to watch him digest these and compare himself to them.  First book on the list?  "Lord of the Flies."  He devoured it in one day.  We still have a few years of correction and drawing him back to the right path, but he has a heart that loves God, a heart that desires to do good, and he cares about the feelings of others.  He is balancing that fine line of desiring maturity and the benefits that come with it, and the silliness and immaturity of boyhood that still seems appealing once in a while.  Thank goodness the Lord knows him better than we do so He can guide is into all truth and wisdom as we commit to raising our son in righteousness.

                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Self-control is the ability to control myself so that Mom and Dad don’t have to.

Self-control means to think before I act.

Self-control is the ability to talk about problems instead of grabbing, pushing, or hitting.

Self-control means that I limit the noises I make when others are around.

Self-control means that I focus on one thing until it gets done, before I move to the next.

Sensitivity means that when I walk into a room I look and listen before I speak.

Sensitivity is thinking about how my actions are affecting other people.

Sensitivity means thinking about how I could help someone else.

He never disappoints.

Last night was more than I could have hoped for.

Eight women sat together for three hours reading Scripture, confessing sin, praising God, and sharing deep hurts.  We laughed.  We cried.  We prayed and prayed and prayed.

And the Lord met us there.

We are not all best friends.  Some of the women met each other for the very first time last night!  And that is one of the things I so love about how the Lord moves within the body ... He can draw complete strangers together and create unity simply because we all know Him.  Common likes, complimentary personalities, similar backgrounds - none of those matter.  When we settle before the Lord, open His Word, seek His face, and let Him speak to our hearts ... we are one.  We serve the same God.  The same Lord.  The same Creator who designed us for relationships, for intimacy, and for encouragement.  And there is nothing more tangible or satisfying than worshiping our God with those who love Him and desire Him more than silver or gold.

The Lord led us exactly where He wanted us to go, and one of those place was for each woman to share something about her own life.  Some shared convictions, some shared sin struggles, and some shared very deep hurts and intense spiritual battles.  And each was covered in prayer ~ immediately.

I was honored to approach the throne of God with these women.  What a joy it was to praise Him together, listen to the things they are thankful for, hear them cry out to the Lord for the needs of their hearts, and see His peace fall onto each of us as we trusted Him with everything we are.  Oh, Lord, why did I resist this for so long?  You laid this desire on my heart a year ago and I disobeyed.  Forgive me.  Last night I saw the joy and the delight that happens when two or more are gathered in prayer, focused only on You, with no distractions.  We were real.  We were sincere.  We were drawn together in a way that can only happen when You are in the midst.

And we were blessed.
Encouraged.
Bold.
Sensitive.
Encouraing.
Corrective.
Truth tellers.
Listeners.
Compassionate.
Forgiven.

Thank You, Lord, for these women, for bringing us all together for this night, at this time, with these struggles and praises.  It really was all about You, Lord.  And it was extraordinary.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
 Worship the LORD with gladness;
   come before Him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
   It is He who made us, and we are His;
   we are his people, the sheep of His pasture.

 Enter His gates with thanksgiving
   and His courts with praise;
   give thanks to Him and praise His name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
   His faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100

Going before the throne ...

The Lord has burdened my heart for prayer.  Not for me, but with other sisters in Christ.  I have been a part of many small groups and Bible studies, and while all of them were excellent and life-changing, the one thing always lacking was time in prayer.  There was always time carved out for prayer requests, but they take so long to get through that there are only a few minutes left at the end to actually pray.  This has always bothered me, even in groups I was leading.  No matter how many creative ways I tried to make prayer a priority, the requests always took precedence.  What to do?

I have been thinking about it for several months as we have been seeking ways to infuse more prayer into the married group we lead.  And then one day the Lord just dropped it in my lap ... I want you to invite women into your home for the specific purpose of praying together.  No agenda.  Just my daughters, gathered together in worship, praise, and lifting their petitions to Me. 

I invited every woman in our church I could think of, trusting the Lord to bring exactly who needed to be here.

So, tonight, seven ladies will be joining me in my family room to read Scripture, pray for our husbands, our marriages, our children, and our personal walk with the Lord.  We will have a time of personal prayer as we confess sin and clear our hearts and minds before the Lord.  We will spend time thanking and praising Him - my favorite part of corporate prayer!  We will surrender our hurts and struggles and needs before Him and close with a song of praise.

I have to tell you ~ my whole being aches for this.  The times I have prayed with women - whether one on one or in a small or large group - have been some of the richest times in my spiritual growth.  Talking about God with someone and worshiping God with her ... these are two very different things.  It is a privilege, really.  Hearing her pour out her soul to a God who is so precious and so loving and so desires to hear from us ~ there is no better way to connect with someone than this.  The relationship is taken to a completely different level, one that cannot be achieved without the Spirit at work.

Honestly?  I wish I could pray with everyone I know every day.  When we have a couple or a family in our home, we always end our time together with prayer.  We never used to do this, but the Lord began prompting us to pray and now it is our normal.   We want people to leave our home with their last thoughts on the Lord.  Not us, not our children ... just HIM.

I am so looking forward to tonight!  I keep asking the Lord to lead us exactly where He wants us to go, and I am completely confident that He will do just that because, "The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps."

My desire is to do this a few times a year ~ would you like to go before the Lord with me?  I would love to have you!

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;  and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." 

Romans 8:26,27

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."

Colossians 4:2

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."

James 5:16

"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Romans 12:10-12

"Listen to my words, LORD,

   consider my lament.

Hear my cry for help,

   my King and my God,

   for to You I pray. 

In the morning, LORD, You hear my voice;

   in the morning I lay my requests before You

   and wait expectantly."

Psalm 5:1-3

“Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”  

Luke 22:46

"Answer me when I call to you,

   my righteous God.

Give me relief from my distress;

   have mercy on me and hear my prayer."   

Psalm 4:1

 " .. the prayer of the upright pleases him."  

Proverbs 15:8

" .. He hears the prayer of the righteous."  

Prov 15:29

"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  

Hebrews 4:16

He will take care of the rest.

Last week I wrote This Post as I was fighting my own fleshly desires.  At the time, that piece of Romans was fitting and comforting, because we see Paul - the pillar of Christianity - sharing his own struggle with wanting to do what is right and pleasing to the Lord, yet continually surrendering to the flesh.  And hating it.

How often I feel just as he did.

And I hate it.

The beauty of Paul is his honesty.  Though he does not list his sins in detail, he makes us very aware of his humanness, his sin nature, his constant desire to honor God, and his inability to measure up all the time.  I used to think Paul arrogant and obnoxious ... so many verses of "do as I do", "I am counted among the best" etc.  I really couldn't stand him in my high school and early college years.  Until - I took a Bible class and learned who this man really was.  (Funny how we are so good at judging others knowing very little, if anything, about them - even those who have been sleeping for 2,000 years!)

What I found was a man who passionately loved a God who blinded him, turned him from his wretched, arrogant ways, and changed his so radically that he was never the same.  I imagine Paul was both intimidating and soothing to be with.  He probably noticed everything.  Rebuked when necessary.  Forgave repeatedly.  Repented often.  I envision him as a focused listener, and a constant encourager to keep walking in truth and dying to self.

It was probably hard to be his friend, and a joy and wonder to be considered the same.

In this very passage I found fitting last week - because I saw a kindred spirit who understood my frustration - I decided to read the entire chapter to grasp the context.  In so doing, I was drawn to these verses further down in Romans 7:

"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!  

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." 

It was these verses that put my mind at rest.  I am guilt-driven and struggle continually with guarding my mind against self-loathing and critique as I recount everything I have done wrong during the day, or last hour for that matter.  There are so many things about myself that I cannot stand.  Truly.  I sometimes wonder why I have any friends, why my husband wants to come home to me every day, how I was allowed to have children - who would want THIS? 

And then I read these verses ... "For in my inner being I delight in God’s law ~ So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

Even Paul, after arguing that he hates doing wrong when he wants to do what is right, concludes that there is a reason!  And it is really simple.  He loves God and God's standards.  He DELIGHTS in them!  His heart and mind desire to live a life of righteousness and Christ-likeness, but it is his SIN NATURE, the very nature we cannot escape this side of heaven, that draws him back to his selfishness and sin.

This is where I find solace.

I too delight in God's Word.  I love reading it.  I love knowing it and understanding it.  I memorize as much as I can.  Like a woman who knows she is going blind, she consumes everything around her, emblazoning every image into the camera in her mind so she will not forget ~ that is how I feel about the Word.  I just cannot get enough of it!  I WANT to please God.  I WANT to obey Him.  I want to have an all-consuming passion for Him and everything about Him.

But I fail.  Often.  I lie.  I lose my temper.  I envy.  I avoid.  I do not submit.  I think of self before others.  I am lazy.  I am critical.

I am a sinner.

But - I am a sinner SAVED BY GRACE.  I accepted the gift with joy.  I embraced the life of Christianity and have never sought another way.  I love the Lord.  I LOVE HIM.  I want Him.  I know how very much I need Him.

So in those moments when I choose sin over sanctification ... when I ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit ... when I hurt someone with my selfishness ... when I lie because I am embarrassed to admit a mistake ... when I refuse to fall under the authority of my husband ... when I am critical of others because of my own insecurities ... in those moments, I am not evil.  I am not seen as unworthy in the eyes of a gracious God.  It is because of His mercy, His love, and His forgiveness that I am covered by the blood of Jesus, made white as snow, and fully desired by this amazing God who bids me, 

"Come just as you are, Michelle. Just as you are.  I am the One who will refine you.  I am the One who will cover the scars, soften the edges, and mold you into My image.  You cannot do it.  But Me?  I can do all things.  Nothing is impossible and what I have planned for you goes far beyond the scope of your imagination.  You do not need to get cleaned up before you see a doctor - that is his job.  To fix you, heal you, restore you.  You just need to come, daughter, and I will take care of the rest.  Let me transform you, from the inside out.  It may take a while.  Until you enter eternity, actually.  But it will be worth the fight, worth the pain, worth the struggle.  It is during those times that you will grow.  And it is during those times that you will see how big I am and how very small you are.  You need me, Michelle.  It does not make you weak, it makes you real.  Human.  You are tired from trying so hard to be righteous, trying so hard to please Me.  I love your heart, your desire to want to make Me happy.  But I have a secret.  I am pleased with you because I created you!  I made you in My own image.  Every detail about you, from the color of your hair to the shape of your toes ~ that was My design.  Your spiritual gifts, your strengths, your talents ... all chosen by Me.  The things you do not like about you, well, those are because of sin.  I did not create sin.  I did not infuse sin into My children.  That was mans choice, and he chose poorly.  But daughter, do not get lost in the things you cannot control.  You will never be able to erase your sin nature, no matter how much you read My Word or do what I ask you to do.  Until you enter eternal glory you will fight your flesh.  And that is okay, because every time you battle and win - BECAUSE you have hidden My Word in your heart, because you seek My face, because you desire to "be holy as I am holy" - you will be more like Me.  Every time you deny self and surrender to My will, you will mature.  Every time you choose obedience over the easy way, you will encourage my children to do the same, because they will see the blessings that come with obedience. Can't you see, daughter?  I love you.  I love you with an all-consuming love that will never be quenched.  I hate your sin, this is true.  But I love YOU.  It is for you I sent My Son to die.  It is for you that He conquered death.  His blood was shed so that I could forgive you and see you as holy.  And I do.  Let Me love you the way I so desire to love you.  It might be uncomfortable at times, it may sting, and it may leave you looking at the sky wondering what in the world I am doing ... but I know.  I always know.  And you can trust Me.  Fully and completely.  I want you just as you are.  I will take care of the rest."

It is because of this very God that I can echo Paul's words ... "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Thank You, Lord.  With all that I am, I thank You.

Quote.

"There is nothing - no circumstance, no trouble, no testing - that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret - for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is! - That is the rest of victory!"

-- Alan Redpath

To a wonderful man ~ on Father's Day.

Reasons we celebrate you today ...

* you work incredibly hard to provide for our needs, and some of our "wants"
* you come home every day - to us
* you hug and kiss us goodbye when you leave for work
* you call and leave silly messages when you are out and about
* you make up songs about nothing
* you tell great stories
* you are super intelligent
* you challenge us to be healthy and fit
* you enjoy life
* you make others feel important, and wanted
* you are faithful
* you are loyal
* you are patient
* you like to make us happy
* you are willing to rebuke when it is needed, and do so firmly or gently as the need demands
* you are fun!
* you make us enjoy the outdoors
* you have a great smile
* you have a contagious laugh
* you can make a splint out of any non living thing
* you are respected - in your profession, among your peers, and by your family
* you make people laugh
* you can be very thoughtful
* you hold me in high regard, modeling that same quality for our boys with their own wives
* you are adventurous
* you have a bionic sense of smell
* you can physically do anything - which comes in quite handy!
* you love us with a sincere and all consuming love
* you forgive quickly
* you are repentant
* you overlook many offenses
* you encourage when it is needed
* you are affectionate
* you verbally confirm your love for us - consistently
* you serve each of us in different ways
* you are tender with our daughter
* you care about the hearts and souls of our children
* you are training our boys to be MEN
* you are honest
* you are genuine
* you are polite and treat women with respect
* you have built a good name for yourself, and guard it with your life
* character matters to you
* you give us great mantras to live by - "begin with the end in mind"  "act like what you do matters, because it does" "we do what we have to do so we can do what we want to do"
* you are the man God wanted to be my husband.  You are the man God wanted to be the father of our seven children.  There was no mistake.  He had a purpose, He has one still.  And I am proud, so incredibly proud, to be allowed the privilege of walking by your side day by day as we pursue what the Lord has laid out for us.  As a couple, as a family, and as a man and woman.  He has been so good to us!  We could never have imagined such a life 17 years ago, could we?  It is simply astounding ... this life we have been given.

Thank you, Dennis, for being a man I am proud to claim as the father of my children.  You make us better.  We need you, we want you, and we appreciate you.

Happy Father's Day!

This is how we do it.

One pie.

One man.

Five boys.

Who needs plates?

Eastman Medical Center.

This has been one doozy of a week here at the Eastman home.  And it is only Wednesday!

First we have, Josiah ... seen here icing his forehead after taking a spill on his scooter Monday evening during a family walk around the neighborhood - face down, forehead, nose, and chin all hitting the pavement at the same time.

Thankfully, no teeth were broken or swallowed, his nose is still intact, and he can still walk in a straight line.  He does have this lovely new adornment, however.  And this is before the swelling kicked in!  Now his eyes are black and blue and the bridge of his nose is purple.  Oh!  And he woke up yesterday morning with a raging fever.  Such fun.

This is Dennis about three hours after surgery to repair his ulnar pain and his carpal tunnel.  He looks traumatized, don't you think?   I keep teasing him that he may have a bionic arm now ... wouldn't that be COOL?  In case you are wondering why the splint looks like it has foam bunting underneath it, it is because the doctor KNEW that my groom would try and workout or surf or do some other stupid, I mean unwise, activity, so he made it as bulky and cumbersome as he could to thwart any such foolishness.  Way to go, Doc!

And now we have Ellie and Isaiah ~ both with mild croup.  Coughing, watering eyes, and runny noses are their current lot in life.  A lot of holding and cuddles for these two right now!  Oh yes, and, Isaiah was diagnosed with a double ear infection on Monday.  Good times.  Good times.

Thank goodness I have three older boys to offer their arms as well ~ I just do not have enough to go around!

And, these make me smile every time I look at them ... can you guess what they are called?

CHICKSICLES!  (You know, like POPsicles)They are filled with rice, you put them in the freezer, and when someone needs to cool a scratch, cut, bang, or scrape, they get to lay these cute little chicks on the wound ~ instant smiles and cheer!
(Thank you, Gina, for such a fun gift!)

Please pray for our home ... that the Lord will be gracious to heal everyone completely and in His perfect time.  I praise Him for keeping me strong and able to care for everyone as they need me ~ He is always good!

We hope that you are whistling a happy, healthy tune today in your home!

Share with me ~ I need your help!

I am SO SO SOOOOOO excited about the baby ministry we are starting!

When we lost our son Matthew I said to the Lord, "This has to be bigger than us losing our son.  I am not the first woman to lose a baby and I will not be the last.  Use this Lord.  Use US."

As I have shared before, He has been faithful to do this in so many ways.  The women I have met, shared with, cried with, been encouraged by ... they have been such a joy to my heart and I continually pray that the Lord will use me to minister to their hearts in a way that can only come from Him.  At the perfect moment ... just as they need.

As we prepare to launch this new website, the goal is simple ~ provide a place for women and families to find encouragement, comfort, and healing.  Because we take them to the Savior.  I am so excited I can hardly stand it!  The Lord has been in this since the very beginning and His hand is seen throughout ~ just as it should be!  I cannot begin to imagine what He will do with it, through it, or because of it ... I just know that He said "Do it!" and I obeyed.  It will be an exhilarating ride!

So, how can you help me?

One of the pieces of the website is a "support" page.  I want to have gobs and gobs of links, book titles, articles, websites, songs, quotes, poems, and anything else that can be used to encourage broken, hurting hearts.  Mothers hearts.  Fathers hearts.  The hearts of siblings who just don't understand why mommy did not come home with a baby.

I would like to have most of these things specific to miscarriage.  However ~ grief and loss are strikingly similar regardless of the "how".  There is no person, vice, thing, or action that can heal the way our Lord can heal.  The Creator of life, who gives and takes away and can still be called Blessed and Good in the midst of our darkest pain.

Will you share with me?  What did the Lord use as a tool to help bind your broken heart?  How were you able to find JOY again?  Smile, laugh, enjoy life after such a significant loss?

We know that every woman who finds our site will not know the Lord as her own personal Savior.  Some will be angry with Him because of their loss.  Some will be numb.  Some will be strong.  Some will be weary.  But all of them have will this in common,

Her baby has died.
Her heart is broken.
The nights are long.
Everyone seems to have moved on with life.
She feels alone.
She is afraid to share her heart, thinking no one understands.
She does not know how to comfort her husband.
She feels like she will never laugh again.

And for each of them, for every single one, the Lord is waiting ~ so very patiently ~ to take her hand, draw her to Himself, and squeeze her with arms that will never let go.  Not until she is ready to stand again, walk without stumbling, praise Him in the midst of her tears, and surrender everything to a God that is bigger than her pain.  Only then will He let go and let her walk on her own again, without ever leaving her side.

It is for THESE WOMEN we pray.  It is for these women we cry.  We listen.  We love them.  We understand.  We share their pain and we dry their tears.  Because we were there.  Not by choice ~ we would never have chosen to bury our babies.  But we can look back and see God's goodness, His mercy, and His grace ... because He is faithful in all His ways.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18

Does anyone else feel this way?

Knowing this is true, because of our sin nature ...

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.  For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."
Romans 7


And knowing we must do this ...

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
Luke 9:23

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."
II Corinthians 10:5


do you ever feel like THIS?

And WISH you could feel this way?

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

I Corinthians 9:24
 

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus"

Philippians 3:14

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Galatians 6:9

Amen?

A M E N!

Incredibly convicting.

For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.  

Romans 2:13

I stumbled across this verse several days ago and have not been able to stop thinking about it.

I know a lot of Scripture.  On purpose.  I have spent years memorizing it, and have enjoyed every moment.

But there is a difference between KNOWING the Word ...

and LIVING the Word.

A gigantic difference.

If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. 

John 14:15
 

But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

James 1:22-25

Enough said.

Our summer schedule.

We have five boys.

We have three months of summer.

We have five boys.

We have no fields to plow or crops to bring in.

No cattle to herd, or sheep to shear.

We have five boys!

And these boys need to be ACTIVE.  They need to be productive.  They do not need three months of idleness and free time.  Too much free time = t r o u b l e!  (At least, it does for the Eastmans.  Perhaps your children are perfect and do not need structure?  I envy you.)

When we first began homeschooling I followed the traditional school calendar.  But after the second year I realized, quite clearly, that boys cannot handle unlimited free time for days and weeks on end.  And there is no reason for it anyway.  If I am training them for LIFE, then I need to train them properly.  There is no time in life when adults, especially men, get to leave all of their responsibilities and play for months at a time.  Life is always moving.  There is always work to be done.  You are always needed.  A weeks vacation, a long weekend here and there are appreciated and enjoyed.  But months?  You've got to be kidding me!

This is the first summer that I am not pregnant or nursing an infant.  It is the first summer that I have boys old enough to do independent work.  And so ~ this is the first summer of a truly purposeful, structured, and productive schedule, in all areas.  And I am E X C I T E D!

Here is a snapshot of our day:

Together ~ chores, Bible reading, prayer,  The Young Peacemaker study, classic literature read aloud, games

Daily Independent Study ~

Read James 1
Proverb of the day
Math pages A, B, C
Latin cards - both boxes
Read books from poetry/history/art/science shelf - one hour
Read 3 books to the littles
Do one activity with a little for 15 minutes
Journal entry

Last week was their vacation, Saturday was Promotion Night, and Monday, June 6th began our Summer Session.  Of course, we will have family beach days, VBS, fire pit, movie nights, and campouts in the backyard scattered throughout our summer as well ~ fun is allowed!  hehehehe

What about you?  How will you be spending YOUR summer?

Mission accomplished.

Last night was the final study on the book, "Mission of Motherhood."  It has been such a wonderful six weeks of conversation, laughter, insightful moments, and encouragement.  I was honored to be invited into such a delightful group of women and trusted with their hearts and fears and thoughts as the Lord walked them through this book.

I asked them to share the biggest "take away" from the book.  I always love hearing the theme the Lord places on someone's heart during a study ... it generally threads through all of the other thoughts and ideas that filled their minds as they read and prayed.  And last night was no exception!

These are the thoughts they shared ~

* I need to be focused - with purpose - on my role as a mother.

* I need to have FUN with my kids and give them my best - not my leftovers.

* My mission is to educate my children in Scripture and in who God is.

* I need to invest time in things that are not strengths so I can create a warm home for my family.

* I realize the importance of centering my family on God's Word.

* Include my children in our prayer life - not just tell them we pray -  but show them that we do - as a family - so they can see God at work.

* I have refocused and see that my priority is FAMILY - not money or success.

* I want to be WITH my kids when we are together - not thinking about all of the other things I want/need to do.  Just enjoy being with them.

* I want to be a servant mom.

* I was holding on too tightly to the things I wanted ... being selfish.  And I have seen a change in my child as I have loosened my grip.

* I want to build solid relationships with my kids - not just focus on training manners, morals etc.  Build a foundation for the future.

* I want to work and serve together as a family - in any area that interests the kids or all of us.

* As a new mom, I am excited to know that I WILL see the fruits of my labor.  All of the repetitive/monotonous/frustrating things that we do as moms - there is a purpose - we cannot grow weary.

* I need to take time to do things with my kids that THEY want to do - even if it is something I do not like.  Just focus on them, let the phone ring, let the e-mails pile up ... and enjoy them.

* God knew I needed this book right where I am - right now.

* I have been rethinking the environment I have set up for my family ... what I need to get rid of, and bring in.  I want it to be purposeful and godly.

* I want to infuse Scripture into my own heart and life so I can then use it for training, discipline, discipling my children.

Isn't that amazing?  One book inspired such great goals and ideas ... and challenged matters of the heart.

Thank you, ladies, for a fantastic six weeks!  I enjoyed every single one of you ... I look forward to keeping in touch and hearing how the Lord works in you as a woman so He can make you more effective and purposeful as a mom.  And remember - you are not in this alone!  We need our sisters in Christ to pick up their pom-poms and cheer us along the way.  We need the support and wisdom of our husbands.  But more than anything else - we need to grab the hand of the Savior and let Him take us anywhere He wants to go.  Because He is the only One who knows where to go ... where our children need to be ... and He will never fail us.  He never grows weary.  He never gives up on us.

Seek Him with ALL your heart ~ your children are held tightly in His grip, and He will never, ever let go.

It was a pleasure to be a part of your world.
Thank you.

A blown opportunity.

Last night one of my boys responded in an infantile manner to a very simple request.  So much so that even my groom, who can usually blow off those moments, looked at him and said, "Dude.  Really?  This is how you are going to respond?"

The boy was dismissed from the room so he could go pout and whine in private.  That attitude is not allowed in the main part of the house since it spreads its poison to everyone around.  It must be quarantined.

The rest of us went on with our evening and enjoyed our time.

A short while later I was walking through the house and found our son weeping on the couch.  I kid you not - WEEPING.  I was instantly annoyed.  Um ... is this response equal to the event?  Is it necessary?  This is ridiculous!

Pause in the story for a moment ...

This is when, in the movie ~

cue soft music,
the speed slows down,
the edges become soft,
mother floats towards son,
embraces him,
he cries on her shoulder,
she tips his chin towards her,
wipes his tears,
makes him smile,
peace is restored.

SCREEEEECH!

Back to the story.

I looked at him, ignoring his tears and angst that came from his soul, and said, "If THIS is how you are going to respond, like a 4 year old, you can brush your teeth and go to bed!"  And I walked out of the room.

Later, as I lay in the dark, listening to the quiet of the house that only happens at night, I was startled by a very simple truth.  In that moment, when I found my son weeping on the couch, I had a choice ~ I can either build him up, encourage him, and soothe his hurting heart, or, I can crush him.

I chose poorly.

All I had to do was sit down next to him, ask him what was really going on (because we know don't we, that that level of emotion is never about the incident ... it is always something deeper.), listen to him, hug him, pray with him, and restore him to the family.  Such a simple thing ... such a healing thing ... and such a godly thing.

And I blew it.

Thankfully, we serve a God who gives us second chances.  I asked His forgiveness first, and I was able to ask forgiveness from my son, who always gives it generously, and draw him back into the family with joy.

Oh, Lord,  WHEN will I ever learn?

How realistic is it, really?

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6

You are my God, and I will praise You;
You are my God, and I will exalt You.
Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good;
His love endures forever.
Psalm 118:28,29

Do everything without complaining or arguing.  
Philippians 2:14

God is so clear.
There is no need for translation.
We do not need to search for a hidden meaning.

He said it.
I claim to be His, to trust Him, and I believe Him.

So I need to obey. 

It is so easy to thank God and praise Him in the good moments.  The problem is, we do not want to thank God in ALL things ~ we only want to thank Him for the things we like.  And we become silent when it is time to say "Thank You, Lord, for ...."

The death of a child.
The loss of a job.
A sick spouse.
The wounds of a friend who confronted our sin.

Rejoice always.  

Pray continually.  

Give thanks in all circumstances.

 

So the answer is:  Living this out, day by day, in our flesh, is not at all realistic.  It is impossible.

But Scripture says, "Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." 
James 4:17

It simply is not an option to be thankless.
To neglect giving praise to our Creator.
In the horrible moments as well as the Divine.

And because He knows we cannot praise Him continually on our own, in our selfishness and sin, He gives us this gift:

"I can do ALL THINGS through Him who gives me strength." 

Philippians 4:13

A common question for the Eastmans.

We meet someone.

They find out Dennis is in the education field.
We have six children.
I stay at home.

30 second pause as they process and hide the shock.

"So, um, HOW IN THE WORLD do you do it?"

"Do what?" we ask.

 "Live in southern California, on one income, supporting eight people?"

Without a hint of hesitation my groom replies, "The Lord gives us our daily bread."

And He does!

On paper our life does not work.  It would drive an accountant mad.

We know that the Lord has us where we are, for this time, for His purposes.  We have tried to leave the state, but He slams the door closed every time, and locks it.  So, we make sacrifices.

We don't go on vacations.
We do not eat out.
I wear the same five outfits every single week.
Our boys own one pair of tennis shoes and wear them until they fall apart.
Dennis and I do not go on dates.
We buy in bulk and trust the Lord to protect our bodies from "evil food."
We eat cereal or eggs for dinner at least once a week.
We always have a little bit of credit card debt.
We do not have savings or retirement.

And you know what?  We are okay with all of it!  We are content.  Our children are healthy, and alive.  Our marriage is completely intact.  We have an incredible church family.  We are involved in ministry together.  Dennis has his dream job.  We have family and friends that love us and want to be with us.

We are blessed.
We are thankful.
We are joyful.

We live paycheck to paycheck, this is true.  But every day our needs are met.  We have more than we need, and even things we want.  And the Lord is always gracious to send a surprise check in the mail or provide an extra summer class or speaking engagement to meet an unexpected need ... always.

On paper the Eastman family looks impossible.  Perhaps ridiculous.

But there is no confusion in heaven where the Lord guides our steps and takes us exactly where He wants us to be.  Every good and perfect gift is from above, and we have been given more than enough gifts to last a lifetime!

Thank You, Lord, for giving us our daily bread!

And thank you, Dennis, for working harder than anyone I know to make the daily bread tangible.  You have sacrificed sleep and fun for years to keep me at home with our children.  You let us enjoy the little things we like, even when you would choose to do something else.  You never complain.  You never grumble.  You just DO.  And the model you are living out day by day for our boys is one that will serve them well as they grow into men ... marry the brides the Lord has waiting for them ... and become fathers.  They will know what hard work looks like.  They will know what sacrifice looks like.  The Lord will bless them because they are faithful ~ just as YOU have always been faithful.

Your efforts and energy do not go unnoticed.  I see everything.  Our boys are watching.  And the Lord is so pleased.

I love you, Dennis.  WE love you.  And your provision for this family goes far beyond dollars and cents.  What you give is far more valuable ~ it is eternal.

Quote. And a strong reminder.

"If God is sovereign, He is beyond scrutiny."

You cannot judge Him.

You do not question Him.

Your opinion of Him does not matter.

Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.  Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.

God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.  Ecclesiastes 5

Great is the LORD, and most worthy of praise.  Psalm 48:1

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! 

Romans 11:33

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

Isaiah 55:8

He is the Rock, His works are perfect, and all His ways are just.  A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He.

Deuteronomy 32:4

"God is in heaven and you are on earth, 

so let your words be few."
Ecclesiastes 5 
 

And let your questions be fewer.

Job 38 & 39
 

Is this what we look like to God?

I just happened to have my camera on and shooting when Josiah chose to throw a fit.

And it made me wonder ...

is this how we look to God when we choose our own way and refuse to obey Him?  Like a selfish, disobedient child, banging our fists and throwing ourselves on the floor in frustration and despair?

If the answer is yes, I am embarrassed and ashamed.  And my face must look just like this when I am done with my fit, look up, and remember that the Lord was watching.  The whole time.

And He was not pleased.

O, Lord, forgive my foolishness!

Ellie ~ 10 months ~ and standing.

A new perspective that I wish I had noticed long ago.

How many times we have we both heard and read this passage of Scripture?

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.  Deuteronomy 6

We KNOW it.
We try to obey it.
We fail often when we put other things before our family.
It is a clear command.
It is a simple one.

Teach your children My ways, says the Lord.  Teach them WHO I AM.

But first ...

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.

It is completely, absolutely, fundamentally impossible to impress the commands and character of the Lord upon our children unless we have first them written on our own hearts.

Who am I to teach a child how to swim if I have never been in a pool?  How am I to teach a child the basics of automobile care if I have never lifted the hood of a car?  How can I teach manners if I burp and smack and swear at the dinner table?

How then, can we as parents, train our children in righteousness if we are never in the WORD?  Daily.  Committed.  Invested.  Searching.  Praying.  Seeking.

How?

I have always had a passion for the Word ... since I was a child.  But it has always been about my own search, my own growth, my own conviction.  These are all good things, because as the Word seeps into my mind and permeates my thoughts, it affects everything I do.  Including parenting.

But to sit down with the Scriptures, with the sole intent of meeting the Lord and finding what He has to say about parenting, about training my children in righteousness, about shepherding their hearts ... that is an entirely different pursuit.  The way Scripture affects me is specific to where I am spiritually, emotionally, and in maturity.  My children are not 40.  They are CHILDREN.  And the Lord will speak to them exactly where they are, using His Word to challenge and convict their hearts, draw them to Himself, mature them in the faith, and call them to repentance.

My job is to know where to take them.
Who to introduce them to.
Show them where to find the answers they need.
Teach them independence in their faith.
Instill a passion for the Word so they will seek it on their own.
Willingly.
Deliberately.
Daily.

My job is to have God's Word written on my heart so that I will be obedient to impress them on the hearts of my children when we are walking, talking, sitting, lying down, and waking up.  If I am to teach them to Love the Lord with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength,

then He must be the first One I think of when I awake ... the first One I worship ... the first One I depend on ... the first One I seek ... because then, and only then, will I lead my children to His feet, where they too can fall deeply in love with the God who made them, loves them, and desires them, and delights in teaching them His ways so they may follow Him and serve Him all the days of their lives.

Because after all, that is my only aim as a mother.

Full surrender of myself.
And full surrender of my children.
Willingly.
Day by Day.

Oh, Lord, may I be faithful to know You and Your ways, so I may lead my children to walk in Your truth.