Funny.

We started a study of the book of Ephesians in our COMMITTED young adult women's Bible study - reading one chapter each week and then exchanging thoughts/convictions/findings each Monday night.  Ephesians is a great book - but it is FULL of theological principles that require prayer, wisdom, thought and insight.  It is not an easy read for sure, but totally worth the effort!

One of the girls posted her thoughts and encouragement for the group, discussing deep ideas and sharing personal struggles, so I was caught off-guard when I found this at the bottom of her post:

Well those are my thoughts for this week!  As my grandpa writes in his letters,

"I am good neither at spelling nor grammar, so at the bottom of the page you will find extra letters and punctuation to use as you see fit!"

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz .....,,,,,!!!!!'''' 

Isn't that hysterical?

I asked her for permission to share it - it was just way too good to pass up!

I hope it makes you smile!

Blessed be YOUR name, Lord!

This week wraps up the study of James with my delightful friend.  We exchanged e-mails with our thoughts/convictions/understanding of chapter five, and both of us, without knowing it, had a desire to spend one more week reading the entire book each day.  We focused on one chapter each week, reading it every single day, and then sharing what the Lord revealed to us every Monday night.  It was a wonderful exercise and one we plan to do again in a new book.  This type of study and reading is so much more purposeful than randomly selecting something every time you open up the Bible, and allows for familiarity with the text in a way that cannot be accomplished with one read.

James - still one of my favorite books and one I will read over and over and over again!

There were many pieces of chapter five that challenged me, most of which I need to spend more time praying and thinking through, but this one was on the bottom shelf, requiring no contemplation or further study - just obedience!

Is anyone among you suffering?  Let him pray.  

Is anyone among your cheerful?  Let him sing praise.

So SIMPLE!

If you are suffering – pray! 

If you are cheerful – praise!

While there are many options floating around in the middle, our circumstances tend to lean toward one side or the other - suffering or joy.

Notice there is no direction or command given to "go call your five closest friends" when you are suffering.  "Go away for the weekend."  "Get a massage and spend an evening shopping."  Nope.  Scripture says - the LORD says - when you are suffering - PRAY!!!

There is noTHING and noONE that can end the suffering, lessen the ache, or remove the pain other the the Lord Himself.  And sometimes, He is allowing the suffering for a reason - there is purpose in it, and He will not remove it until He has accomplished His will in our lives.  Loneliness, sickness, financial woes, marital trials, defiant children, difficult friendships ... the Lord is at work in the midst of all of these.  The question is - are we listening?  Are we seeking the wisdom from above?  Are we asking Him for strength and perseverance so we may be found faithful on the other side of it?

There are two passages in Scripture that I love because each of them offer a tremendous PROMISE. And when we are suffering, large or small, isn't that we are looking for?  HOPE?  We need to know that "this too shall pass" and there is a light at the end of this seemingly eternal tunnel.  If you are struggling right now - in your marriage, with your children, in ministry, with your own mind, claim these verses as your own - read them over and over again and shout them out loud to the Lord until you BELIEVE them.  Knowing God's Word is one thing.  Believing it is an entirely different matter.

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet He did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrews 4

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation  ... NOTHING will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8

Prayer is the only answer to suffering - God says so - and He never lies.

And then He says that the answer to joy is - PRAISE!

Do you praise Him for the good?  We run to the throne with all possible speed when we are in trouble or in need.  But do we run to Him to share our excitement and enthusiasm for the wonderful things in our lives?  The blessings HE himself has given to us? 

Are we jumping up and down, antsy and eager to be able to share our joy with Him?  To thank Him for the unexpected surprises, the answers to prayer, healing, restoration, mended friendships?  Or do we e-mail our friends?

If every good and perfect gift is from above - then shouldn't the giver of the gifts be the first one to receive our thanksgiving and praise?  James thinks so!

Is anyone among your cheerful?  Let him sing praise.

Thank You, Lord, for this simple, but powerful piece of James.  These are not complicated commands - they are simple enough for a small child to understand.  Remind me, Lord, that every single thing that happens in my life must filter through Your eyes and ears first - good or bad - because it is You who gives, and it is You who takes away.

Blessed be YOUR NAME, Oh Lord!

A encouraging quote on death.

 “He whose head is in heaven need not fear to put his feet into the grave.” ~ Matthew Henry

Everything and nothing.

* Week two of "the boot" has commenced, and I am already feeling better.  I can actually move around quite quickly in the bulky beast - especially after discovering the need to balance my body by wearing a tennis shoe on the other foot so I am walking like a human rather than a lumbering ape.  My body is entirely out of whack after gimping around for two weeks and walking on the instep of my foot.  I will definitely need a chiropractic tweaking and perhaps a massage to get everything back into alignment.

I laugh every time I think about the doctor telling me how to care for my broken toe:  Tape it, elevate it, ice it, and STAY OFF OF IT as much as possible.  When he said that my response was, "Oh!  Does our insurance cover nannies now?  That is FANTASTIC!"
Good grief.

* Dennis and I went in to upgrade our cell phones last weekend.  You know, the only two people left on the plant who do not text or view constellations from their mini computers, I mean phones?

We walked in, told the 20-something-expert what we wanted, watched him try to hide the guffaw about to come out of his mouth (remember, I still have a FLIP phone and average about 12 minutes a month of usage), looked at the whopping five options for our needs (which he declares will be obsolete in three years), and rejoiced when we got my phone for $0.99!!!  And guess what - it has texting capabilities, a camera and everything!  I am so part of the 2013 era now.  Well, except for the fact that all I can do with it is dial another telephone number.  Ho hum.  Oh - and it is purple!!  Totally girly, totally not me, but I love it!

* We had our first official BEACH NIGHT last week!  Church families, teens, pastors, youth, and kids - all enjoying the wonder of God's creation TOGETHER.  Gorgeous weather, waves, friends, new families, food, worship, Disney songs, laughter, silly and purposeful conversations - FUN!  It was the first of 10 nights.  1 down - 9 to go!

* Phase II of the backyard overhaul is about to start - hardscape.  Four large "floating stones" to provide extra space for seating, activities and aesthetics.  Target date:  July 8th.  Yippee!
Then comes irrigation and sod and we will finally have a yard suitable for public viewing, and USE!

* We had the privilege of attending a Goodbye service for some friends as they left their home church, and youth ministry, to embark on a whole new world up north.  It was wonderful to hear the husband preach and give glory to God for the years of ministering to the youth, and a blessing to see the wife honored as his help meet, and the one behind the orphan care ministry and increased missions within the church body.  Her passion and drive never died, and because of it - people are Going, Sending, and Doing.  This was the church Dennis was saved at - where we were married ... we have a looong history there.  Seeing old friends and smiling faces was such a delight and encouraged us that the Lord has not only blessed with a wonderful present - but He was always walking beside us in the past.

* I love jewelry, pajamas, scotch tape, candles, new pens, completed lists, meeting with women one-on-one, rejoicing over spiritual growth with another, laughter with friends, cool evening air, fans, depth, and chewy cookies.

* I completed part 2 of 17 for my arm surgery.  Man alive, the red tape that is required for health insurance approval is daunting.  I just keep smiling and saying, "thank you" as each doctor assesses me and then sends me for the next round.  Next on the docket?  An x-ray of my arm, an MRI of my neck and spine, and a nerve conduction study.  And, of course, children are not allowed at any of these so trying to finagle the dates/times around D's schedule is such fun!  Sheesh.

* I got to see my wonderful OB/Gyn today!  I was in the building for the arm parade and had enough time to pop in and say hello.  There was a new front desk woman who did not know me (it has been a whole three years since my last pregnancy) so when I asked if Dr. Baick was available she looked at me like I was nuts.  I leaned in, touched her arm, and whispered, "She delivered six of my children." She looked at me wide-eyed and said, "Ooooh!" She hopped over to the assistant, gave her my name, and within two seconds I heard, "Come right in, Michelle!"  I opened the door to find Dr. Baick standing there.  We both smiled, did the girl squeal, commented on each others hair, and then hugged.  I am not sure why, but the Lord has been putting her on my heart a lot lately, so when she said, "I have been thinking about you!" I boldly asked if she ever has time to eat lunch, and if so, would she be willing to meet me?  She said YES!  I never thought a doctor would want to meet me socially, so this is a first for me.
I love Dr. Baick.  We have been through a lot together - joys and hardships - and we are forever connected.  I am already praying for the Lord to prepare us for one another and trust He will use us to encourage and strengthen one another in whatever way He sees fit.

Happy Monday!

Happy Father's Day!

I could not raise these people without you, Dennis.

You are the head, the leader, the protector ... 

and we need you.

Even more - we WANT you.

Thank you for serving us every day.

Loving us.

Correcting us.

Challenging us.

Making us laugh.

Praying for us.

We appreciate you, respect you, admire you

and

we love you.

Michelle Eastman quotes - according to her sons.

Micah and Luke excitedly walked into the living room yesterday and cried, "Top quotes of our mother - Michelle Eastman!" and began reading them.  I was totally taken off guard, but as soon as I caught on to what they were doing I was amazed at their accuracy (and recall) and started laughing along with them.  They had about 14 things on the original list, but as we kept talking, and other family members got involved, the list got longer.  So, for your viewing pleasure, here is a little glimpse into what my children hear from me day by day.

* you eat what's served or you starve

* you may cry but you may not scream

* everything is better with a candle

* let your yes be yes and your no be no

* put your stuff where it belongs

* stop being negative

* be a man of your word

* being bored is a choice

* think before you act

* take pride in your appearance

* you are responsible for your own fun
* take it like a man or don't engage

* if you do it right the first time, you won't have to do it again

* our home is the training ground for life

* you may not date until you can take a wife

* it builds character

* if you can walk you can work

* how old are you?

* limit your noises

* you have got to be kidding me!

* how about, "Thank you, Mom?"

* homeschooling is a privilege

* you will be writing your entire life - this is a skill you must have

* that is completely inappropriate

* seriously?

* focus, please!

* when I ask you to do something, you say, "Yes mom" and you do it immediately.

* what does Scripture say?

* why?  why would you do that?

* there is never an excuse for sin

* think of others as more important than yourselves

* close your mouth

* enough!

* it's not about you
* you may only use a little bit of toilet paper

* the fact that someone else does it doesn't make it right!
* you have just allowed satan to enter our home

* life is full of disappointments
* it is a privilege, not a right
* speak with intelligence, please

* when someone asks you to stop, STOP

* be observant

* look at my eyes - what did I ask you to do?

* acknowledge my words, please
* I'm glad your'e my son!

* be an example
* no
* we need to be good stewards of the home God has given us
* photo time!
* the more you mess around the longer it takes ... if you cooperate, we will be done quickly
* that's fantastic
* I love you!

Don't you wish YOU lived with me?  <grin>

Confidence in the light.

I have been thinking about something for a long time:  Sending our children on mission trips.  I listen to parents and grandparents talk about the benefits, the dangers, the unknowns, and it makes me ask myself - Where do I stand?  Would I send my son across the world without me or Dennis?  Would I entrust him to the wisdom, maturity and care of another for 10 days?  Three weeks?  An entire semester?  Because the real question is, do we trust the Lord with our children, or don't we?

We sacrifice our children on the altar of sports, performance, career, and the university - why won't we sacrifice them for the sake of the Gospel?  I am not saying there are not moments of "Oh dear, is this the right decision?"  There are dangerous places, wicked people, and thousands of unknowns - and that is usually where the feet of missionaries tread.  Parents are human.  We know what the world is capable of, and we are used to doing everything we can to protect our children from those evils.  Wisdom matters.  Prayer is imperative.

We need to trust the Lord with the children that belong to Him - they are not ours - and let them GO!  Let them make a difference in the world - not for their own glory - but for the glory of Jesus Christ.

We are willing to send them across the country for a field trip of the capital, fly them to another country to participate in international competitions, or set them up in a university dorm room - under the influence of peers and adults we don't know, most of whom are not saved, where a thousand things could go wrong.  And yet - when they have an opportunity, and a desire, to go to a part of the world that is desperate for Jesus - to see, smell, and touch poverty - where their entire focus would be preaching the Gospel - we say " Nope, it's too dangerous.  Too risky.  You can't go."  All because of fear.

Is God's hand not on His children when they are 8,000 miles from home?  Does He not see every need?  Hear every prayer?  Is the final day that was written for our children before they were born suddenly going to change because they are in a foreign land?

The God who had a purpose for our children, who ordained every single hour of their lives when He was forming them in the secret places of the earth, is the SAME GOD who is calling them to GO - and be the hands and feet of Jesus to a lost and dying world.  How can we tell them no?  Why would we want to be an obstacle to their obedience?

Many may disagree with me, but I firmly believe that if we are going to send our kids to camp for a week, fly them across the country for club sports, throw a farewell party for them to begin a new career on another continent, and applaud their acceptance into a world-traveling dance troupe, we better be willing to support and encourage them with every ounce of our being when they tell us that the Lord is calling them to the mission field.  For one week, a semester, or a lifetime.

When God calls - we must obey.
When God calls our children - we must let THEM obey.

Our children are as safe on the sands of African deserts as they are in their own beds.  The God who protects them every time they enter the freeway, put on a football helmet to be crushed by other boys, or spend a day in the ocean fishing with friends is the SAME GOD who will have His angels watching over them as they fly across the world to speak the greatest truth to people who have never heard the name Jesus Christ:
God sent His only Son to the world, to live among men - and to die - for our sins.  He rose again, breaking the power of death, and ascended back into heaven where He sits at the right hand of the Father waiting for the glorious day when He will come back and take His children HOME to live forever in the splendor of heaven.  Jesus Christ is the ONLY WAY to heaven.  He is the way, the truth, and the life - and no one gets to the Father except through Christ.

What greater joy does a parent have than to know their children are walking in TRUTH?
And what an even greater joy to willingly and obediently send our children into the world to proclaim with boldness and joy - Jesus Christ IS the Son of the living God!

Lord, do not let us, as Christian parents, hold too tightly to our children.  You created them for a purpose - a purpose that may not look the way we envisioned it - but it is for Your glory.  Remind us continually that our children do not belong to us - they are YOURS - to do with as You will - whether we agree with it, feel comfortable, or like it.  
We all want our children healthy and safe and happy.  But there is nothing in Scripture that promises such things, Lord.  The testimonies of 'The pillars of the faith' are full of death and loss and immeasurable sorrow as these men and women buried those they loved.  It was through those losses that they became giants - not in the eyes of the world - but in Your eyes, Lord.  They were willing to surrender ALL - for the sake of the Gospel.  They sang praises while their flesh was licked by flames of fire.  They refused to denounce the name of Christ when beaten in prison.  They did not fight back when spears were thrown into their chests.  They wrote hymns on a ship in the very place in the ocean where their wives and children had drowned.
They knew they could die - they know they probably would die - and they went anyway.  Their parents probably feared for them, worried they may never see them again.  And some were right.  But Lord, their children died for YOU.  They died because they were willing to risk everything to take Your Word to people who are lost ... people who are deceived ... people who need a Savior.

Lord, my greatest desire is that my children love You more than they love themselves - their talents - their strengths - their careers - their families.  You tell us to deny father and mother, sister and friend to follow You.  Living for You demands obedience.  Trials.  Being uncomfortable.  Giving up our will to let You have Yours.  Lord, living for You requires sacrifice.  Am I willing to let You do what You want with my children?  My husband?  Myself?

Show me the depths of my heart so I might see the truth, and surrender whatever I am holding on to, so I might push it all back into Your hands.  Make me a mother who loosely holds my children, but clings tightly to You so that I am never walking in the darkness of fear, but always, ALWAYS, walking with confidence

in the light.

I hope I get an "A!"

Some of you will crack up at this, some will roll their eyes, and some will totally get it.

I am married to a teacher.  His whole life revolves around research, information, study, tests, and responses.  That is how his brain works, and it is how the Lord gifted him.  So when it comes to our marriage, he pretty much attacks it in the same manner.

Since I appreciate logic, planning, information, and responses (even though I like mine from humans rather than data and facts) Dennis and I work together - very well.  Neither of us are emotional or sappy, and neither of us need coddling or extreme gentleness when being corrected or challenged - as individuals or as a couple.

So when I received this e-mail from him today, I smiled, and started planning when I could have some quiet moments to myself to respond.  It may not seem romantic to some, it might seem ludicrous or "cold" to others, but for this wife, it is a welcome and appreciated gesture - because I know it comes from his heart.

It took us a few years to learn how to be married ... how to think of each other above ourselves ... how to give up our own wants to meet the needs of the other ... and the biggest take away Dennis ever got from all of the men's retreats, marriage seminars, and marital books he absorbed was this one simple thing:  Be a student of your wife.  What makes her smile?  Does she like gifts or time? What is her least favorite chore?  When is she most stressed?  Who are her closest friends?  What is her greatest fear?  Where does she struggle in her walk with the Lord?  What is her favorite snack?  Does she like surprises or detailed information?

For a very long time Dennis could not have answered any of these questions.  Then one day the Lord convicted him to take this challenge seriously - and he did!  He treated it like a research paper.  He had a fresh notebook, pen, a list of questions - and every time I answered one he would write it down.  If I mentioned in passing that I would like something (present or future) he would write it down.  And after a few months it became a habit.  He started paying attention, not because he had to remember the answer as if there would be a test, but because he WANTED to know.  He wanted to buy a gift for my birthday without asking what I wanted.  He desired to take a burden off of me by doing one of my least favorite chores once in a while.  He wanted to know how to pray for me - how to encourage me.

And our marriage has been completely different ever since.  Nothing magical.  No intervention.

Nothing we could package and sell for $199.99.  Just a simple thing - attentiveness.  (Note: I am also a student of my husband.  It looks a little different for me, but the results, and the rewards, are the same.)  Pay attention.  Not just to your spouse, but your children, your friends, your family, your boss, your pastor.  What makes them tick?  What are their greatest needs?  How are they encouraged most?  It takes time and effort - but you will never be sorry you did it!

This is the note I received from my groom of almost 20 years.  He has been doing research on 'legacy' as he prepares a two-part lesson for a Bible study he was asked to lead, and he came across questions that caught his attention, changed the wording a bit, and sent them to me with enthusiasm and anticipation.

Let's hope my answers get an "A" when I turn them in!

Greetings, My Queen,

As our anniversary approaches I would like to take a moment to ask you to provide candid and altogether un-filtered responses to the following questions:

1. Do you feel I properly understand the goals that God has placed in your heart? How can I help you achieve them?
2. What are some things I can do to regularly show you just how satisfied I am with you as your husband and the leader of our home?
3. Is there anything I am doing or failing to do that seems to send a signal that I do not honor you or your important role in our home?
4. Is there anything I can change to make our home a place where you feel more satisfied and comfortable?
5. Are there any big dreams in your heart that you have been hesitant to share with me? How can I help you fulfill them?
6. How do you feel we can begin communicating better than we already are?
7. Do you feel that there is anything keeping either one or both of us from God's best in our lives? What should be my part in freeing us from those restraints?
8. Are we where you wanted us to be at this stage in life? 
9. How do you envision our future together? What can we do together to achieve that goal?
10. What can I do to show you how much I need and trust you?

Thank you for your honest responses as they will ultimately assist me in becoming a more informed, and hopefully effective, husband.  Dennis

Aren't these GREAT?  I can hardly wait to get pen on paper and answer them!  These will provide hours of fantastic and thought-provoking conversation over the coming weeks. 

Dennis, thank you for always seeking to improve our marriage - and your role as a husband.  I do not take it for granted because I never want to forget how far we've come, and how the Lord restored the years the locusts had eaten after our foolishness and selfishness in our early years.  You are a good man, a wonderful father, and a loving husband.

I certainly do not deserve you - but oh, how thankful I am that you are mine!  Michelle

Now what?

Scripture says:

In everything give thanks.
Rejoice always.
Which means I need to say, "Thank You, Lord, for my broken toe."

Scripture also says:

Do everything without grumbling or complaining.
Which means I need to stop getting frustrated and discouraged when I cannot accomplish the normal tasks of daily life as easily or as quickly as I would like to.

I do not like being limited.  Especially when the limits are set on me against my will.  Everyone experiences this reality - it is part of life.  We can be limited in so many areas - work, dating, marriage, children, ministry, finances, education, health ... you name it.  It is one thing to decide you don't want to date, or exercise, or spend money on new clothes.  It is quite another thing when someone else tells you these are not options.

That is where I am struggling right now.  This one little toe - barely an inch in length - is hindering me from doing what I want to do.  What I need to do.  Between the pain of the break and the awkwardness of the boot, I cannot function in a normal capacity.  Things like:
going back and forth to do laundry
hopping up to make a snack/meal for my kids
popping quickly into another room to get the book/calculator/box I need
following someone at such a slow pace they forget I am behind them
etc etc etc

All of the things that need to get done either have to wait, or take twice as long to accomplish.  This is incredibly frustrating for a person with my personality.  I do everything quickly.  I talk fast, think fast, move fast, write fast, clean fast, delegate fast ... doing anything at a slow pace just drives me bonkers!  And of course, impatience is not a fruit of the Spirit - it is a result of the flesh.  Ugh.

I mapped out our entire summer during the month of May.  I was SO excited to have the calendar completed - including all of the simple, yet important, things we had planned.  One of my favorite plans was to go for an early morning walk with each of the older boys every week.  One hour to talk, share, voice concerns, and ask questions.  Now?  Cancelled.  I can limp around the house in my boot all day with frequent breaks, but walking any amount of distance?  Forget it.

In everything give THANKS.  Rejoice ALWAYS.  Do EVERYTHING without grumbling or complaining.

Lord?  Am I missing something?  Have You been asking me to be still - to slow down - and I haven't obeyed?  You know how much I hate being stuck on a couch or in a bed ... and yet - here I am.  What is the purpose, Lord?  What do You need me to see?  What do You want me to learn? Have You been speaking to me with a still, small voice, and now need to scream because I wasn't listening?  I don't like it, Lord.  I want to be able to get up and go - complete my tasks with expediency and efficiency - take long walks.  I want a life without limits.
But Lord, that is not what You promise in Your Word - a life without limits.  Even Your Son had limits.  He could not escape the Cross.  He could not make people love Him or want Him.  He has limits even now because He does not know the day or the hour He will return to claim His own.
So who do I think I am?!?  If Christ Himself had to endure suffering, the attacks of satan, and the rejection of men, why should I deserve the ability to do what I want to do when I want to do it? This is a hard lesson, Lord.  Having to ask others for help, cancelling activities ... it is frustrating, and I feel trapped.
Change my attitude, Lord.  Change my perspective.  The thought of limping around for another month makes me crazy.  But I need to take the crazy thoughts captive.  I need to find contentment in the stillness.  In the slowness.  When I start to feel anxious and antsy, draw me to Your Word.  Burden my heart to pray for someone, push me to write a note of encouragement.  Take the thoughts that are directed at self and circumstances, and push them back to YOU.
A broken toe is such a small thing, Lord.  Though a hindrance to be sure, it does not have to ruin my days ... thwart all of my plans ... or cause me to disobey.  My days can still be filled with productivity and joy, and my plans can be reshaped.  I want to obey You more than I want my own way ... it is just hard to get there sometimes.
You have me still, Lord.
Now what?

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  I Thessalonians 5

It may be ugly - but it works!

On May 30, I was in the older boys room putting something away.  I turned around to walk through the door and THWACK!  I caught my foot on the bed post and watched my pinky toe move in a perpendicular direction to my foot.  It HURT!

Graduation for our entire homeschool group was the following night, and I am in charge of the service.  No time for injuries!  I wore flip flops while we set up and then limped about for the next four hours in a low, but poorly chosen sandal with a heel.

My foot was swollen and bruised and no relief was in sight.  Was it sprained?  Broken?  Who knows? We taped it, iced it, elevated it, and moved on with life.  (That is all the doctors can do for you anyway - way waste three hours in an ER?)

Fast forward to Saturday morning.  We had just finished packing up the car and were saying goodbye to our family up north when I turned around to leave and THWACK!  I hit my injured toe on the back of Ellie's heel.  (I was bare foot at the time)  Oh, people - the pain!!!

We got on the road and I kept my foot up on the dashboard for about 4-1/2 of the 5 hour drive (in that tacky way long distance travelers do) because it hurt too much to have it down on the floor.  By the time we got home it was swollen again, in a lot of pain, and I could not bear any weight on it. Dennis declared, "That's IT!  We are going to Urgent Care!"  My step-dad came over to manage the children and we were off to find help.

After a quick exam and three x-rays, we were looking at the results on the computer screen in the exam room.  Now, my vision of a broken bone is something that looks like a "z".  So when I saw that my bone was as straight as could be I said out-loud, "Oh, look at that!  It's fine!"  The attending doc gave me the "Oh, that's right!  You went to medical school too. So you know what you are talking about."  look and then said kindly, "ACTUALLY, if you look closely, you can see three dark lines.  You have what we call a non-displaced break, meaning the bone is in the right place and does not have to be reset, but your pinky toe is, in fact, broken in three places."  I believe my brilliant response was, "Aha."

Guess what his treatment was?  "Ice it, tape it, elevate it.  Oh, and you need to wear a special shoe. The nurse will bring you one in a few minutes. Have a great day!"

The nurse pokes her head in two minutes later and asks, "What size shoe do you wear?"  "An 11."  "Okay."  Two seconds later we hear, "We need a BIG ONE!"  Dennis started cracking up.  Such a support he is.

She brought me my new friend - a big, bulky, blue shoe that does not match a single outfit I own.  It may be a tad on the ugly side, but when I have it on - my foot feels like it is NEW!  So thank you to whoever invented this hulk of a shoe.  It will allow me to live a normal life without fear of further injury for the next FOUR WEEKS.  Woohoo!  Lucky me!

The Lord knew Jack.

Friday was a day of laughter, tears, memories, hard moments, sadness, questions, and - family.

We spent the entire afternoon and evening with Dennis' birth father's family - grandpa, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  The day started with the memorial service to honor Jack's life ... we stood together as a family for his burial ... and ended the day in the family home eating, talking, laughing, and getting to know one another.  It was a perfect day because we worked through all of the events and emotions together ... some of us strangers in the beginning, but we left hugging and laughing and wishing we did not have to say goodbye.

The only missing piece - was Jack.  I missed him.  I wanted to see him walking down the hall to exchange his soiled gardening shirt for a clean button-down.  I wanted to see him water his tomatoes, wander through the backyard, and watch him sneak long looks at us when he thought we weren't looking.  Oh, Jack, how much you will be missed!

It was a full day ... and the Lord was there.  It will take time for everything to soak in and work through our hearts and minds, but we both agree that it was a wonderful day ... and the life of Jack Bold was honored.

My mind cannot articulate all that I saw, heard, and felt during those hours, but I wanted to write it all down so I could remember.  There are so many questions we have about the man the Lord used to give Dennis life - questions we may never get answer to - but He did allow us to see Jack's life from boyhood to manhood through the eyes of his siblings, and it helped put more pieces together. What a privilege it was to be a part of such a day, and what a beautiful thing it is to be accepted so warmly into a family that never knew us, but loves us now.

These are my thoughts about the celebration of the life of my father-in-law, Jack Dale Bold.

~ the Bold family together - community
~ Grandpa Bold shared his appreciation for everyone coming to honor Jack.  He broke down and cried when he said, "Jack was a good son."  Everyone cried.
~ hugs
~ smiles through tears
~ Sue - the bond between her and Jack is one none of us will ever understand.  My favorite photo of them is when Jack is grinning while holding his grandson, and Sue is looking at him and smiling.  It's like they have their own secret world where Jack was always willing to go.
~ Denise - she was a great support for her brother, for me, and for our boys
~ Dennis spoke
Jack's legacy
His birth name (Jason Conrad Bold - he always says this is the perfect Superhero name)
Jason means HEALER - the Lord brought healing to Jack and Sue when He allowed Dennis to be reunited with them, he read Isaiah 61:1-4
He spoke the truth that God loves us, He is the only one who forgives sin, and He wants a relationship with us
Dennis called me and our children up front so every could "SEE Jack's legacy", he gave the meaning of our children's names, and said that though the world would not applaud Jack's life - he was not a CEO, he didn't find a cure for cancer, he was not famous ... his life MATTERED.
~ the Word of God was read and spoken
~ witnessing opportunities
~ the family and friends shared favorite memories of Jack
~ photo collage - even after Jack's schizophrenia became evident, he still lived a full life.  He hiked, enjoyed cross-country skiing, was the gardener for the family's vast grounds, planted, cultivated and invested much time and attention to plants and vegetables, gave the abundance to the poor, he loved riding his bicycle, he was adventurous, patient, helped Grandpa build an amazing boat, and brought simple joys to his entire family
We can see the change come over him in the photos ... when he started slipping into himself ...
but there was almost always a sweet little grin on his face ... his gentle manner always peeking through
~ the grave side
The first time our children have ever seen a coffin or a graveside burial
Luke and Caleb cried - they were overwhelmed and could not express the real reason ... the words will probably spill out over the next few days
Denise comforted them while Dennis and I were with the family watching Jack's burial
Micah had a private moment next to the coffin - it affected him
Seeing the casket lowered into the ground is so final.  So real.  So tangible.  Jack is gone.
Grandpa cried, said he wished none of us had to be there for this
Each of the siblings threw a flower into the grave and then came together, hugging and weeping with one another - one of the hardest moments of the day - and then they pulled Dennis in with them and hugged and cried some more
Aunt Janice gripped Dennis' face and said, "The next time you see your dad, he will know you, and you will be able to ask every question you have - and he will answer you."  What a sweet gift that was for my groom.
Grandpa's house - aunts and uncles and cousins - talking, laughing, sharing memories, and creating new ones
A late evening swim with Denise and her family - reflecting on the day together

None of us will ever know who Jack Bold really was.  But the Lord knew.  He created Jack in His image with purpose and detail.  The greatest cry of our hearts is that Jack knew His God ... and though he was not able to share his thoughts with us ...  we pray he shared them with His Creator.  And what a joy it is to think that if he did accept the free gift of salvation and surrendered his life to the Lord, he is now whole - his mind is clear - and he is in the presence of a God who has finally revealed all things.  And Jack is HOME.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."  Revelation 21:1-4

TOGETHER.

I had the joy of spending an afternoon with our young adult group as we witnessed the union of a dear friend with her long-awaited groom.  

It was such a lovely and Christ-honoring day.  The couple shared their first kiss at the wedding, and gave hope to their peers ... no matter how long God asks you to wait for your spouse, you never have to lower your standards ... and, it is absolutely possible to remain pure in a biblical dating relationship ... both of which bring the couple to the alter with great joy, anticipation, and obedience as they begin their life together as husband and wife.  I must have stopped to look around and take it all in at least three or four times as I reflected on the wonder of how richly God blesses those who walk in obedience to Him and willingly give up their own so that He might be glorified through them.  It is a beautiful thing to behold.

Once the service was over and everyone screamed and cheered over their first kiss, we spent the next few hours at the reception.  Young and old, saved and unsaved, married and single, new to salvation and mature in Christ ... a complete mix of different people, all enjoying one another as we shared a common focus:  a wedding of someone we love.

As I watched and listened to everyone around me, it struck me that this is exactly what the Lord intended for His children.  We are not called to walk through life alone, battling, growing, suffering, rejoicing ... we are called to do it together!  Funerals, graduations, weddings, the birth of a baby, new jobs, loss of jobs, surgeries, marriage crisis, wayward children, restoration - we need each other for all of them!

I would almost guarantee that half of the wedding guests had very little in common.  But you know what?  It didn't matter!  We had a common purpose for that moment in time, and status, age, interests, and convictions were not up for debate.  We just enjoyed one another!  There were silly conversations, deep discussions, someone witnessed to an unsaved guest, kids were running everywhere, people were laughing and smiling, and when it was time - they were able to reach into their hearts to share important words of wisdom and encouragement for the bride and groom.  No one cared about our differences in those moments - we were just one community, one body, joined together to celebrate two lives.  And we will come together again for another purpose - maybe joyful, maybe sad - but we will still be together, interacting and loving one another.  Just as God intended.

By the time the bride and groom were sealed shut into their car to drive away for the long-awaited honeymoon, there were just a few guests left.  The family, of course, the wedding party, some young adults, and me!  We were outside talking and laughing when I noticed one of the girls snapping photos, so I yelled, "Camera!  Pose!" (I loathe candid shots when someone captures you with a piece of chicken bulging from your cheek or your face is all screwed up in a sneeze.  Lovely.)  All of the girls linked arms and posed, or so I thought.  As soon as she took the photo I turned around and saw that the guys had hopped in the photo with us.  And that is when it struck me once again.

Do you remember the song "One of these things?" 

Which of these things is not like the other one,

which one of these doesn't belong?

That is how I felt when I saw the picture on her camera.  Here I am in the center of the group - the 41-year-old married mother of six - surrounded by young, fresh, have-their-whole-lives-ahead-of-them young adults.  At first it looked strange - but when I left the camera and looked into the faces of my brothers and sisters - it felt RIGHT.  I was the same Michelle with them that afternoon as I am with my own peers, or when I spend a morning being discipled by an older woman.

The Lord did not intend for the body of Christ to be divided into age and stage, never to cross paths again.  There is a time for both - to be with those who understand where you are and what you need so you can encourage one another to press on.  But Scripture is very clear that the older are to invest in the younger, and pour into them so that they might gain wisdom and understanding from those who have walked before.  20 somethings needs to spend an afternoon talking to a retired senior. Singles need to sit at the dinner table of a young family and watch their marriage and parenting relationships.  Middle-aged couples need to open their home to teens and young adults and enjoy their energy and enthusiasm while challenging them to be purposeful in their growth and maturity in Christ.  And sometimes a 12-year-old boys needs to sit on the floor and build Lego's with a 3-year-old.

God's family looks just like our own families - a mix of personalities and age, maturity and innocence. We do not send the children into another room to open presents on Christmas morning - everyone is together!  Grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and spouses ... FAMILY.

Last Saturday was a wonderful day.  Not only did I enjoy the beauty of hearing marriage vows and watching the face of the groom when he saw his bride coming toward him, I also enjoyed the grace of a God who gave me a glimpse of what He intended, and desires, for His children.  Community. Interaction.  Enjoyment.  Celebration.  Encouragement.  Comfort.  Rejoicing.  Mourning.

TOGETHER.

Be at peace with one another – Mark 9:50

Love one another – 1 John 3:11, 23; 4:7, 11, 12

Build up one another – Romans 14:19; Ephesians 4:12

Be of the same mind toward one another – Romans 12:16

Give preference to one another – Romans 12:10

Greet one another – Romans 16:16

Serve one another – Galatians 5:13

Receive one another – Romans 15:7

Be devoted to one another – Romans 12:10

Rejoice or weep with one another – Romans 12:15

Admonish one another – Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16

Care for one another – 1 Corinthians 12:25

Show tolerance toward one another – Romans 15:1-5; Ephesians 4:2

Be kind and forgiving to one another – Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13

Submit to one another – Romans 12:10; Ephesians 5:21; 1 Peter 5:5

Comfort one another – 1 Thessalonians 4:18

Encourage one another – 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 3:13

Be compassionate with one another – 1 Peter 3:8

Pray for one another – James 5:16

Confess your faults to one another – James 5:16

Accept one another – Romans 14:1; 15:7

HE made us.

As we prepare for the funeral services of Dennis' birth father, my mind is turning back to the years of searching for his birth family.  Mom Eastman gave us a large envelope filled with everything they had regarding his adoption, with their full support and blessing to find the birth parents.  Dennis grew up knowing he was adopted, and "chosen", and Mom and Dad told Dennis and Denise that they would do anything in their power to help them find their birth parents should they choose to do so.  And when the time came, they were faithful to that promise.

Some of the items are what you would expect - correspondence with lawyers, a birth certificate, papers from the state etc.  And then, there are two unique items.  First, a small, pink receipt from the county of Sacramento which records the price of the adoption:  $500.00.  It makes us laugh every time we see it.  It looks like a receipt you would get for buying a pair of shoes!  (It also makes us wish adoption could still be this affordable for families longing to bring children into their homes.)  

The other unique item is from the foster mother who cared for Dennis until he became an official Eastman.  It is a form from the state asking for details about the baby so the adoptive parents will be better prepared to care for the baby when they take him home.  We had a great time reading through it when we first received it almost 17 years ago, but as I look through it now, I am moved rather than amused.  I am moved by the love and attention given to my husband when he was a tiny baby - by a stranger.  A woman who willingly gave of herself to care for babies who had no one to love them.  She rescued them from an orphanage so they could have attention ... and hugs and kisses ... siblings and a family ... until the Lord saw fit to give them families of their own.  The way she expresses herself shows that she saw Dennis as a baby who needed the same love her own children needed.  And she was willing to give it - as long as it was needed.

I have never met this woman.  I do not even know her name.  But I adore her.  She prepared my husband for the Eastmans, and cared for him with affection until it was time for them to take him home.  And the heart that beats in the body of this mother is - forever grateful.

The part that has always intrigued me is the way she describes Dennis' personality and habits as a baby, because ... he is exactly the same now!  I remember laughing out loud when we first read this report, but now, I see it through the eyes of Scripture, and I am amazed.  For those of you who know my groom, you will see what I mean!

It contains the usual:  weight, length, sleeping and eating schedule, things he likes to play with and so forth.  It also reveals that she named him - Spencer!  His second name since birth.  But the rest - these are exact quotes written in the foster mother's own hand:

"Likes a lot of attention in early evening hours until bedtime."

"Do not overdress him when going out as he perspires easily."

"Lately he will put as many fingers into his mouth as possible and coo for quite a while.  If you talk softly to him and play with him a lot, you will be well rewarded because he talks a blue streak and you will be surprised at the sounds he will make.  If there's one thing that stands out in my mind to tell you it is to talk to him a lot as he is so advanced in this capacity."

"He has extremely dry skin but other than that everything has been fine.  He is one beautiful boy, and he is all boy.  His latest feat of daring is jumping on your lap, lift him up high and he loves it.  He does sit in an infant seat but not for too long at a time.  He likes to be where the action is ..."

"Turned over at one month.  No kidding, he tucked his arm under and over he went, then it was a habit thereafter."

To the Adoptive Parents:

It is a lovely afternoon, and I recently received a call that Spencer will be leaving us this week.  My only thoughts right now are that you are very fortunate to be getting Spencer as an added member of your family.  He has been most precious to us, and an extremely bright child.  He has enjoyed our children's attentions to him and is used to a little commotion once in a while.  He loves to go outside in the shade and eat.  He talks up a storm, belly laughs if you really work at it, and loves to cuddle. We've spent many an hour in a rocking chair just playing.  There are no words to express how much I will miss him, and how much we have loved him.  My only wish for all of you is that you have much happiness and no sorrows, and his life is blessed with all good things.

God Bless him, 

Sincerely,

His Foster Parents

The Lord used this woman to care for a tiny baby boy who was lovingly surrendered by his birth mother and father, and then given to another who would love them as their own - all the days of his life.

This record of Dennis' early life is precious because it shows that though culture does shape us, it is God who gives us our personalities, strengths, weaknesses, gifts, and talents (apart from sin) - from the very beginning.  We are who we are - because He made us.

For You formed my inward parts;
You knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are Your works; 
my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from You when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Psalm 139

Perfect wisdom.

Who is wise and understanding among you?  By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.  But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.  This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.  For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.  But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.  And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.  James 3:13-18

I am studying the book of James with a delightful young woman, and the Lord has not let me get out of chapter three!  First, of course, because it is about the tongue, which is one of my worst body parts, and I am always convicted and ashamed when I read this passage.  (or any verse about the tongue for that matter!)  But He keeps flying me past the first 12 verses and has me landing at the end of the chapter - the part on wisdom.  Not worldly wisdom.  God's wisdom.  And the contrast between the two is striking.

We are meeting to discuss chapter four tonight, but no matter how hard I try to focus on it, I keep getting pulled backwards into chapter three.

The following is a combination of my notes to my discipleship partner (we exchange them in between meetings) and my own thoughts as I continue to read these verses and pray about what the Lord wants me to see - learn - and understand.

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.

This is where the Lord has had me camped since we started reading James 3.  I have been praying for wisdom since I was about 17, but I have never noticed this before ... it is the “meekness of wisdom” that strikes me.  
Wisdom is a positive thing, but this verse makes it clear that it can easily become an issue of pride and arrogance - self serving, earthly, and unspiritual.  No one would ever sign up for that kind of wisdom - but approval, and accolades, and being sought out can quickly turn what was once pure into something that puffs up man, rather than honoring God.

And then this verse:

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

Wisdom does not come in its own independent package! The Lord has requirements for godly wisdom!

Look at the list ...

pure = spiritual integrity and moral sincerity

peaceable = 'peace loving' or 'peace promoting'

gentle = sweet reasonableness, submiting to mistreatment and difficulty with kindness and patient humility, without any thought or desire for hatred or revenge

open to reason = teachable, compliant, willingly submits

full of mercy = showing concern for those who suffer pain and hardship, ability to forgive quickly

impartial = consistent and unwavering, undivided in commitment and conviction

sincere = genuine

Isn't it interesting how many of these have to do with the tongue?  Gentleness, peace, mercy – all of these are expressed through words.  Demeanor as well, of course, but definitely through words.

I am curious why He has never opened my eyes to this truth before, but since He has me in a full study of “gentle and quiet” I see that the timing is – perfect.

I started writing about all of this when we read it two weeks ago and I am STUCK.  There is just so much to process and work through and I know I need to cross-reference Scriptures and begin a deeper study.  Time.  He wants me to stay here a while – I can feel it!  But - if I can grasp the truth of these wisdom verses, and actually LIVE them out ... oh my goodness!  Imagine how different and wonderful life would be!

I want to be one of those women ... the women we read about who affected lives just through their presence because people could SEE CHRIST working in and through them.  People still see me when they look at me ... hear me ... or read my words.  But I don’t want them to see me.  I want them to see CHRIST.  Oh, Lord, please show me how to get there!

And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

This is a lovely verse.

And yet - when you look at it closely, there is only one way to enjoy a peaceful harvest – by laboring over the crop and sowing the peace in the first place!  It requires effort, time, labor, strain, ... and THEN we reap the benefits.  We do not just “get peace.”  We have to go after it.  We have to make it happen!!

A lovely verse.

A convicting verse.
A verse that requires ACTION.

God promises that when we ask for wisdom He will give it to us.  In abundance.  Without reproach.
If we ask in faith.  Without doubting.
Knowing that all wisdom is from above - and the only wisdom we should seek is the perfect wisdom that comes directly from the hand of a holy God who calls us to SHOW His wisdom to the world - with humility and gentleness - so that others might see HIM.