Friendship.

The Lord challenged me in the area of friendship a while ago.  Out of nowhere.  I had no plans for studying the topic or investigating the Biblical model, but one morning before I was to spend an evening with a group of women I have come to love and adore, the Lord made it very clear that this is exactly what He wanted me to do.  

I was surprised to find so many Scriptures!  I have been in several Bible studies over the years that touched on friendship, but never in a thorough manner.  Every verse I found had another verse to pursue and there were some that I had never thought of in the context of relationships.

I was encouraged as I read through them all ~ and convicted.  

And the Lord has not let up on me since that day.  I have a lot of work to do.  I fail the Biblical model of a friend more times than I care to admit.  And I constantly battle how much effort/time/attention I should give to those relationships when I am called first to be a wife and then a mother.  It is much easier to be a friend sometimes.  Friends understand you, empathize with you, encourage you, show you your weaknesses, laugh with you ... and you never have to discipline them, do their dishes, train their children, or run their errands.  Sometimes it is just easy to be a friend.

But it can also be difficult.  It means holding your tongue when you want to say something that is careless or petty.  It means loving her in the moments when she is not attractive.  It means saying the difficult thing even when you know she is going to draw back from you.  It means sacrificing your needs or desires when she needs you to listen to her heart.  And, it means you have to be willing to be completely transparent, trust her with your heart, and let the Lord use her to minister to you, even if it stings.

Friendship is one of the greatest joys in life.

It is a blessing that does not always come naturally.  It is kind of like having a second spouse.  You need to know her love language, what makes her tick, her strengths and weaknesses, and once you are fully aware of who this person is, no matter how different you may be, you have to decide if this is a person you are willing to fight for ... a person you will walk through life with, for better or worse ... a person you will love as Christ loves.

When you do this, when you choose to love a friend the way the Lord asks us to love, it will change your life forever.  She will sharpen you.  She will comfort you.  She will bring you joy.  And most importantly, she will push you to Christ.  And that is exactly the way it should be ~ two women fighting to see who can push the other to Christ first.  Everything else is just icing on the cake.

A Biblical model of friendship

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.  
I Thessalonians 5:11

He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. 
Proverbs 15:31

A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.  
Proverbs 12:26

A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. 
Proverbs 16:28

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.  
Proverbs 17:17

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. 
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.  
Galatians 6:2

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.  
Proverbs 13:20

Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?  
Proverbs 20:6

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.  
Proverbs 27:6

A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.  
Proverbs 19:11

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 
Proverbs 27:5

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.  
Proverbs 27:9

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.  
John 15:13

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  
Romans 12:15

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.  
Romans 12:9,10

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  
Romans 12:18

Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.  
James 3:18

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.   
I Peter 4:8

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.  
I John 4:11,12

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that.  But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  
Luke 6

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.  
II Timothy 4:2

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.  
James 5:16

My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.  
James 5:19,20

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.  
John 13:34,35

~ When we leave one another, are we more in love with Christ?  Encouraged?  Did we spend time in the Word?  Did we speak truth?  Did we overlook offenses?  Accept one another, flaws and all?  Spur one another on towards love and good deeds?

~ Are we BETTER after being with one another?  Do we walk away refreshed and renewed and with a desire to draw closer and more intimate?  Or do we just walk away?

What gives me hope.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  

Galatians 6:9

"If we do not give up."

"If we do not give up."

"If we do not give up."

Lord, I am so weary right now.  I feel like I am fighting a culture that wants to swallow up and destroy my children.  I do not have the strength to fight all of them ... those who would end their purity, those who would poison their mind against You, those who would pour violence and greed and evil speech into their minds, those who wish to desensitize them to sin and everything You hate.

Oh, Lord.  I am so tired.

Just inside of my four walls I am sometimes overwhelmed.  Training never stops.  Each child has his own sin.  Together they feed each others insecurities and discontentment.  The sweet moments, the tender ones, the actions and conversations that stop me in my tracks and make me think, "Wow!  There IS fruit!  We can see the righteousness produced in these children You have given us.", can so quickly be derailed by one hour with a stranger, one foolish movie, one sour mood that drags every family member into the pit with him.

Hold me up, Lord.  I am begging You.  I know what is right.  I know what You require, what You demand, what pleases You.  And quitting is not on the list.  Compromise?  Complacency?  Laziness?  Disobedience?  You reject them all.

You promise that "all those who are weary and heavy-laden can come find rest", for You promise to take our burdens from us, bear them on Your own shoulders. and allow us the respite we so desperately need.

I am CLINGING to that promise, Lord.  With all of the strength I possess, I cling to You.

I am not afraid of being weary - life is exhausting, and the pursuit of a godly life is a daily fight.  But please, Lord, don't ever let me give up.  I want to see the harvest.

I want to see it.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." 

The Slough of Despond.

The Slough of Despond ("swamp of despair") is a deep bog in John Bunyan's allegory The Pilgrim's Progress, into which the character Christian sinks under the weight of his sins and his sense of guilt for them. It is described in the text:

'This miry Slough is such a place as cannot be mended; it is the descent whither the scum and filth that attends conviction for sin doth continually run, and therefore is it called the Slough of Despond: for still as the sinner is awakened about his lost condition, there ariseth in his soul many fears, and doubts, and discouraging apprehensions, which all of them get together, and settle in this place; and this is the reason of the badness of this ground.'

 I know, I know ... can I ever go somewhere or see something and not make a spiritual analogy out of it?  Yes.  But this one, well, you will see, it was just way too accurate, fitting, and obvious to be passed up.

We went shooting with our boys.  A hundred things went wrong - including the weather.  The shooting range sent us to an abandoned area so we would not bother the "real gunmen" and we were told to aim into the swamp.  No problem.

After the shooting frenzy died down, (about 16 minutes after we arrived), the boys decided to go exploring.  We said, very loudly, very clearly, "Do NOT go into the swamp!  We have no change of clothes and those are the only shoes you own.  DO NOT go in!"

Well, like Christian, our boys were not afraid of the Slough.  They did not try to go around it or even avoid it altogether.  They walked directly to it, willingly, and were caught in it's trap.  A giant pit of sludge and filth that sucked them under until they had to have someone help pull them out.  And like sin, we never come out as clean as we like.  It leaves its stain ... its stench ... and though forgiven by a gracious God after repentance, there is always a consequence and a scar remains.

 The big boys were covered in mud and one even lost his shoe when his foot was sucked under the sludge.  He rescued the foot, but the shoe (a brand new one I might add) could not be found again.  And as usually happens, the little people followed the big people, thinking themselves much stronger and more capable than they really are.

Josiah overestimated himself, and this was the result .... a looong and humiliating walk back to safety and security ~ Mom and Dad.

How many times have I walked that long road back to the Lord?  More than I care to admit, I am afraid.

Bewilderment, shock and disbelief.  

Did that really just happen?  How?  I was just following my brothers and next thing I know, I am wearing mud pants and cannot feel my hands and feet.

How many times have I shaken my head wondering, "I am here again, Lord?  The same sin.  The same mistakes. The same pride.  When will I learn?  I hate this!"

 Shame.

We try to pretend like it is no big deal. We engage in normal activities hoping we will just blend in.  "It wasn't that bad.  Maybe no one even noticed.  If I sit here long enough, everyone will forget about it and move away.  I don't need help.  I can fix it on my own."

 But someone is always watching.  

Sometimes they are empathetic as they too have been caught in the tentacles of the Slough.  But often times, they look at us with an incredulous gaze and are disappointed, stunned, or hurt by our actions.

We see the looks.

We feel the shame.

We know we have to make things right.

We know we have to fall before a mighty and powerful God and ask for His forgiveness.

 And we are overwhelmed.

And we finally see our need of a Savior.

I do not have a photo of the final scene in this drama because I had to put the camera down so I could go to my son, gather him in my arms, hold him tight and take him to the car where he would be warm, comfortable, and safe.  Oh, how he clung to me!  Burying his head in my shoulder, holding on for dear life, so glad to be welcomed back after his foolish disobedience.

Just as I cling to my Father, weeping all the while, as I confess my foolishness and pride, my stubbornness and sin, my lack of self control and desire to control my own fate.  I am afraid if I loosen my grip He will disappear, but when I open my eyes He is right there, smiling at me, wiping away my tears and saying, "Michelle, I love you with an everlasting love.  Don't ever doubt.  You will always be safe with me."

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

“My little children, these things I write to you, that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.” 1 John 2:1

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." Acts 3:19 

“I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake, and remembers your sins no more." Isaiah 43:25 

“Come now and let us reason together,” says the Lord,
“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”  Isaiah 1:18

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Training.

It always interests me to listen to discussions on "education."  People will spend hours debating this curriculum with that one, distance learning versus brick and mortar classrooms, public/private/homeschool, the benefit of technology versus traditional methods, phonics versus whole language ... and on it goes.

What truly fascinates me, however, is that all of these things, the discussions that take up countless hours, energy and money, never talk about the bigger picture:  REAL LIFE.

Dennis and I are educators.  We believe in excellence in education.  Dennis spends every day training teachers to be the BEST teachers, molding them to be highly sought out and coveted by schools looking for new hires.  Simply stated:  We value education.

It causes many to wonder then, why do we homeschool?  Why does a man with a PhD in education keep his children OUT of the school system - public or private?  It appears illogical, strange, or just plain silly.

We never intended to homeschool - it was not even a blip on the radar.  I was registering Micah for preschool, looking at the cost of paying $200 a month for him to learn his ABC's, a few songs and games, maybe even tie his shoes, and I thought, "What am I doing?  I can teach him those things - for free!"  And then the Lord, with the usual form of cleverness He uses to nudge me where He wants me to go, began pouring homeschooling people into my life.  I heard messages/seminars on the radio or in person, magazine articles would randomly appear in my mailbox, new friends would show up, who just happened to homeschool AND had "normal children", and it quickly became clear that the Lord was calling me to this thing called home education.

Dennis was on board with it for the early years.  But he wanted to hop off the train in 3rd grade when "real school" needed to start for our sons.  Once again, we were not in agreement, so I prayed for the Lord to change one of us.  And something amazing happened.  One of his professors in the doctorate program assigned a 30 page paper focusing on Educational Policy.  He looked at Dennis and said, "You know, I don't know anything about the homeschool movement.  I would like you to make that your topic."

800 printed pages of research and a hundred hours later, Dennis came to me and said, "I want to educate our children at home all the way through.  The benefits are incredible.  The statistics are staggering.  We can do this and I am excited!"

And here we are, six years later, loving it more than we ever thought possible and seeing the hand of God in our schooling every single day.  One of the most AMAZING things, was seeing how God protected both Micah and Caleb from being lost in "the system" because of their dyslexia.  Choosing homeschooling, choosing a literature-based philosophy, listening to dozens of high school/adult level unabridged audio books ... all of these things were steered by the Lord and ended up being a saving grace for both of our boys.

But none of these things were the point of this writing!  Sheesh.

What we started to see when listening to edu-speak and the insecurity/opinions of parents discussing their personal education choices, was that it did not have a bigger picture ... an eternal perspective.  It was JUST about textbooks and where it would lead.  True education, true training, is not about just math and science and grammar.  I spent hours and hours memorizing facts about zoological animals, mapping out foreign lands, understanding other cultures, and articulating the chronology of American history.  But you know what?  NONE of those things prepared me to be a wife.  None prepared me to be a mother.  A ministry leader.  A neighbor.  A prayer warrior.  A friend.  They were just facts.  And sadly, I cannot recall even half of those facts now.

But the things that DID train and prepare me for real life were a hundred other things I learned outside of the classroom:  time management, accountability, being a self starter, completing a task, critical thinking, how to get along with difficult people in a dorm setting, serving the unlovely, holding my tongue when I did not agree during a debate in class, submitting to authority other than my parents, giving up my wants so someone else could have theirs, doing my best to achieve success, working first and playing second, budgeting, creating my own personal relationship with the Lord rather then depending on my youth pastor ... THESE are the things that prepared me for life.  And not one single thing has to do with reading/writing/arithmetic.

We get so caught up in "Sally got all A's" or "Bobby is getting a scholarship to Harvard because he is SO smart" that we miss what really matters.  Is Sally following the Lord?  Is Bobby humble and selfless and willing to serve others?  Does Sally know how to manage her school work, chores, and youth ministry?  Are they respectful of adults and authority?  Can they think through a moral dilemma and choose wisely?  Do they have a Biblical world view?

And most importantly - ARE THEY GOING TO BE STANDING NEXT TO YOU IN HEAVEN?

The Biblical mission of education and training is not about textbooks and report cards.

The Biblical mission of education and training is to raise men and women to be excellent in all things so they may glorify the Lord in all that they do and change the world for Jesus Christ.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I Corinthians 10:31

When we have eternity as our primary focus, and seek to do everything to glorify God, He will award the successes ... the accolades ... the promotions ... and the praise.

And that just simply has to be enough.

After the Lord worked in our hearts and pulled us away from the "their child is doing so and so, so we must do the same or we are failures" drama, He challenged us to focus on what we want to train our children to do before they leave our home.  We are accountable for preparing them for life - and the bigger picture - eternity.  So what does that look like?  We came up with our own person list, and I am sure we are missing many items, but it is a working list that will change as the Lord leads.  It is a huge source of accountability to look at this every day (it is clipped on our fridge) and see what we have, and have not, done.  It is also EXCITING to think of what the Lord will be able to do with our children because they have been trained in many areas rather than just one.  All of us are called to more than one task in life - forget the career - and think about every day life.  We are called to "be prepared in season and out to give an account for the hope that lies within us."  We have to be prepared for so much more than our career ... so much more.

Are we prepared?

Are we ready to go when God calls?

I pray it will be so.

                      ********

Training our soldiers for battle … on all fields

Spiritual Training

~ Scripture memorization       ~ Theology         ~ Personal prayer and devotion time

~ “Who I am in Christ”           ~ Knowledge and exercising of spiritual gifts

~ Understanding church history          ~ Biographies of the great pillars of the faith

~ Mission trips – individually/family – home and abroad

Personal/Emotional

~ Personality profile     ~ Knowledge of strengths/weaknesses    ~ Manners    ~ Journaling   

~ Express emotions rationally     ~ Attentive    ~ Observant of people/needs around them

~ Self Control

Physical

~ Conditioning       ~ Basic survival skills      ~ Good sleep habits

~ Healthy eating/ water drinkers      ~ Understanding body/how it works/what it needs

Political

~ Full knowledge/understanding of world systems      ~ History of USA/world

~ Volunteer with political organizations     ~ Travel to see and experience other cultures

~ Knowledge of military    ~ Understanding domestic/world politics

Intellectual

~ READ – everything!  Biographies, history, culture, map study …

~ Writing skills    ~ Math skills     ~ Science        ~ Art appreciation, in all forms

~ Finance, budgeting/saving

Skills

~ Learn to shoot a gun      ~ First Aid      ~ Cook a month’s worth of meals

~ Woodworking      ~ Plumbing    ~ Electircal    ~ Sew a button, mend a tear, wash clothes

~ Change a tire/basic car repair    ~ Electrical /Plumbing     ~ Infant/child skills

~ Painting interior/exterior    ~ Ability to teach others   ~ Clean/maintain home inside/ out

Service

~ Neighbors   ~Volunteer in community   ~Meals/needs to the sick

~ Work with children – camp, Sunday school   ~Hospital visitation

Looking into the face of the Savior.

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 

When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”  Matthew 14:22-33

                                 ********

One of my personal mantras is "We have to stop looking around at others and start looking UP into the face of the Savior."

Looking around at others - what they are doing - who they know - privileges they have - successes they enjoy ... usually causes us to feel insecure, envious, and insufficient.  We see what they have and wonder why we do not get to enjoy the same things.  We watch their accomplishments and assume we could never achieve such greatness.

We take our eyes off of who WE ARE, how GOD MADE US, the skills/talents/strengths we were GIVEN, and we pout.  Cry.  Despair.  Fume.  Whine.

Why do we do that?  Why can't we enjoy the creativity and fun adventures of our friends?  Why does their joy make us discontent?

Read the passage in Matthew again.

Peter, always speaking without thinking, asked the Lord to prove He really was God by letting HIM walk on the water.  Jesus says, "Come." and Peter does.  He steps right out of that boat and walks on water.  He walked on water!  Isn't that one of the coolest things ever?  Every time I am at the beach I look into the ocean and wonder what it would be like ... you decide you want to see a surfer up close, spot a whale, or chase the horizon ... so you step out and the ocean becomes your floor.  What an incredible feeling that must have been for Peter.  Until ...

the wind started to blow.

He was looking at Jesus, doing the miraculous, and then heard a whistle in his ear ... felt a breeze across his face ... and he lost focus.  His eyes were no longer fixed on Jesus - they were focused on his circumstances.  Fear set in.  He cried out for help.  And then he sank.

Then comes my favorite part.  "IMMEDIATELY Jesus reached out His hand and caught him."

Immediately.

Jesus did not wait for Peter to beg.  He did not wait for him to prove he really, really, really wanted to be saved.  He did not scold him.  Rebuke him.  Chastise him.  He reached out his hand and caught him.

When Peter was safe in the arms of the Lord, it was then that Jesus said, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

I love this because it is such a beautiful picture of a patient, loving, gentle God.  He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us and we see the truth of that here.  Because He is always with us, His rescue is always immediate.  We do not need to cry out and then wait while He searches for us.  He does not shout, "Keep calling so I can follow your voice!"  He is already there.  Right beside us.  Ready.  Able.  Desiring to catch us when we fall.

And yet, how often do we focus on what is going on around us instead?  We look for PEOPLE to rescue us.  We wait for a friend to come find us, a child to soothe our melancholy spirit, a spouse to make us feel appreciated and wanted.  And when they do not come, when they fail us and do not meet our needs the way we had hoped, we are angry.  Bitter.  Ugly.  We blame God for our circumstances and wonder how a loving God could allow such a difficult thing to happen.

But He never left.
He has been standing at our side since the very moment we surrendered our lives to Him.
He watches us.
He waits for us.
He intercedes for us.
He forgives.
He forgets.
He loves.

Even when we have been the ones looking the wrong way.

Jesus did rebuke Peter.  He called him a man of little faith.  LITTLE FAITH.  That is an insult!  An embarrassment!  Peter must have wanted to crawl into the bottom of the boat and die.  (Ironically, he shows the same weakness again before the crucifixion.)  He was the one who questioned God in the first place.  "Prove you are God by letting ME walk on the water!"  Who does he think he is?!?  Has he not walked with this man, watching Him perform miracle after miracle, hearing Him speak of  heaven?  And still He questions His power and His might?  Come on, Peter.

Ummmm ... Michelle?  Don't you do the same thing?  When the Lord calls you out of the boat - to be a wife - a mother - a friend - a counselor - to begfin a ministry to reach the hearts of hurting women - do YOU always keep your eyes fixed on Him?  Do you ignore all that is swirling about you and stay focused on the Only One who can keep you from sinking to the bottom of the ocean because you are weighted down by insecurity and doubt and despair?  How big is YOUR faith, Michelle?  How big?

Sometimes I wonder.  Sometimes, I feel like I could circle the entire ocean and back because of my complete and unswerving faith in a very big God.  And then I wonder again.

My faith is not as little as it once was.  (Thank You, Lord for your workings in me!)  But it is not as great as I want it to be.  It is not without moments of doubt - not in WHO God is - but in who I am and what I am able to do.  I get trapped in negative thoughts and feelings of being "less than" rather than keeping my eyes fixed on the eyes of my Father ... ignoring every sound, every gust of wind, every voice around me ... looking only at Him.

I just want to see Him.

Every day.
In every circumstance.
And always, always, seeking to please Him with the love, adoration, and faith I have in who He is, and what He created me to be ...

A daughter of the king, fully equipped for every work He calls me to do, walking next to a Father who willingly chooses me, desires my best, and longs to bless me with the riches of heaven, if only I will give my entire heart, mind, and soul to Him.

All of me.

He wants all of me.

And the only way I can give it to Him, is to find His face as I seek Him daily, and allow nothing to tear my eyes away from His.

O, Lord, may You find me faithful!

Let your eyes look directly ahead, And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.  

Prov 4:25

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  

Hebrews 12:1,2

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only He will release my feet from the snare.
Psalm 25:15

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek His face always.

I Chronicles 16:11

Pet peeves.

We all have them don't we?

Little things that irk us, make us groan, send a chill up our spine, or just down right irritate us.

They are usually small things ... things that we cannot even remember a week later ... things that do not matter in an eternal perspective... but annoying nonetheless.

I thought about this after wondering what irritated a friend's husband ~ simply because I have never SEEN him mad or frustrated, so it made me wonder what makes him tick.  And, of course, since I think too much, I instantly started flicking through the Rolodex of my own pet peeves.  Oddly enough, they have not really changed too much over the years.  I wondered if is just me, or if we all have certain things that have always - and will always - make us cringe?

Here are some of mine:

* people who stop dead in the middle of a moving crowd
* the sound of someone smacking food
* someone who asks a question, does not listen to the answer, and then asks again.  And again.  And ~ again.
* soundtracks on movies that are so loud you cannot hear the actual dialogue
* soup that is lukewarm
* wet socks
* a whining child   Cry or scream - either way - just commit to an emotion and stop whining!
* Scripture taken out of context
* clutter
* people who drive slow in the FAST lane
* burping on purpose
* dirty feet on clean sheets

I am sure I could add plenty more, but I am starting to feel like "negative Nellie."

So, to counteract that feeling, here are those same topics in praise form!

+ enjoying a room full of people who are gathered for the same purpose
+ the fact that I can buy enough food to feed my entire family and not have to survive on "rations"
+ someone who asks a question about me, my heart, my thoughts ~ and really wants to hear the answer
+ movies about real life people, their struggles, and their triumphs that inspire others to keep pressing on
+ hot, hot soup made by the hands of someone who loves to cook and share their talent and passion with others
+ warm, cozy socks that are super soft and make me feel like I am walking on cushions.  I LOVE socks!
+ the blessing of six children who bring absolute joy and delight to my life and offer a fresh perspective on just about everything.
+ the freedom to own my own Bible, several in fact!  The ability to read it for myself, study it, memorize it, and infuse it into every single area of my life
+ my husband has a job that provides for our large family and there is even enough left over at times to purchase things that are not necessities.  Things that just make life fun.
+ the privilege of owning a car and being able to go wherever I want/need to go
+ um, I find absolutely nothing appealing about bodily functions. (yes, I know, I am a BOY mom.  I should be able to tolerate such things.  Sorry, it's just who I am.) But since I am turning pet peeves into positives I better get creative here ... Got it!  I am thankful that God designed the body with creativity and diversity and the ability to release what needs to be released.  Phew.
+ there are few things better than slipping into a clean bed with crisp, fresh smelling sheets.

Hey!  That was kind of fun!  I guess we can find beauty in the annoyances of life if we look hard enough.  

But I DO wish I could spend one day in the Garden of Eden to see what true perfection looks like ... God's ultimate design for creation.  No flaws.  No thorns.  Nothing disgusting.  Just beauty, color, excitement, wonder, and awe ... can you imagine?

One day.

One day we will see as He sees.

Oh, what a day!

More on Contentment.

As I shared a few days ago, we are working through the book of Ecclesiastes at church and are focusing on contentment right now.  Hard to hear without looking inside and seeing areas that you simply refuse to praise God for, even though we are commanded to "give thanks in everything."  Sometimes we are just selfish.  Spoiled brats, if you will.  We want what we want RIGHT NOW and do not care what "God's will" is because it is not MY WILL.  A very scary, and very disobedient place to be.

I wrote down several new quotes/thoughts/notes as I listened intently on Sunday.  Ellie sat quietly or slept the entire service, so I know the Lord wanted me to absorb the message.  And absorb I did.

I pray these will challenge and encourage you ~ just as they did me ~ and cause you to examine your heart and mind and seek to praise the Lord more ... thank Him for the tiniest of things and the biggest ... and find ways to glorify Him at every opportunity.

                                          ********

~ Gratitude heightens our awareness of God.

~ It is easy (and human nature) to forget God's kindness.  You have to make a purposeful CHOICE to praise Him every  single day.

~ A grateful heart is a contended heart.

~ To be discontent means to forget that all things serve God.

~ We were not meant to just "bear problems" - but to USE them.  For growth, maturity, and godliness.

~ CHRIST IS ENOUGH - all of the time.

~ "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"All things" = what God has asked us to do or bear ... and we can be content in our trial because God put us there and He will give us the strength to endure.

~ If you believe God IS God, and He IS good, than you are willing to accept your circumstances from the hand of a Sovereign God, even when it doesn't make sense.

The LORD has established His throne in heaven,
   and His kingdom rules over all.   Psalm 103:19

~ When you have immediate access to the living God, you never need despair.

~ "Bucket of Troubles"  When we look at our troubles from the perspective of a bucket, they seem full to overflowing ... difficult to carry ... burdensome.  When the bucket pours out on the floor, it makes a mess and seems too overwhelming to even begin mopping up.

But if you throw the Bucket of Troubles into the sea, it disappears ... does not even leave a ripple.

God's sea of mercy swallows our struggles.

"Let me live that I may praise You."

Psalm 119:175

You didn't see that comin'?

 After our boys saw a movie which portrayed a particularly fit young man, they decided that they too wanted washboard abs.

So, guess which person in the Eastman household they approached to achieve such fitness?

Dennis of course!

Little did they know that it would require more than 50 sit ups.  (That is what I make them do each morning before we begin school.)  "Have you met your father?" I wanted to ask them.  But I held my tongue and let the beating, I mean training, begin.

500 sit ups/flutter kicks/bicycles and a multitude of other ab exercises later, the boys limped to the shower to get ready for bed.

They now understand that there is a high price to pay for a fit physique - it takes hard work!  Thankfully, they have a fantastic role model in Dennis.  (The man who, at the age of 43, gets asked if he is a Navy Seal when he is at a public swimming pool.)  I am stepping up my game, so now they also see me on the treadmill every morning when they wake up.  I want exercise and fitness to be normal for them ... fun ... a part of their daily routine ... an intrinsic desire.  Why?  Because it is not intrinsic for me and I have spent my entire life battling for my own health and fitness.  "Fake it to you feel it" is my exercise motto.  Motivating, isn't it?

So, the Eastman family is seeking to become an ACTIVE family.  We will have to push each other, to be sure, but it will be well worth the effort!

Some thoughts/quotes on contentment.

We are studying the book of Ecclesiastes at church right now.  Um, wow.

challenging
convicting
inspiring
fabulous
motivating
revealing

Some words to describe this God-breathed book.

These are just a few of the notes from one sermon!  Our pastor's words, quotes from people whose names I could not remember long enough to write down, and my own personal thoughts.  I have been thinking on them quite often and find myself replaying them in moments of, "Really?  I have to do what?"  "You want me to do THAT?  Come on."  "How come...?"  In other words, moments of sin and selfishness, when quite frankly, I am not getting my way or what I want or what I think I deserve.

And then a close friend of Dennis challenged me, "Deserve?  D E S E R V E?  You deserve hell.  You deserve nothing.  We forget how much God hates our sin.  Loathes our sin.  Any good thing we DO have in life is only because of HIS character.  It has nothing to do with us."

He is right.  So I continue to think on these things as the Lord reveals areas of discontentment I was not aware of ... and growing a passion in my heart to continually SEEK, PURSUE, and DESIRE contentment.

Which means, keeping an eternal perspective and therefore - focusing my eyes solely on HIM.

                                       ******

~ Where is your joy?  What can you praise God for right now?

~ You cannot have it all ~ cannot do it all ~ you do not need it all.

~ Our suffering, once in heaven, will be remembered no more.

~ Contentment = having everything you need right now.

~ THIS is the day you are in.  THIS is the day the Lord has made. 

~ Discontentment starts with two words:  "If only ..."

~ Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS.  Philippians 4:4

~ In EVERYTHING give thanks.  I Thessalonians 5:18

~ There is a time and purpose for everything.
    Ecclesiastes 3:1

~ Be fully available, right where you are, now.

~ Contentment is a CHOICE - even in the worst circumstances ~ we can choose to curse God, or Praise God.

"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped.
 He said,
         "Naked I came from my mother's womb,
         And naked I shall return there
         The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.
         Blessed be the name of the LORD."
 Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God." 
 Job 1:20-22

~ Discontentment is part of our sin nature ~ it comes easily.

~ Contentment is not natural ~ we must fight for it.  "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation ... I can do all this through him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:2, 3, 4

Embrace the endurance ~ it is a PROMISE!  It produces maturity and godliness. No matter how horrible the in between may be - we can cling to the truth that we will come out on the other side more like Christ.

And at the core of it all ~ shouldn't that be the greatest desire of every believer?

To be like Christ?

Yes.

To be like Christ.

"Encourage one another."

I love being the encourager.  I love writing the notes.  Praying with someone.  Spending an evening together listening to hurts and joys and struggles.  I love being able to DO something for a friend.

 But the Lord had to remind me that sometimes I need to be the one that receives the cards ... has someone pray for me ... listen to my heart ~ and I just need to say "Thank you."

It is hard, being the one on the stretcher.  You feel helpless, out of control, unsteady.  But then you look up and see the determined faces of your friends, carefully and willingly taking you to the place that will heal you.  To the One who cares more about your heart than they do.  You feel a jerk, the stretcher stops, and when you look again, 

you see Jesus.

They have taken you to your Savior.  Your confidant.  Your Father.  Your friend.

And all you want to do is say, "Thank you."

******

These last two weeks have been such an encouragement to me as I received thoughts, prayers, notes, calls, and e-mails from women who call me friend and desire to love me when I feel the least loved.  When I feel broken.  When I feel lost.  They were obedient to Scripture ~ "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn" ~ and tenderly met my needs in unique and special ways.

Thank you, friends.

For everything.

This gift not only surprised me, it made me laugh!  An anonymous thoughtful person sent this to me ... a card filled with God's Word and a gift card for some new shoes!  Why did I laugh?  I am guessing this person knows me well because a) I struggle eternally finding shoes for my size 11 boats b) I am not known as the "fun one" and the sneakers on this card are totally fun!

Thank you, Miss Anonymous, for thinking of me, sharing the truths of God's Word, and know that I will pray for YOU as I select the perfect new pair of shoes.

Isn't this precious?  I have never had a "children necklace" though I have seen many I loved through the years.  It just never felt like "me."  Until I found this.  A sweet woman named Whitney creates jewelry and after a few e-mail exchanges, she designed this for me.  My boys, my sweet Ellie, and my baby who is resting in Paradise ~ each has a place and purpose ~ and now each will be worn close to my heart.

Dennis asked me recently if others perceive me as talking about Matthew too much.  I thought about that for a short while and said, "No."  He is a part of our family and his life is the one that changed my life, and my walk with the Lord, forever.  The baby ministry we are starting is because of him.  My heart for other women who have miscarried is only because of him.  And his life has allowed me access to women who would never let me in otherwise ... with the ability to share the love of Christ and God's desire for her as His child.

And with this necklace, I know I will get curious looks as people do a quick math problem in their heads or think, "She needs to move on.", but every time I see that look, I will be able to glorify my God as I share with them the way He has changed me because of my Matthew.  And that is totally, 100%, okay with me.

 One of the things I love best about the Lord is that He settles our sometimes questioning confidence at the exact moment we need it.

I met a woman through a mutual friend after her first miscarriage.  A baby girl born the same time as Matthew, at five months, and now home with the Lord.  We exchanged countless e-mails until I had the pleasure of meeting her in person one Sunday after church.  Oh, how she clung to me!  She has proven to be a blessing to my life and recently I was able to spend an entire evening with her.  She has had to endure three miscarriages this past year and, at times, has barely been able to crawl to the cross as she seeks the Lord through her pain.

And yet, in the midst of her own pain, she chose to serve me.  She showed up at my house with a gorgeous bouquet of fresh flowers, Girl Scout Cookies (amen, sister!), a thoughtful card, and hand-written notes from her own children to mine sharing their grief, sibling to sibling.

In her card she penned these words:  "Thank you for not being quiet about Matthew's story - thank you for reminding me and many others we are not alone."

"How good is a timely word." Proverbs 15:23

 A hand-picked flower from my Caleb.

A whole bouquet of bright, fun flowers from my guys.

And these were a perfect reminder of the one crucial element I want for our baby ministry ... 

hand-written cards.

Cards from women who have been there, and women who have not.

Cards expressing the hearts of others who simply want to encourage the broken heart of another.

Cards filled with the promises of God.

Quite simply ~ an expression of love that will arrive at the precise moment the hurting mother needs to be lifted up ~ and allow the Lord to do the rest.

******

You know, being on the stretcher is not so bad after all.

Remembering our son. And a faithful God.

Sunday was an absolutely beautiful day!  We were unable to go to church since the flu has been floating through our home and we did not want to expose anyone or have our weakened bodies exposed to something new.  I asked Dennis if we could go down to the beach to walk and enjoy the morning as a family.

We spent a couple hours walking and talking and then the boys wanted to play in the water.  It never matters how frigid the temperature, they always end up wet.  After I had collected at least 142 pictures on my camera and everyone was ready to get into dry clothing we packed up to head home.  I asked Dennis if I could have a few moments to myself and I kept Ellie while he and the boys got settled for the drive home.

I stood staring into the ocean and the huge expanse of sky and felt my heart explode.  I had been holding so tightly to my emotion and knew I needed to just let everything go and release it to the Lord.  I love the ocean because of its power … its size … there is nothing to distract from the sky, and I feel small.  I am reminded of how big God is and how insignificant I am, and yet He counts me as precious and valuable.  And that is exactly what I needed to feel yesterday.

I held Ellie close to me and started to pray.  Within moments I was sobbing, and it felt ~ good.  I have been confused as to why the anniversary this year has been so difficult – grief usually lessens with time - mine has increased.  As I stood there holding my sweet baby girl, it hit me.  I cannot have any more children.  This season of my life is over and I cannot go back.  The pain of that is still fresh and real and it makes the loss of one of my babies even more tangible.

While surprised, it helped it all make sense and that seemed to calm me.  But there was something else that kept nagging at my heart, and as I cried I asked the Lord, “What is it?  What am I missing?”  And then I heard Him say, “In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

And my mind became clear.

I have never thanked the Lord for taking my son.

I have thanked Him for walking with me, His provision, for the ministry that came from my loss, for His goodness and love and so many other things.  But never that.

I stood on the sand, clutching my daughter to my chest, my face buried in her head, my eyes looking up into the sky, tears flowing, and I said out loud, “Thank You, Lord, for taking my son.  Thank You.”

And it was finished.  The journey that He started me on the day He asked me to surrender the control of pregnancy … through the miscarriage … through the healing ~ it was finished on a gorgeous Sunday morning, as I stood surrounded by His creation, completely willing to feel the pain and sorrow that was mine.  I obeyed My Father who asks me to thank Him in all things because it is His will for me.  And I felt whole again.

I stood for several minutes more, trying to soak in every precious memory of that time before the Lord.  Everything was perfect.  My daughter was in my arms, my sons were with their father waiting for me, my favorite thing in creation, wind, was swirling all about me, I could hear the ocean, I could see God’s power in the waves, and I could feel.  I cried with the same intensity that I did those first days after losing Matthew.  But this time it was different.  The tears and the passion came from a deep joy – a sense of completion – a true release and surrender for what was, what is, and what is still to come.

And then I asked the Lord for a promise …that He would never take the pain completely away.  I want to remember the heartache so I can feel the hurts of other woman and comfort them when they are swallowed up in grief.  But more importantly, I want to remember the goodness and gracious love of a God that met me the moment the doctor said, “Your baby is gone” and never left my side until the day I stood before Him and said, “Thank You”, and laid it all at His feet.

I know there will be more tears and a hurting heart in years to come, but I will welcome them because, like the rainbow, they are a reminder that God has collected all my tears and will one day wipe them all away, and I will spend eternity praising Him with a loud voice and will finally see with my own eyes the One who promised me every moment that I cried, “Great is My faithfulness.”

Yesterday was a “marker day” – always to be remembered – never to be forgotten – and always, always to be used as a reminder to Praise My God.

Because He is good.

Because He is God.

And because,

“Though sorrow may last through the night,  
JOY comes in the morning.”

Psalm 30:5

Immediate conviction.

Yesterday I was not kind to my son.  He showed disrespect when we were praying, when we were reading, and I had had ENOUGH.

I looked at him and let him know exactly what I was feeling.  I did not yell, but I didn't need to.  My tongue was wicked enough using soft tones.  I believe the phrase, "You know, when you act like this it makes not want to be around you.  I can't stand you." was uttered.

Ouch.

I told him that until he was ready to sincerely apologize for his selfishness and rude behavior he was to sit in the corner of the couch without speaking.

I continued reading Proverbs 15, which we are memorizing.  Five verses in, the two littles began arguing so I had to get up, smack both their hands for touching what they weren't supposed to touch, and then sat them down in separate corners to collect themselves.  In complete frustration and in order to be heard above their cries of injustice, I yelled, "Do you see what kind of example you have set?  They learned this from YOU!  I am so sick of this!" I stomped back to the couch and picked up the Bible again to finish our reading.  (And yes, I am aware of the ludicrous scenario I am painting here.  "Scream at your kids and then read Scripture.  Nice.")

I found my place again and this was the verse staring me in the face:

"A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension but a patient man calms a quarrel."  Proverbs 15:18

Um.

I think I am going to skip that verse today and move on to the next one.

Seriously.

Because if I read it right now, every child is going to look at me with the, "Uh, Mom?  Is there something you need to say?" face.  And I want to be mad!

So I did!  I SKIPPED THE VERSE and moved on to verse 19.  But the Lord was not fooled.  The Holy Spirit was not quenched.  If anything, it drove him to a place of complete frustration and shoved me before a mirror to see my hypocrisy.  It was not attractive.

I finished the chapter and then asked everyone to leave, except the boy I needed to talk to.

They left, I pulled the boy onto my lap, I confessed my sin of anger and temper, and asked him to forgive me.  We talked for a long time ... very honestly ... no tiptoeing or eggshells - just truth.  And he heard me.

We were restored and I walked away shaking my head thinking, "Michelle, you are a daily reminder of God's grace and long suffering.  How blessed you are that He is a God that does not get tired of our sin or our disobedience and is a God of second, third, and 490 chances.  Next time, do not delay obedience.  Just OBEY!  If you do what is right the first time, you will spend less time apologizing and more time investing and encouraging.  Just DO IT!"

That is the beauty of children - they reflect our sin - God uses them to refine us - and if we are willing to humble ourselves to seek forgiveness from a child, the Lord will use them to make us all the more like Him.

"All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;

 so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."

II Timothy 3:16

The perfect illustration.

Doesn't this look good?

A frosty glass ... chocolate ... a smell that delights the senses ...

Don't you wish you had a straw?

That is what my boys were thinking when they saw this.  Their eyes got big, they started salivating, and within mere seconds were asking, "Can I have some?"

And it struck me.  I have the prefect illustration for sin sitting right in front of me!  And they are all intrigued - attentive - captivated.  (by the chocolate, not by me)

I asked them, "Doesn't this look good?  Isn't it appealing?  Pleasing to the eye?  You just know you are going to enjoy it?"

And then I let them taste it.

It was my cleansing shake.
The first touch to the tongue is okay, not bad really, until it settles in.
And feels like you swallowed a mouthful of dirt.

Every boy contorted his face and spit it out as quickly as possible with an accompanying, "Blech!"

I looked at them and said, "This is what sin is like.  It looks really good.  It is appealing to the eye.  You are drawn to it, captivated by what it has to offer ... and you just know you will enjoy it.  And then WHAP!  The sin that looked so good and so inviting crumbles like dirt and leaves you ashamed, embarrassed and totally regretting that you tasted it at all."

They sat staring at the frosty glass filled with chocolaty goodness for a bit.

I said no more.

They got it.

And I pray, how fervently I pray, that they will be so incredibly cautious about the sin that lures them ... no matter how shiny/appealing/seductive it may be ... and remember that though it tastes good for a moment, it always leads to destruction.  And most of all, it always breaks our fellowship with the One who made us, who calls us to Himself,
who calls us to be Holy as He is Holy ...

and no sin is worth such sacrifice.

Anyone want to copy my notes?

It may seem hard to believe, but THIS is a true picture of my note taking style.  Though I thrive on organization, efficiency, and order, I cannot stand taking notes line by line, or neatly.

I circle the most important items.

I write large for some things, small for others.

Sometimes I write in complete sentences, not missing one item.

Other times I pick the highlights and leave it at that.

We were sitting with friends in church Sunday and I noticed my friend's husband lean over to look at my paper and then whisper something in her ear.  Because we get along like brother and sister, I had NO problem saying, "Hey!  Are you making fun of me?"

His opinion was, "That must be the way she lets loose."  If he only knew how right he is!  So sad.

I have taken notes like this since college.  Once I did not have an English teacher grading me on proper note taking technique, I think I rebelled from the years of micromanagement and just started flying over the page in any manner I chose.

I never really thought about it much, but the last few years I have had someone comment on my notes several times.  It is usually when I am running a group or planning an event like, oh, I don't know, GRADUATION, and the person looks at me like, "Really?  That mess is going to create something wonderful?  Seems doubtful."

But, I promise that I do know how to make something good out of a crazy page of incoherent ramblings and swirls.  Really!  I promise!  Want to hire me for YOUR next event?  HA HA!