Follow up.

I have not been able to stop thinking about my hair salon experience Delightful and disheartening.

Partly because two days later I was at my OB appointment and while in the waiting room, saw a clip of Anderson Cooper giving a commencement address at Tulane University in New Orleans.  This is what he said, (taken directly from his speech - emphasis mine)

"I couldn’t tell you what happened at my commencement. And it’s not just that I don’t remember what the speaker said, I don’t even remember who the speaker was. So I’m not nervous anymore.. cause you’re not going to remember a damn thing I say. You’re going to wake up tomorrow.. in your own bed, or someone else’s…if you’re lucky. Hey, you’re not going to see most of these people ever again, so why not go for it? Your parents have to go to sleep at some point. Anyway, you’re going to wake up tomorrow, and today will be a blur."

I sat there stunned.  Did a world famous, well-respected news correspondant just condone premarital, casual sex in front of thousands of college students, their younger siblings and their families?  He did!  WHY?

Because he is speaking and acting as an unsaved person speaks and acts. 

There should be no surprise.

I came home and kept replaying his words in my mind and realized something very important.  It IS true - those who do not love God do not care about the standards of God.  They are not seeking to honor Him or obey Him and they live each day for self.  But there are many Christians who do the same.  Christians - people who claim Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior - living with someone they are not married to, never attending church, drinking in excess, club hopping, watching/listening to inappropriate things, engaging in casual sex ... living like the world, without conviction and with instant defensiveness if called out on it.  Basically, "I call myself a Christian but I am going to live however I want to, not apologize for it, and I expect you to accept me without judgment."  And we do!  Christians who are not perfect and sin each day, but are striving to live a life worthy of the calling of Christ, say nothing.  Nothing!  We condone their lifestyle choices, which are completely contrary to God's Word, with the sin of silence. 

Why?  Because we do not want them to hate us.  We do not want to "lose them".  We want them to feel loved and accepted.  If we speak the truth they may walk away and then how will they come back to the Lord?  Bottom line:  we want everyone to like us and when we call out sin, people are not fond of us.  From my own experience I can say, they usually hate us.  And they will walk away.

I will not bore you with the countless times I have been screamed at, criticized and ditched because I spoke the truth.  My spiritual gift is prophecy, which means I love the Word of God and I want everyone to know what it says, what He requires and I want them to obey.  Now! :o)  There is a reason prophets were hung, beheaded and walked around weeping.  People do not like hearing the truth when they are in sin - they want to do what they want to do without consequences.  But God's Word says that is not possible.  You cannot serve God and satan.  You must choose.

So, let's look at God's Word.  Read and meditate on what God is calling you to do.  It will always be difficult to speak truth to those you love when your your relationship may be on the line.  (And having been on the receiving end of rebuke I know it is hard to hear, and it stings.  But it always yields growth and begins the refining process if you are obedient to the Holy Spirit.)   Let me ask you this ~ would you rather have people you care about love you on earth and spend eternity in hell or hate you on earth for a little while and be standing next to you in heaven?

The Lord can redeem anyone.  He is always waiting.  He desires for all to come to salvation.  He gave his Son to die for us.  This is a GOOD GOD!

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with it's passions and desires."  Galatians 5:24

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God.  It does not submit to God's law nor can it do so.  Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.  You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you."  Romans 8:6-9

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."  Proverbs 28:13

"He who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, it is sin."  James 4:17

"You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God."  James 4:4

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."  James 5:16

"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this:  Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins."  James 5:19,20

"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently." 
Galatians 6:1

"What shall we say then?  Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?  By no means!  We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?"  Romans 6: 1,2

" ...count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.  Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.  For sin shall not be your master ..."  Romans 6:11, 12, 14

"No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning.  No one who continues to sin has either seen Him or known Him."  I John 3:6

“I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. REMOVE THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOURSELVES.”  I Corinthians 5:9-13

And for encouragement ...

"Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.  Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him."  Romans 4:7,8

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."  Psalm 51:9,10

"Therefore, if any man is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come."  II Corinthians 5:17

We need to be more concerned with a person's HOLINESS than their happiness.

A proud mom moment. HA!

Last night Caleb was crying and telling us his hear hurt.  Of course, it was not until it was time for bed that the pain kicked in - what a coincidence.

My response was , "Stop crying, lay down and relax. You'll be fine."

Three hours later he is STILL crying and saying it hurts even worse.

My helpful groom goes to the drugstore for homeopathic drops to relieve the pain and says we need to have his ears checked before the long weekend begins.  (we have a $250 ER co-pay!)

He is still crying so I sit with him for a bit to calm him down and he falls asleep instantly.  "See!  He is fine.  He's just being dramatic."

(Have I ever mentioned that my spiritual gift is NOT mercy?  Just checking.)

This morning he sees the doctor who quickly revelas, "Double ear infection - a pretty bad one too."

Um...

Hmm.

I feel like a schmuck.

And then I forgot that he was allergic to penicillin until my mom reminded me (duh).

So all in all, I would have let my sons ears close up until he could no longer hear, or caused more damage, and I would have slipped him slowly into a coma while his body reacted to a horrible allergy.

I am QUITE the mom!  Good thing mother's day already passed ... I would not have felt very honorable if this had happened before it.  I would have had to return my gift!

Perhaps the Lord is saying, "Uh, Michelle?  Let's try to be a little more compassionate, shall we?  Just try it.  For a day, maybe.  See what happens.  You might be surprised!"

Lesson learned, Lord.  Lesson learned.

Delightful and disheartening.

This afternoon I was able to spend time alone ... no one climbing on me, no one asking me for a snack, no one following me into the bathroom.  Just me and my hairdresser.  Simple chatter, a fabulous hairwash and head massage, a sassy new haircut.  DElightful!

Truly.  I needed that time and it brought me home refreshed and feeling light hearted. And to top it off, all of my men complimented my new look!  How cool is that?

So what was disheartening?

The world.

I always flip through one magazine when I am there so I can get a pulse on our culture (not that it isn't obvious on a daily basis, but these magazines tend to put it all into one succinct paraphrase) and today I found myself with such a heavy heart by the time I turned the final page.

~ Girls who, five years ago, were in Disney productions wearing age appropriate and modest outfits and singing harmless songs, now dressing, behaving and speaking in such an unladylike manner and totally unfit to be role models for the little girls who look at them with starry eyes.
~ An actor who said, " ... I was a very strict father....  and now I am so proud that my daughter has the lead stripper role in an upcoming movie."  Um, what?
~ A woman who had an affair with a married man and boasts of her "pray for us sinners" tatoo on her head without any bit of remorse for her actions.
~ Celebrities who have gone through three or four spouses and are now "happy and dating so and so".
~ Parents who were too selfish and self-focused to keep their priorities right and now flaunt their independence and yet claim "my children are my number one priority".  Seriously?  How does that work?

Rehab, infidelity, destroyed families, immodest dress, greed, arrogance, fame based on looks rather than character ~ and the list goes on.

Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."

I know this is nothing new.  I know our world has not been the same since the day Eve listened to the whispers and lies of satan and took the fruit.  Our world will never be pure, never be safe and never be holy until the Lord returns.  I know.

But how far we have fallen.  We are living the days of Noah and Judges when "everyone did what was right in his own eyes."  No one is accountable.  Even believers just "love one another" without calling out sin and seeking to restore those not walking with the Lord.

I felt an overwhelming burden for our world and at the same time, totally clueless as to how I could make a difference.

Until I came home. 

Josiah, my two-year-old, greeted me with a "Hi, Mom!" and then looked at Dennis and said, "Bible study, Dad?"  (Dennis has been reading Scripture and a short biography of godly men and women with the boys each night.)  Dennis said, "Of course.  Who should we read about tonight?"  Josiah responded "GOD!"

And that is when I knew.

I can't change the world.  I am not responsible for what others do.

But I have five little people at my feet all day long whom I CAN change.  I CAN teach them absolutes.  Truth.  A Biblical worldview.  Compassion for others.  The fact that family matters, before career and personal interests.  How to make wise choices.  How to avoid the adultress woman. How to stay pure.  Thinking of others before themselves.  Integrity.  Honesty.  Godliness.

I have been given five sons and one daughter. The Lord has entrusted me with their hearts, their minds and their bodies.  I will stand before Him to give an account for everything I allow them to see, hear, participate in and emmualte.  Will I be found faithful?

I work hard.  I will have to work harder.  I am fighting against a culture that says "do whatever you want to do because no one can tell you what is right - that is for you to decide."  I am fighting the prowling lion who seeks to devour my children and destroy their souls.

And I will tell you this:  the enemy will have to pry them out of my cold, dead hands.  I will not back down.  I will not yield.  I will fight to the death to protect my children from what I saw in that magazine today and all it represents.  They are children of THE KING.  Princes and a princess who will inherit the kingdom of God and spend eternity praising Him.

I pray they will make a difference for eternity. 
I pray they will have a line of people standing beside them in heaven because their faith was real and desirable and drew others to the foot of the cross.
I pray they will see Christ in me every day and will want to know more of Him because they see what He is doing in me.

Lord, give me the strength and the energy to fight.  Every day.  Until you call me home.  I want to be found faithful.

Yep, all of this came from one visit to the hair salon.  Imagine what I would have to share after an entire day at a Spa!

There is no such thing as perfect.

You must read this book!

The best way to describe it?  Imagine Lucille Ball trying to live out the Proverbs 31 woman in real life!  Hilarious, ridiculous and guaranteed to make you laugh. (Plus, you will want to send a note to her husband saying, "You are a good and patient man!")

I purchased this a few years ago simply because of the title.  I had no idea what it would really be about, but I was struggling with feelings of inadequacy and the frustration that nothing I did was "enough."

Did you know that about me?  Did you know that I have spent my entire life feeling like I never quite measure up?  As a daughter, as a sister, a friend, a spouse and most of all, as a child of God.  I feel like I am never able to achieve the goal ... not necessarily of perfection, but of just simply being "enough".

It is ironic because I have also spent my entire life having people assume I "have it all together" and asking me "How do you do it?"  Even as a child and teenager I was given high levels of responsibility because of my maturity and the assumption that I could handle almost anything.  I was babysitting late into the night at 8 years old.  I was in charge of an entire retail store, keys, cash and all, when I was 16 years old.  Crazy. 

I will not bore you with the "why" of my struggle (I gave an hour long testimony at a woman's retreat so you can imagine the breadth of that topic!) but it has been real, and difficult to overcome.  I am pleased to say that I have grown and the Lord has graciously showed me how to live in grace and not just in works.  But it takes a truly purposeful thought process for me to fall to the other side.  I am constantly thinking, "I should have done this" ~ "Man, why can't I follow through?" ~ "Am I ever going to be disciplined in this area?"  I rarely go to bed at night thinking, "Wow!  What a good day!  I feel good about what I accomplished, I know I pleased the Lord with obedience, I honored my husband and gosh darn it, I am just a good person!"

Usually the thoughts roll like this ... "Lord, forgive me for not XYZing.  I was not patient.  I was not excited and giddy to see Dennis.  I yelled at the kids too much and was not in the mood for their childish ways.  I did not read the Bible at all or give a word of encouragement to anyone. Forgive me."

A lovely thought process to begin dreams with, huh?  Good grief.

I was challenged years ago by a friend who lives far, far over on the side of grace, "Michelle, if I walked life with you for an entire day I bet I could write down pages of things you did that honored the Lord.  You overlook the mundane and the expected because you are "supposed" to do them.  The Lord looks at your heart, your motives and He finds pleasure in the small things you do."

This book has the same message.  I do not want to spoil it for you, so suffice it to say that she sheds a new perspective on the truths of the Proverbs 31 woman.  I may not have to "select wool and flax and grasp a spindle" but I do "work with eager hands."  I make meals, I change diapers, I sweep floors, I write letters,  I hug my children, I hold babies, I organize a friend's closet, I pull weeds and, and, and.  Exciting?  No.  Enviable?  Probably not.  Honoring to the Lord?  ABSOLUTELY!  Why?  Because He called me to be a wife and a mother and with those honors comes daily, repetitive, never-ending tasks.  When I feed my family and give them baths and take them on a walk to exercise their bodies and breathre fresh air, I am honoring Him.  When I read them a book or show them their sin through God's Word, I am honoring Him.  When I teach them to worship through song and hide His Word in their hearts, I am honoring Him.  And when I tie up a trash bag and lug it to the curb, I honor Him.

It IS true.  I will never be enough.  Not on my own.  And therein lies the beauty of being a child of God ~  I do not have to be enough!  He promises that He will be "faithful to complete the work He began in me" and that "I can do all things through Christ who stengthens me".  He bids me, "Come JUST AS YOU ARE" and He is the One who will make me whole.  Redeemed.  Adopted.  An heir.  I cannot do it on my own.  All of the works in the world cannot open the gates of heaven for me.  It is only through my absolute faith in Jesus Christ, the Son of the LIVING God, that I have the privilege of one day standing before Him complete and holy.  Holy!!  One day I, Michelle Renee Eastman, will be holy!  Just as He is!  And it will all be because of HIM.

I found this verse long ago and was in awe of it.  And it is the perfect Scripture to end with now.  May it encourage your heart as it does mine.

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy ~ to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen." 

Jude 24, 25

Faithful once again.

I am now officially 28 weeks along in my pregnancy - only 82 days to go!

I was struggling a couple of weeks ago because I was not feeling Ellie.  At best I felt her move once a day but it was not impressive.  My doctor had told me "the baby should move six times an hour" and I looked at her like she was nuts!

For those who have lost a baby, you know the feeling I am describing.  Every kick, every flutter, proves that life is still inside of you.  We remember the day the movement stopped or the oddity that we never really felt the baby at all.  We count the minutes until the next ultrasound to see the heart beat.  We smile every time we feel him/her move and we are at peace once again.

I do not live in fear ~ I refuse to live in fear.  But I am not a foolish woman.  I know things happen and I know babies die and I knew I needed to seek wisdom from the Lord in how to handle the situation.  So I prayed.  I set out my fleece of Gideon and asked Him to burden my heart with such intensity that I would not be able to accomplish one task or complete one sentence without the thought "Call your doctor".  If I woke up with that sense of urgency, I would know it was from the Lord and I would be obedient to seek human help.

The next morning I awoke, remembering my prayer, and I felt, well, peaceful.  I went about my day and did not think about the doctor once.

And then a beautiful and wonderful and "God-is-so-much-greater-than-we-can-understand" moment occurred.

I felt Ellie jumping around as if she were trying to shout, "Mom!  Mom!  I am here and I am alive!"

And my heart smiled.

And she did it again.  And again.  And she has been doing it for the past several days.  God knew I needed confirmation.  He knew I needed tangible "proof" that she is okay.  He was faithful, as He ALWAYS is, to comfort me in the moment I needed it and remind me that He is God and He cares for my daughter more than I can even pretend to imagine.  He is simply amazing.

I know there is no "safe time" for pregnancy.  Women lose babies in their 8th month, their 9th month, and even the day they are due.  Some mothers only get to hold their child for a few hours after birth before the Lord takes that child home.  There are no guarantees and we are arrogant to think that we will escape the pain and heartache of loss when countless other mothers and fathers are weeping over the death of their child.  God has numbered each of our days and while we have zero control, we can seek His strength, His grace and His power to walk through the valley and come out stonger and more refined on the other side.

My Ellie Ruth is in the hands of the Father.  Safe.  Secure.  I pray I will have the privilege and delight of holding her in my arms ~ for a lifetime.  I am not ashamed to say that I have prayed, "Lord, please do not let my daughter die.  I know You will have a purpose if I have to lose another child, but I do not WANT to lose her.  Please protect her and allow her to be born healthy and whole so I can enjoy this blessing and privilege you have given to me.  But ~ I trust You.  And You will still be God if I do not get my way."

God knows my heart.  He is not surprised to hear me ask Him to spare the life of Ellie.  We are told in Hebrews to "come before the throne with CONFIDENCE" and that is what I did.  I went boldly, I asked boldly and I have surrendered it to Him.  He is my God in whom I trust.  I will not be afraid.

Convicting.

"As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you."

I Samuel 12: 23

Isn't this an amazing verse?

It is nesteld in the middle of the passage when Israel has rejected the Lord as their King and they cry out for a king "like the other nations have".  Samuel, the prophet, warns them of their error but as usual, they are stiff-necked and choose to go their own way.  The Lord gives them their desire, but not exactly the way they envisioned ~ He gives them Saul.  A proud, foolish and unrepentant man.

Samuel is rebuking the people for their sin but still offers hope when he encourages them:

"Do not be afraid," Samuel replied. "You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own. As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will be swept away."

The Lord never ceases to amaze me with His longsuffering and forgiveness.  He gives the Israelites chance after chance and still they fail to see Him for who He is and turn back to their idols and their disobedience and must suffer the consequences that always follow sin.

And here is Samuel, a faithful follower and lover of God, who takes a personal responsibility to say,
"May I never fail to pray for you."

That is grace.

That is patience.

That is a love for others that can only come from God.

And I pray I will be like Samuel ~ able to forgive, able to encourage, able to offer hope ~ even when the sin and disobedience and selfishness around me (perhaps within me) threatens to swallow me whole.

May I never fail to pray for those around me.

May I never fail.

Quotes and Thoughts.

"Mediocrity should not have any place in the life of a Christian."

~~~~~~~~

"You are not where you once were and you are not yet where you ought to be."

It is through God's grace that we grow in Him, and we must continue to pursue holiness until the day we are welcomed into the kingdom.

~~~~~~~~

"Many people hold the Bible in their hand,

but not in their heart."

Are you ashamed of the Gospel?

Are you denying it's power?

Is it at integral part of your life ~ in all areas of your life?

~~~~~~~~

"It is the dying of self that brings life."

Life in the Father, through the working of the Holy Spirit, because of the death of Jesus on the cross.

~~~~~~~~

"Carve not your name in marble, but on the hearts of people."  Charles Spurgeon

Pray with me.

The Lord has been stirring my heart to begin a ministry.

Something I knew was in my future, but did not know would be so soon.

Every day He reveals something to me ... some detail He wants to add to this calling.

The time has come.

I am ready.

Tears roll down my eyes as I think about the stories, the heartache and the pain that will be revealed in the days and years to come.  Watching the hearts and souls of women as they share their stories ~ reveal hidden secrets ~ grasp the unconditional love of God ~ and find healing and forgiveness at the foot of the cross.

Women who have miscarried.
Women who have surrendered a baby for adoption.
Women who have aborted a baby.

They need someone to love them.  They need someone to listen.  They need someone to stand firmly planted beside them as they walk the path of mourning and find the place of joy once again.

The Lord has been collecting every one of their tears and waits patiently for them to fall at His feet, grab the outstretched hand and let Him pick them up once again, healed and whole.

They need a safe place.  A place where other women have experienced their pain.  Their sorrow.  Their guilt.

They need the Savior.

He is calling me to serve them. 

The time is now.

And I am ready.

Sleepless praise.

I cannot sleep.  No matter how hard I try to relax I cannot lay still or stop thoughts from flying around my mind.  So, I got up and decided to read every one of my friends blogs.  I even went on facebook and flipped through the "news" of the day.  Yikes.

I need to sleep!  I am 28 weeks pregnant - only 12 weeks to go, or 84 days, which is the way I like to say it because it sounds soo much shorter - and I need rest.

I tried praying which almost always soothes my heart and mind.  Not tonight.

I am trying something else.  I am going to count my blessings.  We are to "let His praise be continually on our lips", right?  Well, here go my lips!

Thank You, Lord, for ...

~ 5 healthy and active sons who fill my days with noise and laughter and energy
~ Matthew, who has spent 4 years in heaven with You, rejoicing every day
~ Ellie, my daughter.  I am going to have a daughter!
~ a husband who loves me more than I deserve
~ new opportunities
~ new life seen in the birth of a precious little baby
~ friends who push me, even when I do not want to be pushed, because they desire my holiness more than my happiness
~ Your continual provision, even for the things we want and do not need
~ laughter
~ creative and artistic people who make the world more beautiful
~ gorgeous flowers that take your breath away
~ the feeling of a breeze across my face
~ ice cream
~ people who journaled their lives so we can learn from them, emulate them and be inspired
~ truth
~ justice
~ unmerited favor
~ the body of Christ
~ people that are different than me
~ the gift of thought
~ a gorgeous night sky that never ceases to amaze and cause wonder
~ long lost friends found again
~ finding a kindred spirit in the most unexpected place
~ siblings who are faithful
~ Scripture and the many truths it contains ... always applicable, always convicting, always comforting
~ opportunities to share my hurts with others so I can offer them comfort and hope
~ never allowing anything in life to be purposeless.  We may have to look harder to find it, but the purpose is always there
~ a new day with no mistakes in it
~ the gift of YOU, so real, so free, so necessary

You have blessed me with more than I deserve because of Your grace and You continue to give even when I am selfish.  Thank You, Lord, for Your mercy towards me ... for loving me when I am at my worst ... for wanting me just as I am.

I love You, Lord.  And now, I lay me down to sleep.  May my first waking thoughts be of YOU.