A terrific piece of advice from an older woman.

A friend shared this with me several years ago when she was struggling with her eldest pre-teen daughter.  My children were quite small, but I knew it was a gem so I tucked it away for future use and now, I am ready to pull it out and implement it.

Actually, it is great advice for any stage of parenting.  It is just that good!

An older, wiser woman in her life challenged her to do this with her daughter, who at the time was exhibiting the surly, poor attitude that can come with raging hormones and the transition from childhood into adulthood.

This is what she said:

"Every time she walks into the room, smile at her!  And then compliment her on something.  Anything.  Do not scold, correct, or lecture.  Just smile and encourage.  And PRAY."

So simple, right?

And yet, COMPLETELY EFFECTIVE.

Within a few weeks she saw a startling difference in her child.  The daily life of arguing and pouting and eye rolling was no more.  Their relationship changed into one of pleasure, and because the mother was willing to hold her tongue and spend time ministering to her daughter's heart, she was now able to come alongside as a friend and encourage, train, and counsel her when she needed correction.  Watching them together is enjoyable and encouraging and she shares this advice with anyone struggling with their own child ~ and the results are always the same!

Who needs dozens of parenting books when you can do such a simple, and Biblical, thing!

"A cheerful looks brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones."  

Proverbs 15:30

Half of the Eastman clan is light-hearted and cheerful - the other half is more serious and controlled.  You can imagine how the two clash at times.  Sadly, the serious tend to pull the cheerful down rather than being sucked into the world of joy.  So, we had a family meeting!  We discussed the fact that we are all prone to have "blah" faces rather than joyful ones, and how this is not the life God intended for His children.  Christians who love the Lord and are filled with the Holy Spirit have no business walking around sour and mopey and bitter.  Jesus said, "They will know you are Christians by your love."  And love is clearly defined in I Corinthians 13.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

When a child walks into a room and sees the face of a parent exhibiting THESE traits, who wouldn't be changed?  Encouraged?  Relaxed?  Pleasant?  She is continually being greeted with a joyful countenance and a heart of gladness.  And eventually, she is changed because once it filters through her own eyes and mind, it becomes a part of her...

A happy HEART makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit."  

Proverbs 15:13

We are memorizing these verses as a family.  We are quoting these verses to each other throughout the day.  And we are praying that the Lord will infuse each of our hearts so that it will be come natural and effortless.  We want to stand out in the world.  We want others to see us as different.  Unique.  Enticing.  And it will never be because of who we are.  It will only be because of who we belong to.

Amen?

Amen.

A quote. And support.

"We cannot outsource the raising of our children."

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.  Deuteronomy 6

"Fathers,do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Ephesians 6:4

A godly heritage ~ and a reminder.

I had the honor of receiving a Bible from each of my grandparents when they went home to glory.  I love both of them because each reflects it's owner.  My grandfather was a Baptist preacher for 50 years and his pages are covered with notes and ideas and cross references ... barely legible, but totally him.  My grandmother was neat and organized and efficient and her Bible is clean, no markings, except for the inscription from my grandfather, and one quote on the inside back cover.

Last night I was both physically and emotionally exhausted.  I walked into our bedroom to lie down and rest while I waited for Dennis to finish his teacher prep, and as I passed my dresser I felt drawn to my grandmother's Bible.  I opened it, started to read, and then flipped to the quote in the back.  I already knew the quote by heart, but for some reason, I needed to SEE it last night.  I needed to be reminded of the truth of it.  She placed it on the page when she very old and quite sick, so for her it was practical.  For me, it was spiritual, but I could not help noticing that the depth of the thought was timely and perfect for us both.

"I am so weak that I cannot work; I cannot read my Bible; I cannot even pray.  I can only lie still in God's arms like a child, and trust." ~ Hudson Taylor

I am so thankful that I come from a line of godly grandparents who, though not perfect, loved their God and desired to teach others how to love Him too.  I miss them terribly at times, and sometimes imagine the joyful reunion we will have in eternity ... together forever, no more separation.  Just pure, unadulterated JOY as we walk through the Kingdom hand in hand, worshiping together, enjoying the mysteries of heaven to which we will hold the key, and living forever in the presence of the very God who placed us together as family.

Thank You, Lord, for the precious and priceless gift of my grandparents.  I cherished them as child, and I cherish them still.

I love, love, love that my grandfathers thumb wore the leather of his Bible down to nothing ... he never went anywhere without The Word.  Ever.  And I have many memories of him asleep on the couch, with his Bible lying open on top of his chest.  He simply could not get enough of this Book!

Makes me smile ~

to see these faces each day!

The heart of Dennis ...

is A-okay!

He had an echo cardiogram done, as well as a treadmill stress test.  Both revealed that his heart is fine, no immediate concerns.  Because of the A-fib, they will keep tabs on him and see him every couple of years, but as for now, he can resume life as normal and work out with insane methods as much as he likes!

Oh!  I forgot - when we saw the cardiologist, he informed my groom that he has an "athletic heart."  Meaning, his heart is BIG because of his intense workout schedule.  The heart is a muscle, right?  So he has grown his right along with his biceps.  His A-fib is actually induced by exercise - go figure!  The doc looked at him and said, "Who are we kidding?  You and I both know you are not going to stop exercising.  So, do what you want, but pay attention."

We are both so thankful that the Lord has protected his health and we look forward to all the days left in his "book of life."

Thank you for asking, calling, following up ... we appreciate the prayers and concern very much.

If? Did he really say IF?!?

I had one of those crazy moments this morning when I came across a passage in Scripture that I had never noticed before.  The boys and I are reading through the New Testament and are currently in the book of Mark.  The Gospels are very similar, as you know, but there are a few unique verses, phrases, and accounts tucked into each.  Today the Lord showed me this one, and I was actually startled when I read it!

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.

“What are you arguing with them about?” he asked.

A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”

“You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
    
“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!""  Mark 9

                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did he really just say to the Lord, the creator of the universe, the One who had been healing the sick and raising the dead, "IF You can?"!?!?!

Really?

This man clearly knew who Jesus was.  He said, "Your disciples could not help him."  He knew these men were performing miracles in His name ... He knew who Jesus was.

And yet, he doubted.  His faith wavered.  He would not believe the impossible.  He did not understand how big God was.

I love how Jesus responds.  I can picture a look of incredulity on His face.  "If?"  "If you can?"  "I'm sorry, have we met?  I am the Son of the living God.  Nothing is too difficult for Me."

He did not heal the boy first to prove His power.  He did not quote Job 38 & 39 to remind everyone who He was.  He asked a question.  A simple question aimed at this man who did not believe God could do anything.  And notice ... "IMMEDIATELY the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe!  Help me overcome my unbelief!""

One question from the Savior.  One statement:  "Everything is possible for one who believes." And this man was changed.  He recognized his weakness.  He saw his immaturity.  He was aware that the man standing in front of Him was, indeed, the Son of God.  He was humbled ~ and he asked for help.  And THEN, Jesus healed his son. 

How often have we been this man?  A trial comes into our lives and we begin to fret and fear and wonder how we will ever make it through?  We see doom and gloom, with no escape.  We know the Lord, we love the Lord, but somehow we have made Him very small.  We know more ... we have a better solution ... we can take the burden on our shoulders and limp around for weeks and months because, after all, we know best.  We have control.  But what we are really saying in those moments is, "If you can do anything, Lord, I am willing to try.  I doubt it, but go ahead.  You are my last resort."

And the Lord is looking at us, shaking his head, saying, "Really?  If I can?  You are only asking out of desperation.  You are not asking because you BELIEVE I can.  Where is your faith?  Where is your trust?  Am I God or am I not?"

Is He God?
Is He omniscient?
Omnipotent?
Omnipresent?

Is He bigger than anything you must endure?
Does He need to prove Himself to you?
Do you doubt?
Does your faith waiver?

Is Your God a BIG God?

Do you know Your God?

Do you WANT to know Him?
Inside and out.
Merciful Savior and Righteous Judge.
Abba Father and Disciplinarian.

There is only one God.
A God who can do anything.
A God who loves you more than you could possibly comprehend.
A God whose ways are not our ways.
A God who wants you.
Just as you are.

He will not chase you.
He will not drag you into the kingdom.
He simply asks you to choose.

Which will it be?  Self?

Or a Savior who willingly walked the road of suffering to die on a cross so you might live eternally with Him.  In perfection.  In continual worship.  In glory and joy everlasting.

How big is Your God?

"You are my witnesses,” declares the LORD, “and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe Me and understand that I am He.
 

Before Me no god was formed, nor will there be one after Me. I, even I, am the LORD, and apart from Me there is no savior.

I have revealed and saved and proclaimed— I, and not some foreign god among you.
 

You are my witnesses,” declares the LORD, “that I am God. Yes, and from ancient days I am He.
 

No one can deliver out of My hand. When I act, who can reverse it?” 

Isaiah 43:10-13

A most coveted attribute ~ WISDOM.

A friend encouraged me to read Job 38 & 39 in the midst of all that was happening in our family life this past week.  I love these because it is God reminding Job that HE is everything, in full control, and bigger than the universe ... and Job is, well, nothing.  He is made of dust, and to dust he will return.  But the Lord is the One who releases the seas to soak the earth, He makes the sun shine, and the wild beasts obey Him.  It is a great read regardless of the circumstances in your life, but an excellent read for the difficult moments.

When I curled up on my couch to read these chapters, I accidentally began reading Job 28.  Before I realized my error, I found this passage:

Where then does wisdom come from?

   Where does understanding dwell?

It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing,

   concealed even from the birds in the sky.

Destruction and Death say,

   “Only a rumor of it has reached our ears.”

God understands the way to it

   and he alone knows where it dwells,

for he views the ends of the earth

   and sees everything under the heavens.

When he established the force of the wind

   and measured out the waters,

when he made a decree for the rain

   and a path for the thunderstorm,

then he looked at wisdom and appraised it;

   he confirmed it and tested it.

And he said to the human race,

   “The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom,

   and to shun evil is understanding.”

The DESIRE FOR WISDOM has been the cry of my heart since I was a teenage girl in college.  Sitting under the wisdom and counsel of older, more mature women made me crave it all the more.  After studying the Scriptures, seeing that wisdom must be Sought - Pursued - Desired, I made it my life goal to attain it.  I know I will never have enough ... there will always be someone wiser ... I will always have something to learn ... but striving for the wisdom of Solomon is a race I am willing to run until the end of my days.  Because the Lord PROMISES

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  James 1:5,6

Isn't that amazing?  It is a promise!  We need only ASK!

So here I am, asking for more.  Lord, teach me to fear You so that I may gain wisdom and understanding and be firmly rooted in You, so when the storms and trials of life come upon me, I will not be shaken.  I will know You, know Your ways, know Your truth ... and nothing will knock me out of Your grasp.  I love You, Lord.  Teach me to love You more.

Result #1.

Remember THIS POST?

Well, after almost a week of thinking about that night and praying through the many comments that challenged me, the Lord has shown me something very clearly:

I need bigger ears!

Or, I just need to use them better.

Two women said something that really resonated with me ~ made me feel guilty if you will ~ and their words still sting when I remember them.

The first said (my paraphrase), "I am so excited to tell my husband or my friend something that I am really excited about ~ I am smiling and happy and can't wait to share it with them!  I would feel awful if they looked at me and shrugged or just responded, "That's great, go brush your teeth", like I do with my kids.  They are so excited to show me a Lego creation or a picture they drew and sometimes I do not even look!"

Ouch.  How many times have I shown little, or zero, interest in something my kids were thrilled about?  Dismissed their enthusiasm, or even killed it?  More times than I can count, I am afraid.

Then another woman shared this thought:

"When I am stressed or overwhelmed, I go before the Lord and pour out my heart, all my sorrows, all my fears, and I fully expect Him to listen.  To comfort me, help me, and love me through it.  I bare my soul, cry my tears, and expect that He will respond.  And yet, my children come to me to pour out their hearts and I tell them, "Just a minute" or "I need to finish this and then I will talk to you."  They came to me expecting the same comfort and attention and I waved them away.  What am I doing?!?"

Wow.  That one made a direct hit.

"Be ye holy as I am holy."

How can I expect to be like Christ ~ to model His love and compassion and comfort ~ when I am not even willing to stop whatever I am doing, take my hurting child by the hand, sit down, and listen to him with my undivided attention?  Does the Lord do that to me?  Does He put me on hold so He can answer someone else's prayer?  Does He set me aside so He can go perform a miracle or do something more exciting than sit and listen to my woes?  Absolutely not!  Why is it so easy for me to set aside the hearts of my children?!?

I began to wonder if my children felt as I did ... that I am not a good listener.  So I asked them.  And, sadly, they confirmed my fear.  The conversation went like this:

"Do you think I listen to you?"

Shrug. "Sometimes."

"No, no.  Tell me the truth.  When you want to talk to me, do you feel like you have my complete attention?"

"No."

A moments pause to lick my wound.

"Why not?"

"Because you do not always look at me, or you are on the computer, or you are walking away to do something else."

"I am so sorry.  I need to be a better listener.  Can you help me?  When you want to talk to me, and really need me to hear you, can you say, "Mom.  Are you listening?  Are you focused?"  Would you do that for me?"

Small grin.  "Yes."

"Deal?"

"Deal."

We shake hands and walk away friends.

And I never want to have that conversation again!

That result came across loud and clear ~ I cannot imagine what else He has for me!

Letting Scripture speak for itself ~ about fear.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation ~ whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life ~ of whom shall I be afraid?”   

Psalm 27:1

“I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.”   

Psalm 34:4

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.”  Psalm 56:3,4

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.  Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.”

Psalm 62:1,5

“Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always.” 

Psalm 105:4

“I lift up my eyes to the hills ~ where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip ~ He who watches over you will not slumber… the Lord watches over you ~ the Lord is your shade at your right hand.”

Psalm 121:1-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” 

Proverbs 3:5,6

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore, we will not fear…”  

Psalm 42:1,2

“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong and do not fear; your God will come.”  

Isaiah 35:3,4

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand … For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” 

Isaiah 41:10,13

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love … there is no fear in love.  But perfect love (the love of the Father) drives out fear ..."

I John 4:16,18

  

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.”   

James 1:12

“Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 

I Thessalonians 5:18

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”   

Philippians 4:6

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles …”                                         

II Corinthians 1:4

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God; trust also in Me … Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  

John 14:1,27

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.” 

Jeremiah 17:7

“Be still and know that I am God.”   

Psalm 46:10

“The righteous cry and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles.  The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”   

Psalm 34:17,18

“My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring Your splendor all day long.” 

Psalm 71:8

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”  

Psalm 19:14

“I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God.”
Isaiah 61:10

“He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.””  

II Corinthians 12:9

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”   

Hebrews 4:16

“The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.” 
Psalm 145:13b

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways,” declares the Lord.”
Isaiah 55:8

“This is the confidence which we have before Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him.”   

I John 5:14,15

“O Lord, you have searched me and You know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O Lord … You have laid Your hand upon me … for You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I PRAISE You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made … How precious are Your thoughts to me, O God!  How vast is the sum of them.” Psalm 139

A thing of beauty is a joy forever!

The Lord's creation always takes my breath away.  And it always brings a smile to my face as I rejoice in His handiwork.  How I LOVE being a part of His world!

An embarassing confession ~ because I hate that it still happens!

I lay awake last night, trying so hard to let my mind rest and be at peace.  I could not stop thinking about "what ifs" and "plans."  The icy hand of fear began to creep around my heart, looking for a place to dig in and take hold.  And no matter how hard I tried to shake it off, no matter how much I prayed, the fear still lingered.

I finally got up, walked around the house, responded to a couple of e-mails, prayed some more, and then climbed back into bed next to my groom.  Next to the very person for whom this fear is lurking.

He was scheduled for a routine surgery to release a pinched nerve in his right elbow which has caused his right hand to literally wither.  A simple procedure - they clip the tendon, the nerve is restored, the numbness and pain go away, and the muscle in his hand begins to rebuild.  No problem!

Being proactive, the doc ordered an EKG as part of the pre-op.  Routine, he said.  Does it with every patient.

Dennis failed.  The results showed atrial fibrillation.  He had to go in again for a second test with a different doctor who would either release him for surgery or refuse the surgery based on the results.  He failed again.  Three times, actually, as she repeated the test multiple times because she could not believe that someone so fit could have this problem.  So now, we begin life in the world of cardiology ... stress tests, echo cardiograms, and so on.  But the truth is, the doctors and tests do not determine one day of my husband's life.  His life is gripped securely in the hand of the Father, and A-fib or not, potential stroke or blood clot, his days will end when the Creator of the universe says they end.  Period.  I firmly, 100%, without a doubt, believe that.

And then satan found an unguarded spot in my mind.  And he attacked.

When I was young I was very fearful.  The Lord has been more than gracious and has pulled me out of that miry clay.  I no longer battle with fear and am not controlled by it.  But I remember the fears I used to have ... the ones that, though they do not consume me now, were never totally erased from my mind or my heart.  And every once in a while, they begin to surface, and I have to arrest them immediately, turn them over to the Lord, who promises that He is NOT a God of fear, and surrender it all to Him.

Last night one of those fears came back.

When I was a young married woman, and we began talking about having children, I had a gripping fear that Dennis would die as soon as I was pregnant.  We had Micah, and the fear would creep in from time to time ~ like when he would be late coming home from a game.  When I was pregnant with Luke the fear came back again ... now I would have two children who would never know their father.  I was not mature enough in my walk and I was certainly not a woman of faith at that time ... I was selfish and silly and weak.  So the Lord had to use two women to show me the truth, since I was not seeking it correctly on my own - in Scripture.

I met two older ladies for coffee one evening.  We sat outside and enjoyed the cool night air, the lights, and great conversation.  And then, for some reason, I felt like I needed to share my fear with them.  So I did.  They listened.  They heard me.  And then they looked me in the eye, very seriously, and said, "Michelle, we totally get it.  Every woman has imagined "what ifs" regarding her children and her husband.  But YOU CANNOT LIVE THERE.  You have no control over life or death - for anyone.  And if you dwell on those fears, if you let them engulf you, you are not trusting the Lord.  You cannot let fear control or consume you.  You just have to trust, whether you like it or not."

You can imagine my stunned silence.  I thought I would get empathy, compassion, a "I know, it is scary isn't it?"  Nope!  Not even a sliver of support for my lack of faith.

I grew up that night. 

But last night, satan reminded me of that conversartion.  I was instantly back there - 28 years old - wondering what life would be like without my husband.  How could I look my sons in the eye and tell them their father was gone?  How could I make him known to my little ones who would never remember him?  How can I raise five sons alone, as a woman, who knows nothing about being a man?  Where would we live?  Would the men in our lives be willing to come alongside my boys and disciple and encourage them as they grow to be men?  How will Ellie know how to be loved and adored by a man without her father to show her?  How lonely would I be?  Could I train six children in righteousness all by myself?

STOP, Michelle!  Just STOP!

Even if the Lord has ordained you to be a young widow, will He not prepare the way for you?  It is not in your hands.  It is none of your business at this point.  You have Dennis here NOW.  Right beside you.  You cannot guarantee another day for any member of your family, your friends, or yourself.  Stop worrying about tomorrow ... stop imagining what "might be" ... and just be still ... just.  be.  still.

I fell asleep thinking on those words ~ Be Still ~ and I woke up with the rest of the verse in my mind ~ "and know that I am God."

He IS God.

He is the author and creator of my groom's life.

Not a hair falls from his head that the Lord does not see.

He loves him.

He knows him.

He has a perfect, purposeful plan for his life.

Whether it is a life of 43 years or 93 years.

There is no fear.

There is no fear because I am a child of a God DRIVES OUT fear.

In Him there is no changing or shifting shadow.

He is constant, unchanging, forever, perfect, holy, and just.

My God is an awesome God.

And I am wrong ~

I am in sin ~

every time I forget that ... when I lean on my own power ... when I fear the unknown ... when I am running around in circles in fret and worry ... and when I think I know better than He.

Lord, I place my groom in the palm of Your hands, where You have already written his name, and trust that wherever You take us in this crazy exploration of the heart, it is because it will bring glory to YOUR name, and will draw us ever closer to You.  It could be a few simple tests that reveal nothing, or it could be life changing, but either way, it is for You to decide ~ and for us to trust.  Completely.  Faithfully.  Without doubt.

Knowing that You are God, and we are not.

You ARE an awesome God.

You truly are.

In memory of a wonderful woman.

Verna "Grandma" Bold

November 8,1920 ~ May 11,2011

Bride to Robert Bold for 69 years.

Mother of five children.

Beloved grandmother and great grandmother.

 

Six years ago we found Dennis' birth family.

We met his birth mom first with all of her side of the family - what an adventure that was!

A few months later we went to meet his birth dad and grandparents.

I remember driving up to the house, both of us anxious about the meeting.  No one except Grandma knew that Jack had a son.  37 years later, here we are, showing up on their doorstep.  We knocked on the door and were greeted by two very eager and smiling faces ~ Grandma and Grandpa Bold. (Dennis' birth name was Jason Conrad Bold)  They hugged us so tightly and just kept looking at Dennis and asking him questions and looking at him some more.  It was very sweet to watch.

His birth dad, Jack, has been sick for a long time and living with his parents in the home he grew up in.  Grandma took us to meet him and was so proud to introduce her son -  to her grandson!  The tender expressions on her face and the reflective moments are forever captured in my mind's eye.

One of my favorite memories of that meeting was when I handed Caleb (just a baby) to Jack, and watched him looking at him so thoughtfully as he stroked his back with his finger.  I wondered if he was remembering when Dennis was born ... the thoughts and emotions and fears that were running through his mind as a 17-year-old boy ... if he understood that this baby, was in fact, his own flesh and blood.

I sneaked into the other room to get Grandma and motioned her to "come here."  She came around the corner and stopped short when she saw her son, this man she had cared for for so long, holding his own grandson so tenderly on his lap.  Tears filled her eyes and then the camera started clicking.  I know that was one of the best moments of her life!

Grandma was a wonderful woman who loved her husband, adored her children, and enjoyed her grandchildren and great grandchildren.  Her smile brightened any room, and her dry sense of humor left you either laughing or surprised.  We did not have the privilege of knowing her long, but we were in love with her the moment we met her.  She will leave a large hole in the Bold family, but she will also leave thousands of cherished memories in the hearts of those who loved her.

We loved you, Grandma.  Thank you for caring so deeply for us.

You will be missed!

Much more than I expected.

I just spent a wonderful evening with a group of women discussing motherhood.  This was our second evening together and it was full of energy and discussion and words were whizzing around the room with great speed.  It was fantastic!

I have a list of thoughts and key words that pricked my heart or challenged me because almost every single comment that was made cut me to the core.  I was not terribly convicted by the actual reading this time, but I was incredibly convicted by the things the women shared.  Man, it seemed as if the Lord could not wait to share with me what He wanted me to hear, so He just dumped all of it on me at once.  It was hard to keep up!

"Michelle, did you hear her?  I needed you to hear that tonight.  Don't forget it."
 "Yes, Lord.  I heard her."

"Did you catch that?  That is a new thought for you isn't it?  Don't miss it!"
"Yes, Lord."

"Ouch.  That one stung a little, didn't it?  You have struggled with that for years and still haven't mastered it.  But it's okay, because I am right here and nothing is too difficult for Me.  We can do this!"
"Okay, Lord.  I hear You.  Can we stop now?  This is a lot to take in."

"Michelle!  Look at her ... hear her ... she has something to offer that you need to spend time praying over.  This is not your strength, but you didn't see it.  Now you have ... seek Me in this and I will show you the way."
"Lord, please!  I am drowning in a sea of thoughts and conviction and regret.  Please, stop!  I want to focus on these things, think through them, search the Scriptures ... I need You to slow down."

"Daughter, look at these women!  They all love Me.  They all love their children.  None of them are perfect, but they are each unique ... each woman worships Me in a way you cannot ... they each need Me differently than you do ... and all of you honor Me, and bring glory to My name, when you love your children, teach them My ways, and discipline them as I have commanded.  And I am pleased.  Listen to them.  Learn from them.  Ponder these things in your heart, and then come sit at My feet for a while, and soak in what I have for you.  I always have something for you, Michelle.  And it is always exactly what you need.  Just let Me work.  Stop trying to be what you think you should be ... and be what I have called you to be ~ MINE."

Tonight caught me off guard.

Tonight challenged me in areas I had totally missed.

Tonight I was completely engulfed by the lessons the Lord had for me, and I heard Him.  Oh, how I heard Him.  And I think, I really think, it is going to take me a few days to recover.  And I am already eager to see the results.  Because when you are walking with the Lord and seeking wisdom and understanding,

there are always results.

We can't always see the growth ...

 ... but that doesn't mean it isn't happening.

 This, is our peach tree.

When we moved into this house almost four years ago, it was BURSTING with fruit.

We actually had an impromptu peach-picking party and people left with bags full of the fuzzy, orange delights.

And then, for the next two years, the tree did not produce.  Not one peach.  Not one!  I was surprised how sad I was ~ I had been looking forward to the new growth all year after the joy of seeing the branches bent with the weight of the fruit ... seeing the peaches all over the ground as they ripened and fell ~ but I was also irritated.  Where are the peaches?  What do you mean there is no fruit?  A peach tree without peaches is pointless!

 I did research.  I had an arborist come out to trim and assess our trees, and he said it was in great shape and should produce just fine.  We fertilized it.  We gave it plenty of water.  We did all we could possibly do ~ and still, no fruit.

And then, this spring, two years later, we saw some buds!  Beautiful little white flowers peeking out of the branches.  And then we saw tiny round orange balls beginning to emerge.  Nothing happened for a while and then ... GROWTH!  A tree laden with peaches!  So many peaches that we spent last evening climbing up in the branches to choose the ones that were ripe, and delivered them to our neighbors to enjoy.  We cannot possibly eat all of them ourselves ... our tree runneth over ... and we were able to share the overflow with those around us.

And it made me think ...

How often do we (do I) look at my life, or those around me, and wonder "Where is the fruit?"  She says she is a Christian, but there is no evidence.  He claims to be a believer but the way he talks and behaves exhibits nothing that resembles Christ.  They say they are Christians, but the choices they make as a family, how they spend their time, the activities they pursue ... they are not in line with Scripture.  What gives?

And closer to home ~ I know I am a believer, I know without a doubt that I will spend eternity in heaven ~ and yet, there are days, sometimes months, when anyone looking at me from the outside would wonder why my tree stands bare ... a few leaves here and there ... a shriveled relic of what once was fruit ... but nothing abundant, overflowing, appetizing, or appealing.

It begs the question:

Can a believer be fruitless?  Is it possible?  Even for a time?

Whether the lack of fruit is from pure disobedience or because the Lord is allowing a very dry, very long season of drought in order to do the work He needs to do,we have to figure out the "why."

We are so quick to claim being "backslidden" or "in a rough spot with the Lord."  When what we are really saying is, "I want to do what I want to do."  "The Lord is not meeting my needs."  "I am not happy with the way He is working."  "I want my own way.  I can do it myself."  "My sin is not THAT big of a deal." and so on.
 

So we have to go back to the only place that offers complete truth.

Scripture.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, 

while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  

You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.  

Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. 

No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.  

If anyone does not remain in Me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 

If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.  

This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be My disciples.  

John 15: 1-8

 THIS is the answer I was looking for!

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, 

while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

The Lord has to destroy the parts of us that are not honoring to Him.  He clips away at the dead spots, the bug eaten holes, and strips us down to the clean places ... where new growth is found.

It is not a fast process.  It takes time to prune.  The old and dead must be cut away, the soil must be fed, the roots must be watered.  And then we wait.  Sometimes the waiting feels like forever ~ whether it is in our own life (Here I am again, Lord!) or in the life of another (What is it going to take for him to mature?) ~ and we get antsy.  We start to lose hope. 
We might even panic.

And then ~ a blossom shows itself.

A bright green leaf appears.

Buds pop out on every branch.

The fruit can be seen.

And heaven rejoices.

Because,

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control." 
Galatians 5:22, 23

and when we bear the fruit of the Spirit ~ the only fruit that has eternal value ~ the only fruit that changes us from the inside out ~

new life is seen,
people around us want to know what changed,
we look like the Savior instead of ourselves,

and the Lord is pleased.

The growth may not be evident, and the tree may appear dead.  But in the life of those whose hearts are truly His, He is always, always, ALWAYS at work, feeding that tiny seed planted so long ago, pruning us into the fruit HE wants to see on the branches.  And the best part?  Because He is the vine ~ the growth will be abundant, and last forever!

Eternal fruit.

What could be better?

Six hours of joy. And a finale.

When my groom asked me what I would like for Mother's Day I replied, "I would like an hour alone with each child."  "Really?  That is what you want?"  "Yep!  And I want each of them to choose what we do."  "Done!"

 Both Isaiah and Josiah wanted to go for a walk.  Isaiah was first and we walked all around the neighborhood, looking at flowers and roley poley bugs, holding hands the whole time.  Since he can only say a few words, it was a quiet walk, so I spent time praying for him and asking the Lord to show me what kind of mom He wants me to be for Isaiah.  It was a sweet time for me.

Josiah, on the other hand, can talk without stopping as long as he is awake!  We took a long walk and played and talked the entire time.  He held my hand the last half of the walk, and as I felt his sweaty little palm in mine, I asked the Lord to help me allow him the freedom to be 100% Josiah, but to train him in the ways of truth so he is ready to do whatever God requires of him.  We had a great time!

Caleb wanted to go to a park, teach me how to play the game "Stratego" (which is actually quite fun!), and have a treat.  So we did!  It was a blustery day and the park was surprisingly empty.  We played two games of Stratego (he is a good teacher), he rolled down two giant hills until he was dizzy, then we walked around the park and the duck pond before heading back home.  He is such an easy boy to be around ... full of conversation and smiles.  I love my boy!

 Luke's idea was to get a frozen yogurt at "Cherry on Top" and then walk around the Orange Circle and visit the antique stores.  He was surprised at how cool they were - he was not expecting old toys and interesting items ... he had a good time!  We also popped into the Army Navy store so he could check out the pocket knives and switch blades and every other weapon his little heart dreams of owning!  I always enjoy being with Luke, and it was nice to have some time alone together.

 Micah had a good idea ~ go to Barnes & Noble for a cup of tea (cocoa for him) and choose a new book.  I ended up finding about six new books for the family on the bargain shelves and he chose a couple of new books for himself.  We just happened to be next to DSW and I had a gift card (from some anonymous giver!) and he was gracious enough to pop in with me to look for some summer sandals.  It takes a while to find any size 11's in these places and he was patient and helpful while I tried on shoes, casually glancing up from his Yo-Yo flinging to give a "Mmmm ... I don't think so." or "Yah!  I like those!"  We left carrying a bag with two new pair of sandals for $25!  Thanks, Micah!

Ellie and I collected our hour together in ten minute intervals.  We hugged and played and laughed in between each of the brother's outings.  She makes my heart glad!

And the finale ...

I had all of my guys around me as we settled in to enjoy Anne of Green Gables ~ one of my top five favorite movies of all time!  My dream is to one day explore Prince Edward Island.  Someday!

It was definitely a terrific, memorable, delightful, and fantastic day.

Lord, thank you for the gift of my children!

Such a simple thing ...

 ... makes me feel so very professional.

It is no secret that I do not live to cook.  I cook because my people need to eat.  It is that simple.  Perhaps it is because I have a husband who was gone three or four nights a week for football practice and classes while working his way through a Master's and PhD.  Perhaps it is because I have been pregnant and sick every other year for a decade.  Perhaps it because I cannot surrender two hours to make a delicious meal while my little ones are underfoot.  Or perhaps, it is simply because I have no skill!

Regardless, I have purposed my mind to change this weakness.  I am going to dig down deep, way, way down deep, and find my inner chef.  I am not sure if Wolfgang Puck or Chef Boyardee will emerge, but either way, a chef will be found!

I have been preparing ... researching ... and discovered that being a "good cook" requires a proper kitchen and proper supplies.  Which also requires money, of which I have none to spare.  Even at discount places the prices add up and make one feel like it is unattainable.  (Does anyone else feel this way?)

So, I abandoned the checklist of necessary pots and pans and graters and tools, and decided to start on something much more simple - the staples.  Did you know that a good cook only uses freshly ground pepper? Really?  Why isn't the Costco size tub of regular pepper sufficient?  Can anyone tell the difference?  Does the skillet reject pre-ground spices?  How does it know?

And, of course, one cannot USE fresh ground pepper without, oh yes, a pepper grinder!  Aah!

But that was the first thing on my list.  Simple, easy, inexpensive.  I can do this!  I researched a few online, could not believe how many options there were, (seriously folks, do we need 232 pepper grinder choices?  Do we?!?), and decided I would find one at a discount store the next time I was there.

While my brother and sister-in-law were here, they asked if they could pick up some things for us at Costco.  I sent them a list and jokingly put "peppercorn for my soon to be pepper grinder."  And wouldn't you know ~ they showed up with this!

(the background story:  they had registered for some fancy shmancy pepper mill for their wedding, which we ended up giving them, and Dennis had a field day teasing them about it.  EVERY time we are together he asks, "Are you enjoying your pepper?  Do you pepper every day?" just to be a punk.  So, I am quite sure, though they didn't say so, they found a secret and somewhat vengeful delight in giving this to us.)  :o)

I have never heard of Sur la table, which is probably shameful, but now I have a fancy, 5 speed pepper grinder and some fancy rainbow peppercorn to delight the taste buds of my family.

Now all I need to do is, well, um, COOK!

to be continued ...

And speaking of failure ...

I enjoyed a wonderful night with a group of a dozen ladies last night as we discussed "The Mission of Motherhood."  It is always a pleasure to listen to the hearts of women as they share their desires for their children, their family, and themselves.  While motherhood is a Divine calling, it is not the ultimate calling.  We were designed to glorify God ~ in all things.  And when we focus on that first ... when we dig in the Word daily ... sit quietly before a mighty God and seek His wisdom in all things ... everything else falls into place.

Unfortunately, sin is ever present and satan is alive and prowling the earth like a lion seeking a Christian to devour.  It is his only goal ... to destroy that which God adores ~ His precious children.

I drove home last night thinking of the women I had met, the perspectives they shared, the way the Lord is working in their marriages, their homes, and their personal lives, and I was encouraged!  We are all in this together ... we need each other.  Whether we just met or have known each other for years, we can challenge and encourage one another as we run this race of motherhood together.  I was smiling as I drove, thinking of the blessing of another five weeks with these women .... what is God going to do with us?

And then I got home.

Everything was normal.  Four of the six were sound asleep in bed.  My groom was settling in for the night.  The two oldest were enjoying a movie together.  I was still thinking about the women, wondering how I was so privileged to be invited in, and ready to get into some cozy pajamas and prepare for a night of much needed sleep.  And then I was attacked - by the lion.

Dennis shared that two of our children had a meltdown when they found out they would not longer be going out for a fun dinner with grandparents, but eating at home.  Disappointment is one thing.  Ranting and raving about a simple change in plans is unacceptable.  I was instantly embarrassed and rehearsing the apology speech they would be giving their grandparents over the phone in the morning.  (And we had just talked about this in the book study - how we overreact and let pride cloud our judgment when dealing with our children, when we could handle it in a much more mature manner.  Was I not listening to this part?  Failure #1)

I walked into the family room and saw an entire heap of clean clothes from the dryer on the floor.  Um, excuse me?  I asked the boys, who were now brushing their teeth,  "Who put all of the clean clothes on the floor?"   They both looked me IN THE EYE and said, "I don't know.  Probably one of the littles."  I walked back to the dryer, opened it and found a soaking wet pair of jeans, and instantly knew the culprit.  And I was LIVID.  He had just looked me in the eye and lied to me!!!  The lion bit again.

I opened the door to the backyard, threw the jeans into the dark night, said quite loudly, to the surprise of my groom, "He LIED to me!  I cannot believe it.  He LIED to me!" and stomped out of the room.  (No deep breaths, no prayer to seek the Lord's wisdom or solution, no self control, no grace.  Failure #2)

I found the child I wanted and growled (apparently I take on the attributes of the lion when attacked), "Get on the couch now."

I was seething.  We have been working on this.  He has made such great strides.  He has been a truth teller, willing to take the consequence of an error rather than hiding it under a pack of lies to save himself.  Now this?  We can't go back.  We just can't!   I knew I could not speak.  I knew I would say things that would be hurtful and harsh.  I kept thinking of the women I had just spent an hour and a half with ... talking about the desire to raise our children for eternity ... training them in righteousness ... being spiritually prepared so we can address any situation ... and here I am about to destroy all of these things with a single word.  Who am I?!?!?

As I was slamming books into a pile to put on the shelf I ranted, "I cannot believe you just lied to me. I thought you had changed, but now here we are again!"

I knew satan was having a field day.  "Ah, see Christian.  You can go to all the Bible studies you want.  You can read a thousand books on godly parenting and marriage.  You can talk and quote Scripture all day long, but at the core, you are a sinful, selfish person who just wants her own way.  Just like me."

I knew I was in the middle of a battle and I so wanted my own way.  I looked at my son sitting on the couch and knew I had to walk away.  I said, "Just go to bed.  I am too angry to speak.  We can talk about this in the morning."

"Be angry and do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down on your anger."  Ephesians 4:26   Failure #3.

I mumbled and grumbled to myself for a bit while at the same time thinking, "Michelle, how many times do you fall into the same pattern of sin?  How many times have you been forgiven?  How often do others overlook the matter?  Your son is mirroring some of your own sin.  You were a liar as a child.  He is you."  And that is when the Lord won.  It was that simple.  He reminded me of my own past ... the heart I had ... the feeling of loneliness and embarrassment I felt ...

so I went to find my son.  He was sound asleep.  I considered waking him to give him a hug and tell him I love him, that I will always love him.  But the Lord needed me to Himself, so He could remind me that He loves me unconditionally.  He forgives over and over, and then he tosses my sins into the sea with a "No fishing" sign.  If I want to be like Him, if I want to "Be holy like He is holy", then I must do as He does ... forgive, show grace, correct in love, discipline, show longsuffering.  Not respond in the flesh and let satan win.

Last night started our so beautifully, and ended so poorly.  And all because I was not on my guard, I let the lion get too close, and when he attacked, I did not fight back ~ I joined him in the fray.  My sword should have been ready to pierce him so I could run to the only place that offers protection ~ into the presence of my King.  Oh, Lord.  Forgive my weakness and my blindness.  Teach me Your ways, so I may walk in Your truth.  Though I will stumble and fall, make me stronger each time, so one day when the lion comes again, I will not falter or tremble - I will stand firm, with my sword and shield securely in place, and I will win the battle without even a scrape.  I want to be like You, Lord.  I so much want to be like YOU!

The Mission of Motherhood.

I have the privilege of being part of a book study on the book "The Mission of Motherhood" over the next six weeks with some young women who are seeking to be purposeful and Christ-centered in their love and care for their children.

This will be the fourth time I have read the book, and the second time in a discussion group.  And even this time around, I am encouraged, challenged, and inspired to keep pressing on as I desire to answer the call of Biblical motherhood.  It is not easy.  It is not quick.  It takes full surrender, the ability to see yourself as you really are - and change when necessary.  It requires humility, patience, discipline, and sacrifice.  But when all is said and done, when we have sought the wisdom of the Lord ... when we have modeled Christ likeness for our children ... when we have saturated their hearts and minds with Scripture and the character of God ... when we have taken them to the foot of the cross over and over again ...

it is then that we will hear our Father say, "Well done, daughter.  Well done.  I entrusted these tiny creatures into your care, and I know I asked a lot of you.  My standards are high, but they are attainable, if you let Me walk beside you and show you the way.  You stumbled and fell more than once, but were willing to get up and try again.  And it is because you obeyed Me ... it is because you sought to instill My Word into the hearts of your children, and raise them with an eternal perspective ... it is because of your steadfast determination to teach them to love Me, that they will now rise up and call you, "Blessed."

Oh, how I long to hear those words.

And, oh, how many times I have failed to stay the course.

Thank goodness I am a child of a God who

He will again have compassion on us;
He will tread our iniquities under foot 
Yes, You will cast all their sins
Into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:19

All of my mistakes as a mother ~ all of my impatience ~ my temper ~ my laziness ~ my inconsistencies ~ my broken promises ~ my selfishness ~ all of these things are tossed into the depths of the sea and remembered no more by a God who continually hands out second chances.

I am not perfect.  My children are not perfect.  And together we can create a hum dinger of a day when we are all seeking our own desires and not seeking to think of one another before ourselves.  We hurt each other.  We disappoint each other.  We irritate each other.

But the Lord is gracious and always provides an opportunity to go quietly before one another, humble ourselves, apologize for our wrongs, receive forgiveness, and be restored in our relationship once again.  What a JOY!  What a PRIVILEGE!  What a GIFT it is to be a family who ultimately desires to honor the Lord in all things ... even when we are too blind to see past our own selfishness.

We serve a God of second chances.
We serve a God who chose our family for us.
We serve a God who CHOSE us to be mothers.
Of these children.
Right now.  Where we are.
And though we are completely ill equipped to handle the job on our own, He is sufficient to meet all of our needs, cover our mistakes, and fill in the gaps.

Motherhood is one of the most difficult things we are called to do as women.  It is also one of the most rewarding.  And the only way we can truly enjoy and experience this role as God intended, is to grab hold of His hand, tighten our grip, and follow His lead as He helps us see and understand each and every child He has purposefully placed in our lives.

We were chosen for this.

We are accountable.

He has high expectations ~ the bar cannot be set any higher.

And He will give us the strength and energy and wisdom we need each day to run at full speed, leap to the sky, and sail over that bar ... only to fall softly on the other side where we find Him waiting, smiling, and whispering, "Well done, daughter.  Well done."